Date: 8/3/00 6:53:20 PM Eastern Daylight Time

From: Crysi and Kagedtiger

To: SilvVenom@aol.com, sparrowskit@hotmail.com

Note from Kagedtiger: Well, I thought we sent this already, but Crysi thought we didn't, so I guess you'll have to deal with recieving it twice.

Kagedtiger and Crysi grin as the car containing the torturee...er, initiate, the newly christened Hippie Chick, drives off. They hold up their random iced drinks (thank Dios, since it's ninety and muggy out) and toast to a weekend well spent.

"Well," says Kagedtiger, "that was a complete success. We barely had to do anything!"

"Yes, the initiate proved to be even more corrupted than we could have hoped. Who would have guessed that she liked yaoi and shounen ai already?" Crysi glances at Kagedtiger and both sweatdrop.

The two settle down on the couch. "You know," Kagedtiger says after about an hour of staring at the wall, "I'm kinda bored." She jumps up suddenly and Crysi stares at her. "I know! We can go visit Karen and Becka again!"

Crysi nods slowly and avoids eye contact while edging away and pulling her croquet mallet out of hammerspace. "Ummm...What about the Akio-straightjacket problem?"

"That's not a problem! I have a foolproof plan to get around such obstacles!" Kagedtiger stands up on a chair and says, "It's okay, I'll protect you from Akio!" She brandishes her flyswatter to emphasize the point.

Crysi sweatdrops. Considering that Kagedtiger is not all that much taller than Crysi, even when she's standing on the chair, Crysi chooses to take a stand and NOT expose herself to "eep" type situations. "Oh, thanks so very much. I'm not going."

Kagedtiger grins. "Then I'll just tell Touga you didn't care to come into his sparkling presence..."

Crysi whacks the other girl with her croquet mallet. "That's blackmail!"

"Isn't it fun?"

Crysi glowers at her friend and sighs. "Okay, I'll come. BUT," she says before Kagedtiger can feel too happy, "we have to pick up Omi from Weiss on the way. He's trapped in a parody of The Wizard of Oz, and I promised to help him. Eventually."

"Fine." Kagedtiger pulls a map from hammerspace. "I borrowed this map from the hall of the Masters of Fanfiction..."

"You stole from the page that features the best authors on the web?"

"Yes. Now here's parody land...and here's the two areas where the Oz (Wizard of) and Ohtori Academy counties brush it...We're going to need some transportation."

Crysi sighs. "The Akio-car gave me it's cell-phone number. We can call and see if it'll come pick us up."

"But..." Kagedtiger frowns. "We haven't seen many of the later episodes. Are you sure the Akio-car has a cell phone?"

"It has everything else, including Utena, Touga, Anthy, Chibi Nekos..."

"Point."

Crysi dials the phone and taps her foot as it rings. Then she winces. "Not so loud! Could you give me, Kagedtiger, and Omi from Weiss a ride to..."

A red car pulled into the driveway and honked insistently.

Kagedtiger sighs. "I think you've finally found a boyfriend."

"I'm not dating the car from hell!"

"Honk!"

"Well you ARE!"

After Crysi and the Akio-car have argued for an hour about the probable place of origin of the vehicle, Kagedtiger takes her flyswatter out and glares at them until they fall silent. "Can we *go* now?"

"Honk!"

*swat*

"Please not again!"

After roaming around several fanfic countrysides and wondering why people ran in terror from them, Crysi turned to Kagedtiger. "I think they heard about the Harry Potter thing..."

"Oh." Kagedtiger tipped her head and considered it. "Probably. Then they know how twisted we truly are."

Crysi stared at Kagedtiger. "'We'? I just put Harry with Draco Malfoy. *I* wasn't the one who brought Voldemort into the picture."

"Come on, we're scaring Karen and Becka."

They finally managed to pick up an (extremely relieved) Omi, who was still wearing the gingham dress from the parody. "Where are we going," the poor, innocent boy asked curiously.

"Ohtori Academy."

"So I *am* in hell after all."

"Honk!"

