Part 309
A nightmare…a complete and total fucking nightmare. Kevin, Brian, and AJ had banded together in an effort to protect Nick from him, like HE was the bad guy. He was usually the one to keep the peace, not the one causing the turmoil. Even Sarah was upset with him.
Throughout the entire set of interviews, Howie had to force himself to concentrate on the questions being asked while maintaining his normal peaceful demeanor. The look of hurt in Sarah’s eyes as she begged him to open up, the disappointment and betrayal in Becca’s eyes, and the accusatory stares of his ‘brothers’ all haunted him.
Just before the last interview, AJ joined him as he stood alone watching Nick talking to Brian.
"How ya holding up, D?"
"I’ll be okay, Alex…maybe."
"Everything okay with you and Sarah?"
Howie shook his head, "As well as can be expected given I’ve been a complete ass."
AJ grinned, "At least you realize it. What are you gonna do to fix it?"
"I’ll apologize as soon as I can…to Nick and Becca, and Sarah and I are gonna talk later. You know, you were right yesterday."
"About being scared?"
"AJ, I’m terrified of losing Sarah," said Howie as his voice trembled. "How many times does our faith have to be tested?"
"I can’t answer that, D. All I know is you two are meant to be together. There’s no doubt in my mind about that. After all you’ve been through, God keeps bringing you back together. Stop looking for answers to questions that don’t need to be asked and just do what you do best…love your wife and your children. Don’t let go of what you have because I’ll tell you what…from my perspective, you’re the luckiest damn man on this planet….You and Nick BOTH. You’ve both got wives who love you unconditionally and they’ve given you the greatest gift that love has to offer…children. And something else…you and Sarah are so damn connected, it’s scary. Do you know that you were BOTH up at 2 AM doing the exact same thing that night after the planes crashed?"
Howie said softly, trying to control his voice, "Yeah, I know."
"You NEVER gave up believing that a miracle was going to bring her back to you."
"Yeah, I did, AJ…that’s why I’m so damned scared. I started to believe I’d lost her. That night at the concert, in the underworld…."
"No, you didn’t, D, not truly. You let your fear take over, that’s all. Come on, it looks like they’re getting ready to start."
"Alex, thanks."
"No problem."
The last interview seemed to be the longest one he’d ever had to endure. Thoughts of how to fix this mess were now rampant in his mind along with the need to hold Sarah.
As everyone filed out of the conference room, Howie caught Nick by the arm. "Can we talk?"
Nick pulled away as if being touched by a leper or something. He looked at the one person that he’d always thought would stick behind him and understand him…the one person that he looked up to and admired, wanted to be like. His ‘hero’ had fallen from grace in his eyes and now this man who stood before him wanted to talk. He heard himself saying, "Not now."
What was he doing? He knew Howie was trying to apologize but he didn’t want to hear it. Howie had hurt him. Oh, he knew he’s been a pain in the ass and had deserved SOME of Howie’s anger but to flat out accuse him of being a bad father…in front of Becca to boot…that had been devastating.
"Look, Nick…please, just hear me out. I was an ass…."
"You got that right," mumbled Nick.
Howie knew he deserved that. "I want to apologize for the way I treated you this past week. It was uncalled for…"
Cutting Howie off, Nick said, "You know…save it, Howie. I don’t want to hear it now," and he walked away.
Nick might as well have punched Howie in the stomach because that was exactly how he felt. He watched as the younger man walked away and a sinking feeling filled the pit of his stomach.
AJ had heard the exchange and put his arm around Howie. "Hey…give it time. Nick’s still hurting and he’s got Becca and Garrett on his mind."
"I guess you’re right," answered Howie quietly.
"Go hug and kiss on ‘Tigger’ for a little while. That’ll make you feel better. I’ll go up with you."
"No…go on without me. I need to do something for the foundation."
"You sure? I can wait if you want."
"No…go on."
Howie had lied. Right now, all he wanted to do was drown his sorrows and he just couldn’t face Sarah. She had never said it but he knew she expected him to make things right with Nick and he’d failed miserably with THAT.
With everyone gone except Tommy, Howie told him to go on to bed. Alone, he headed to the bar downstairs where he bought himself a bottle of the best tequila. Finding a darkened corner of the bar, he sat down and began to drink.