Part 113
Sarah had never really enjoyed riding in a limo unless she and Howie could be alone and this time was no exception. She sat staring out the window at the mountains, one hand holding the letter and the other entwined with Howie’s.
Becca asked, "Sarah, what’s in the envelope?"
"Yeah, Angel…what is it?"
Sarah turned the letter over and said distantly, "A letter from my mother."
Nick asked, "Right before she died?"
Becca gave Nick a nasty look that Howie caught. He shook his head to tell Becca that it was okay. He asked gently, "Angel?"
Sarah turned to look at her friends and Howie but didn’t really see them. She looked down at the letter and answered, "Daddy said she started this the day I was born and then added to it on my birthday or on special events in my life…like when I married Howie."
"When are you gonna read it?" asked Becca.
"I don’t know. A part of me wants to read it now but it’s
long…"
"If she wrote a page each year, it’s at least 25 pages," said Nick.
Sarah smirked, "That’s good, Blondie…took you, what, 2 minutes to figure that out?"
Nick grinned, "Bite me!"
"Nope…you’d enjoy it too much."
Becca and Howie both laughed relieved that Sarah could still joke with Nick but just like earlier with her nieces, Sarah’s mood went back to somber. She had once again retreated ‘inside’ herself, staring at the letter.
Howie decided the only way Sarah was going to get through the morning was if HE made a decision about the letter. Reaching over, he slid it out of her hand and put it inside his jacket. "I’ll hold it for you until later."
Expecting Sarah to be furious, Becca was surprised to hear Sarah say, "Thank you, D."
Howie kissed her tenderly on the forehead as the cars pulled into the church. Sarah squeezed his hand as tears rolled silently down her cheeks.
*********************
As the family walked into the room off to the side of the vestibule, Howie spotted his parents. He squeezed Sarah’s hand. "Angel, my parents are here."
Sarah looked around spotting them as well. "Did you know they were coming?"
"No, but I did call them to let them know."
Mr. and Mrs. Dorough made their way to where Howie, Sarah, and the others were waiting. Each of the guys greeted Mama D and Mr. Dorough warmly with a hug and then Becca.
"How are you feeling?" asked Mrs. Dorough.
"This little one is keeping me on my toes," smiled Becca as she rubbed her stomach. She added, "Kinda like her father."
Mrs. Dorough looked at Sarah who was leaning against Howie’s chest with his arms wrapped around her waist. She reached out a hand and Sarah moved into the older woman’s embrace gratefully. Mrs. Dorough rubbed her back in a motherly way as she held onto Sarah.
Howie watched as the two women he loved most in his life held on to each other. He knew that memories of Caroline were running through his mother’s thoughts and understood how Sarah felt.
Mrs. Dorough brushed Sarah’s hair back and whispered, "Sweetheart, I know it’s hard right now, but it will get easier."
"Thank you," whispered Sarah.
"Why didn’t you let us know you were coming?" asked Howie.
"We weren’t sure we were," said Mr. Dorough. "We were extremely late getting here last night."
Before the conversation could continue, Mr. Crews came in. "It’s time to get started."
Howie’s parents went back to their seats after offering their condolences to Mr. Taylor and promising to join the family at the house later.
As the service began, Howie looked down at Sarah who had her head tucked. He squeezed her hand and she looked up into his soft brown eyes. ‘So much strength and love,’ she thought. ‘If I can’t get through, I know he’s there.’
Howie put his free hand over his heart and winked at her. Through the tears, Sarah smiled to acknowledge him and she mouthed ‘I love you’ to him.
Five minutes into the service, it was time for Howie to sing. It didn’t surprise Sarah in the least when Nick, Brian, and Kevin joined him. Kevin sat down at the piano and began to play softly. The four men’s voices joined together in perfect harmony filling the church with a beauty that only they could provide. Sarah reached over for Becca’s hand as they watched them, pride in their hearts and tears in their eyes.
The service was to end with Sarah singing ‘The Perfect Fan’ and when it was time, Howie looked at her. He whispered, "You can do it, Angel."
Sarah moved to the front to stand beside her mother’s casket and then looked at Brian. He began the music and Sarah began to sing. Her voice carried through the church as she sang the words…the words that told exactly how she and her brothers felt about their mother. But she wasn’t to get through the song alone. Halfway through, Sarah’s emotions took over and she stopped. Howie looked at her seeing the tears starting to fall once again and he knew she wasn’t going to get through. Before he could get up though, Becca was beside Sarah, joining hands and the together, the two women finished the song for the woman they BOTH called ‘Mom’.
Sitting back down, all the emotions that Sarah had kept locked away from the rest of the family, except Howie, came spilling out. Howie took her in his arms as her whole body shook. Becca placed a hand on her back rubbing gently and Kevin reached across to stroke her hair. They sat like this as the minister said a final prayer and then it was time for them to leave
Kevin leaned over and whispered, "D, do you need help?"
Howie shook his head and said quietly, "No…just give her a minute."
Mr. Taylor leaned to them, "Babygirl?"
Sarah looked up. "I…Howie…please?"
"Sarah, you need to get up so we can leave," said Becca. "Come on. Lean on Howie and I’ll be right beside you."
Howie looked at her, the question in his eyes. She nodded her head and the two stood with the rest of the family. Howie circled her waist with his arm and she leaned on him, her head resting on his shoulder. Becca held her hand as they walked from the church with Nick behind her.
