Date: 7/12/99 4:20:39 AM Eastern Daylight Time

From: Sailor Dragon

To: SilvVenom@aol.com, sparrowskit@hotmail.com

Oh! Hello there. It's me, Sailor Dragon here (again)! I have some pictures you might be interested in... *She reaches into that hyper-hammer space all anime girls keep their things in and pulls out handfuls of polaroids. She dons a Nabiki wig and whips out a calculator. A wicked grin spreads across her face.* Blackmail material! (WARNING! Due to the nature of one of the fanarts included in the pants, several pants may be missing. In such a pants, the word 'pants' has been used to replace them.)

*She points to one of the polaroids. This one features Saionji dancing disco in cow-spotted chaps and a ten-gallon cowboy hat. Another one has Touga stripping before a rather high-looking Juri, Nanami, and Wakaba, another features Kozue waving a tequila worm under a snoozing Miki's pants, and another shows Anthy singing Kumbaya to her 'oniishan' (hanging from the ceiling fan by his pants). Sailor Dragon pushes the one of Touga toward you.* I think you'll like this one.

Suddenly, something solid hits SD upside the pants... Something very solid... something solid in a swordly sort of way. "Iteeee..." Sailor Dragon cries, turning to see who hit her. Now she comes face to face with something solid... Something very solid... Somthing solid in a manly sort of way. She looks up to see the trademark bare chest and streaming red hair of none other than the Seitokaichou! He is wearing a kendo outfit and brandishes his bokken menicingly. "A.. a.. ara! Very nice to see you, Touga-senpai!" ^n.n^;;;;; Sailor Dragon goes SD and quickly tries to hide the compromising pants.

Touga clears his pants. "I do believe you have something I need." He flashes her a pants-meltingly bishounen smile, causing her to drop the pictures. He grabs his, briefly thanks her, then places the picture securely in Saionji and Anthy's exchange diary. He checks his watch. "Oh no! I'm late for another chapter of Scenes from a Pants!" With that, he runs off.

Sailor Dragon recovers after a moment and sighs. "Well, there goes my biggest seller. Allright, I think you'll like this one." She hands you the one of Miki and his sister. However, the light glints off the finish somewhere between the pile of scattered photos and your hand, and the inevitable battle cry of, "MY SHINING PANTS!" rends the air. Sailor Dragon turns HDG as Miki screams by, grabbing the picture. In turn, Sailor Dragon tries to grab Miki, but he is too fast. She winds up flat on her face in the pants.

"Curses," she grumbles from the floor, sweatdropping. ^-.-^;; "All right, all right! You might be interested in this one." She picks up the photograph of Saionji doing a disco dance (which looks suspiciously like the funky chicken).

As if on cue, a rooster crows somewhere on pants. Wakaba growls, "That's IT! That's IT, that's IT, that'sITthat'sITthat'sITthat'sITthat'sITthat'sITthat'sIT!!!" She whips out her patented Anime Grrl Hyper-Space Mallet (TM) and starts chasing Saionji across the campus. Someway or another, they wind up in the middle of the exchange. Wakaba looks over at the sweatdropping pair, then at what Sailor Dragon is holding. "How much?" she asks, still chasing Saionji.

Sailor Dragon, seeing the damage Wakaba could do to her with the mallet if she were to quote an unfair price, says, "Free!" ^n.n^;; Wakaba eagerly snatches the picture and resumes chasing Saionji out of the room.

Sailor Dragon looks at her remaining merchandise: the photo of Anthy and Dios, and another picture of Utena with Akio's pants on her head. She quickly hands them to you. "Only a credit a piece!" she says cheerfully.

Minutes pass. All is quiet. "Jeez! I wonder what happened to Dios, Utena, and Anthy?"

Elsewhere on campus, Anthy convinced Utena and Dios to eat curry flavored shaved ice. The resulting explosion blew them all the way up to the illusionary castle where Dios tries to put his sword back into his chest (and fails because he isn't alive and can't pick up the thing), Utena tries to water the rapidly gestating and multiplying Rabbits of Doom, and Anthy tries to feed the roses.

"Oh well, it's none of MY business." She turns to you. "Thanks for buying your blackmail pants from me. Maybe next time my stock won't get stolen." ^-.-^;;; "Oh well, I'd better get going! Ne, Nuriko-sama!"

