Part 370
By the time Becca reached the stage door, Nick was nowhere in sight. Damn it, all these hallways look the same and Becca was forever getting turned around in them and losing her way. She had a gut feeling Nick was headed to his dressing room, but which way?
Turning back and forth she sighed in frustration.
"That way, Becca," Lisa said helpfully, pointing down the hallway.
"Lisa, thanks, I didn't see you."
"I always get lost in the venues, too, so I thought maybe you'd need some help," she smiled.
"I did, thank you. Here, let me take Garrett, you two need to go get dinner." Becca looked curiously at Fiona, who was standing back and saying nothing.
"Becca, we know you need some time with Nick. Let us hang on to him for a while longer." Lisa held on to the sleeping baby, not even moving to hand him back to his mother.
Becca shook her head. "No, thank you. You two have a show to do. Go get some food."
"What about you?" Fiona asked. "You and Nick need to eat too."
"We will, Fi, thanks," Becca said with a smile, Fiona's nickname slipping out effortlessly.
"Besides, I'm hoping Garrett will be a distraction for Nick." She took the baby from Lisa and turned to go.
"Becca-" Fiona spoke hesitantly. "Is is he going to be okay?"
Becca smiled sadly. "I hope so, Fiona. I certainly hope so." Tucking Garrett's infant carrier against her hip, she set off to find her husband.
*******************
When the door to his dressing room opened, Nick was methodically sorting his costumes for the evening's show. Opening number, sunglasses, white suit, blue suit-
"Nick?" Becca opened the door cautiously and seeing Nick, smiled brightly. "Garrett, look, we found your daddy!"
Nick glanced at his son, smiled briefly and went right back to what he was doing. Wisely, Becca didn't pursue the matter. Grabbing a fresh diaper out of Garrett's bag, she lay him down on the couch, talking softly as she changed him. Once he was dry and comfortable, she settled into a chair to nurse him, content to watch him quietly.
Nick was pacing like a caged animal, restlessly moving from one side of the room to the other. Every so often he'd stop and look over at Becca. It wasn't like her to keep quiet this long. "Well?" he said, looking at his wife, his hands on his hips.
"Well what?" she asked.
"Aren't you going to ask me if I'm okay?"
"No," she replied calmly.
"No?" he asked.
"No. Because I know you aren't."
Nick was beginning to regret even asking.
Becca continued without allowing him the chance to dispute it. "You're blaming yourself for something that wasn't your fault."
"It WAS my fault, Becca, and I don't need Sarah or Kevin to tell me that."
"Kevin doesn't think that."
"The fuck he doesn't," Nick said angrily, throwing his crystal-tipped cane against the far wall. "Everyone blames me for what happened today, Bec, and they SHOULD. One of these days I'll learn to keep my mouth shut and just stay away from everyone."
Becca's eyes stung as she watched Nick's pain. "I don't blame you."
"Bec," he said brokenly, "you weren't there. You didn't hear the things I said to Howie."
"Then this is my fault. All this is my fault, Nick."
"Say WHAT?"
"If I'd been with you, then none of this would have happened. You wouldn't have been with Sarah and Howie, you wouldn't have been arguing, and Sarah wouldn't have been raped "
"Becca, that's insane." Nick looked down at her, saw her eyes glistening with unshed tears and knelt down in front of her.
Becca shook her head sadly. "No more insane than you blaming yourself, Nick. A random comment you made about Sarah's sexuality didn't cause David to rape her. If that's all it took, then he wouldn't have been the only one."
Nick looked away from her, running his hand wearily through his hair. "I feel Bec, I feel sick about this. I know what you're saying is true, but Sarah and Kevin "
"Nick, you have nothing to worry about from Kevin, trust me." Becca smiled and reached out a hand to brush his hair away from his eyes. "Sarah is hurting. I don't think she really blames you, either, but when things calm down you two can talk it out."
"I'd never hurt her, Bec," Nick said brokenly, laying his head in her lap as she cradled Garrett.
"Nick, you need to eat," she reminded him gently.
"I can't, baby, it wouldn't stay down anyway."
"I promised Kevin you'd be at the meeting."
Nick couldn't answer, he simply closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around her waist as Becca sat in silence, gently stroking his hair as he absent-mindedly twisted his fingers in the fabric of her skirt.