*YOU'VE GOT MAIL*

I've begun to look forward to his notes. He never expects an answer from me, but he knows I read them. Either he gets a receipt when I've opened his letters or Sarah tells him. I expect it might be a little of each. No matter, it feels good. He tells me that the video premiere will be next week and urges me to watch. He says there is a message for me within it. He says he loves me and to please come home. He tells me not to cry, and I laugh through my tears. He knows me too well

The new video premieres tomorrow. I know she'll be watching, I know her. Sarah tells me that they're in regular contact now. I just pray that when she watches it she'll understand what I've tried to say. Come home, baby, please.

Today’s the premiere of their new video, ‘More Than That’. I hope Bec’s watching this because the guys had wanted to dedicate it to her but management wouldn’t let them. Howie and I have talked and agreed that as soon as Becca makes the move to tell me more, I’m going to her and bringing her home. There’s NO sense in her playing these games with Nick. Whatever happened, and I can only imagine what it was, she needs to face it with Nick. I just hope it’s NOT what I suspect. God…that would destroy Nick.

Today's the day. The new video premieres this afternoon on TRL and I will watch, I must. It's but one of many cravings in my life these days. The crowd is over-enthusiastic as always and finally, in the last minutes of airtime, the footage rolls. I am spellbound. For once, there is no story, no plot; just honest, gut-wrenching emotion. I watch him sing, no I watch them ALL sing and I know they sing to me. They are his brothers, and he has leaned on them for support through the hell I have put him through and this is their appeal. *Come home* they plead and I seriously consider it. For the first time in almost four months, I begin to wonder what my life could be like, and then the guilt sets in. I am the queen of guilt. Now I second-guess everything I have done, every move I have made. I rail against myself for the things I have held back from him, the things he had a right to know. God, the things that he has missed.

The video was AWESOME! You could see the emotion in Nick’s face and when he was down on his knees at the end, holding on to my arm, I thought he was going to lose it! Sarah said she cried seeing Nick like that. She’s getting tired of Becca’s games and wants so bad to tell her to tell Nick the truth and stop torturing him.

I wrote to him today, a long rambling letter. Not an email, a real letter. I know he will be home in a few days to receive it. Home. I miss it so very much... the sunshine, the sea breezes, the sound of the surf ... I need to make a decision, and it needs to be soon. Soon they will begin the second leg of their tour and I must decide where my future lies. I have so much more riding on this now than when I left. I'm no longer the only one to consider and I must weigh my options carefully. So *many* choices.

No, not really, only one. The right one.

I have it all planned. Sarah’s family is flying down to Key West with my family and I’m going to propose to her and then tell her the wedding is planned. I have the dress, the chapel that overlooks a beach, a priest, and the flowers. Kevin said he’d sing and John’s going to be my best man. Since I have no idea where Becca is, I asked Ali to be Sarah’s maid-of-honor and she was thrilled. EVERYONE is under strict orders to keep their mouths shut to Sarah! I want this to be a surprise.

Nick called me. He got a letter from Becca and he is bouncing off the walls. I asked him where the postmark was from and he couldn’t tell me. He had recognized the handwriting and ripped the envelope open. Now he has now clue where it is. Typical of him.

I had a letter today! A real letter! She said everything and yet nothing. She's working again and sounds happy. I wish I could believe it. I wonder if it's all an act? I wonder if she misses me even half as much as I miss her? And like an idiot, I managed to destroy my only clue to her whereabouts. When I called Sarah to tell her the news, she asked me where the letter was postmarked. Damn it! I tore the envelope when I opened it. I spent ten minutes trying to piece it back together but it won't work.

Becca just called me. She told me everything and we talked forever, both of us crying. Thankfully, Howie was with me to hold me and when Becca finished telling me her story, I convinced her to come home. She told me she was in Denver and while we were talking, Howie used his cell phone to get me a plane ticket out there and a ticket for her back. Before we hung up, I told her that I was coming to get her. She was relieved and gave me her address.

Howie and I planned our next move. We had to get them back together but they were headed to the Keys to do the TRL Retirement Home special. Howie said what more romantic spot could a couple ask for than the Keys to make up and I agreed with him. So the plan is, I’ll fly out to Denver, get Becca, and then convince her to go with me to the Keys for the special. I can’t wait to see the look on Nick’s face when he sees Becca.

Becca called tonight! Man! Nick’s going to freak when she tells him what’s going on. Sarah managed to convince her that it was time to come home and I bought tickets for them both! Sarah’s going to go get Becca and bring her to Key West. I hope she and Nick can work things out.

Howie's riding the bus with me today. We decided Key West couldn't handle all five of our buses, so we're all doubling up. Not really sure where Sarah is. Howie was pretty vague, he says she'll meet us in Key West. I hope they aren't fighting.

How in the hell am I going to keep it from Nick what Sarah’s up to? We’re not taking all the buses to Key West…we’re doubling up. Why didn’t I offer to ride with Kevin and AJ? I know why. I felt sorry for Nick when I saw the look on his face at the thought of going to Marathon WITHOUT Becca. He bought that house for her and now she’s not here to see it! Well, maybe she WILL get to see it. Not much longer, Nicky, and you’ll have her back…hopefully! Just hang in there and use that ‘Carter’ charm!

Funny the twists and turns that my life has taken. This shall be the last entry, for you see, Sarah will be here soon. I called her last night and told her everything. We wept together for a very long time. She says he still loves me, still wants me; yes, still needs me. I pray to God that this is true, because my bags are packed and waiting by the door. He doesn't know I'm coming, doesn't know *we're* coming.

Soon.

Check out 'The Dance' for the Reunion of Nick and Becca.  What surprise does she hold for him?  Will  he take her back?

The Dance        The Dance Saga Index