Part 149
As she talked the band through the change-up, Sarah saw Howie off to the side glaring at her and she knew he was pissed. She had his attention now for sure…she just hoped it wasn’t going to backfire on her as far as the show went. She had worked too damn long and hard to screw this up and she knew he was right…this WAS her break.
Sarah was pumped from the performance and she practically bounced off the stage. Her dream of performing was coming true and she wanted to share it with the one she loved the most in her life, the one who had made it all possible. There was one small problem…THAT person was pissed off at her for changing the set and when she saw him, she knew there would be hell to pay. Rather than letting Howie’s anger damping her excitement, she did the next best thing. Seeing Nick standing there with Aaron and Becca, she threw her arms around him.
"OH MY GOD! NICK! WHAT A RUSH!" Sarah squealed as he picked her up in a bear hug.
Nick was excited for her beyond belief but he knew Howie was pissed about the supposed glitch and he was hesitant to say too much. He did manage to laugh and say, "Now you know how I feel when I go on stage…it’s almost better than sex!"
Becca smirked, "Almost….good cover, Carter."
Sarah ignored Becca but she also noticed that Nick’s excitement was somewhat tempered. As he set her down, Sarah glanced at Howie as he leaned against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest. She knew Howie’s mood was why Nick was so subdued. "I’ve gotta go call Kevin," said Sarah still excited.
Coolly, Howie said, "THAT can wait. We need to talk."
Trying hard not to start the inevitable argument in front of everyone, Sarah said, "I made a promise that I intend to keep…unlike you."
"What’s THAT suppose to mean?" asked Howie angrily as he stood up.
"You figure it out," shot Sarah as she walked away.
Howie started to go after her but Nick grabbed his arm to stop him. "Give her a few minutes to talk to Kevin. She’ll tell him and he’ll make her see she was wrong."
In Sarah’s defense, Becca asked, "What did she do that was so wrong? She had them eating out of her hand."
Nick said, "Remember when she talked the band through the intro?"
"Yeah, so. They aren’t use to working with her."
Howie said angrily, "They didn’t screw up. Sarah changed the play list on
them!"
"Was she so wrong to do it though? You BOTH saw the reaction to her."
"It could have been better though. I had the songs set to go a certain way…to flow and she should have left it alone. She should have trusted my experience," said Howie.
Becca knew her best friend better than anyone, except for maybe Howie, and
she said softly. "I expect Sarah had a reason for changing it. In case you
missed the look in her eyes earlier today, she was hurt by something one of us
did or said. I’m not sure but if I had to lay a bet, I’d say it was you,
Howie."
Howie looked stunned. "Me? So you’re saying she changed it to get even
with me for something I did?"
"More like to get your attention."
"But she’s GOT my attention…for the last two years, she’s had my
attention."
"Does she? Think about your actions today, Howie. Look, I know Sarah fairly
well and she isn’t stupid. She’s tired and hormonal, thus not thinking
straight. Have you given her the kind of attention that she’s accustomed to
from you?"
The part about Sarah being hormonal wasn’t a surprise to Howie. He had known
that but for her to do something like change the play list when she knew it
could cost her was beyond his comprehension. Sarah was usually level headed when
it came to business and this was business. He looked towards Sarah’s dressing
room and said, "Thanks, Bec."
Meanwhile, Sarah was in the dressing room on the phone with Kevin. She told him everything and he listened patiently. When she was done, he said gently, "Baby, what you did with the set was stupid! Howie and I worked that out to make sure it went smoothly and you made the band look bad! The rest of it is just because you’re tired. Take a deep breath and relax."
"Kevin, why is Howie being like this…so damn driven?"
"Baby, Howie’s ALWAYS like that, especially when it comes to music and YOU ARE too. That’s why you two are so good together. Right now, you’re tired. When Howie comes back there, apologize for what you did."
Howie came in and closed the door gently behind him, a stark contrast to how he REALLY felt. Despite Becca’s attempts to calm him down, he was still extremely angry that one, Sarah had changed the set, and two, that she had possibly done it in anger.
Sarah looked up at him and said, "Kevin, I’ve gotta go. Howie’s here."
"Let me talk to him."
Sarah handed the phone to Howie, "Kevin wants to talk to you."
Howie took the phone and said, "Kevin, now isn’t a good time."
"D, I’m not gonna keep you. I just want you to LISTEN to Sarah. Don’t
loose your cool until you’ve heard her out. She had a reason…not a good one,
but still a reason."
"I’m SURE she did but I don’t need you telling me how to handle my
wife. I’ll talk to you later," and he hung up. Looking at Sarah, he said,
"We spent three days, Sarah, getting you prepared for tonight…to make
YOUR dreams come true. I had the songs set perfectly. Why change them?"
Sarah could tell Howie was using every bit of self-control he had to keep it together and she didn’t want to do anything to make him lose it. She hesitated in answering him and it prompted him to continue.
"I’ve been doing this for eight years, Sarah. I know what I’m doing. If you want a career in music, you HAVE TO trust me."
Sarah looked up at him as the tears formed. "I do trust you, Howie," she said meekly. "I changed them to get your attention."
"Why the hell did you feel you needed to get my attention?" asked
Howie, his voice rising slightly. "You’ve had my UNDIVIDED attention for
two years."
Sarah really didn’t want to go down this road because she knew it was just jealousy so she shifted gears. Taking a deep breath, she shot, "You aren’t my damn manager, Howie. You’re my husband and its a marriage license…not a contract to tell me what to do."
"What’s THAT suppose to mean? And while you’re at it, what the hell
did you mean by me breaking a promise? What damn promise?"
