Part 268
"Ain't no party like a Backstreet Party!"
The door to Becca's room burst open as Alex, Brian and Kevin all fought to be the first through the door.
"You guys are nuts!" Becca laughed. "You should be at the venue for sound checks."
"Baby, if they don't know what we sound like after the last two nights, then they don't need to be working for us," Alex said.
"Besides," Kevin said, "we wanted to come by and see you before we take off tomorrow."
"We won't be around tonight after the show, we're gonna hang with Julie and Lynne. They've promised us a tour of the Toronto night life," Brian grinned.
Becca laughed as Sarah said, "There'll be no living with those two after this!"
"Nick, you coming too?" Alex asked.
"Nah, I'll pass," he said, lacing his fingers through Becca's. Nothing was going to pry him away from her tonight, not when it would be a week before he saw her again.
"Told you," Brian said, elbowing Alex.
"Hey, I had to be polite and ask, all right?"
"Yeah, Bone, you're Mr. Etiquette now," Nick snorted.
"Damn, give him a kid and he gets all proper on us," Alex retorted, holding up his pinky finger and looking over the top of his sunglasses.
"Nick, you can go if you want," Becca said. "You need to relax."
"No way, Bec. I'm staying with you tonight. These clowns can keep me entertained all next week while we're on the road."
With a perfectly straight face Kevin said, "Rok, you have the schedule ready don't you?"
"Yup, sure do," he answered. "Let's see … Monday night we have a room booked at that new strip club, then Tuesday is quarter beer night at the little Irish pub, Wednesday … I forget. Bone, what's on for Wednesday night?"
"Wednesday? Oh yeah. That private meet and greet for the Home for Wayward Girls."
Howie sat and shook his head as Becca and Sarah smothered their giggles. The look on Nick's face was a mixture of disbelief and disgust.
"You guys suck, you know that?" he said, shaking his head.
"Whoa, whoa!" Alex held up a hand. "No one said anything about that shit. No WAY I'm getting kinky with you guys on the bus."
They were all wiping away tears of laughter when Brian's cell phone rang.
"Yo, B-Rok here!" he said, covering his ears to block out the noise. "Hang on, I can't hear you." He called out, "Guys, knock it off, I can't hear."
"Is that Sonja? Let me talk to her!" Becca said, waving for the phone.
"No, it's – wait a sec – it's Jeanine from Jive." Brian frowned as he listened and the others fell silent.
Everyone there watched Brian's frown turn to a soft smile and then again to sadness as he closed his eyes and sighed. They all could feel that something had happened, and it was unsettling.
Kevin laid his hand on Brian's shoulder only to be waved off.
"Sure," he said quietly, "I'll let the others know, they're all here. Becca? She's fine," he smiled, glancing toward Becca and Nick. "Yeah, Sarah, too," he said. "Listen, give her our love, Jeanine, and tell her she's in our prayers. Right. Thanks for calling." Brian closed his phone and sat wearily in the chair by Becca's bed.
"Brian?" Sarah asked quietly.
"That was Jeanine," he said, unintentionally repeating himself.
Nick reached over and took his hand. "What's wrong?"
He smiled sadly. "Nothing's wrong." He paused, looking from face to face. "Kellie Lee gave birth yesterday morning in Los Angeles. A little girl, her name is Allison." He looked back at Kevin, tears beginning to run down his face.
The entire room was plunged into silence. Such a bittersweet joy: new life from the ashes of death. A new beginning, a new hope for healing for Kellie and her other daughter, Amanda.
Becca squeezed Nick's hand and their eyes met, both full of tears, both knowing how blessed they were.
Howie pulled Sarah close as tears rolled down their faces, the news bringing back all of the horrors of the past few days. There was no need to speak, each knew what the other was thinking: it could have been Sarah on that flight.
Alex pushed his dark glasses up over his eyes to hide his tears and Kevin pushed his hair back from his face looking lost.
Garrett chose that moment to wake up and his cries jolted everyone from their thoughts. Nick was on his feet in an instant, holding the tiny boy to his chest to comfort him. As he held him, every eye in the room watched, touched by the innocence of a tiny baby, oblivious to the terrors that the world outside held.
Quietly Brian reached for Alex's hand and then reached for Nick's free hand. In seconds they had all formed a circle, holding hands with Becca laying her hand on Nick and Garrett. Brian took a deep breath and began to pray.
"Heavenly Father," he began," thank you. Thank you for friends and family, for our safety in the midst of tragedy. Thank you for babies, the tiny ones that remind us of the purity and innocence that is still out there, proof of your love for us."
Becca began to cry softly as he continued.
"God, send your comforting presence to Kellie and her family in this time of need. Let her see Danny's presence in her baby's laugh and let her know she is loved. We especially ask your comfort here in the days ahead. Be with Becca and Nick while they are apart and bring them safely together again."
Sarah opened her eyes and saw the tears on Nick's face as he held Garrett. Quietly she squeezed Howie and Kevin's hands and moved to take the baby so that Nick could go to Becca.
"Thanks," he whispered, relinquishing Garrett to Sarah and sitting next to Becca, taking her in his arms as she cried.
Brian sighed one last time. "All these things we ask in your holy name. Amen."
There was nothing more that could be said. Kevin caught Alex and Brian's eyes, nodding towards the door. "We'll see you all at the venue. D, Nick, don't be late." As he moved away from Becca he stopped and smiled at her. "You be good Bec, I'll see you next week."
Becca nodded through her tears. "See you soon, Kev."
The door closed with a soft swoosh, leaving the two couples in an emotional silence. There were so many thoughts churning in their minds that none of them knew exactly how to voice them. Nick held Becca close as she tried her best to stop crying, and Sarah stood motionless in the center of the room, the baby cradled close to her breast.
