Part 174

Sarah sat thumbing through the files Howie had given her the day before. It was the day before they were to fly to LA and then resume the tour and they still didn’t have a nanny for Jesse. Howie had contacted THE most reputable nanny service in the Orlando area and they’d sent him a pile of files to look through. He’d already gone through them picking out the ones he thought were good and then giving them to Sarah to make the final decision. Now, sitting in the office at the Youth Center with all the interviews complete, Sarah was totally frustrated. It wasn’t a matter of them being worthy. No, every last one of them had impeccable references. It was just that NONE of them suited her.

Howie knocked on the door as he came in, "Hey, Angel. Ready to go?"

"I guess," she sighed putting the last file on her desk and taking off her glasses.

Seeing the pile of files, Howie asked, "So, who’d you hire?"

"No one."

Shocked, Howie leaned against the edge of her desk watching her and asked, "Why not?"

"None of them were right."

"Sarah…they all had OUTSTANDING resumes and references. What was the problem that you couldn’t find ONE?"

Taking his hand in hers and playing with his wedding band, Sarah scowled, "I didn’t like any of them."

"Damnit, Sarah! We leave in the morning and we need a nanny for Jesse."

"We don’t HAVE to have one. I could be a GOOD mother and take care of her myself…like OUR mothers did for us."

"You are a good mother, Angel, and sure, our mothers did a GREAT job with us but you aren’t them. You have a lifestyle that isn’t exactly child-friendly. Jesse can’t go to ALL the functions and parties that we’re expected to attend."

"I just won’t go then."

"Damn! You’re STUBBORN! What about when you perform?"

"You can watch her."

Howie shook his head, "Sarah, why are you being like this? I’d have hired ANY one of the ladies I left for you."

"I’m not going to have just anybody taking care of my daughter, Howard," scowled Sarah.

"She’s MY daughter too, Sarah…and STOP calling me Howard. You aren’t THAT mad at me!" Then almost hesitantly, he asked, "Are you?"

Sarah stood up and leaned against him putting her arms around him. "No, I’m not mad at you….just frustrated. None of them ‘clicked’ for me. I’m sorry, D. I know we need to find someone but…"

"It’s okay, Angel. Why don’t we look at the ones you sorta liked? Have Jesse meet them. If SHE likes them, isn’t that what’s important?"

"I guess. God…I never had to deal with all this before. When I was in school and she was born, Mama kept her."

"I know, Angel, but we’ll find someone. You know, Jesse’s my daughter too and I don’t want just anybody taking care of her either."

Sarah saw the hurt look in Howie’s eyes as she brushed his hair back. "I know, D…and I’m sorry."

"Come on, let’s look through the files again…together…and see if we can find someone," said Howie as he reached for the files.

"NOW? I’m tired, D, and I still have to get Jesse’s stuff packed and the bus ready."

"It’s done, Angel. All of Jesse’s clothes are packed and the stuff she wants to take with her on the road is already on the bus."

Sarah was amazed, "You’ve been busy!"

"Chelsea and Angie gave me a hand."

As if struck by lightening, Sarah lit up. "THAT’S IT, Howie!"

"What’s it?"

"Chelsea."

"What about her?"

"She said she wants to take a year off, travel, see the country. She can travel with us and make some money at the same time."

"That depends on Angie and Chelsea. We can ask."

"Please, D! I don’t want some stranger watching Jesse."

Howie made the call to his niece and sister as Sarah stood between his legs playing with his hair. She could tell by his end of the conversation that everyone was in agreement with the arrangement but there seemed to be a problem.

Hanging up, Sarah asked, "Well?"

"Chelsea will join us in Houston. Sarah, this is temporary. There are still the twins to consider. We’re gonna HAVE to have a nanny full-time eventually."

"When the time comes, I’ll deal with that, but right now, I don’t have time to get to know someone enough to trust them with my baby. We’ll be home when the twins are born and I’ll be able to spend time getting to know whoever we hire."

Jesse came bounding into the office and squealed with joy when she saw Sarah. "MAMA!"

Sarah laughed as she picked her daughter up. "Have you had fun with Daddy today?"

"He let me play on his bus and pick my own bed and took me to see Uncle Nicky and Uncle Brian and MeMe…."

"Meme?" asked Sarah.

