Part 100
The next day, the entourage made it’s way to New York for the surprise appearance on TRL. As they moved through the studios, the mood was somber. Sarah was thinking about her mother and Howie’s mind was on her as well as Alex. She made several trips to the restroom to get sick while at the studios, each time Becca went with her. Becca never suspected anything.
As the guys did the interview in the newsroom, Sarah and Becca stood off camera watching the emotions play out for each one of them. They were all heartbroken and Nick’s tears were too much for Becca. She began to cry watching him, wanting to go to him and hug him.
For Sarah, she watched solemnly, distracted by thoughts of her mother and the churning of her stomach. When Howie was able to, he went to her and held her in his arms. He whispered to her as they stood away from the others.
"Angel, not much longer. I promise."
"I know. You have to do this. I haven’t heard from Dusty so everything’s cool right now."
When it was time for the actual show to start, Sarah and Becca took their seats out front to wait for the guys to come out. Carson came over to speak to them during one of the commercial breaks but they didn’t give him any clues as to what was going on with the surprise appearance. He did notice the moods but Sarah was able to explain it by telling him her mother was ill.
When it was time for the guys to come out, Sarah and Becca held hands and watched. As the announcement was made, soft cries and gasps could be heard throughout the studio. It was a subdued audience watching the guys as they spoke of AJ’s problems, very different from the other times Sarah had been to TRL to watch the guys.
As the show ended and the guys made their way off stage, Sarah’s cell phone rang. She looked down at the number that popped up and Becca asked, "Is that Dusty?"
"I think so. God…"
"Come on. Here comes Billy and Raoul for us."
The two girls left with them as Sarah took the call. As she was talking on the phone, tears began to flow. Raoul had his hand on her back to guide her and felt her beginning to tremble.
"Billy, get Howie," urged Raoul.
Without questioning him, Billy went to get Howie as Becca looked at Sarah. All the blood had drained out of Sarah’s face and she was afraid that Sarah was going to faint.
Howie rushed up as Sarah hung up the phone. "Angel?"
Softly, without emotion, Sarah said, "She passed away."
Howie took her in his arms and held her close. "I’m sorry," he whispered.
Becca rubbed her back and asked, "Is there anything I can do?"
Sarah shook her head ‘no’ but wasn’t able to say anything. Howie led her to where the others were waiting and Becca motioned for Nick to get Sarah some water.
Howie explained to the others, "Sarah’s mother passed away."
They all expressed their condolences and Howie explained that they were flying to Virginia from there. The others said they’d follow later on the buses for the funeral. He promised to call them with the details and then asked Sarah if she could make it. She nodded weakly ‘yes’ and he took her in his arms. They all left the studios amidst crying fans.
The ride back to the hotel was cloaked in silence. The events of the past days had drained them all, and even though Alex was already on the road to recovery, they were left to deal with the aftermath. There were already numerous news appearances booked over the next few days as well as making arrangements to get to Virginia to be with Sarah and Howie.
Nick and Becca booked an evening flight back to Orlando. Kevin and Brian had convinced Nick that he needed to get Becca away from the stress for a few days, but for Becca there would be no escape from the memories. As they sat hand in hand in first class, Becca was overwhelmed by thoughts of her own mother. Since her return from Denver, she'd managed to concentrate on her future and push all thoughts of her past to a tiny, secluded part of her mind.
Maybe she was just tired, maybe it was hormones, but she suddenly found her face wet with tears and she'd never missed her own mother as much as she did right now. She had been so small when her mother had died and then when her father had passed away, Sarah's mom had taken on the role of surrogate, inviting her home for holidays and surrounding her with the family she no longer had. Now she was gone. Becca closed her eyes, seeing her own mother and wondering what it would have been like had she lived.
Nick stared though the window into the dark night sky, his own thoughts far away. So much had happened, where would it all end? First AJ, then Sarah's mom … It seemed hopeless until he managed to focus on the things he *did* have. Becca had come back to him, and in just a couple of months they would have a new life to take care of and fill their days. He was so grateful for what he had. Slowly, he turned to watch Becca. He thought she was sleeping, but was dismayed to find her crying softly. He'd been so lost in his own thoughts that he'd never noticed.