Outside, before they could reach the car, Sarah started to collapse. Howie scooped her up and carried her to the car followed by the rest of the group.
Nick got the door for them and Howie set her down easily. He brushed her hair back and asked, "Angel, what happened?"
Weakly, Sarah answered, "I got dizzy….oh, god…Howie…I have to…." But before she could get it out, Sarah was scrambling out of the car to throw up.
The others were growing concerned for Sarah. She obviously wasn’t over the ‘flu’ and now with her mother’s funeral, she was looking worse. Howie held on to her as she continued to get sick while Becca went back into the church to get a rag to help get her cleaned up. When she was done, Howie helped her back into the car and Becca got in on the other side where she started to wash Sarah’s face off.
"Sarah, are you okay now? You look so pale."
"I don’t think I can throw up any more," groaned Sarah as she closed her eyes. Howie was still beside her as the others were kneeling at the doors.
"Are you going to be able to make it through the graveside service?" asked Kevin.
"I guess. I can’t leave now."
Howie whispered, "I’m sure your dad would understand, Angel. If you’re sick, there’s no sense in pushing it."
Sarah looked into his eyes. "God…make it stop, D. Make the pain go away," she whimpered.
"I would if I could, Angel. You know that," he answered holding her hands to his lips. "I’d do ANYTHING to make it better for you."
Mark and Mr. Taylor came to the car and Mr. Taylor asked, "Is Sarah okay?"
"She will be. Just the ‘flu’," said Kevin.
"Sarah?"
"Yeah, Daddy…I’ll be okay."
"It’s time to head to the graveside," said Mark. "Sarah, do you need anything?"
"No…. I’m okay."
Nick got in on the other side and Howie closed the door behind him as the others headed to their cars.
Nick looked at Sarah and said, "If it makes you feel any better, you sounded wonderful when you sang."
Sarah smiled weakly, "Thanks, Nicky! Bec…thank you."
"Hey…do NOT mention it again. It’s the least I could do."
At the cemetery, which was on the family farm, Howie asked, "Nick, Bec…think you two could give us a minute alone before we head up?"
"No problem, D," said Nick. "Come on, Bec."
Becca looked at Sarah who was still extremely pale and said, "Sarah, don’t overdo it."
"I won’t. Besides, Howie’s NOT gonna let me."
Nick and Becca got out closing the door and Sarah leaned into Howie. Howie kissed her lightly and asked, "Sarah, I know you’ve been asked a hundred times but…are you REALLY okay?"
Sarah had stopped crying but now that she was alone with Howie, she couldn’t hold back. "No…Howie, I just want this to all be over with."
Pulling her to him, he held her tight as he stroked her hair. "It’s almost over, Angel. I promise, I’m not gonna leave your side. And as soon as it’s over, we’ll go back to the house and you can go hide in your room."
"I can’t hide. There will be family there and your parents and…"
"Sarah, I don’t think anyone will mind. And if they do, they’ll have to take it up with me."
Sarah laughed at that. "Protective much?"
Howie loved to see her smile and said, "Yes! Are you ready now?"
"No, but the longer I sit here, the longer it’ll take to be over with."
The couple emerged from the car and joined the rest of the family. True to his word, Howie didn’t leave her side. The whole time, he kept a tight hold on Sarah’s waist as they were walking and when they sat down finally, he held her hand.
As the minister finished the service, the pallbearers each placed their
carnations on the casket and Sarah leaned to Howie, "Did you get it?"
Turning to Kevin, Howie reached for the bouquet of daisies. He gave them to Sarah and together, they moved to Mrs. Taylor’s casket. Talking softly, Sarah said, "Good-bye, Mama."
They placed the flowers on the casket and Howie took Sarah in his arms where he held her for several minutes. Then they went to join the family who was now moving back to the cars.
Howie spotted his parents once more in the crowd and wanted to go talk to them but he knew Sarah needed to get back to the car. "Angel, let Kevin help you to the car."
Sarah looked at him scared, "You promised not to leave me."
"I want to go catch Mama and Daddy before they leave...make sure they
follow us."
"Oh…okay."
"Kev…help Sarah back to the car, please."
"No problem, D."
The two men traded off and Howie went over to talk to his parents as Kevin led Sarah to the car. Sarah wasn’t ready to get back in just yet so she leaned against the car with Kevin beside her. He put his arm around her shoulder as they stood side by side and she rested her head in the crook of his arm.
"What’s going on with you, baby? Is there something you aren’t telling us?"
"What do you mean, ‘Boo’?"
"You’ve been REALLY sick for the last few weeks."
"I just can’t shake this bug…that’s all. I told Howie I’d go to the doctor when we get back to Orlando so stop worrying."
Becca and Nick heard the exchange and Becca said, "You keep telling everyone not to worry but you know better."
"Yeah. But believe me, Howie’s doing enough for EVERYONE!! Seriously, all I need is some rest and Howie’s promised to take me on our honeymoon so I’m sure I’ll be able to rest then."
Without AJ around to make the wisecracks, Nick felt an obligation to take his place, "I thought you said you were gonna rest…going on a honeymoon is ONLY gonna make matters worse."
"How do you figure?" asked Kevin.
"Cuz Howie’s gonna wanna do it ALL NIGHT AND ALL DAY!"
Sarah smirked, "Becca…do SOMETHING with your husband…ANYTHING!!"
That caused everyone to laugh and then Howie returned, "Okay….let’s head back to the house. Mama and Daddy know how to get there."