Date: 8/8/00 11:18:22 AM Eastern Daylight Time

From: Crysi and Kagedtiger

To: SilvVenom@aol.com, sparrowskit@hotmail.com

"Why do we resort to going *there* every time we get bored?" Crysi queries.

"Because it's fun!" Kagedtiger responds.

"But, other things are fun too! Like reading Manga and watching Utena!"

"Yeah, but that generally requires us to be together. We can visit Karen and Becka over the internet."

"Oh. But it's not *my* fault that you're in Prague and I'm in Boston! I'm not even *home*!"

"Don't worry. Hopefully at the end of August we'll have another anime-fest and then we can tor-...er...convince Hippie Chick to like Utena."

"Purple hair! PURPLE I TELL YOU!"

Kagedtiger pats Crysi on the head. "Of course. We'll handle that too."

"So, does this mean I have to call the Akio-car again?" Crysi grips her croquette mallet against the inevitable response.

"Why Crysi, I'd think you'd be happy to see your boyfriend again."

Crysi whacks Kagedtiger with her croqette mallet.

"Calm down. You won't have to call the car from hell."

"What?!" Crysi mutters something best not repeated, lest the world think that a sweet, innocent girl such as her would know such language. And Kagedtiger makes a mental note to make it so that *she* types the next letter.

Kagedtiger whistles loudly, and an orange convertible with black stripes pulls into the driveway.

"What is that?" Crysi's eyes go wide.

"*That* is the Kagedtiger-car."

"No way! You're not even old enough to drive yet!"

Kagedtiger blinks. "So? What's your point?"

Crysi shows amazing restraint and doesn't hit the other girl. (Kagedtiger grabs the keyboard away for a second and types 'not that she could ever even scratch me.) "Can your car drive itself?"

"Well no, but I got my muses to chauffer." Kagedtiger smiles innocently, which, of course, makes everyone within fifty miles shudder at the feeling of Impending Doom (TM).

Crysi sighs. "Are your muses old enough to drive?"

"No. But they have licenses."

"Oh..."

The girls walk outside, to where Kagedtiger's three muses are arguing in the front seat. They appear to be semi-normal girls, except that one has the horns and tail of a dragon, one the ears and tail of a fox, and one the ears and tail of a tiger. That and the fact that they obviously can't be as talented and diverse as Crysi's...

THAT'S IT, CRYSI. *I'M* TYPING UNTIL YOU GET OFF THIS 'HOLIER THAN THOU' KICK!

Anyway, back to the scene, where two of the muses are still arguing in the front seat.

"Dracona, you got to drive *last* time!" whines the one with the ears and tail of a fox.

"Yeah, well that's because I don't have an affinity for running into street signs!"

"Why you-"

The girl with the tiger-like features interrupts. "Girls! Dracona! Vulpes! Calm down! *I'll* drive."

"Oh no you won't!" Dracona and Vulpes both glare at Tigris.

"Jeeze Tigris! Just because Kagedtiger always puts you in charge-"

"I can see why!" She snorts. "At least I'm not always bickering like some *other* muses I could name."

"Why you little!" The muses dissolve into a giant dust cloud, with the occasional UBP (Unidentifiable Body Part) and weapon peeking out here and there.

Kagedtiger swats them all with her flyswatter. "Behave, or none of you will get to drive! Dracona, you *did* get to drive last time, and Vulpes, I really don't feel like damaging the car by hitting *every single* signpost along the way. Tigris, you drive."

Tigris smugly sits behind the wheel while the other two muses sulk in the front seat.

Kagedtiger and Crysi cautiously climb in back, and Tigris takes off.

When they pull into the Ohtori Academy courtyard a scant fifteen minutes later, Kagedtiger and Crysi hastily scramble out of the vehicle.

Crysi leans close to Kagedtiger and whispers, "You forgot to mention Tigris' affinity for speed. It's a miracle we didn't get a speeding ticket."