"My mother. That’s what she wanted Jess to call her."

Jesse continued bubbling with excitement about what she’d done with Howie during the day as Howie gathered Sarah’s things for her.

Ready to go, the couple, holding hands, followed Jesse across the gym and out to the truck. They were headed home for a quiet dinner as a family and a peaceful evening before heading back into the insanity that was their life most of the time.

*********

Tucking Jesse into bed that night, Sarah noticed a tear on Jesse’s cheek as she petted ‘Millenium’. "Baby, what’s wrong?"

"Who’s gonna take care of ‘M’ while we’re gone?"

Jesse called the cat ‘M’ because she had a tough time pronouncing ‘Millenium’ and she’d grown VERY attached to the cat in the short time. Sarah wiped the tears away and said, "Uncle John will come by and feed ‘M’ and ‘Oscar’ for us."

"But won’t they be lonely?"

"They have each other, baby."

That seemed to satisfy Jesse but as Sarah started to get up, Jesse asked, "Mama, why does Daddy have a guardbody?"

Sarah laughed, "It’s bodyguard, Jesse, and its for protection from his fans."

"Why?"

Sarah sighed as she sat back down. She brushed Jesse’s hair back and said, "Jess, Daddy makes music for people everywhere. You’ve seen him in concert and those people, mostly girls, really love him and sometimes they get overly excited."

"Do they love him like I love him?"

"They think so but no. What you and I feel for Daddy is for the man he REALLY is…not who he seems to be."

Jesse frowned. "I don’t understand."

"Those girls…his fans…they only know Daddy on stage, singing and dancing, or for the couple of minutes he stops to speak to them. That’s what they love. They don’t know Daddy like we do…the one who constantly worries about his hair, or snores and talks in his sleep…" Jesse giggled at that…"or shops at Wal-Mart to buy cherry flavored popsicles…or gets mad because I use his razor to shave my legs. They love the man they THINK he is."

"Then why the bodyguard if they love him?"

"Because sometimes, in their excitement to see him or be near him, they get carried away and could hurt him. It’s not intentional but it happens. You know, you and I have a bodyguard too."

"We do?"

"Yeah…his name is Raoul and he’s REALLY sweet. You’ll get to meet him in LA. Now, you need to get some sleep. Our plane leaves really early in the morning."

"Mama, why are we going to LA and what is LA?"

Sarah caught on to what Jesse was doing and said sternly, "Jessica Paige…it’s time to go to sleep. Now close your eyes and go to sleep."

"But I want Daddy to tuck me in," whined Jesse.

Howie had been listening at the doorway and spoke up, "Angel, go on and I’ll take it from here."

Sarah kissed Jesse goodnight and left the two. She stood outside the door to listen and heard Jesse start to ask a question but he quickly quieted her with a lullaby. Softly he sang to her as Sarah looked in and Jesse slipped into dreamland. Howie kissed her on the forehead and eased out of the room.

At the door, Sarah put her arms around him and kissed him. "Thank you, Daddy."

"You’re welcome. Now, come on. Mama needs some extra attention now."

"Ummm…I AM tired," she sighed as he turned her around and guided her to the balcony.

Settling onto a lounge chair together, Howie began to rub Sarah’s shoulders. As he began to feel her relax, he eased his way down her back and wrapped his arms around her waist pulling her back to lean against his chest. Gently, he caressed her stomach and began to sing…."Don't pretend you're sorry / I know you're not / You know you got the power / To make me weak inside / Girl you leave me breathless / But it's okay 'cause / You are my survival / Now hear me say / I can't imagine life / Without your love / Even forever don't seem / Like long enough…"

Before he knew it, Sarah was asleep. Contentedly, Howie held her like that for quite some time thinking about the changes in their lives in the last few days…not to mention the last few months. There wasn’t a single thing he wanted to change, not even the heartache. In the end, it had all been what brought Sarah to him and strengthened their relationship. They had withstood more than their share of hard times but the bond that they had was strong…the bond of a marriage that lasts a lifetime, like his parents. It was time to forget the past and move ahead with their future. And that future was bright with Jesse, the twins, their friends, their music, and each other. Howie looked down at his sleeping wife in his arms hugging her close. She was his life…the angel of his dreams.

Part 175        The Dance Index(2)