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Three weeks later. A tall, muscular, large red Tyrannosaurus-Rex-like warrior marched confidently through the corridors of Frieza’s mother ship. He had just come back from clearing planet Heptan, a race of three-eyed, four-legged lavender aliens with long yellow hair. He had kept a girl from planet Heptan as his mistress for the entire journey back to Frieza’s mother ship, but the Heptani girl refused his advances one night, and in a fit of rage, he had unintentionally killed her. Not that it had bothered him too much, for he could easily find another plaything, but it was just the point that he had to have been without female company for the past couple of weeks. He had waited too long (in his opinion) to mate with another female. He was hoping that would soon change, especially after he saw her—a new girl, a recruit, a voluntary recruit that he had never met before. He had first noticed her today when that effeminate Zarbon had brought her with him to give a report to Lord Frieza in Lord Frieza’s private office. He himself had gone there to give Lord Frieza a report about the clearing of planet Heptan. Another Top Elite officer had been there, but he had paid that officer no mind. The red lizard warrior’s jaw had dropped the moment that he had seen her, and he had barely been able to control his hormones (and the protruding parts of his body below his waist). He had forced himself to turn away to keep her and Zarbon and Lord Frieza. Lord Frieza had casually introduced the girl as simply Chestra, who was Zarbon’s newest recruit. He had wished that he had come back earlier, for then maybe that girl could have been his recruit! Oh, she had been beautiful—delicate, exquisite, and yet her ki level was very high, according to his scouter. Long ruby and emerald hair, framing a cute, cat-like face with clear green eyes the color of sun-kissed grass, along with perfectly shaped, slender arms and legs (oh, Kami, those legs!) and fragile looking hands—those features alone had been enough to stir, no shake his libido! He had to have her—and he would. She would be his! Of course, she would object at first; women always did, but like the other women, she would soon learn that it would be best for her (and her life) to give himself to him. He could hardly wait. Just the thought of that sweet, young cat-thing beneath his body, pressed against him made him drool. He continued to drool until the Top Elite officer that had been in Lord Frieza’s office when he had saw the young girl. His fellow Top Elite officer had snickered when he had seen him drool. The officer then called to some of his subordinates, who were also Top Elite officers: “Hey, men, the fountain of Balair is overflowing! Anyone have a cork?” The other officers laughed. Balair hissed, “Ginyu, you can put that cork up your pimply, purple a—“ “I have one, Captain!” Reccoom exclaimed happily, holding up a wine bottle cork. With one small, slender ki blast, Balair decimated the cork (and the tips of Reccoom’s fingers). Reccoom took one look at his fingers, which were emitting small coils of black smoke, and then he fell to the floor and began to cry: “WAH! MY FINGERS! HE BURNED MY FINGERS! WAHHHHH!” Reccoom kicked and rolled around the floor. Ginyu sighed and turned away, extremely embarrassed. The other Ginyu Force members laughed at Reccoom’s agony, although none of them cared much for Balair. “I’LL NEVER BE ABLE TO USE MY FINGERS PROPERLY FOR ROCK, PAPER, AND SCISSORS ANYMORE! WHY’D YOU BURN ME, BALAIR? WHY? I DON’T EVEN KNOW IF I CAN POSE LIKE I SHOULD! WAHHHHHH!” “Oh, suck on your fingers and shut up!” Balair roared. Reccoom did just that, taking Balair’s suggestion seriously. He began to suck contentedly on his fingers, as a baby would a pacifier, cooing happily as he did so. Jaden entered the corridors then, picking her sharp gator-like teeth with a plastic toothpick, and she snorted contemptuously when she saw Reccoom sucking on his thumb like a baby. “I thought that he was supposed to be a member of the Ginyu Force, not the Goo-Goo Force. I shouldn’t have left my bottle of warm milk in the room.” Jaden shook her head in embarrassment at Reccoom’s antics. Balair said slyly, “And so the shadow of the great beast falls upon us all…” Jaden growled under her breath, but said only, “And the greater beast has returned, the so-called conquering hero who annihilated the Heptani. I saw the corpse of that cute little Heptani girl that you brought back with you and donated to the Science Division, Balair. What happened? Did you break your new toy when she didn’t work like you wanted her to? Did your new plaything’s lifetime warranty expire that fast?” “Shut up, Jaden!” Balair growled. He was about to pounce on Jaden next until he saw Chestra strolling down the corridor at the other end of it. Then he smiled wickedly. He smirked at his archenemy, Jaden, whom he hated because she was of the Rybanese