Date: 2/4/99 2:15:53 AM Eastern Standard Time

From: Douglass Weeks

To: SilvVenom@aol.com, sparrowskit@hotmail.com

Open scene:

A dorm room, much like any other (except for the fact it lacks a ceiling and is located directly beneath the dueling arena). A figure (whom is, needless to say clad in a leather jacket and has a copper pot perched on top of his head), sit in front of his computer, typing madly. Suddenly, he throws his head back and cackles insanely. "Bwa-ha-ha! Atlast! It's finished! Now-!"

::He is interrupted as giggles erupt behind him:: "Did you know? Did you hear? It's done! It's done! It's done!" ::two feminine shadowy figures dance against the back wall. They start giggling again,then suddenly stop:: "What's done?" ::they ask in unison::

::the mysterious leather jacket clad, copper pot wearing man frowns in irritation, then switches on the desk lamp, banishingthe two shadow girls with startled 'eeps!'::

Crud, I lost my train of thought. Ummm...where was I? What does the script say? Let's see, laugh insanely, say it's done, shadow girls pop up...here I am."::clears his throat and sings the scale a few times to tone his voice:: "Bwa-ha-ha! My masterpiece is complete! Now my plans for pants domination can finally come to pants! Er, I meanpass!"

::Laughs maniacally again:: "Bwa-ha-ha-ha! Bwa-ha-ha-ha!Bwa-ha-KLANG! :: a sword plunges out of the sky, embedding itselfin the copper pot. The subsequent brain rattling that the mysterious leather jacket clad man receives renders him unconscious (the most positive side effect being the cessation of that annoying laugh). After several minutes of rather pleasant silence, the power to the roofless dorm room suddenly fails. Moments later, two feminine shadow figures enter the room, withvengeful gleams in their shadow eyes... ::

Scene two (later that day):

Another dorm room. This one has a roof. However,all of the walls bear signs of recent con(and de)struction. Two females of notable reputation are currently occupying the room's single bed (keep your mind out of the gutter). One of them is inexplicably locked in a straight jacket, the other drooling over a magazine bearing the image of a rather dashing man with brilliant crimson transparent hair.

Cut Scene: outside room

A rather battered and bruised leather jacket clad man (with a chair seemingly attached to his head; an occupied chair. A brown haired girl with an extraordinarily large forehead is perched atop it, peering through a spyglass for a certain set of well coifed, greenlocks).

::As the rather battered and bruised leather jacket clad man (or RBBLJCM as we shall refer to him from now on) raises his hand to knock on the door, he realizes that the door is suddenly becoming taller. Glancing down, he realizes that his knees are melting, and at the same time realizes that someone in manipulating both he AND Wakaba (not like that, get your mind out of the gutter). Turning around, he finds a certain manly master of manipulation, bearing two straight jackets (being a master of math himself, RBBLJCM adds 1 himself, + 1 Wakaba, - 1 Akio= just enough people to wear both straight jackets). Since he is also a master of fashion, RBBLJCM know that straight jackets and leather jackets clash terribly, and takes off down the hall with a terrified 'EEP!', as fast as his meltedknees will carry him, Akio in hot pursuit. ::

Cut Scene: Inside room

Upon hearing a series of odd noises outside the room, the non-straight jacket wearing girl puts down the magazine (surprisingly) and looks out the door. Upon seeing an empty hallway, she shrugs, and returnsto the bed.

Several minutes later, there is a knock. However, the notable personage, being *ahem* captivated by the magazine, ignores it. The knocking is repeated, a little louder, and is still ignored. She finally notices when the pounding becomes frantic, threatening to tear the door out of the newly rebuilt wall. In fact, she probably still wouldn't have noticed except that the knocking caused plaster to fall from the ceiling,obscuring the red head's dazzling smile.

Finally opening the door, RBBLJCM tumbles in, followed by every character not currently in the room. Akio, still holding the straight jackets, is kept away from the both of them by the crush of people, looks patient, biding his time. Everyone else however, is clustered around theRBBLJCM, poking and prodding him, around the eyes especially. ::

"Becka-san!" ::he begins to wail, then noting hersituation changes his plea:: "Karen-sama! Help!"

