Part 62
Nick was engrossed in a video game when Becca returned home, but when she didn't answer his greeting he became concerned. Shutting down the game system, he went searching for her, finally finding her sitting out by the pool, her feet propped up on a lounge chair.
"Hey, baby, have fun shopping with Sarah?"
She didn't answer, and the distant look in her eyes clued him in to her mood.
"I've been thinking."
"'Bout what?" He straddled the end of the chaise lounge facing her.
"Maybe this isn't such a good idea, Nick."
"Becca, talk to me. *What* isn't a good idea?"
"Us. Getting married. All of it."
Nick sighed. "What did Sarah say to you?"
Becca wiped away a tear as she recalled the things Sarah had tossed in her face. "Lots of things, and I think she's probably right."
"Bec-"
"No, Nick, hear me out. You don't need someone that's going to drag you down and keep you from doing all the things you love. Face it Nick, when I'm on the road with you it will be vastly different than what you're used to."
"Yes, you're absolutely right."
Becca looked up at him, shocked that he was agreeing so quickly.
He took her hands in his and squeezed them. "It'll be different because it's gonna be so much better. Becca, you'll be with me all the time. I get so lonely on the road, Sarah should know that better than anyone."
"But the girls-"
"WHAT girls? Jesus, Bec, there haven't BEEN any girls since last October, not since I met you."
"I just don't know if I can do it, if I can be what you need."
"I just need you to be *you*, Becca."
"But Sarah-"
"Sarah is different, she's not you and I don't want *her*, I want you. I thought you were ok with all of this?"
"So did I, but-" She took a deep breath and wiped away the tears. "I don't know how to do this, Nick. Sarah tells me I need to be tough, that I should be open and supportive. You tell me to just be *me*. I don't know who *me* is. I've tried so hard to be what everyone expects me to be, but I can't. This is all so new to me."
"Becca, just be the woman I fell in love with. You're sweet and caring, you're talented and you love me in spite of all my faults. Baby, that's all I need."
"Nick, you know my history. God, I lost my mom when I was so little and daddy – daddy did the best he could with a little girl to raise, but I never had an example to follow. I don’t know HOW to be a wife and a mother and I'm scared."
"Of what?" he moved to sit beside her and put his arm around her shoulders.
In a small voice she said, "I'm afraid I'll fail, that I'll let you down and you'll stop-"
"Stop what?"
"Loving me," she sniffled. "This is so stupid, but I've lost everyone I've ever loved. When daddy died-"
Nick held her close as she cried, his face resting against her hair. "Becca, I'm not going anywhere. In a few days we're getting married, for better or worse, just like they say. I need you, Bec, and I don't want to be apart from you ever again. Listen to your heart, not everyone else, okay?"
Becca nodded her head. "Nick, I need some time to think," she said wiping her eyes. "I'm gonna go out for a while."
"Sure, baby, whatever you need. Want me to come?"
"No," she shook her head. "I'll be back in a while. I just need to get away."
Nick watched as she pulled the car away from the house, then picked up the phone and dialed a familiar number.
"Club Tabu, this is Howie D, whassup?"
"D, it’s me, Nick. Got a few minutes?"