race (near-extinct main enemy of the Sistrai) and also because she had killed their former trainer, Sagash, one of the few people that Balair had admired and respected. He said to her smoothly, “You know what, Jadie, never mind. Even you can’t ruin my good mood today.” “You’re in a good mood? Right! And Dodoria has started a diet!” Jaden sneered, although she was also a known grouch. Then she added with a nasty smile, “And Sagash has come back from the dead!” Balair hunched his shoulders and cut his eyes at her. Jeice, in one of his extremely rare wise moments, decided to interrupt before Jaden and Balair started Universe War Three. “Why are you in such a good mood, Balair?” Balair grinned, forgetting about his hatred of Jaden for now. “Well, I have a new amour, Jeice. Or she will be my amour soon. Have you and the others managed to see that luscious new recruit named Chestra yet? She is so be-yew-ti-ful; let me tell you! Gorgeous, sweet, adorable. I can’t stop thinking of her! I already want to make her mine! She is all I am thinking about. I’m going to pin her to the floor and make her mine! Bow-wow! Ruff! Ruff!” “Who is she?” Guido asked. “I saw her with Zarbon, her trainer. Lord Frieza introduced her to Balair and I. She is a babe, let me tell you, men,” Ginyu said lasciviously. “Long slender legs and arms, a nice perky chest, soft, shiny red and green hair, with one color on each side, framing a cat face with light green eyes—what a beauty. But it’s her legs that make her delicious; too bad I can’t induct her into the Ginyu Girls. Meow! Purr!” “What is this--a game of charades?” Jaden jeered. “First Reccoom imitates a baby—a very good impression, I might add, then Balair acts like a lovesick puppy dog, then Ginyu imagines himself a kitty cat. What next, Jeice pretending to be gay?” “Charades!” Reccoom crowed happily from the floor, as he wiped the drool off of his huge mouth. “I want to play charades!” Guido ignored him and told Jaden, “Well, we know that Jeice would never pretend to be gay, but Balair almost did the last time he was drunk—“ Balair fixed his near-glowing yellow eyes in a deadly gaze at Guido. “Guido, don’t you dare tell that story—“ Guido fell silent, but Ginyu, who had more nerve than him, spoke up, “Alright, so Guido won’t tell, but I will. Anyway, Jade, you should have been there at the Elite Lounge and Bar just before Balair went on his mission to Heptan. Balair was drunk off of his tail—“ “Balair is always drunk off of his tail between assignments, so what’s new about that?” Jaden asked curtly. “He’s usually more lit up than a super nova.” “Yeah,” Jeice said, adding to Ginyu’s story, “but he was so drunk, that he became horny—“ “Which again is nothing new.” “Jeice, I’m warning you and Ginyu—“ Balair began angrily. “Yeah, Jade, but Balair wanted a Ginyu Girl, right, and none of the Ginyu Girls would come near him, but they don’t normally go near him much anyway, so Balair instead hits on someone else, someone with long green hair, nice body—“ “And great taste in clothes and jewelry!” Baata jumped in. “So Balair wraps his arms around his latest conquest, licking the neck, pressing his body against his target and nuzzling the throat. Then he told his conquest in a real, slurry voice, “I’d like to spar with you and pin you to the ground, so how about it, sweet green thing?” Jeice said with a smile. Ginyu laughed, ignoring Balair’s deadly glare, and Jaden laughed along with him and the others. “Yeah, and then Balair’s new amour transforms into a giant green Oozaru-like monster, boy was that thing ugly! What a waste of beauty! And then the green-Oozaru-like thing had a stretched out face and drooly mouth, and then the thing grabbed Balair by his throat and threw him across the room—“ “And then Balair’s new amour began shooting ki blasts at him right in the bar, right in front of everyone—“ Jeice added. “And then Balair’s almost-conquest told him that if he ever did what he did again, Balair wouldn’t need to vaporize himself because the green thing would do it for him. Balair finally gave up and left, too plastered to argue. He then passed out in the corridor outside the bar, and Nappa, who was about drunk himself, thought that Balair was a new rug that Lord Frieza had ordered, and so Nappa stepped on Balair’s tail…” Baata said, his voice trailing. “And he broke the tailbones in Balair’s tail; Balair would have killed him if he hadn’t been passed out,” Ginyu added. “Yeah,” said Guido, regaining his courage. “I heard that King Vegeta, who had been visiting the ship at the time, almost had Nappa flogged for being drunk on duty.” “But I don’t get it,” Jaden said, “Who was it that Balair was making a pass at?” The entire Ginyu Force laughed, and when Jeice whispered the answer in Jaden’s hidden ear, Jaden fell to the floor, laughing so hard that she was crying. “This is rich! Balair couldn’t even get a MAN to go to bed with him! Balair, I knew your love life sucked, but