Part 103
Sarah drove to her favorite spot in the mountains and pulled off into a scenic overlook. She parked the car and the two got out. They walked hand in hand down to the edge of the overhang where they found a seat under an old oak tree. Howie sat with his back against the tree and Sarah nestled in front of him with his arms around her.
She said softly, "This was Mama’s favorite place to come and just sit and think."
"It’s beautiful."
"You should see it in the fall when the leaves start changing. This is where we’d sit too."
Howie looked around and noticed that they were sitting on a single rock that was about the size of his bus and several oak trees shaded it. Down below was the valley and he could see several houses that looked to be Sarah’s parents’ house.
"It’s so peaceful up here. No wonder your mother liked it up here."
"It’s my second favorite place to go to think."
"What’s your first?"
"On the beach….with you."
Howie kissed her neck and asked, "Ever bring Russell up here?"
That threw Sarah. She never expected Howie to bring him up in a conversation since he’d said that it was over after the incident with Chrissy. "Thought that topic was dead?"
"Angel, I heard what you were saying in the chapel. I thought we didn’t have any secrets," he said with a touch of hurt in his voice.
Sarah heard it and said, "D, I never meant to keep anything from you. It was just something that I didn’t want to talk about."
"I’m not mad, Angel. I know you had a reason but please, tell me everything now. I want to be there for you and understand what you’re going through. I think what AJ did brought up some issues for you."
Sarah took a deep breath and began. "You’re right, it did. You know pretty much everything…he was controlling and possessive. What I didn’t tell you was that I broke up with him when I went to college, but agreed to date him when I was home some. I wanted to be free….in case I met the man of my dreams."
"Me?"
Sarah laughed softly, "Yeah, you! I knew I’d never meet the man of my dreams in Fernandina but there was always college."
"I take it Russell wasn’t happy."
"You could say that. He would show up at the dorm at all hours or call to check up on me. It use to irk the hell out of Becca because he’d put her on the spot. He’d watch me come back from dates and then ‘confront’ the guy I was with. He put an end to my dating in college."
"He tried to intimidate me, didn’t he?"
"Yeah…that first day I met you. God, I thought for sure he had ruined my chances with you. I was so glad you had Raoul with you."
"I wouldn’t have backed down even if I had been alone. I knew I wanted to be with you."
Sarah smiled, "I know that now."
"So, what else happened?"
"I came home one weekend because Daddy and my brothers were going off fishing for the week and Mama and I were gonna spend some time together. Becca was suppose to have come with me but she ended up having to do something with the choir and couldn’t. Anyway, Russell knew we were alone and he forced his way in," said Sarah as her voice began to falter. Howie felt her trembling and pulled her closer as she continued in a quiet voice, "He beat her pretty bad."
Howie tightened his hold on her to protect her from the memories and whispered, "He can’t hurt you now."
"I know. He made her watch as he raped me," sobbed Sarah. "He tied her to a chair and then he raped me."
"Why wasn’t he arrested?"
"He threatened to destroy Dusty if we said a word to anyone. He had some dirt on Dusty and I knew it. I convinced Mama that if we did call it in, Dusty would be in serious trouble. Then I found out I was pregnant."
"Did you willingly go back to him?"
"I told you about the wedding. I had told him I was pregnant but I had NO intentions of asking him for help with it at all. When he ‘forced’ me to marry him, I decided to try and make it work for the sake of the baby. I won’t lie to you, I did have feelings for him but I gave up my dreams for my future when I got pregnant. But, after Jesse’s death, I had no reason to stick around so I left. Russell was a good father and I think he truly loved me but with her gone, he went back to his old ways. I just couldn’t stay."
"So you hung in to protect your brother?"
"Yeah, and by the time I left him, Dusty was gone and my family couldn’t take it any more so they moved up here since we already had this place. I stayed in Florida to finish college and then I moved in with Becca."
"That explains a lot."
"It brought Mama and me closer together."
"I can imagine."
"We use to come up here and I’d tell her about everything going on in my life and we’d talk about my dreams."
"Did your father know about him raping you?"
"Not until after Jesse died. By then, it was too late to do
anything."
"How did your mother explain the bruises?"
"She told him she fell down the steps. He was gone for a while so by the time he got back, they had started to fade."
Sarah was still trembling so Howie tightened his hold on her as he asked, "Did you ever get help for the rape?"
"Yeah, that’s why when Alex did what he did, I pretty much knew how to deal with it. I was more worried about your reaction," said Sarah as she ran her hands across his arms. "D, I brought you here because I wanted to share this with you. No one except Mama knew about this spot."
"I definitely want to come back here in the fall. Angel, do you still feel guilty for not getting home in time?"
Letting out a sigh, Sarah said, "I guess not. Daddy’s right. My place is with you and you stood by me through some rough times…along with Alex. Besides, I want to remember her the way she was when we were up here. She was so at peace here. She use to get a kick out of watching the house," said Sarah pointing to their house down below. "She’d sit up here for hours watching Daddy or my brothers."
Howie laughed, "And you were with her?"
"Sometimes but other times, she’d call me at school and tell me about
what had happened."
"Sounds like you had a great relationship with your mother."
"I did….the best. I hope I have as good a relationship with our children and that I’m half the mother she was."
"You’ll be an awesome mother," said Howie as he rubbed her stomach. Seeing a bus pull in, Howie said, "Looks like Kevin and Brian are here. Are you ready to go?"
"Yeah, but can you give me a minute…alone?"
Howie looked at her curiously. "Sure."
The couple stood and Howie gave her a kiss before heading to the car.
Sarah watched him walk away and then sighed. Looking up at the heavens, she said softly, "Mama, you were right. He did understand. Thank you for your guidance and strength. I won’t let you down. I love you."
The air had been perfectly still but now, a soft breeze blew, lifting Sarah’s hair from her shoulders gently and she smiled to herself. In her heart, she heard her mother saying, "I love you too, Sarah."