Part 374
Taking a deep breath to brace herself, Sarah looked out at the crew as they waited patiently for her to speak. Getting ready to start, a movement at the door caught her eye and she looked to see that it was Becca leading Nick into the room. Her eyes met Nick’s and her heart broke seeing the pain and hurt he was feeling.
Closing her eyes, Sarah said a silent prayer, "God, give me the courage to get through this. And give me the strength to make things right…to ease Nick’s guilt."
Howie squeezed her hand. "Sarah, you don’t have to do this."
"I’m okay," whispered Sarah. Looking back at the crew, "I don’t want your pity or your sympathy. I don’t expect you to accept Howie’s choice to not press charges. I simply want to explain where Howie is coming from.
"I’m a victim of spousal abuse and Jesse was conceived when my ex raped me. He forced me to marry him using information that could have gotten my brother killed. For about seven months, he was really good to me. I tried to make my marriage work for Jesse’s sake but when she was about six months old, he went back to his old ways; he was cheating on me and being mentally abusive. He never actually hit me. In fact, the only time he DID hit me, I walked out on him. Russell decided that the best way to control me was to get me hooked on drugs so one weekend while my mother had Jesse, he tied me to our bed and shot me up with cocaine, heroine, and I have no idea what else. He got me hooked. While he kept me tied, he raped me, repeatedly. He’d leave the room after I’d pass out and he’d taunt his friends. He’d tell them how good in bed I was and how I liked it rough. This went on for about eight months and David was one of those friends. I remember him and I thought for sure, he was gonna be the one to rescue me from the hell that was my marriage. He came to our house one weekend, right before I left Russell, and I was straight for the moment, I hit on him, hoping that he’d offer to take me away but one of Russell’s close buddies saw it. Later, Russell caught me alone and shot me up and tied me to the bed. That was the night that he hit me…several times. He beat me so bad that night that I lost his baby that I was carrying."
"Why didn’t you leave him?" asked Lisa in shock that Sarah had had to endure this.
"I couldn’t," said Sarah as her tears began to fall. "Russell had me so desperate for my next fix and he never left me alone with Jesse. I wasn’t going to leave without my baby. He use to tease me. I’d threaten to leave him and he’d take Jesse and leave. He’d stay gone for several hours at a time and when he’d come back, I’d be in so much need of my next hit that I promised him never to do it again. I couldn’t lose my baby…she was the world to me, the only thing that kept me going. The Monday after he beat me, he called 9*1*1 because I was bleeding so bad from the miscarriage. When I came home, he was passed out on the couch and Jesse was screaming in her playpen. I realized that it was my chance so I grabbed what I could and Jesse and left. A couple days later, I was going to the beach with Jesse for the day when his girlfriend, my best friend, ran me down. I spent the next six months in the hospital recovering from my injuries and in rehab for the drug addiction."
As Nick listened to the details that Sarah had never told anyone save Howie, he felt sick. He knew that Russell had been cruel to her but he’d never in his wildest imagination pictured Sarah being addicted to drugs or someone being so cruel to her.
"Russell was the only man I’d ever been with so I thought the only way for a man to love ME, he had to control me…do the things to me that Russell did. While I was in the hospital, my dad filed for divorce on my behalf and when I got out, I moved to Orlando with Becca. That’s when I met Howie and he was my dream come true…my knight in shining armor that I had prayed would take me away. He has moved heaven and earth to protect me, to give me everything I ever dreamed of. He showed me that love didn’t mean control. He showed me what true love is."
Howie stood now as Sarah’s tears were streaming down her cheeks. As he wrapped his arms around her, he felt her body trembling as he held her close. "Shhh, it’s okay, Angel. You’ve told them everything. It’s out in the open now, no more secrets that can hurt us."
A hand rested on Howie’s shoulder and a soft voice said, "Let me."
Howie looked up at Nick and he stepped out of the way allowing him to take Sarah into his arms. Sarah melted into Nick’s embrace as his tears fell in her hair.
