Part 289
Nick was supposed to be sleeping, but for some insane reason his eyes just wouldn't stay closed. He'd tried listening to his personal CD player, which hadn't helped and even a video game couldn't hold his interest. He was restless and uneasy and face it, just plain lonely. He hadn't talked to Becca yet today, but not being around her, he didn't want to wake her up if she was sleeping. This sucked, totally. He sighed forlornly. He was trying to give Howie and Sarah some space, so he couldn't really go talk to them, either. Wait a minute, he could email her again. And maybe she'd read his letter by now? It had only been a little one, but still… And IM, Sarah said that he could instant message her and maybe she was online.
Smiling brightly, he booted up Sarah's laptop and made the connection. IM …. Okay, there. He sighed once more. Becca wasn't online, but Aaron was. He thought about it for a minute before deciding that he really didn't feel like chatting with his brother. Time to check the mail. Yes! A letter from Becca!
He grinned as he read, then his eyes misted as she wrote about him making her cry. He smiled through his tears, Becca was so easy. He chuckled as he wiped away his own tears reading what she'd written.
"I love you, Nick. *kisses fingers and touches the screen* Hold this for me, you can give it back in person, next week."
"We're definitely two of a kind," he said, chuckling to himself. Wait a minute, there was a p.s.
"p.s. I told Sarah NOT to be kissing you goodnight for me, thank you very much. Just keep your lips and everything else away from my best friend, you hear? LOL!!!"
Nick's heart was in his throat when he read this. All of the guilt he'd felt and tried so hard to push aside had just returned, only a hundred times worse. It wasn't his lips he'd needed to worry about, that's for damn sure. Sarah had taken every opportunity to tease him about his 'reaction' to her backstage in Toronto and he'd tried to laugh it off, but it hadn't really worked. After ten minutes more of staring blindly at the screen, he knew what he had to do.
"Hello?"
Nick wasn't expecting Becca to answer the phone, and he was caught completely by surprise.
"Hello?" Becca repeated.
"Bec? Hey, baby, it's me," Nick whispered.
"Nick! Where are you?"
"Beats me, somewhere on the bus between somewhere …"
"What's wrong?"
Damn her, how did she do that? "I just wanted to call. I needed to hear your voice." Liar. Maybe she'd believe it.
Liar, Becca thought. "How was the show last night?" Maybe if she got him talking he'd get to the point of this call.
"Oh. Good. It was good."
"Good." Becca rolled her eyes. Was there a point to this conversation?
"Where's Julie? I thought she was going to be there to take care of you?"
"Nick, I'm perfectly capable of handling myself. She had to go in to work for half a day, she'll be back mid-afternoon. And Lynne is coming over at lunch time."
"Becca, you just had major surgery."
"Nick, here comes the dial tone-"
"Bec! You wouldn't hang up on me!"
"Then talk to me, Nick. Tell me what's wrong and why you really called." Becca settled into the recliner and propped up her feet. "Please? Nick, I just want to help."
Nick sighed and lay back on the bunk. "I … I just…"
"Just tell me, Nick. God, I hate that I can't be there and you're scaring me."
"I shouldn't have called, Bec. I'm sorry."
"Don't you DARE hang up! I knew something was wrong when I talked to you last night."
"Yeah, Bec, I'm really sorry." He couldn't do this. How was he supposed to tell her he'd been turned on by her best friend? That's just not the kind of thing you can casually work into a conversation.
"Nick, just start at the beginning."
Nick sighed and plunged in headfirst. "Something happened in Toronto. I mean, I didn't mean for it to, but it just did and I just feel really bad about it. Bec, you know I love you, and I'd never do anything to mess that up."
"Go on," Becca said quietly. Her hands had began to perspire and her heart felt like it was about to come right out of her chest it was beating so hard. This wasn't good at all.
"It was at the venue that last night." Nick took a deep breath, running his hands through his hair. He was expecting Becca to say something, and when she didn't he began to panic and ramble even more. "Sarah was really tired, remember? And I promised to get some rest too. I- we- It was in one of the dressing rooms. Anyway, I told her I'd stretch out with her. There are always beds and sofas and stuff, you know for the performers to use. They're usually really nice, you know? Soft and comfy and-"
"The point Nick," Becca whispered. "Get to the point."
"I slept with Sarah."
His voice was so soft and so anguished that Becca almost didn't hear him.
Nick waited and there was dead silence on the other end of the line. "Bec?" he said quietly.
"You what?" she asked in a quiet, tightly controlled voice.
"I slept with Sarah." Suddenly he realized how it had sounded. "No! Wait! I mean, I didn't *sleep* with her, I meant we fell asleep together. God, I'd never do that to you, Bec!"
Becca's breath that she'd been holding was released in a rush. "Nick-"
"But, I feel so bad, Bec. I mean we fell asleep and when I woke up, I was holding her just like I hold you, but it wasn't you. And she was having this really weird erotic dream or something and moaning and shit, and she was all pressed up against me. And I-"
Becca tried very hard not to laugh. Oh god, poor Nick. He'd been beating himself up over this for days. "Nick, it's okay."
"No, it's not. It's not okay at all, Bec. I'm not supposed to get a fucking hard on from my wife's best friend." He was pacing the back aisle of the bus now.
"Nick, you were asleep, baby, you couldn't know. It's just your body's way of … of … I dunno, responding to a stimulus. The human body can't always discriminate between a loved one and a stranger, Nick."
"But Bec-"
"Nick, stop it. It's okay, really. Sweetheart, you were asleep. I love you, Nick."
"I love you, too, baby. I'm so sorry and I just wish I was there with you." He wiped his nose and closed his eyes.
"Nicky, you sound exhausted. Have you had any sleep?"
"Well, no, not much," he admitted, leaving out the details of last night's visit to the emergency room.
"How much longer till you get to the next venue?"
Nick looked at his watch. "About an hour, maybe an hour and a half. Why?"
"Here's what I want you to do. Take off your shoes and lie down."
"Bec, I can't sleep, I tried." But he did as she asked anyway.
"That was before True Confessions, Nick. Are you lying down yet?"
"Umm … yeah. Now what?"
"Close your eyes. Just do it, Nick." She could hear him start to protest and beat him to it.
Nick yawned. "Now what?"
"Just listen, and try to go to sleep."
Becca sang softly to him, just the way he'd sung to her so many times. She'd chosen a classical song she'd learned years before, in Italian so the words wouldn't distract him. From just the tone he knew it was a love song and he smiled as her voice began to fade away and as he began to drift to sleep. Just before he was fully out he heard her whisper
"Turn off the phone, Nick. I love you."
His finger groped for the button and he mumbled, "Love you too…" as he fell into a deep sleep.
Becca heard the line disconnect and smiled. He was such a goof, and she loved him to distraction. And she had no doubt how much he loved her, if he didn't he wouldn't have been suffering this much over an indiscretion that didn't even happen. As she sat lost in her thoughts, Garrett began to wail, the phone rang again and the doorbell rang, too.
"Welcome to motherhood," she grumbled wryly, pushing herself to her feet and getting on with her day.