Karen pauses in her narration, "Becka, what exactly *are* we?" Becka thinks for a minute, then responds, "I have no idea."

...the two aforementioned unknowns are relaxing comfortably in their room... sort of. Karen hums happily to herself as she pieces together Tinker Toys to form a multi-colored, fully functional forklift, complete with multi-colored, fully functional driver. (Akio *would* make a snide comment here, but thankfully, he's not going to make an actual appearance anywhere in this introduction.)

Becka, on the other hand, is in a straight jacket (which in and of itself is a normal occurrence), but this time, however, she is also pinned to the ceiling with profuse wads of duct tape, and therefore not in a position to be doing much of anything. Karen is trying to find a way to get her down. As Ka-chan finally ascends to roof level with her hand-built forklift, she spies a note lovingly sewn onto Becka's duct-taped chest. Carefully, oh so carefully, she manages to remove this note (without actually helping Becka) and opens it. She reads aloud, "Do not open until X-mas. To be saved for later use."

Becka blinks as Ka-chan begins to *descend* on her multi-colored, fully functional forklift. Evil thoughts cross her mind, but she pushes them down in favor of vocal ones, "Ka-chan, you *are* going to help me down from here." Karen smiles as she marks the calendar, "Hai! In three months, two weeks and four days... just in time for Christmas."

Once again exercising that remarkable self-control for which she is known, Becka manages *not* to scream as she tries again, "Ka-chan, I don't think I made myself clear. You are *going* to help me *down* from here." Karen's smile never changes, "Yes. In exactly three months, two weeks and four days."

Becka's eyebrow twitches and a small vein appears pulsating in the middle of her forehead. "Ka-chan, let me spell this out for you. Get me down N-O-W. N-O-W." Karen looks up at Becka with a furrowed brow. A light seems to come on in her eyes, as she runs to her desk and returns with a pen and pad of post-its. "Becka, can you spell that again, please?"

Becka sighs and gives up. She screams, "GET ME DOWN! NOW!" Karen blinks and rubs her now sore ears; she looks around quickly and when she doesn't see any sign of Akio, she agrees, "Well, ok, but can you just spell that one more time? I really want to know what you said..." Becka facefaults as much as she can while being duct-taped to the ceiling. She opens her eyes to see Karen still on the ground expectantly waiting, pen and paper in hand. She blinks, "Well...?"

Becka hoarsely asks, "Ka-chan, is there *any* hope for you?" Karen keeps smiling as she once again ascends in the hand-built, multi-colored, fully functional forklift, "Nope."

Karen tries fervently to peel Becka from the ceiling, and finds that she can't... no matter how hard she claws, because the duct tape is firmly glued down with maximum strength multi-purpose wood adhesive, and covered with a layer of caulking for good measure. And that's not to mention the six padlocks, the two chains, and ten ton, banana-shaped, anvil counterbalance.

Ka-chan wisely decides to call for backup. She descends once more and makes two phone calls. A moment later, Miki and Wakaba enter the room, side by side. Karen lifts Miki in the forklift so he can take care of the six padlocks, while Wakaba prepares two chunks of... something on one desk. Exactly one minute and forty-two seconds later(1) *click*, Miki descends.

Cheerfully bouncing onto the forklift, Wakaba brings along all of her supplies. Becka, in a nervous tone, asks, "Um, what exactly do you plan on doing?" Proudly, Wakaba holds up two packs of C4 explosives and happily giggles, "Sore wa himitsu desu!" (Not too far away, Xellos sneezes. Akio (since when does he listen to Becka and Ka-chan?) looks at his companion, 'Something wrong?' Xellos pulls out an SD Lina Inverse-spotted hankie and daintily wipes his nose, 'Quite the contrary. Things are about to get interesting.')

Meanwhile, back in the dorm room, Becka has begun to desperately dictate her Will to Karen who scribbles furiously on the Post-It notes. Several moments later, all of Ohtori was wracked with a sonic BOOM! and even the Akio Car was momentarily jerked off course. Tendrils of smoke swirl in Karen and Becka's room and slowly dissipated through the once more non-existent walls. Wakaba peers into the silent smoke and wonders aloud(2), "Were two packs enough?" Karen seems to be thinking about that one and adds, "Maybe not." Miki slowly backs away.

From out the wandering trails of gray, a lone figure emerges. Yes! It *is* a Becka... sort of. She is slightly singed, but free nonetheless. The trio of onlookers cheers and Karen thankfully dismisses Miki and Wakaba for a job well done. Becka staggers over to Ka-chan, her mind reeling from the full impacts of both the C4's and Ka-chan's 'foresight.' She utters the only five words that could make Ka-chan pay, "Let's... work... on... the... page."

Ka-chan blinks in horror, and questions almost as though she can read Becka's mind, "Wouldn't that be punishing you too?" Becka collapses to the floor and moans in agony, "I just... can't... win..." Karen bends down to pat Becka lightly on the head before going to the miraculously unscathed computer, "Hai hai hai."

Becka huddles on the ground, super-deformed and dejected. She uses one finger to trace obscure circular patterns in the dust, all the while muttering, "What is the purpose of my existence? I'm supposed to be the *webmistress.* I'm supposed to *control* what goes on. Am I here solely to be a lackey for Ka-chan's idiotic schemes? A sidekick to her insanity? Am I to be forever subjected to the torments of Akio, the only comfort I know being the inside of a straightjacket? With anyone to come along and beat me into pathetic subjugation at will?" The planet is rocked with the sheer force of a simultaneous blow as every one of its inhabitants sneezes. And just for good measure, the Universe sneezes too.