A somber silence filled the room as everyone watched Sarah and Nick. Kevin and Brian wiped their own tears as it all sank in for them.
AJ stood to put his hand on Howie’s shoulder and the older man looked at his best friend. An understanding that only they could share passed between them. AJ had understood Sarah’s need to open up, to confess, and he understood the strength it had taken for both of them.
The silence was broken by Jeff’s voice. "Sarah needs to get ready for the show."
Howie nodded his head and the room began to empty as everyone went silently to their post for the show. Putting his hand on Sarah’s back, he said softly, "Angel."
"I heard," she answered as she pulled away. Looking up into Nick’s tear-filled blue eyes, she reached up to wipe the tears away. "Nick, the only one to blame for today is Russell. I never meant to hurt you. I was angry and scared and I lashed out at everyone."
Nick smiled through his tears. "A really strong, smart lady told me once
that you always hurt the ones you love the most. Please forgive me?"
"It’s over, Nick. Look, we’ll talk more because I know you have more
questions about what I said…I’m sure you all have questions," said
Sarah as she looked at Kevin and Brian.
Kevin brushed her hair out of her face, "No, baby. This is it. Your past is behind you and that’s where it needs to be left. We love you and you have NOTHING to be ashamed of and there’s nothing more to explain to us."
Nick let Sarah go and she hugged Kevin as she said, "Thank you, Kevin."
With all her secrets out, Sarah took Howie’s hand and they headed to their dressing room so that she could get ready. They both felt like a huge weight had been lifted from their shoulders and they prayed that they were now free to live their life together without having to be haunted by the past.
Nick stood alone in the center of the room as they all watched Sarah leave with Howie. His shoulders sagged tiredly as the weight of all he had been through began to lift, and he turned to look for Becca. Instead, he came face to face with Kevin.
"Nick-"
"Later, Kev, okay?" he sighed.
"I know, Nick." He placed his hands on Nick's shoulders. "I just want to say I'm sorry. I didn't know and I shouldn't have-"
"It's okay, Kev, really." Nick pulled him into a hug. "None of us knew." As he said the words, he looked over Kevin's shoulder toward Becca. Strange, she seemed the least affected by what they'd heard.
"We need to get ready, man-"
"Sure, in a few. I need to talk to Becca first."
"You're a lucky man, Nick."
What? This was the second time he'd heard that in less than an hour. "Yeah? Why do you say that?"
"You hang on to Becca, Nick. She loves you more than you may ever know, and if you do anything to fuck it up, I just may have to step in and take your place."
Nick stared at Kevin, not really sure whether or not he was serious. Finally he broke the silence. "What really happened between you two earlier?"
Kevin laughed. "Ask Bec. Suffice it to say that I've been put in my place." He slapped Nick on the back. "Don't be too long."
"Nah, I won't. Thanks, Kev." He watched Kevin go until he felt Becca's arm snake around his waist. Looking down, he saw his son snuggled up against her shoulder. "Where's Fi?"
"I sent her to get ready for the show. You need to go, too."
"What a day, huh?" He pulled them close, resting his chin on Becca's head.
"I tried to tell you it wasn't your fault."
Nick pulled back and looked down at her. That was the missing piece. "You knew about this, didn't you?"
Becca looked away. "Most of it, yes."
"Since when?"
"After Garrett was born, when I was in the hospital. Nick, I swear I never knew before then."
"Bec, I'm not mad at you baby, just … surprised, I guess."
"Everything has been so crazy since then, and there wasn't a reason to say anything, Nick. I mean… Sarah didn't tell me not to, but-"
"Bec, it's okay. It wasn't your place to say anything." He watched Becca sigh with relief.
"So what did you do to Kevin this afternoon?" he grinned.
Becca blushed. "Besides calling him a prick?"
"You WHAT?!"
"He deserved it," she said angrily, her eyes flashing. "I'm sick to death of him picking on you, Nick."
"Bec, it's okay," he said, his eyes crinkling at the corners. "Damn, you really called Kev a prick?"
Laughing, they walked arm in arm back to Nick's dressing room to get him ready for the show.