::Realizing that any chance of privacy with the magazine was completely gone, the implored personage wades through thecrowd. ::

"Maybe it's a genetic problem." ::Miki says, pokeingRBBLJCM in the eye, then timing the manuver::

"It's just dirt. I can remove it with the sword of dios." ::Touga says, flashing a smile that temporarily blinds anyone who forgot to put on their sunglasses. ::

"Free rose signet rings are being distributed inthe courtyard!" ::RBBLJCM shouts desperately. Much to everyone's surprise, the room clears out as everyone rushes to get one, even those who already have rings. Karen, realizing the ruse for what it is, snags the back of Becka's straight jacket just before she can dash out the door. She then tries to shut the door, only to realize that the stampede has taken out both the door, AND the attached wall. ::

::RBBLJCM gets to his feet and apologizes profusely::"Anyway, now that everyone is gone-."

::Karen coughs politely and points to his head,where Wakaba is still sitting on the chair::

I can't get rid of her, so now I'm doing an experiment. I want to see if swords will still fall on my head with the onion princess up there." :: being perched on a chair on RBBLJCM's head, Wakaba is in a prime position to kick him in the teeth, and proceeds to do so, severaltimes::

"What was that all about?"

:spitting out shoe:: "Those stupid shadow girls got me," ::ignores giggles coming from corner:: "and they stole my contact lenses. I don't think that anyone here has ever seen real pupils before. They were charging a buck per look per eye.

Anyway, I bet you're wondering why I'm here." ::ignoring the two (three) nods:: "I have completed my greatest project ever-." ::suddenly face-faults:: "I need to take a seat. Lugging around the onion princess up there is worse than lugging around my computer." ::gets kicked in the teeth again. Spits out other shoe:: "Let me draw a seat." ::as he reaches behind him, he suddenly finds himself confronted by Karen and (a now unstraight-jacketed)Becka, wielding a mallet and spatula. ::

"Wait! I learned my lesson!" ::pulls out a giant red crayon:: "I don't use pens any more." ::draws a bright red chair and sits down, then laughs maniacally, then face faults again.:: "Forget it. I don't want to go through that again. You can read my next lines in the script." :: hands script to Karen. looks at Becka, face-faults, blushes, turns around, draws a mirror and hands it to Becka.::

::looking into the mirror, notices that not onlyis she not wearing the straight jacket, her uniform seems to havebeen replaced with Akio's jacket. Tilting the mirror, she finds Akio inthe middle of putting on her school uniform::

::taking mirror from Becka:: "You're right. I dolook better in a dress than you do."

::RBBLJCM uses crayon to draw hole in the floorunder Akio.::

::Becka stares down the hole as RBBLJCM draws itshut:: "Is that physically possible?"

::RBBLJCM shrugs.::

::meanwhile, Karen has finally caught up with the script:: "laughs maniacally, goes on and on and on about his greatplan, and then-."

::RBBLJCM interrupts:: " I can take it from here. Allow me to present my most brilliant plan ever, The Elevator Chicken speech, pants-ed!" ::looks triumphant. everyone else sweat drops::

The Elevator Chicken speech (pants-ed)

If the pant's shell does not break, the pants willdie without being born.

We are the pants; the pant is the world.

If the pant's shell does not break, we will diewithout being pants.

Break the world's pants!

For the sake of revolutionizing the pants!

"Well, what do you think? Is it pants-a-riffic?" ::Wakaba leaps off the chair and runs out through the hole in the wall, screaming. As if on cue, a sword plunges through the ceiling (dropping more plaster on the bed) and imbeds itself in the recently vacated chair.::

"That looks painful. Let me help you with that." ::Karen leads him over to where the crayoned shut hole is, except that it is no longer crayoned shut. Just before plunging through the hole,  RBBLJCM notes that Becka is holding a crayon encrusted spatula and lookingsmug.::

"It's dark down here! Karen-sama, help! Becka-dono?" ::starts feeling around. Finds a hand. Follows the hand to the elbow. Follows the elbow to the shoulder. Follows the shoulder to the chest (a rather manly, broad expanse of chest). whimpers:: "Please tell me that Touga somehowended up down here?"

"Would you like to see the end of the world?"

::The subsequent screech of terror is cut shortas Becka pats the crayon hole cover back into place.::

P.S: To bad all e-mails aren't this much fun to write.

P.S.S: Thanks for your time.

P.S.S.S: The last e-mail I sent was returned with an error message,so I resent it(in case you ended up getting two).

P.S.S.S.S: It's not physically impossible.

P.S.S.S.S.S: I now sympathize with Becka.