Part 176

Sitting alone with Sarah while Howie went to check on Jesse, AJ asked, "Sarah, you told me once that you had tried drugs before. When?"

Sarah sighed and looked up at him. "It was when I was with Russell and I didn’t ‘try’ them voluntarily. We told you about how he would tie me to the bed and then force himself on me?"

"Yeah."

"Well, he’d also shoot me up with cocaine, heroine, speed…whatever he was moving that week. I was hooked and I had to depend on him for my fix. He had me so strung out it wasn’t even funny."

"How did you get off the drugs?"

"When Chrissy hit me, she nearly killed me. Well, when they took me to the hospital, they found the tracks under my fingernails and my toenails and they did a drug test on me. After I was out of ICU, I went through DTs….BAD. God…Alex, it was horrible. I can remember the feeling of spiders and ants and all sorts of bugs crawling all over me but they weren’t there. They would have to sedate me to get me through it."

"Does Howie know all this?"

"Yeah, Howie knows everything about what happened with Russell. I owed it to him after what I did to Russell."

"You mean killing him?"

"Yeah. I mean, if Howie was gonna know and be an accessory, he deserved to know where I was coming from. Anyway, I’ve been clean ever since."

AJ tucked his head and thought about what Sarah had said. Quietly, he asked, "Did you go through the NA bit?"

"Yeah, I did. I still go from time to time to local meetings to meet the new people. It was another reason for me not giving up on you, Alex. I knew where you were and what you were going through."

"Can I ask a favor?"

"Sure."

"I have a sponsor…but with our schedule on the road….well, uh…Sarah, would you be my sponsor?"

Sarah smiled as she took his hand in hers. "I’d be honored, Alex."

AJ leaned over and gave her a kiss. "Thanks, baby. Does anyone else know about the drugs?"

"No…it wasn’t something I wanted to share with them."

"Can I ask you another question?"

"Sure."

"Because of what Russell did to you, is that why you don’t like taking any kind of medicines?"

"Yeah….it is. I’m terrified of needles too. I just hope that I don’t have to end up having a c-section to have these twins. God…I’m not sure Howie is gonna be able to hold me still for them to put the IV in me much less if they have to give me an epidural."

Alex put his arm around her and pulled her close. "You’ll get through it, Sarah."

"Thanks, Alex. You know something, I’m really proud of you. You’ve really turned your life around."

"I had A LOT of good friends supporting me."

Sarah yawned, "Yeah, we do have a good circle, don’t we?"

"The best, baby," whispered AJ. "Why don’t you go on to bed? I’ll see you in the morning."

"’Nite, J…"

AJ gave her a kiss and then watched as she headed upstairs.

*******************

Sarah woke suddenly in a cold sweat. She could feel Howie’s arm across her, his breath on her neck. ‘God…I was dreaming about….GOD….NO,’ she thought as she shuddered.

Sleepily, Howie asked, "Are you okay, Angel?"

Pulling his arm tighter, Sarah said, "I am now."

Howie rolled her to face him and brushed her cheek, "Was it good?"

Sarah turned red as she buried her face in his chest groaning, "Oh god….you ALWAYS know!"

Howie laughed softly, "Was it me?"

Without looking at him, she mumbled, "No!"

"Kevin?"

Sarah shook her head ‘no’.

"Bone?"

Again no.

"Brian?"

"It was NICK..OKAY! Are you happy?" growled Sarah.

Howie rolled on his back laughing hysterically. "OH GOD! SARAH….NOT NICK!"

Sarah tried to slap him as she pouted. "STOP IT!"

Howie took her in his arms pulling her on top of him. "Angel! Why didn’t you tell me? I could have set you up with him instead of Kevin and AJ," teased Howie.

"Stop it, D!" said Sarah again burying her face in his chest.

"Caving in to the Carter Charm," laughed Howie. "And what’s Bec gonna say?"

Sarah tried to get away from Howie, "You’re MEAN!"

Still laughing, Howie grabbed her by the waist as she tried to get up. He pulled her back down and lay on top of her brushing her hair back. To his surprise, there were tears in Sarah’s eyes, which stopped his laughter. "Oh, Angel! I’m just playing with you."

"It’s NOT funny! I love YOU and I HATE having dreams like that."

"Sweetheart…it’s okay. I know you love me. It was JUST a dream."

"Doesn’t it bother you though…that I dream about other guys? YOUR FRIENDS?"

"Do you get jealous of other women?"

"No…there’s no need to."

"Okay. I have no reason to be worried either. As long as you don’t need to act on your dreams, I’m fine with it."

"With you…YES…them…NO!"

Howie kissed away the tears. "That’s what’s important, Angel."

"Thank you, D," whispered Sarah as she placed kisses along his chest. "D…"

"Hmmm…." He moaned as he bestowed tiny kisses on her cheeks, her nose, her ears, and her lips.

"Make love to me."

"My pleasure, Angel," he whispered.

Howie took his time, slowly unbuttoning his shirt that she wore placing a kiss on each newly exposed piece of skin until he had reached her stomach. With his hands, he pushed the shirt off exposing her breasts and stomach.

"God, you are so beautiful," he said adoringly.

With her finger, Sarah traced his lips as he kissed it. From his lips, she trailed it down his chin to his chest circling his nipples and down to his belly button. She then placed both hands on his hips, slid them in the waistband of his boxers and pushed them down.

Howie helped her get them completely off and then positioned himself between her legs, the head of his penis just on the edge of her wet folds. With his hand, he slowly caressed her cheek, moving down her neck. "You’re so soft," he cooed, continuing to travel her body with his hand. He barely touched her causing goose bumps to pop up and her nipples to harden. He bent his head to bestow each aroused point with a kiss.

Sarah watched him, seeing the love in his eyes, felling it in his touch. "Sweet D…MY Sweet D," she whispered as she brushed his hair back.

Howie held his hand up and she put hers against it. They wove their fingers together, folding their entwined hands close to their hearts as he pushed into her ever so slowly, as if he were afraid to hurt her. She closed her eyes feeling him fill her, arching to meet him.

He stroked in and out slowly as he lowered his lips to kiss her. His tongue mirrored the methodical strokes of his penis. They moved together making tender love, reveling in the feeling of being one, united in a powerful love.

Afterwards, the two lay spooned together, Howie resting one hand on her stomach, the other caressing her breast. He whispered, "I’m sorry for making you cry."

"It’s okay…now. Do me a favor?"

"What’s that?"

"Do NOT tell Nick I had a dream about him. I’ll NEVER live it down."

Howie laughed, "Hmmm…. blackmail material."

"OH…you wouldn’t dare?"

"No," he answered quickly. "I don’t think I can handle hearing the grief I’d get from him if I did."

"Howie, I really do love you."

He kissed her on the neck. "I know, Sarah. Go back to sleep now. We’ve got a couple more hours before the alarm gets up."

Sarah laughed knowing exactly what Howie meant. "We need to put our clothes back on."

Quickly, the two dressed then rejoined each other. This time, Sarah lay with her head on Howie’s shoulder. Closing her eyes, she listened to the sounds he made as he quickly dropped off to sleep. She looked up at him and smiled.

"My knight in shining armor," she whispered. Reaching up to kiss him lightly, she said, "Sleep tight."

Part 177        The Dance Index(2)