The courtyard of Ohtori is curiously empty, and not even the softest strains of "The Sunlit Garden" can be heard when the Akio-car finally arrives. "It's quiet," Kagedtiger murmurs. "*Too* quiet. They must not be home." Kagedtiger turns to Crysi, "you don't suppose they found out we were coming do you?"

"No, they would probably just kick us out instead of hiding from us."

"Good point."

The girls leave Omi in the car (which promptly drives off with him to every motel in town) and draw their respective weapons. Crysi screams when she steps on something, then looks down. "A tie-dye sock?" She turns to Kagedtiger. "I'm getting a really bad feeling about this..."

"Don't worry. As long as we stay together we'll be fine," Kagedtiger replies.

Crysi refuses to be calmed. "But we don't now what's out there, man! It could be anything! This is crazy, man," she says, lowering her voice to a whisper and glancing around wildly.

After a moment, Kagedtiger whispers, "Why are we whispering lines from a bad horror movie?"

"It's in the script, and would you be so kind as to put these on?"

"Eep!"

The two girls turn to see Akio holding custom made straightjackets for them. The girls back up and brandish their respective weapons.

Kagedtiger looks at Crysi. "We could call for Karen and Becka..."

"Or we could leave..."

"Or you two could come with me..."

Kagedtiger steps up to him. "Well, do you know where everybody is?"

Akio looks smug. "Yes...do you want me to show you?"

The girls hold a whispered conversation, with much wide gesturing on Crysi's part. Kagedtiger looks up. "You mean you'll show us the ends of the world, every motel in town *and* the Akio-car's 'special features,' or you'll show us where everyone is?"

"Yes." Akio smiles at her and Crysi shrinks back.

Crysi mouths a very big "NO!" to Kagedtiger.

"Sure!" says Kagedtiger, as she skips after Akio into the dramatic fog, which has inexplicably appeared about them, with Crysi trailing woefully behind her.

Crysi glares at Kagedtiger as Akio leads them to a dungeon-like room deep under the Academy which neither have ever noticed before.

A huge birdcage-like structure sits in the middle of the room, strangely reminiscent of the rose garden in the courtyard. A large group of people surround the cage, gawking at its inhabitant.

Kagedtiger and Crysi push to the center of the crowd, happily leaving Akio behind as he looks around for Becka. At the center are an enraged Karen and Becka, who are glaring at the person in the center of the cage.

Kagedtiger and Crysi stare at the tie-dye covered figure who is standing in the center of the cage, glaring back at her audience.

"Hippie Chick?!"

Hippie Chick spots them and looks very relieved. "Thank God! Or Dios, or whatever, someone I know is here. You won't believe what happened! I was at home, when I was kidnapped by this red car. It brings me to this strange place, Ohtori Acdemy, right? And the first person I see is that girl who gets slapped a lot. So I talk, okay yell, at her for not sticking up for herself..."

Anthy, who is standing nearby, frowns.

"...and I'm baraged by that pink-haired wacko, who takes me to these two..."

She indicates the fiercely scowling Karen and Becka.

"...because she says they handle the newcomers, and before I knew it, there was this big debate about the color of the white-haied guy's hair..."

Kagedtiger and Crysi interrupt. "DIOS'S HAIR IS PURPLE!!!"

"That's what *they* said, and as the stream of conversation went, I casually remarked that I didn't like that red-haired guy, what's-his-name, and they put me here!"

Kagedtiger and Crysi turn to Karen and Becka. "Please excuse our friend," says Kagedtiger, "she's a bit weak in the mind. Heh. Not to mention that she's only seen the first four episodes. She doesn't know what she's saying."

"Yeah," says Crysi "she really doesn't mean any harm."

Karen and Becka look at them skeptically. "She said she doesn't like Touga," Becka whines.

Karen nods. "As cardinal sins go, that's up there with 'Thou shalt worship and collect the chibi-nekos.'"

Hippie Chick shrugs. "But I *don't* like Touga."

Said redhead appears next to them in the crowd.

"Did I hear my name?"

Karen's, Becka's, Kagedtiger's, and Crysi's knees melt simultaneously.