Karen scrubs at her nose as she gets ready to type, "You coming, Baka-chan?" Becka slightly peels herself from the floor and crawls over to Ka-chan and the computer, "...hai..." Karen smiles at Becka, "So, what are we going to write?"

Before she can type anything, Saionji comes crashing through the door. Or at least he would have, but what he actually did was crash through the empty space where the door once was, thereby losing any dramatic effect he might have had. Clad in his bruise-like kendo uniform, and holding his shinai aloft in one hand, he waves the sword around furiously and spouts, "You infidel! You sinful cretin! No longer am I able to stand in the sidelines and wait. You are an Evil which can no longer go unpunished, and I ... yes, I am the Vengeful Sword of Justice, the Shining Star, the Blazing Comet, the Spiraling Arm of Heaven,--"

Karen mutters, "...the Pod One..."

"--the Sun which shines bright enough to vanquish foul-doers of the night such as thee, Honor bound by oaths of blood, the one Truth, the Ultimate Destiny, the Blue Thunder! Yes, indeed, I am Saionji Kyouichi, and I *will* Punish You!!!!!!"

Becka and Karen blink at the Green One. Becka shrugs; Karen points, "Wrong room." Saionji deflates in disappoint as he turns and wanders off again, "Oh, rats."

Becka props her chin thoughtfully in one hand, and turns back to Ka-chan, "Well, I don't really feel like working on any of the introductions we're supposed to write, do you?" Karen shakes her head, "Hell, no." They sigh in accordance with each other, "New page." Karen asks, "What *haven't* we done?"

Becka opens her mouth when suddenly Nanami rushes in, clad in naught but her bathrobe and carrying a rubber duckie, "Oniisama! Oniisama! The bathtub's not working, and I need help! Well, Tsuwabuki offered, but he's too little and might get hurt and that's just wrong... and Suzuki, Yamada, and Tanaka offered, but the shower's not big enough for four... and Juri just seemed a little *too* eager to help... and Miki was busy at the piano with his sister... and I couldn't find Saionji, but, hell, who needs Saionji?... and then there's Akio, but Akio's *never* an option... and... and... and...."

Becka calmly attempts to pry the Golden Haired girl off her leg. Karen sighs and points, "Wrong room." Nanami deflates in disappointment, but then brightens again when she realizes that if *this* room doesn't have her brother, then the *next* one surely will, and she happily skips off.

Karen and Becka turn back to their conversation. Becka answers, "We don't have any really serious information about the show. A lot of people have been asking for an episode guide. We could work on that." Karen nods, "Ok."

She lowers her fingers to the keyboard when Xellos appears sitting on top of her computer... not that Ka-chan minds... nice view. He looks around warily, and seeing no green, smiles in that devilish manner of his, "L-sama Almighty, that boy can rival Amelia for lectures on Justice! Now what was it I wanted...?" Becka and Ka-chan shrug and point, "Wrong room."

Akio appears in the same manner as Xellos... at least Karen and Becka assume so because they never saw him come in..., and he wanders over to Becka's closet and rummages around for a straight jacket, "Oh no... Right Room." Karen and Becka emphatically shake their heads and point outside, "Wrong Room!" Xellos senses the Strain which Akio's presence has suddenly developed in Becka and Ka-chan, and like the evil Mazoku he is, he soaks it all up. Happily recovered from Saionji, Xellos disappears and takes Akio with him. Becka and Ka-chan chorus, "Lucky!"

Becka and Ka-chan look at each other, "So, um, the episode guide.... yeah." Becka stops and looks expectantly at where the door used to be. She is not disappointed. Or maybe she *is* disappointed... for there is Juri. Juri wanders over, dressed in a surprisingly revealing plumber's outfit, and carrying a variety of tools, including a set of fuzzy orange handcuffs. "Oh, Nanami?" Becka and Karen spit out, "Wrong! Room!" Juri deflates in disappointment and even the orange handcuffs seem to wilt, "Oh..." She meanders off.

Karen forcefully turns back to the computer wearing a determined mask, "That's it! No more interruptions!" Becka grits her teeth, "There's no one *left* to interrupt." Elvis pops his head in the room, "I beg to differ..." Becka's voice lowers and every word seethes righteous indignation, "I beg you to shut the hell up! Go away!" He is whacked back to the afterlife via angry spatula and mallet.

Karen tilts her head heavenward, "That's it! No more! There is NO one else you could *possibly* send to interrupt us!" Antonio Banderes saunters past their room, and calls out softly, "Oh, Utena...?" Karen looks back up, "I take it back! There is someone! Interrupt us! Interrupt us!" Meanwhile, Becka's glazed eyes rhythmically follow Antonio's leather-clad butt.

After their desperate cries of "Right Room!" fail, Becka and Ka-chan turn back to their work. Becka mutters, "You know, Ka-chan, I think Dios is trying to tell us something. We're just not cut out for all this serious stuff."

Karen nods, "That's right. We *are* the original Utena parody page, after all... I mean, if people want an episode guide, the should go to The Utena Encyclopedia or something..."

With that decided, Becka and Ka-chan go to bed (but not without one hasty scan for scraps of Antonio). As Becka closes her eyes, Karen turns to her roommate and speaks, her voice uncommonly somber, "Becka, can I ask you something?" Becka opens one eye and blinks at the uncannily serious tone which Ka-chan so rarely uses, "Sure, what is it?"

Ka-chan pulls out the last Post-It and a pen, "What were you trying to spell earlier? I really want to know...."


___________________
(1) Somewhere out there, on the silent frontier, yoai-loving fangirls giggle something about Heero, Quatre, and Duo.

(2) Karen bats absently at the shadows as they sing an enthused rendition of 'Ring Around the Rosie' and put up Becka's tombstone as they sing "Ashes, Ashes, we all fall down!'