The Exclusive Mitchell Jackson Interview
Mitchell "Action" Jackson has been persued by the public for many months now, being begged for an exclusive interview. I have personally asked him many times for an interview, but now, a friend of mine tricked him into giving one earlier today in Ms. Walker's math class. He finally did figure it out that he was being interviewed, but he continued to answer the questions in a cooperative manner.
Part I
Q. Is your name Mitch Jackson?
A. What? What about it?
Q. Is your name spelled with two L's?
A. Shut up.
Q. Do you like math class?
A. Nooooo (sarcastically)
Q. What's your favorite sports team?
A. Nope, nuh-uh . . . Now I know what you're doing. (pause) FINE, Ganzaga!
Q. What's for lunch?
A. Pizza (doing a Mr. Forte impression)
Q. Do you like Matt Gregersen?
A. . . . he's friends with the Beaver family (whatever that means)
Q. Do you like John Jensen?
A. (shrug, nodding head yes)
Q. How do you feel about this quiz?
A. What quiz . . . WHAT QUIZ!!??
Q. Is Eric Peterson a part of the Beaver family?
A. Nope, just Jake's family. He has his own Beaver Basketball League.
Q. Who's your favorite teacher?
A. Mr. Starns
Q. Do you like Angry John Homen?
A. Uh . . . I don't know (shaking head no). Who the hell . . . who are you talking about?
Q. Got your conjectures done yet?
A. What . . . no.
Part II
Just today, we got more of an exclusive interview from Mitchell Jackson. And remember, this is true, and not made-up stuff. Enjoy.
Q. What's your locker combination?
A. My locker combination? Why? You and beaver kid are gonna break in there . . .
Q. What do you think of Brett Thorfinnson?
A. He's a gay ass mother fucker. Make way for Albers!
Q. Do you enjoy reading?
A. No, reading's gay.
Q. Are you deathly afraid of spiders, snakes, or some other hairy or slimy creature?
A. Nope.
Q. What's your favorite color?
A. Red.
Q. Have you seen Lord of the Rings yet? If so, what did you think of it?
A. Nope, I haven't seen it.
Q. Who's the best coach in the NFL?
A. Mike Marks of the St. Louis Rams.
Q. Who's your least favorite teacher?
A. Mr. Nelson . . . that guy is gay.
Q. Can you remember the license plate number for your truck?
A. I'm not tellin' you . . . haha he's writing it down.
Q. Do you think George W. Bush is a good president?
A. Yeah, he's doin' just fine.
Q. If you could jump in a time machine and go back to 1939, would you kill Hitler?
A. Yes.
Q. What's your favorite curse word?
A. Fuck. Motherfuck.
Part III
Here it is, folks. It's what you've all been waiting for. Part III of the Exclusive Mitchell Jackson Interview. Part IV is coming soon. Enjoy!
Q. What's your favorite TV show?
A. What? Who cares? (waving arms in distress)
Q. What two teams are going to the NBA Finals this year? Who will win?
A. L.A. Lakers and New Jersey. Lakers will win.
Q. What do you think of Eric Bot?
A. He's coo . . . he's Dirty Bot (no, that's not a typo; he actually said coo)
Q. At what age do you plan to marry?
A. What? Whenever girls decide not to be so annoying.
Q. Name a country that starts with a D.
A. D? (a little later) Denmark.
Q. What's your favorite Goosebumps book?
A. I don't read Goose . . . I don't read.
Q. What do you think of WWF Smackdown?
A. I don't watch it.
Q. If you had a son, what would you name him?
A. I don't know! Why are you asking my stupid questions? I don't know, Jack-Off . . .
Q. Who is the greatest player in the history of football?
A. Write down Walter Payton or something.
Q. Do you like your sister or your brother more?
A. Hmm . . . brother. I hate my sister. She's beep (no, we are not censoring that; he actually said beep)
Q. Is there anyone in this world that you would pay to kick in the face?
A. No, I wouldn't pay! Well, maybe Baumler.
Q. What's your favorite band?
A. I don't have a favorite.
Q. What was the last book you read for fun?
A. I've never read a book for fun!
Q. What do you think of this question?
A. That's the question? It's cool.
Part IV
This is Part IV of the Mitchell Jackson Interview, and, by the looks of it, it will probably be the last. Mitch isn't being very cooperative, as you can see from the questions below. If we can badger a few more answers out of him, you can expect Part V very soon. Otherwise, this is the last part.
Q. Which Olsen twin do you like more, Mary-Kate or Ashley?
A. Nuh.
Q. Who is your favorite Renassaince painter?
A. I don't fuckin' care.
Q. Do you like creamy or chunky peanut butter?
A. I don't eat peanut butter.
Q. What do you look for in a girl?
A. I'm not answering any more questions.
Q. What do you think of elephants?
A. I want one.
Q. What kind of animal do you like to hunt the most?
A. Ducks . . . anything that moves.
Q. What state do you want to live in someday?
A. Colorado.
Q. If you had to be locked in a room for 20 years and could only listen to one song, over and over again, what song would you pick?
A. Nothin, you're gonna have to wait 'till he dunks it.
Q. What's better: Ford, Chevy, or Dodge?
A. I could care less.
Q. What's your favorite cereal?
A. I . . . I don't know.
Q. How do you like to take it easy?
A. Get drunk (sarcastically)
Q. What's the farthest you've been out of Minnesota?
A. I don't know! I don't measure with a tape measure!
Q. If you had to stranded on a desert island for the rest of your life with one person, who would it be?
A. I'm not answering any more dumb questions.