"Bec?" he whispered.
Becca turned her tear-streaked face toward him and the hurt in her eyes caused him to catch his breath. Raising the armrest that kept them apart, he pulled her close. He knew that now was not the time for words and so he simply held her as she cried. A corporate car met them at the airport and had them home in record time. It was nearly midnight as they stepped into the house, and the silence and the darkness seemed to intensify the feelings of loneliness that Becca was experiencing.
As they flipped on the light in the foyer, Becca turned to Nick and leaned against him, the tears beginning anew. He held her close once again, not sure what to do. "Baby, what's wrong?"
"I miss her, Nick," she said through her tears. "I miss my mom so much."
"Oh baby," he whispered. "I'm sorry. I wish I could help, but-"
"You can't understand. Not really, you still have everyone. But you – you're all I have, Nick."
"Come on," he said, leading her to the living room. "Talk to me sweetheart."
"I just feel … I just feel so *alone* sometimes."
"Bec, that's-"
"No, don't misunderstand. I know I have you and I have Sarah, but there are times I need my mom. I'm having a baby; there are so many things I want to ask her. I want to know what it felt like for her. Did she get sick like I did? Did she crave strange things? Did she talk to *me* before I was born like I talk to our baby? Did she love me beyond all measure like this?" She looked down at her abdomen, rubbing it gently as her tears fell, darkening the fabric of her maternity top. "I just miss her so much…" she whispered as Nick gathered her close yet again.
Sleep was elusive that night as Becca tossed restlessly. Nick did his best to calm her, but his efforts were in vain. What little sleep she had was plagued by dreams, and more than once she woke up crying. Just before daylight Nick gave up and padded downstairs to make coffee. He was on his second cup when Becca joined him on the patio, her hair wet from her shower, her eyes rimmed with dark circles.
"Hey baby," he said, patting the chair next to him.
"Thank, Nick," she said, resting her head on his shoulder.
He didn't even pretend to misunderstand, just kissed her head gently and hugged her.
"Nick?"
"What, Bec?"
"Would you do something for me this morning?"
"Sure Bec, anything."
She took a deep breath before even asking. "Please Nick, call your mom."
"Baby-"
"No. No excuses. I know you two have issues, Nick, but do this for me if not yourself."
He looked at her in silence.
"Please?" she whispered. "She's the only mom you'll ever have. For better or worse,
Nicky, just like us."
Resigning himself to the task ahead, he nodded. "I'll call her later this morning, ok? It's not even morning in LA yet."
"Thanks Nick. You know how much I love you?" She looked up into his eyes.
"Never doubted it, Bec." He kissed her gently as the sun began to peek over the horizon.
They sat quietly together until their coffee was cold and the dew on the grass had evaporated.
"Hey, you awake?" Nick grinned, nudging Becca in the side.
"Yeah, just thinking."
"Me too. Bec, do you have any old pictures?"
"You mean family stuff? Sure, you know what a sentimental sap I am."
"Go get them while I fix breakfast, ok?"
Her face lit up in a smile and with a sigh she kissed him. "Thank you," she whispered.
"Go on, I'll see what I can find to fix."
Over pancakes and juice they spent the next two hours laughing over Becca's childhood pictures. Nick's favorite was the one of her dancing on her bed, wearing one of her mother's nightgowns like an evening gown.
"God, Nick, that's awful!"
"Bec, it's adorable! You really DID dance on your bed."
"Sarah TOLD you?!" Becca had that look in her eyes, like she was going to exact revenge
on Sarah at some point in the near future.
"No, actually it was Kevin," he smirked as Becca groaned.
"Great. Big Brother just HAD to go there."
"Never mind, you should see some of the stuff MY mom parades in front of anyone who'll look."
Becca's eyes softened at the mention of Nick's mother. "Nick, its morning in LA"
He looked deeply into her face and there was no way he could refuse her request. "I'll go call while you get dressed, maybe we'll go do something today."
Nodding her head, she kissed him gently on the cheek. "Love you, Nicky."
He squeezed her hand as he reached for the phone.