Part 489
No matter how hard she tried, Sarah couldn’t keep her past where it belonged….in the past. As the sun began to come up, a very pale lightness in the sky, the reality of what Russell had done to her crept into her dreams.
"NO….stop…PLEASE! I swear…it won’t happen again."
Howie woke hearing Sarah’s cries for mercy and feeling her struggling against someone. Reaching for her, he tried to take her in his arms but she jerked away.
"NO! Leave me alone!! Please, Russsell…no more drugs! I swear…I won’t do it again!"
Howie reached to turn on the bedside lamp. Turning back to Sarah, he saw she was covered in sweat and even though her eyes were open, he knew she was still asleep. The terror in her eyes as she relieved the nightmare made him sick and he knew he had to wake her to calm her down.
Slowly, he moved to her. "Angel, wake up. You’re okay. I’m not Russell and I’m not going to hurt you."
Sarah stopped moving and Howie was able to take her in his arms. He felt her body shaking as he held her close.
Stroking her hair, he whispered, "It’s okay, Angel. You were just dreaming. I’m here and you’re safe."
Howie felt her body jerk as she woke. Her stiff body felt his arms and she remembered the dream. Melting into the security of his arms, she cried, "Howie."
"Shh, it’s okay now. You were just having a bad dream."
Sarah moved as close to him as she possibly could. "Hold me, ‘D’."
"I’ve got you, ‘Angel’," whispered Howie as he wrapped his leg across hers. "Nothing’s gonna hurt you."
Howie held her close in his arms as he felt her body shaking from the sobs. He caressed her hair as he spoke to her gently telling her how much he loved her and how he’d protect her.
When she had calmed down, Howie asked, "What was happening in your dream?"
"Russell was getting ready to shoot me up because I’d broken his favorite beer mug in an argument."
"Damn! He shot you up for something as simple as breaking a beer mug?"
Sarah nodded her head, her hair falling against his chest. Sounding very much like a terrified little girl, Sarah told him about the incident. "I remember the argument. I wanted to take Jesse to Virginia to see my grandparents but he wouldn’t let me. I got mad and threw it at him shattering it against the wall behind him. The only reason I didn’t hit him was because he ducked. I spent the entire weekend that I was suppose to be with my family for my birthday tied to the bed high as a kite. It was one of the worst weekends I remember. The only one that can top it is the weekend he beat me when he thought I had hit on David."
Howie shook his head. "I’m sorry you ever had to endure something like that."
"’D’, there’s something that terrifies me just as much as Russell use to."
"What’s that?"
"The thought of giving birth."
Howie was surprised and he moved away to be able to look at Sarah. "’Angel’, why would that scare you? I’m gonna be with you every step of the way."
"But you can’t stop them from giving me pain medication."
"If you do this naturally, you won’t need it though."
"But what if I can’t do it naturally, Howie? These are twins, ‘D’. They may not be in the right position when it’s time. I already know that I can’t take morphine because I’m allergic to it. That means they’re gonna have to give me something else…something most likely that’s addictive." Sarah looked him square in the eyes and he saw the terror still there. "I can’t stand the thought of getting addicted to drugs again and it won’t take much. I can’t put you through that."
Howie brushed her cheek. "Sarah, we’re in this together and I will do whatever it takes to keep you safe. We’ll get through this together and you have so much support. If I know AJ, he’s not gonna leave your side either if there’s a problem with the drugs…and Becca and Nick. They’re gonna be there too. Then there’s Kevin." Howie laughed as he thought about Kevin. "He’s gonna be worse than me because he won’t be able to control the situation."
That got a laugh from Sarah. "Mr. Large and In Charge….poor Kevin. I actually feel sorry for him. The doctor’s gonna have to give him a sedative to get through this birth."
Howie laughed too. "Feel better, Angel?"
"Yeah, I do. Thank you," whispered Sarah as she ran her hands across his chest. As they lay together, she heard Howie’s stomach growling with hunger and she giggled. "Sounds like someone’s hungry. Why don’t we get up and you can get some breakfast?"
"Nope…you can’t eat, I’m not gonna eat. We’ll get something after the test."
"How could anyone EVER try to hurt you?"
"Because I don’t fight back…but Lou was wrong this time."
"What do you mean?"
"I’m sending the tape to Steve with instructions to stop Lou from printing anything about the incident in Germany with AJ or his thoughts on our sexuality however he can as well as whatever he deems necessary for what Lou said about you."
"But Lou really didn’t say anything bad about me."
"You didn’t see the entire interview, Angel. It aired again last night
and he had some right rough stuff to say about you. If you hadn’t blown up
over what he said about me, you definitely would have over what he said about
you."
"So you’re gonna sue him?"
"WE are gonna sue him," corrected Howie. "I also need the web site that Rho has her story on."
Sarah was stunned that Howie was taking this route. "Why?"
"I’m gonna get Steve to handle that too."
"But…Howie, you said last night…"
"I know what I said last night, Sarah, but I also made a promise to protect you. Both of these things hurt you deeply and I can’t stand to see what it’s done to you."
Sarah’s mind raced. This wasn’t what she expected him to do at all but she had wished he would. Now it was reality and she wasn’t sure she wanted him to go ahead with it, at least not where Rho was concerned. "Howie, no. You said last night, it’s not fair to the fans. I can’t let you do this simply because I got upset by it. I don’t have to read it. Leave Rho alone."
"Are you sure? I know Steve would be able to get it done."
"I know but yeah, I’m sure. I DO know the truth about you and if the fans want to think you’re gay simply because you’re so sweet, then, fine. Let them. You go and have Rho’s site shut down, the ramifications on your image would hurt the group. You’re the sweet one, the peacemaker, and it’s part of the man that I love and the fans love. You’re always so kind to the fans. Shutting down a fan’s site doesn’t fit your image and it’s something Kevin or Brian would do. It also looks like you’re trying to hide something. The simple fact that you would even consider it is enough for me."
Howie kissed her. "Okay. I’ll let it go."
Sarah and Howie heard Becca with Garrett out in the common area of the suite and Sarah groaned remembering her tirade.
"I need to apologize to Becca."
"Yeah, you do. You scared her last night."
Sarah cringed remembering the look in Becca’s eyes after she’d thrown the bookend at the television. "God…she and Nick are growing up and what am I doing, I’m backsliding into the girl I was when I was married to Russell."
"No, you aren’t, Sarah. You were upset, tired, and overly emotional. Don’t punish yourself any more over this. That’s what the whole dream was…you punishing yourself. The damage has been cleaned up and taken care of. Let it go."
"How much did it cost?"
"I told you, let it go. It’s been taken care of. I’m going to get a shower. Why don’t you go talk to Becca?"
"Not without you."
"No. You had the tirade alone. Apologize alone. And while you’re at it, you might want to figure out how you’re gonna make it up to Billy for calling him an over-grown gorilla."
Sarah laughed, "It FITS though."
"Go on, Angel. I’ll be ready in a few minutes."
Howie started to get up but Sarah stopped him. "Thank you, Howie."
Winking, Howie said, "You’re welcome, Angel."