| Quotesaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa |
| I like collecting quotes, so I thought I'd share some of the ones that I find particularly amusing/enlightening/thought-provoking/etc. Keep in mind that some of these are in-jokes, and thus will only be amusing to certain people...oh, and fair warning: If you're easily offended, keep in mind that this page may contain quotes that you'll find...well...offensive. |
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| "I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming...they don't know I'm only using blanks."
----- "Never let a computer know that you're in a hurry." ----- "Remember, it takes 42 muscles to frown, but only 4 to reach out and whack somebody." ----- "Chemists do it periodically on tables." ----- "Never moon a werewolf." ----- "If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0." ----- "A closed mouth gathers no foot." ----- "If your parents never had kids, chances are you won't, either." ----- "If you ever have an issue with someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, after you are done, you are a mile away, and you have their shoes." ----- "So there's a chicken and an egg lying next to each other in bed, and the chicken's wearing a depressed look while the egg is smoking a cigarette contentedly. Breaking the silence, the chicken said 'Well, I guess we answered THAT question.'" ----- "When I was younger I hated going to weddings...it seemed that all of my aunts and the grandmotherly types used to come up to me, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, ''You're next.'' They stopped that crap after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals." ----- "I'm not retreating, I'm advancing in the opposite direction!" ----- "Fire at will!" "Which one's Will?!" ----- "We could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors....but they all exist very nicely in the same box." ----- "You have head-hamsters! Go to the infirmary!" ----- "Cripes, he's wearing butt floss..." ----- Think how much funnier medicine would be if doctors used euphemisms for body parts! Like, "Patient suffered contusion of the gajoombas." ----- "Totally sharky complete!" ----- "We're in the woods...there are sounds in the woods..." ----- "Have you ever had sex in hyperspace?" ----- "I'm somewhere where I don't know where I am!" ----- "Hey, there's clams in this clam chowder!" ----- "I'm Lina frickin' Inverse!" ----- "How do you want us to pose, normal or gay?" ----- "Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity." ----- "If we're going to have hot lesbian sex, can I be the butch one?" "Fuck no, man, we take turns!" ----- "Anyone capable of getting themselves made president should on no account be allowed to do the job." ----- Is there an eleventh commandment that says, "Ye shall only unite with those whom possess a pee pee unlike your own”? Nope. I don't think so. ----- "It's not our fault! ...Well, actually it is our fault, but it's their problem!" ----- "There are none so blind as those who will not see." |