Hippie Chick looks disgusted. "I don't know what you guys see in him."

Crysi pulls out the school yearbook. "We didn't get to show you their site. Here are '101 Reasons Why We Love Touga."

Hippie Chick rolls her eyes. "I don't wanna know about that jerk."

Becka turns to Karen. "I *told* you she deserved it!"

Karen shrugs. "I didn't think that anyone could be so corrupt...Well...You know what I mean."

Becka frowns. "I think we need help with this."

"Well, what do you want me to do? Call, 'Akio! We want you to come over here!'"

Unfortunately for the girls, Karen had yelled this, rather loudly, just as the music, which was an odd version of 'The Sunlit Garden' played by Aerosmith, and which nobody had even noticed until now, cut off and the conversation died.

There is a sickening pop as all the girls' knees refreeze instantly and they prepare to run like an Akio-Car out of hell.

Akio approaches, looking very interested that someone called his name on purpose.

An "Eep!" is heard from the cage.

Kagedtiger steps forward. "Please, spare our friend. We promise to take Hippie Chick to see Karen and Becka's page to educate her if you do."

Akio and Touga look thoughtful,"She can read about my manipulative abilities."

"We can also force her to read '101 Reasons Why We Love Touga'."

The people around the cage frown, but can't find any reason to disagree with the reasoning.

"Awww, does this mean we have to let her out of the cage now?" whines Becka. Touga flashes her another knee-melting smile.

"Come now," he replies, "they'll never get her to read your lovely page if you don't let her go."

Karen dreamily pulls the keys out of hammerspace and hands them to Kagedtiger, who opens the cage.

"We warned you about this. Told you, 'never let Karen and Becka hear you say you don't like Touga,' But do you listen? NO! I don't know how we'll ever be able to introduce any more new friends to them now," yells Kagedtiger.

"Well, how was I supposed to know they were Karen and Becka? I've never been here before damnit!"

"Ah, well," Crysi sighs. "at least you'll know better next time."

They bow to Karen and Becka, "Once again, we're really sorry about our friend. I guess we didn't do quite as good a job converting her as we thought. It won't happen again. If we ever bring her back, she'll be good. We promise."

Crysi helps Hippie Chick to sidestep Akio and glares as the girl sticks her tongue out at Touga.

Karen smiles, not noticing the last gesture. "It's okay, just so long as she does not attempt to put down Touga in our presence."

Hippie Chick frowns, "I still don'tmmfff" She is interrupted by two hands being clapped over her mouth.

"We'd better go," says Crysi.

Kagedtiger nods. "Well, we'll see you later, I guess."

Kagedtiger produces a gag out of hammerspace and they tie it over Hippie Chick's mouth. Then they pick her up and carry her away.

As the girls walk off, Karen and Becka hear their receding conversation.

"Well, I guess we go that way, then turn left at the stop sign and-"

"Crysi?"

"What?"

"You're holding the map upside down."

"Oh."

A ravished Omi waves at them from the Akio-car. "What took you guys so long?"

"Sorry, we had to pick up a friend." Crysi's voice drops to a whisper. "She doesn't like Touga, and she thinks that Youji looks like John Lennon, but other than that she's okay."

Omi frowns. "But Touga has such a gorgeous voice! It reminds me of someone I know...Red hair too..."

Kagedtiger and Crysi sweatdrop. "There might be a reason for that..."

"Yeah," Hippie Chick mumbles through the gag, "But Touga doesn't even get to have sex with John Lennon..."

*swat*

Crysi pats Hippie Chick on the head. "You mean Youji, dear."

The girls jump into the Akio-car and happily return home, with a gift of roses and chibi-nekos for Kagedtiger and Crysi for taking Hippie Chick away from the Academy.

And all was well in Ohtori...Well, excpet that Nanami hadn't quite shaken the killer bees from that morning, and Karen and Becka were scarred for life after meeting the heretic Hippie Chick.

"So how long do you think until that girl likes Touga?"

Karen sighs and Looks at Becka. "It's been too long already. There may be irreparable damage done."

Becka pouts. "We really should have left her to Akio."