Part 513
Closing the door behind them, Howie looked at his watch…3 AM. That meant it was five in Orlando and he knew Steve would be up.
"Angel, I need to call Steve."
"Okay. I’m gonna change and watch some TV."
Howie knew she couldn’t sleep because of the nap she’d taken that afternoon. They’d both slept thinking they’d be out all night. "I’m sorry our plans were interrupted."
"It’s okay. There will be other nights."
As Howie called Steve, Sarah readied herself for bed. She slipped out of her dress and into Howie’s current favorite gown. It was a pale shade of blue with spaghetti straps that hung to the floor with a slit up either side. Then she took her hair out of the ponytail it was in and braided it loosely.
Howie had purposely turned away from his wife knowing full well she’d distract him and he needed to concentrate on what he and Steve were discussing. A cold blast of air brought his attention back to her though and he turned to see her standing on the balcony. His breath caught in his throat as he gazed at her. There was a breeze blowing causing the gown to conform to her figure and catching the few loose strands of hair that had escaped the braid. He felt himself harden at the sight.
"Steve, I’ve gotta go. I’ll see you later in the morning."
Hanging up, Howie followed Sarah out onto the balcony. He knew that she’d come out here to clear her mind so he moved to stand beside her so he could see her face. It was a clear night and the stars shone brightly in the sky, twinkling like diamonds.
"It’s beautiful out here," he said softly.
"Yeah, it is…almost as beautiful as the view from our balcony back home," she answered taking his hand and lacing her fingers with his.
"Homesick?"
"Not really," she whispered. "I miss Jesse but my home is wherever you are, ‘D’," she answered casting her gaze sideways at him.
"Are you okay?" Howie knew now that it was this whole mess with Pearlman that she was thinking about.
"Yeah, I’m fine. I just wish I could have spared Becca from having to go through this. She doesn’t deserve it."
"And you think you do?" Howie turned to face her now and made her turn to face him.
"Yes and no. My lifestyle brought me to this point…a lifestyle that I don’t regret but none the less, it has definitely NOT been a pure and innocent one. Becca is so good, so decent. How could anyone want to hurt her like this? It was bad enough that Andrew used her like he did but now Lou is using that one night to hurt her."
"Sarah, you listen to me. You didn’t do anything to deserve this either. No, your lifestyle, or mine either for that matter, has not been pure and innocent but it hasn’t been one that needs to be splashed across the front page of every tabloid in the country."
"How do you figure that? I’m the wife of a pop star and trying to get into the industry too. Critics are going to do whatever they can to discredit me and god knows, they have gone after you five enough. My drug addiction, bulimia, getting away with murder, and sex life are ALL ammunition for them, especially if I keep trying to hide it. I love you, Howie, and I love that you’ve fought so hard to protect me but in the end, it’s going to destroy you too and I just can’t let that happen to you."
Howie was shaking from the cold and he saw Sarah was too so he said, "Let’s go inside where you won’t catch pneumonia and we’ll talk."
Stubbornly, Sarah said, "No! I’m not going in and there’s NOTHING to talk about. When Steve gets here, I’ll talk to him and prepare a statement for the press."
"WOMAN! You are the most exasperating woman I know! You’re going to be too damn sick to say anything to anyone standing out here in nothing but that gown."
Sarah smiled impishly, "What’s wrong, Florida boy? Is it too cold for you?"
"And you too! You’re fighting to keep from shivering too and your lips are as blue as your gown. Please, come inside."
"I can’t see the stars from inside," protested Sarah not moving as Howie started for the door.
"We’ll sit by the door," offered Howie, frustration lacing his voice.
"It’s not the same."
Howie wasn’t going to argue any more. He scooped her up in his arms and carried her back inside. Setting her down, he held on to her with one arm around her waist while he closed the door behind them. Then he pulled the comforter off the bed, wrapped it around Sarah, and then pulled her into his lap as he sat in the chaise lounge by the balcony door.
"Pretend we’re outside," he ordered.
Sarah pouted, "It’s NOT the same."
"Oh well! Get over it," shot Howie. "Now, let’s talk."
"NO! There’s NOTHING to talk about, ‘D’."
"So you’re gonna tell Becca to trust Kevin and me to fix this for HER but NOT follow your own advice when it comes to you?"
"It’s not that I don’t trust you. You know better than that. It’s just that I’m tired. After the miscarriage, we faced the press, told them that yes, I had dated Kevin and Alex, that we were friends, but the stories are still out there that you three ‘shared’ me…which is RIGHT by the way. I don’t know why we keep saying you guys didn’t share me. And don’t tell me the stories aren’t out there," said Sarah seeing Howie starting to protest. "The reporter at the VMAs and David are proof that they are.
"Our honeymoon was interrupted so we could go back because Chrissy was trying to blackmail me for Russell’s murder…which I got away with because my DEA brother took care of THAT. I spent a month in a clinic because of bulimia and it goes on and on. I’m TIRED, Howie, and I can’t do it anymore."
"Then let me do it for you, Sarah. Let me be your strength now too. I’m your partner and I want to support and love you, like I have all along. You didn’t ask for Russell to rape you nor get you hooked on drugs. You didn’t ask for that night at ‘Tabu’ either."
"I may not have asked for any of it but I didn’t do anything to stop it either."
"That’s not true…not as far as Russell is concerned. You had your daughter to consider too and the first chance you had, you left. Please, ‘Angel’, we’ve faced far tougher situations than Pearlman. Let me fix this."
Sarah snuggled down into the comforter and Howie’s arms resting her head on his shoulder. As she thought about it all, she played with his hands twisting his wedding band around his finger and tracing the veins on the back of his hands. She loved his hands, everything about them. His hands were so strong, like their love. This was what they were about, the love and trust in each other to make things right. She had no doubt that he’d protect her until the very end. That had NEVER been a question.
As he held her, he listened to her, to the little sounds she made as she breathed. And he felt her; he felt the love and trust in her touch like an electrical charge. She didn’t have to say it. He knew she was going to let him handle this too.