Part 407
Hunger finally claimed it’s first victim and Jesse began to whine. Nick was quick to join in and the others easily gave in to their own needs. Nick and Howie offered to get the girls their lunch allowing them to sit and rest and the first opportunity to be alone.
Sarah sank into her chair in the shade and closed her eyes listening to the sounds of the others. "God, I’m exhausted," she sighed.
"It’s been a long morning," conceded Becca. She fought the urge to ask Sarah if she were okay.
Hearing Jesse squealing, Sarah opened her eyes to see Raoul and AJ playing tug of war with her. Sarah looked over to see Becca fussing with Garrett’s cover on his seat to keep him in the shade and remembered the question from the van. "Bec, I can’t stand how I’m feeling right now."
"What do you mean?" prompted Becca.
"I know in my head that Jesse needs to be in school and that sending her home is the right thing to do, but in my heart, I don’t want to be away from her. I spent three years thinking she was dead and now I’m voluntarily sending her away from me."
Seeing Sarah’s conflict, Becca sat up and took her hand. "I’m sorry, sis. I know it was a tough decision to make and I’m eternally grateful that I didn’t have to make it."
"Gee, thanks," smirked Sarah. "Let ME make all the mistakes."
"Uh huh!" laughed Becca. "I’m blonde, not stupid. Seriously though, I don’t envy you. Is that why you were so quiet in the van?"
"Yeah, it is. I just couldn’t say…."
"I know. Howie and Kevin have both explained that you didn’t want Jesse to know you were upset."
Sarah heard the hurt in Becca’s voice despite her efforts to cover it and she looked into her eyes to see the tears. "Becca, what is it? Have I done something wrong?"
Becca laughed but it had a false ring to it. "No. Yes. I don't even know any more, Sarah." She tried to turn her head as she dashed away the tears, but Sarah saw anyway and knew something was terribly wrong.
"Okay, Bec...talk to me," said Sarah leaning in to her friend.
Becca sighed. "I'm not sure where to start."
"Let's try the beginning. It's usually the best place," smirked Sarah trying to lighten the mood.
Becca knew what Sarah was trying to do, but she just couldn't seem to find the humor in it all. "Are you angry with me?" That was one way of approaching it, just go right for the heart of it. Becca turned to watch Sarah, and the look of surprise on Sarah's face spoke volumes.
"Angry? Why would I be angry with you? I’ll admit I was a little irritated when you doubted Howie earlier but no, I’m not angry."
"It's just ..." Becca sighed, crossing her arms over her breasts. "The way you've been acting toward me today, and the things Howie said to me-"
"How the hell have I been acting towards you? And what exactly did Howie say to you?"
"You mean as he was chewing me out for the way I'VE been acting? It appears he thinks I'm interfering by actually giving a damn about how you are." Becca's anger, that she'd tried to keep under control, was fast rising back to the surface. "Sarah, we used to share everything, but lately it seems like the guys know more about what's going on in your personal life than *I* do. Howie told me you'd changed since we were roommates, but damnit, I’ve been there for you for all the rest of this, too."
Sarah was stunned to say the least by Becca’s anger. She had no clue this was coming and it was quite obvious that she had to think fast to fix it. "Becca, stop!! I knew Howie was gonna talk to you but it wasn’t to chew you out. I can’t imagine him chewing you out. He was just concerned that you doubting him upset me. And no…he doesn’t feel like you’re interfering. He just didn’t want me upset because Jesse’s leaving today and THAT has me upset enough already. He’s worried about my blood pressure. I know you’ve been with me through it all and I’m grateful that you WERE with me. You’re my sister for god’s sakes! As for the guys knowing more about my personal life, they don’t know any more than you do. What haven’t I shared with you?"
Becca shrunk back at Sarah's retort. "I... Hell, Sarah. They're always there, they know your every mood, and yes I know this all sounds like petty jealousy, but I'm supposed to be your best friend. You can hound me for months about my health, but the first time I question you, everything gets blown to hell."
Sarah laughed despite the angry look on Becca’s face. "Well, Bec, if you want to know my every mood, then SLEEP with me. That’s the only reason Kevin and AJ know me so well. Intimacy does wonders for understanding people. As for questioning your health…I shouldn’t have to remind you of this but I did it because you wouldn’t tell Nick what was going on. Howie knows EXACTLY what my health is and I’m NOT hiding anything from him."
"Touche, go right for the heart," Becca laughed, a fragile, brittle sound. "You know, I'm not angry about that, because as much as I hated the nagging, you probably saved my life, and Garrett's. What makes me angry is that you won't let me repay that favor. I care about you, and I care about those babies. And even as pissed as I am at Howie right now, I care about him too. I can't even pretend to know what you've been through, but is it so wrong to want to help? To want to help take care of you?" Becca's eyes were full as she began to let go of all the things she'd been holding in.
"God, Bec…I didn’t mean to upset you. It’s just that…Becca, I don’t feel like I did anything that you have to repay me for. Howie and I BOTH know how much you care and want to help. You do help me, more than you know and more than I probably let you know. Taking care of Jesse to give us time together, taking her to Jane’s when Garrett should have been the main focus for you, Nick, and the rest of the Carter clan…and SO many other things that Howie and I probably take for granted. I can’t BEGIN to thank you for any of it. You’ve helped me maintain my sanity when Russell was being such a jerk and when Howie and I were having problems, when Mama died…so many things that you’ve been beside me for Becca!! There’s NO doubt in my mind…or Howie’s, that you care."