"Oh, it's not that big a miracle. Mass of Chuchus doesn't have a speed limit."

Crysi is about to say 'Oh' but realizes how often she's been saying that lately and doesn't.

Tigris beams at the girls. "So, we're going to park this thing and then wander about the academy for a while. Call us when you're ready to go."

Kagedtiger and Crysi plaster on smiles and wave as they drive away.

Crysi frowns. "My muses drive us next time."

Kagedtiger nods, and the two stand in silence, looking around the Academy.

The curiously *quiet* academy.

"Well?" says Crysi after a few minutes.

"Well," Kagedtiger blinks, "let's go find Karen and Becka!"

Kagedtiger and Crysi enter Karen and Becka's dorm, where they find Juri standing before a blackboard. On the blackboard are two columns, one labeled "reasons for the existence of miracles", and the other "reasons against the existence of miracles". She is in the process of lecturing Karen and Becka.

Crysi walks up to the board and reads aloud. "Reasons for the existance of miracles.

1. Shiori

2. Touga-sama

3. The Akio-car

4. Miki changing into various gelatinous substances

5. Touga-sama

6. Miki's stopwatch

7. Akio can't ::cough:: manipulate everyone at once, or at least hasn't done it yet.

8. Touga-sama

9. Random Iced Drinks


Reasons against the existance of miracles.

1. Just look at the sorry, messed-up state of *all* the relationships on Utena

2. Kagedtiger and Crysi's constant fanletters

3. Marishino cherries

4. The fact that the student council cannot even play a simple game of 'Go Fish' right

5. Hate crimes, violence, rape, shootings, etc.

6. Evil, demonic fic writers

7. Nanami and her slappin' crew

8. Cliffhangers

9. Hitler

10. War

11. Any and all suffering not mentioned above


Crysi picks up a piece of chalk and quickly scrawls 'Akio' under the second list.

Karen and Becka notice the two visitors. Grateful for a distraction from Juri's lecture, they offer the girls some tea. The five sit down at a small table. Juri hastily erases number 2 from her second list before seating herself.

"So," starts Karen, "What brings you two here?"

Kagedtiger grins. "Well, I did write two more songs-"

Karen and Becka cringe.

"-which I am not going to sing at the moment." She hands the girls to pieces of paper with the lyrics of songs on them.


Crimson Haired Boy
By Kagedtiger
To the tune of B*Withched's 'Red Indian Girl'

"My," Karen pauses. "You...er...enjoy writing these things, don't you?"

Kagedtiger nods.

Crysi sighs. "I didn't want to bother you again, but she just *had* to show you the other songs."

Juri notices the necklace Kagedtiger is wearing. "That's an interesting piece of jewelry you have there."

Kagedtiger smiles, fingering the plain, blue stone set on a black chain. "This is the Jewel of Eternal Perkiness (TM). Normally I wear the Jewel of Eternal Luck (TM), but I've been feeling rather depressed lately at the lack of e-mails I've been getting...." She glares pointedly at Crysi, who doesn't notice. "...so I figured I might need this."

Suddenly, Vulpes bounds into the room and slams the door behind her. She has a large object in one hand, and is panting heavily.

"Oh no." Kagedtiger recognizes the mischevious glint in her fox-muses' eyes. "What have you done now?"

"Not much. Just managed to do a little innocent pilfering."

"Ahem, hand it over, foxy! Or no more fic writing for a week." Kagedtiger holds out her hand expectantly.

Vulpes reluctantly hands over what turns out to be Miki's stopwatch. There is the sound of jaws dropping. (This is somewhat akin to the sound of knees melting and refreezing, but not nearly as dramatically. After all, this is a reaction to something to do with Miki, not Akio.)

Becka sputters, "How...You're alive and you...how..."

Kagedtiger simply glares at Vulpes and says, "Bad fox! Bad, bad fox! This is really precious to Miki. Go return it right now!"

