Part 336
She listened to the sounds of the family as she reached the bottom of the stairs, and for just a second felt a twinge of jealousy. Maybe it was Nick's grief that was affecting her, maybe it was simply postpartum hormones, but she suddenly missed her parents more than she had in a very long time. The extraordinary events of the past two weeks had kept her busy enough to keep her mind off of it, but as she listened to the good-natured bickering between Aaron, Angel and Jane, her eyes filled with tears. She hesitated by the kitchen door, trying to compose herself before joining them.
Just as she was wiping the tears away, Jesse burst through the door. Before she could put on a happy face, her eyes locked with Jane's and she knew the older woman had seen her tears.
"Aaron's taking me swimming!" Jesse exclaimed, her eyes wide with excitement.
"That's great, Jesse," Becca said, with a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. "Your suit is in your bag upstairs."
"I'll help her," Kathy offered, stepping past Jane. "Come on, Jesse."
"I was just coming to get you," Jane smiled to Becca. "My grandson is hungry."
Becca smiled. "There's no French toast left?"
Jane laughed. "He'll be eating that kind of stuff before you know it." She handed the baby to Becca, who held him close, her nose buried in his soft neck. Giving Becca a moment to compose herself, she poured one last cup of coffee. "Is Nick all right?"
Becca sat with Garrett, slipping open the buttons on her blouse and settling him in to nurse. "He's exhausted," she sighed. "That was Brian on the phone earlier. Everyone was going to visit Kellie today and they invited Nick to join them."
"Oh." Jane sighed in understanding. "I'm sure Nick's not dealing well with that, he never was one to cope with loss."
"He's a mess," Becca agreed. "And everything that happened to me, and us being apart for the last week or so…"
"Becca, he'll be all right."
"I'm worried about him," Becca said tearfully, turning her head away.
"Of course, you're worried. You love him." Jane laid her hand on Becca's arm. "But that's not all, is it?"
Becca shook her head. "I miss my mom. I didn't until I saw you and the kids today. I just …"
"You want to be able to share your baby with her. Becca, I'm sorry."
"Don't be, it certainly isn't your fault. My life has changed so much, Jane, and it certainly hasn't turned out anything like I dreamed it would be. All my life I had such a clear picture of how it would be … my wedding, the house with the white picket fence, my first baby …" She laughed and shook her head. "I feel so silly. I had a perfect wedding. I have the house with the fence-"
"Which is back in Orlando, empty," Jane interrupted.
"And I have my baby-"
"Who was born in a strange town, delivered by a strange doctor, and certainly entered the world with a lot of fuss and panic that you never anticipated. Becca, sweetheart, you feel cheated."
"What?" Becca turned to look at Jane, surprise all over her face.
"Honey, you had your perfect life all scripted out, but someone did a re-write at the last minute and it's thrown you for a loop. In a perfect world, you'd be back at home right now, your feet propped up while your husband catered to your every need and your chubby-cheeked little angel here slept through the night and never spit up."
Becca had to laugh at the image. "Pretty ridiculous of me, huh?"
"No, Becca, not at all. You just haven't had time to adjust to all the changes you've been through. Once you let go of the old ideas and embrace what you have, it will be a lot easier on you and on Nick and Garrett."
"You're saying that what I'm feeling is affecting them, too?"
"Maybe, maybe not. But try it, Becca. If nothing else, it will help you. Believe me, this life I'm living is about as far away from my childhood dreams as you can get. But it's a good life, Becca. And yes, I know what the tabloids say about me, but I don't care. They don't know me, and they never will. Controlling? Yes, I am. But my children have the best that life can offer them and when I'm gone, they'll have something to fall back on. Did I make mistakes? Damn right, I did. Mostly with Nick, but I learned from them and I hope he's forgiven me for them. You can bet I won't make the same mistakes with Aaron."
Becca closed her eyes and leaned her head back, thinking about all that Jane had said.
"Becca, when was the last time you and Nick had any time to yourselves?"
"Umm … it was in … umm … I guess on the bus after …"
"The bus?" Jane was appalled. "That explains a lot."
Right then they heard the high-pitched shriek of a five-year-old followed by the sound of at least two bodies landing in the pool. Whether or not Jesse was one of them was difficult to tell.
"Thanks Jane," Becca said softly. "Thanks for listening."
"I'm not your mother, Becca, but I'm here if you need me. Remember that." She reached forward and brushed Becca's hair behind her ear. Looking down at Garrett, she saw that he was sound asleep. "Let me have him for a while. You go out and sit by the pool and relax. Take a nap if you need to, I'll keep my eye on Garrett and Nick."
"Thanks, I think I will." Handing the baby to Jane, she hugged her tightly and kissed her cheek.
"Go on now, we'll be fine. I'll bring Jesse in soon, so go up and change into something more out-doors-y before you go out. And don't forget the sun block."
"Yes ma'am," Becca giggled, laughing as she looked out the window just in time to see Jesse and Kathy push Aaron into the pool.