I didn’t know that it sucked that bad that you had to pursue a man!” Jaden couldn’t stop laughing. “At least I have a love life,” Balair snapped. “It’s more than what you have, you frigid ice-queen!” “Oh, good comeback, Balair!” Jaden said devilishly, happy to see her archenemy humiliated and embarrassed. “I can’t believe that you licked ZARBON’S neck; I knew that you used to kiss his butt, but lick him? You were desperate that night, weren’t you?” Ginyu crowed, “Okay, men, on a count of three; let’s sing our new version of the Song of Joy and do the Dance of Love, ready?” “READY!” the other men echoed. The Ginyu Force gathered into their ballet-like poses, danced a dance similar to ring-around-a-rosy, and they all sang, “Balair and Zarbon blowing up a tree K.I.S.S.I.N.G! First comes love, then comes marriage! Then comes Balair and Zarbon with a baby carriage! But that’s not all, that’s not all! Balair’s baby was drinking al-kee-hol (just like his daddy)!” Balair fired several well-placed ki blasts at the Ginyu Force, who just danced around his ki missiles and continued to taunt him. Finally, after a few minutes, the Ginyu Force and Jaden stopped giving Balair a hard time—for now, anyway. Ginyu spoke up, “Well, I know one thing, men, I intend to ask that little cute recruit of Zarbon’s out for a lunar shake and a foamy glass of Crystal Blue Persuasion.” Crystal Blue Persuasion was the favorite alcoholic drink of almost everyone in the Elite. “I bet that you’ll land her in bed in no time, Cap’n,” Baata said encouragingly. “I plan to,” Ginyu said with a wicked grin. “Oh no, you don’t, you dancing, empty cranium with horns; I called her first! She’s mine!” Balair growled. “Yeah right,” Ginyu snapped. “Chestra is going to want a man with brains.” “Well, in that case, then both of you have an equal chance with her,” Jaden (who didn’t think much of either Balair’s brains or Ginyu’s brains) told her fellow officers. “I have more style!” Ginyu boasted. “That area you do have Balair beat in,” Jaden admitted wickedly. “No one asked you, you icy Rybanese wench!” Balair snapped. “Besides, everyone knows that I have more strength, stamina, and prowess!” “The prowess part is certainly true,” Jaden said slyly. “We all know that you demonstrated that a few weeks ago with our fearless leader, Zarbon. He could tell us all about it, right, Balair?” The entire Ginyu Force roared with laughter; Balair roared with fury. “You’ll pay for that, Jaden!” Balair hissed. “Put it on my bill,” Jaden told him cheerily. “Well, I’ll bet anyone in here that I get Chestra into bed before Balair does!” Ginyu boasted. “Any takers?” “I’ll get on your bet,” Balair sneered. “But I am betting that I jump Chestra’s bones before you will.” “Then we agree,” Ginyu said confidently. “Whoever gets Chestra as their woman first, wins. If I win, you, Balair, will have to don the dress of one of King Cold’s concubines and wear it, dancing the Dance of Joy and singing the Song of Joy at the Biannual Full Staff Meeting, Fair, And Banquet in front of Lord Frieza and King Cold at the end of this year. We will end the bet on the day before then.” “Fine, Ginyu,” Balair said, “And if I win Chestra before then, then you must also wear the dress of one of King Cold’s concubines, but you will have to read a love poem or letter to a male Elite officer, any officer as long as he’s male. I will compose it for you. And you must dance your stupid Dance of Love around him, and then kiss him full on the lips!” “Fine!” Ginyu said in agreement. “Oh, and one last thing, Balair…the loser must be the slave of the winner for an entire month afterwards.” “Fine with me,” Balair told him. “Want to shake on it?” Ginyu asked. “I wouldn’t touch you with a ten-light-year pole!” Balair gagged. “Fine, but it’s still settled.” “Fine!” “Good luck, Ginyu, ‘cause you’re going to need it badly.” “With you reputation for scaring women off, Bali, you’ll need it more than I do. Come on men, it’s time to work on the new pose that I thought of within seconds of declaring this bet—the Dance of Victory! It’s about time that we had one of those! Off, we go, men!” And the Ginyu Force followed their fearless and (wise?) leader, Ginyu, down the corridors. Jaden smirked evilly, as she too left Balair. She privately thought that Chestra deserved better than both of those clowns, and then a devious plan came to her. What if both men lost the bet? Then what would happen? Jaden had nothing personal against Ginyu, but she thought that Chestra, from what little that she knew of her, was better off without Ginyu--or Balair. Especially Balair. Jaden saw this as a rare chance to trip up Balair--and to show Frieza just what a fool ran the Ginyu Force. She decided to find Chestra. The poor girl at least deserved to know what the clown and the bastard were planning. If she wound up with one of them anyway, Jaden would think the girl a fool; she, Jaden, would have had done all that she could do. |