"You aren’t my manager and YOU CAN NOT TELL ME WHAT TO DO! As for the
broken promise…YOU promised me you wouldn’t be dominating or controlling and
yet…THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU’VE BEEN DOING FOR THE LAST THREE DAYS."
"How the hell do you figure THAT?"
"Well, gee…Nick calls and asks YOU if I could do this and you didn’t bother to ask me…you just said I would do it. Then you’ve pushed me for the last three days to get it BEYOND PERFECTION! If THAT isn’t controlling, I don’t know what is."
"Damnit, Sarah!! I was TRYING TO HELP you realize your dream."
Sarah was slowly loosing what little control she had and as she began to speak again, her voice was trembling. "Can’t you see…YOU are my dream, Howie. If I don’t have you…the music means NOTHING."
"Sarah…you have me!" said Howie irritably.
"Do I?"
"Now what do you mean?" asked Howie throwing up his hands in frustration.
"We gave up our honeymoon…AGAIN…for this. You NEVER tell me I’m beautiful or that pregnancy suits me. You don’t care that I can barely keep down a piece of toast but it’s just WONDERFUL that Becca craves a salad for breakfast," sobbed Sarah as she lost control of her emotions.
‘Here it goes…the REAL reason,’ thought Howie.
"I have busted my ass for the last three days and NOT once have you rubbed my back for me…Kevin had to do it…but today, Becca seems tired and what do you do, you rub her shoulders for her, laughing about god only knows what…probably what a DAMN IDIOT I am. She faints and YOU are the first one to her, holding her like she’s pregnant with YOUR child. All five of you fall all over yourselves to make sure SHE is okay when a reporter gets out of line and you leave ME to face them. God…SHE got a special scripted interview with Carson about the wedding but what do I get…NOT A DAMN THING! I get to answer the damn questions and PRAY that I don’t say anything wrong or god forbid, they ask ME something personal. I’m the one who takes the heat for the girlfriends when it comes press time and heaven forbid I show one sign of caving in because the FIRST FUCKING question ALL SIX of you ask is ‘Are you making yourself sick?’. No…it’s poor, helpless, defenseless Rebecca who has the five of you riding to her defense. And god forbid I say something about how I might be feeling that might UPSET her. It’s MY fault! DAMN….I get raped and I have to worry about how SHE will react to AJ hitting on her. MY MOTHER dies and I have to worry about how SHE will react. I lose MY BABY and I have to worry about how SHE is gonna deal with the press. God…I wish I’d NEVER introduced her to Nick…or gone to bring her back. I HATE her for marrying Nick…for getting pregnant…for fucking up MY life! I HATE…"
Sarah didn’t finish because she had to throw up. Howie followed her into the bathroom grabbing a wash cloth as he went to wash her face with when she was done. He held her hair back and when he could, he got the cloth damp to hold on her forehead as she continued to get sick. It went on for what seemed like forever and Howie began to get worried. There was no way this could be good for her or the babies.
Finally, Sarah leaned back into his arms, pale and exhausted, and he hugged her tight. Softly, he asked, "Better?"
As the sobs began to rack her body once more, she cried, "OH GOD…NO! Please, Howie…don’t leave me!"
Howie rocked her gently, stroking her hair and talking softly, "Shhh…Angel, I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere any time soon."
Sarah continued to cry as Howie held on to her. She clutched at his arms trying to pull him tighter to her.
When he thought she had calmed down some, Howie said tenderly, "Angel, let me take you back to the hotel."
Sarah looked up at him through the streaked makeup and tears, "Are you still angry?"
Howie smiled, "Not really. I think we need to talk though. Come on."
Howie got up and helped Sarah up but as she did, a sharp pain went through her stomach and she doubled over crying out in pain.
"What’s wrong, Sarah?" asked Howie panicked.
"It hurts," she whimpered. "Oh god…it hurts."
Howie scooped her up in his arms and carried her to the couch where he set her down gently. "Where, Angel?"
Sarah put her hands on her stomach and Howie’s heart sank. She was holding her lower abdomen and he could tell she was still hurting. "I’m going to get Raoul and we’re going to the emergency room."
Sarah wasn’t up for arguing with him anymore and she whispered, "Please…don’t leave me."
"I just need to get Raoul, Sarah," he said reassuringly. He kissed her tenderly and went to get Raoul. He told him to let Billy know that they were leaving and then to get the car. When he returned, Sarah was even paler than before and Howie suddenly became scared. This was too much like that Halloween for his comfort. He sat down beside Sarah taking her hand in his and brushing her hair back. "Sarah…god…I’m sorry. This is my fault."
The tears were streaming down her cheeks but she managed to smile softly, putting her hand on the side of his face. "No, D….it’s not! No one is to blame, baby! I’m gonna be okay."
Howie’s own tears began to fall. "Sarah, you could be…god, this isn’t
happening to us again. Please, Angel…I’ll never forgive myself if you lose
the babies!"
Sarah pulled him to her and leaned her forehead against his. "Shhh….D…I’m
not losing the babies…"
Raoul came in. "The car is here, D."
Howie asked, "Can you walk?"
Raoul didn’t give Sarah a chance to answer realizing that something was terribly wrong. He moved to her, picked her up easily, and started for the door. Howie moved quickly to it and the three headed to the waiting car.
The ride to the emergency room was quiet. Howie held Sarah close to him praying silently that she was okay as Sarah held on to his arms. She was exhausted, physically and emotionally, and just did not have the strength to face the fact that she could very well be losing the babies.