"Then why won't he let me help you? That's all I want to do, but I get the feeling that Howie doesn't want to let me in. I'm not trying to take over, but ... I feel like I'm competing with him for your attention. You say Howie knows I care? He has a funny way of showing it." Looking at the confused expression on Sarah's face, Becca sat in stunned silence. Sarah didn't see it, she really didn't see it. "Of course I care," she affirmed quietly. "I care so much that I've caused you to send your daughter away from you when I know it's breaking your heart. I watched you grieve for her death, Sarah. I rejoiced with you when Howie found her and brought her back to you. I watched the three of you become a family and now I have to watch you torn apart because of some high and mighty notion that I had. You're losing her all over again and it's my fault."
As Sarah thought about how to answer this, Nick and Howie started towards the table where the girls were sitting. They both saw the looks on their faces and knew something was up.
"Uh oh," Nick said, stopping where he was with a tray of food in his hands. "Wonder what that's all about?"
"I have a pretty good idea," Howie said with a sigh. " I ... um ... I had a talk with Becca earlier."
"D, come on, what did you say to her?" Nick looked down at Howie, knowing without being told that whatever Howie had said to Becca had upset her. She'd been edgy all morning anyway, and whatever it was most likely was the final straw.
"I just asked her to be more careful with Sarah, that's all."
"It doesn't look like that's all you said," Nick mumbled, setting down the tray of food and keeping his distance as the girls continued to talk, completely unaware of their audience.
"So is this what it’s all about? You think it’s YOUR fault that we’re sending Jesse back to Orlando? Becca, I have NEVER approved of home schooling a child because they miss out on so much of the social aspect, like you said, but BECAUSE we had just gotten Jesse back, I didn’t want to be away from her right away. You simply pointed out to us what we already knew and made us open our eyes to what we were doing to her. Hell, Mama D even told us that the road wasn’t the right place for her. I should be THANKING you for saying something!! Now, if it had been Jane to tell me the exact same thing, I’d have told her to fuck herself!"
Becca giggled, knowing that the idea HAD in fact, been Jane's, but decided it was better not to share that with Sarah, at least not yet. "I just ... I'm confused, sis. I just don't know where I fit in any more. I don't know where I stand with you."
"You goof…you stand right beside me…you on one side and Howie on the other and I’m stuck smack dab in the middle of you two lunatics! What better place to be than between two people who love me so much and I love equally!" answered Sarah getting up to hug Becca. As the two women embraced, the twins moved and the two women felt it. Laughing, Sarah said, "NOW they decide to move!"
Becca laughed as Sarah's entire waistline shifted from one side to the other. "I want to be part of all this with you, Sarah. I was an idiot when I left home last January, and I really needed someone to be there with me. I had no one, and I can't tell you how lonely that was. Just don't shut me out anymore, okay? I want to do what I can to help, and Howie had better get over whatever crawled up his butt."
"Whoa…back off Howie. He loves me and he’s only trying to protect me, Becca. You can’t fault him for that. You use to LIKE the way he looked out for me…a far cry from what Russell did. As for competing with him for my attention, no…you aren’t," answered Sarah defensively as she spotted the guys watching them. "Look, they’ve got our lunches and I’m starved…probably why ‘Fred and Ginger’ are awake. You and I are fine and you’re VERY much a part of ALL this nonsense! Don’t EVER feel like you have to compete with ANYONE because baby, you’ve known me longer than any of these wonderful, overprotective goofs have. We’re in this for the long haul."
"I hope so," Becca sighed. "I need another woman to keep me grounded. God, if all I had was THESE guys for company, you'd have to lock me away." Becca glanced over Sarah's shoulder to see Nick and Howie watching them intently. "Think we should tell them what just happened?"
"From the looks of it, Howie’s told Nick part of it," said Sarah grabbing Garrett’s diaper bag. "The only thing they need to know is that you and I are okay and they need to just suck it up. There are SOME things they DON’T need to know. Becca, I apologize if I was bitchy in the van and for Howie upsetting you. He REALLY does love you and he knows you care. He’s the one who had to remind me that you do."
"I suppose," she grumbled. "And he did help me change Garrett and burp him, so he's not a complete loser." Becca tried to keep a straight face, but failed miserably as they got closer to their men. She and Sarah were both giggling uncontrollably as they each picked a soda off the food trays. "Hi guys, 'bout time you brought us our food."
"Becca, what’s going on?" questioned Nick taking his son from her.
Becca gave Nick a kiss as she took a seat beside him. "Nothing, baby. What makes you ask?"
Howie looked up at Sarah as she stood beside him, her hand on his shoulder. The look they exchanged told him that everything was fine.
Not believing Becca, Nick said, "Don’t try to tell me that. When we
looked over, you looked like you were gonna claw Sarah’s eyes out and you’ve
been edgy all morning. Now, what’s going on?"
Becca looked at Sarah who spoke up, "Nick, nothing’s going on. Let it
go."
Leaning to him, Becca reached under the table running her hand up the inside of his thigh stopping just short of his crotch. "I promise, Nicky," she purred. "Nothing’s going on except two friends…."
"Best friends," corrected Sarah as she sat down and took the lunch Howie handed her.
"Best friends," grinned Becca. "Two best friends talking. Now, give me my lunch."
Nick reached under the table to take Becca’s hand and whispered in her ear, "You know what you’re doing to me and it’s not fair."
"All’s fair in love and war, baby."