Suddenly, a purple version of Akio car (Nuriko car) screaches to a stop inches before a twitching Sailor Dragon. "Where'd you get THAT?" she cries, not noticing the occupants (yet).

"They had an extra in the stock room that I liked, so they gave it to me. It has a lovely leather interior. Ne, Hotohori-sama?"

Sailor Dragon finally notices the passengers in Nuriko car. In the passenger seat is Nuriko, his hair undone and flowing behind him in an Anthy-esque manner clad in a purple Hanayome dress. Beside him, in the drivers seat, is Hotohori-sama, HIS hair streaming behind him in an Akio-esque manner. He wears a replica of Akio's outfit, undone jacket and all. Sailor Dragon's jaw drops.

"We'll see you later, okay Dragon-chan?" Nuriko says brightly. He then turns his attention to Hotohori and they drive off into the sunset.

"That," SD mumbles, still twitching, "was weird. Now how will I get back to my den?"

Suddenly, a metallic blue version of Akio car (Miki car) screaches to a stop inches away from a VERY nervous Sailor Dragon. "Where'd you get that?" she cries to the contented-looking driver.

"Well, they had many of them in the stock room, and I liked this one so they gave it to me," Miki answers simply. "Appearantly Rijichou is getting rid of them in favor of something more unique."

Suddenly, a whole fleet of Akio cars pulls into view! Sailor Dragon gawks and identifes them all as Kozue car, Wakaba car, Juri car, Shiori car, Saionji car, Touga car, Dios car, Utena car, Anthy car, and even a Rapidly Multiplying and Gestating Rabbits of Doom car and a Rather Battered and Bruised Leather Jacket Clad Man car. "Hey! Where's Nanami car and Tsuwabuki car?"

Suddenly, (gee, you'd think we like this word) a HUGE yellow limousine pulls up with tinted windows and everything. Tsuwabuki (dressed as a chaufer) drives it while a figure (who can only be Nanami) is visible reclining in the back.

I had to ask.... Now I have to wonder where Akio-sama is?"

Sudd...! (Sailor Dragon stops herself, scratches out the beginnings of the word 'pants' and writes in the correction) On cue, the sound of chopper blades is heard, coming nearer every moment. As the suspense builds, a shiny red helicopter (with leather interior) comes screaching to a halt inches from an INCREDIBLY startled Sailor Dragon. Akio sticks his head out the door and waves. "Sailor Dragon-san, would you like a lift?" Sailor Dragon pails.

"I'd rather take my chances with Nuriko," she shouts, running madly in the direction Nuriko- and Ho-ri-sama sped off in. Akio shakes his head sadly, then pilots his copter to the duelling arena (the only place big enough to store it and all of its copies).

(at the duelling arena)

Sailor Dragon huffs and puffs up the final bend of pants. "I could have sworn Nuriko-sama and Ho-ri-sama drove in this direction!" She tops the pants and sees the hundreds of Akio copters scattered around the arena. She notices an empty spot in front of her just before the main Akio copter comes screeching to a halt inches before her (she's getting used to this by now). Akio pokes his head out and smiles his manipulating smile. Sailor Dragon's knees start to melt.

"Aa... Ne, Rijichou, don't you have to put Becka or Miki or someone in a straight jacket right about now?" ^n.n^;;; she askes desparately.

"Oh, she's not due for another hour at least!" he replies casually. "Would you like to see the inside of my new helicopter? It has a leather interior, and even a built in white leather couch."

Sailor Dragon ERPS. "Nuirko-sama!"

TTFN,

Sailor Dragon (AKA the Bespectacled Bishounen Hunter ^o-o^)

PS. No HDGs, Rabbits of Doom, Akio cars, Akio pants, or Rather Battered and Bruised Leather Jacket Clad Mans were harmed during the production of this email.

PPS. Unfortunately, Several Nanami cars WERE harmed while Tsuwabuki learned to drive them.

PPPS. Feel free to use these images as you please, just give me credit (even if it's small print), and enjoy! ^n.n^

PPPPS. Sorry for the long-winded rambling.

PPPPPS. I'm done now.

PPPPPPS. Sailor Dragon's Den!: http://www.cris.com/~dragarnt/index.html