Vulpes hangs her head. "Fine. Sheesh, it was just an innocent little prank."

She shuffles out the door.

Kagedtiger sighs. "Where were we? Oh, right. I was just saying-"

She is interrupted by the entrance of another of her muses, this time Tigris. "Uh, Kagedtiger, I think you better come out here. NOW."

Kagedtiger stands up, alarmed. She follows her tiger-muse out the door, and is in turn followed by the other girls, who are eager to see what has happened. You know how it is. People surrounded by chaos eventually get a sense of when something tragic/evil/catastrophic is happening. Then they go *to* it, the poor idiots. This is the principle that Akio works on.

When they reach the courtyard, they see the Akio-car revving up in preperation to ram the Kagedtiger-car all the way to CLAMP Campus. Kagedtiger runs in front of her beloved car, intent on saving it at all costs, but thankfully, the wonderful, intelligent, marvelous Crysi intervenes before she can get hurt. Kagedtiger retrieves the keyboard and continues typing.

Crysi rushes up to the side of the car, which immediately stops in its tracks when it sees her. The car honks at her, and they carry on a conversation that is unintelligible to all the spectators. Crysi nods and turns to Kagedtiger.

"Well?" Kagedtiger glares. "Does he have an excuse for trying to damage my beautiful vehicle?"

"He's jealous. He says you can only keep the car if he gets to drive us to and from Ohtori."

"Awwww, that's so *sweet*!" Kagedtiger gets a very pathetically cute look on her face, and Crysi whacks her over the head with her croquette mallet.

"Well, I guess we'll have to." She whistles, and instructs the muses who report. "You three drive the Kagedtiger-car home. Crysi and I will be taking the Akio-car. And this time, let Dracona drive."

"But I never got a turn!" whines Vulpes.

"Consider it your punishment for stealing Miki's stopwatch."

"Aw! Darn!"

The three muses get into the Kagedtiger-car and drive away, leaving Kagedtiger and Crysi standing next to a very happy Akio-car.

Kagedtiger vaults into the backseat. "Well, we best be going too. My mom gets worried if I don't come back after a while."

"Doesn't she know where we go all the time?" Crysi asks. She frowns slightly.

Kagedtiger stares at Crysi for a few seconds. "Of course not! Would you tell your parents?"

"Good point." Crysi pauses. "I hate to think of what they'd do if they found out I was dating a car, much less if I was coming to a place where Akio lurked around every corner. Not that they have any idea who he is, anyway, lucky people."

Kagedtiger, Becka, and Karen nod sagely. Not knowing Akio is both the blessing and the curse of the masses.

Crysi shrugs and hops into the Akio-car. "But we haven't seen Akio this entire visit. Oh well, as they say, shi...Akio happens." She pats the car. "All right, see ya!" The Akio-car begins to drive away, one of the ever-present soundeffect strings fading with the trio.

*swat* "OW!" *thwack* "OW!" "HONK!" "YOU KEEP YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER MISTER!" *swat* "HONK!" "OW!" "MOO!" "DAMN, NOT AGAIN!"

"Hello."

"EEP!"

*swatthwackswatthwackswatthwackswatthwackswatthwackswatthwack*

"No need to get violent."

"HONK!" "OW!" *swat* "THAT WAS ME, YOU..." *sound of knees melting* "HONK!" *swat* *thwack* "OW!" *sound of knees refreezing* "HONK!" *swatthwackthwackswat* "OW! KISAMA!" "MOO!" *swat* *thwack* "CUT IT OUT YOU IDIOTS!" *Thwack* *Thwack* *Thwack* "HONK!" *SWAT*

Karen and Becka sigh and shake their heads as Akio and a cow land in the courtyard. Of course, they're slightly distracted by their efforts to edge away from Akio, but they manage to get the tag line off before running as fast as they can before he can flash a knee-melting smile.

"You'd think they'd be tired of this by now."