Finally Becca lifted her head and wiped her eyes, looking up at Nick and seeing a mirroring sadness in his eyes. "I love you," she whispered. "It's like I can't say it enough, you just don’t know when it might be the last time."
Hearing what she said, Sarah caught her breath and began to cry again, holding Garrett even tighter.
"Sarah?" Becca whispered.
"Angel, come on," Howie said softly, pulling her close.
"Why?" she asked helplessly. "It's so unfair. I was supposed to be on that plane. And Danny- and now Kellie-" Sarah broke down, sobbing.
Becca struggled to get out of her bed. "Nick, move," she said, pushing at his arm.
"Bec, where are you going?"
"I need to go to her, help me."
"Baby, don't, please?"
Garrett began to cry and Sarah held him even tighter, some unseen instinct wanting to shield and protect him. Howie reached to take him, but Sarah turned away, refusing to relinquish her hold.
"Angel, let me have him, please?"
Sarah never heard him. She was in her own world, remembering the last time she saw Danny and how excited he was to be going home.
"Nick, please," Becca begged, tears running down her face again.
"Stay here," he whispered, standing and going to Sarah. Howie was still trying to take the baby from Sarah when Nick stepped in. "Sarah?" he tried, resting a hand on her shoulder and getting no response. "Sis, come on, let me take him, okay?" He turned her around and for the first time she seemed to realize what she was doing.
She looked down at the crying infant and relaxed her hold. "I'm sorry, Nicky, I'm so sorry." She was mortified.
"It's okay," he said comfortingly. Taking the baby, he handed him to Howie and took Sarah in his arms.
Howie took Garrett to Becca and watched Nick with his wife. Nick wrapped her securely in his embrace as she poured out her grief. Survivor's guilt they called it.
"He's gone," she sobbed. "They're all gone and I'm still here. Why?"
"I don't know, Sarah. None of us can answer that." He rubbed her back as she held onto his waist. "Maybe God had other plans for you. In any case, it's not an answer that you or I can know."
Howie sat on the bed beside Becca and wiped his own tears away. He was so worried for Sarah. This was just one more blow in a long line of things gone wrong, and he was afraid that one day she just wouldn't snap back.
Nick continued. "You know, if you hadn't been here, I don't know how Becca would have made it. She needed you here and so did I, Sarah. If I had lost her-"
"Stop it!" Sarah cried. "You can't know that any more than why I'm here."
"Sarah," Becca spoke up, "we need to get past all this. Nothing we can do will change all that’s happened. But we *can* learn from it and go on. We have to, sis, for the babies." She looked down at her son, sleeping in her arms, and smiled. "We have to teach them how to make a better world, Garret, Jesse, and those babies you're carrying, and Allison. They can learn from us and make this world a better place. But they need their mothers to guide them. THAT'S why you're still here. They need you Sarah. *I* need you."
"I just … I feel like I can't get past this." Sarah leaned against Nick, drained.
"You will, sis, we all will. But it's gonna take time." Nick looked over her head at Howie and some kind of silent signal passed between them.
"Angel, we need to get going soon," Howie said.
"I don't think I can go on tonight, D," Sarah said weakly.
"Sure you can," Nick argued. "You're just tired. Look, I promised Bec I'd rest at the venue and I bet there's room for two on that sofa in the dressing room."
"Um, Nick?" Becca interrupted. "I'm not sure I quite agree with you sleeping with my best friend. There's a lot of things I'll share with Sarah, but you're not one of them."
Sarah laughed against Nick's chest, wiping the tears from her face. "Trust me Bec, you have nothing to worry about."
Howie went to stand behind her and rested his chin on her shoulder as Nick moved away. "Aw c'mon, angel, you've never thought about being with Nick?" he grinned remembering the dream she'd had.
Sarah whipped around, a spark in her eyes. "Howard, do NOT start with me."
"Gotcha," he whispered, a twinkle in his eye. "C'mon, we really do need to get going. Nick, we're gonna head down to the car."
"I'll be right there." He wanted to spend just one more minute with Becca and Garrett, even though he knew there was no delaying the inevitable.
"Baby, you need to go or you'll be late." Becca watched him hesitate and she knew exactly what he was thinking. She smiled her bravest smile. "Come on, gimme a kiss and scoot. Kevin'll have your head if you're late."
Nick smirked. "But Bec, he's so much fun to mess with."
"You're terrible," she laughed, shaking her head. "I'll see you after the show."
Nick sat on the edge of the bed, memorizing what she looked like. Sighing he started to say something, but Becca interrupted him.
"Not now, please?" she whispered. "I promise, we can cry together later. This isn't any easier for me, Nick." She closed her eyes as he reached out to touch her face. "Please, just go."
"Love you," he said, kissing her gently and turning for the door.
He didn't look back, and Becca kept her eyes shut until she heard the door close.
Looking down at Garrett, who was oblivious to it all and sleeping soundly, she sighed. "This is the pits, little guy," she said. "No one warned me about this part, ya know?" Gently she lay him beside her on the bed and stretched out next to him, content to memorize every eyelash and to count his breaths.
Nick let the door close behind him and leaned against the wall. "This sucks," he mumbled to himself, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands. A movement by the elevator caught his eye and he looked over just in time to see Howie catch Sarah as her knees buckled. He started for them, but stopped. Howie seemed to have it under control, and he figured they really needed some time alone. He'd talk to Howie later, but Sarah needed to go back to the hotel tonight. He felt selfish, but he needed this night with Becca and Sarah needed some sleep. He knew she'd had precious little of it in the last four days. He watched the elevator doors close behind them before he pushed the call button for another one, a few more minutes alone would be good for them.