I Am Me
By Hidden Angel


Disclaimer: I do not own Dragonball Z and am in no way connected to them. I only wish I was, than I'd have at least SOME $$$. Seeing as how I am broke, suing me would do you no good. =P





I sat with my head bowed, staring at my own feet as they danced along the floor, wondering when my mother would stop yelling and screaming at me. It was always the same thing over and over again. Nothing about it ever changed. I sighed, not paying attention to her words of disappointment or the look of anger on her face. I didn't need to. I already knew the words by heart and her facial expression was imprinted all over my heart.

How could I not know by now? She repeated the same thing every time my report card was sent home, or every time I screwed something up.

"Goten, are you listening to me?"

"Wha? Yes mom."

She cried, burying her face in her hands. "Not only are you doing poorly in school, but now you're not even listening to me! What am I going to do with you Goten?"

I moved to pat her gently on her shoulders, hoping to slow her tirade of tears.

"Mom, it's okay." I rubbed her back as she leaned against me, her body racking with sobs.

"It's not okay Goten! If you don't do well in school, how are you going to make anything of your life? How are you going to become smart like you're brother?" She paused just long enough to allow another sob to pass. "Why couldn't you be more like you're brother?"

I bit back the angry words that threatened to spill from my lips, words that had been suppressed for years by my love and respect for my mother. Without warning, my mother stood up.

"Promise me you'll try harder Goten."

She stared, her eyes unblinking, waiting for me to make a promise that she didn't know I couldn't keep.

"I'll try harder mom."

She smiled all traces of her sorrow gone. "That's my boy. I always knew you were a good kid."

She walked briskly away, leaving me to study. As she silently closed the door, I scrunched up a piece of paper and threw it violently out the window nearest me. I hated getting my report card. It always led to a display of displeasure towards me by my mother.

Why couldn't she understand that I was I, not Gohan? Why couldn't she understand that just because we are brothers, it doesn't mean that I will be exactly like him? One would have hoped that after eighteen years of my life, she would have figured that out already. But she hadn't. She still held out the hope that I would become like my brother.

She seemed to adore everything about him. To her, he was the very definition of perfection. Gohan was smart, strong, good looking, successful... basically everything that I wasn’t. It didn't matter that our father's death was partially his fault for not unleashing his power on Cell to begin with. It didn't matter that Gohan had mentors of the likes of Piccolo, our father, and all the other Z fighters whereas I grew up with no one but Mister Perfect as my father figure.

No, none of that mattered. All that mattered was that I wasn't him, I wasn't what my mother wanted me to be. In other words, I was a failure. I wasn't the strongest warrior in the universe. I had never saved the world from destruction. I wasn't smart and I had the grades to prove that. I wasn't as good-looking as Gohan. I was nothing more than a troublemaker who was disgracing the family name.

I could feel my chest heaving with suppressed frustration and unvented rage. Why couldn't she, or anyone else for that matter, just understand that I was me. Goten. Not Gohan. It wasn't just my mother that looked at me with eyes full of accusations. Krillen, Yamcha, Tien, they were all the same. They all thought of me as nothing more than a failure. I wasn't Gohan or even my father.

My father hadn't been smart, but he had been strong. Me? I was nothing. Nothing but a failure.

I sighed, moving to my bed and laying down. My mother's words came back to me like a thunderbolt.

"'Promise me you'll try harder Goten."

I hate hearing those five words.

What if I'm already trying my best? What if my best just isn't enough? No one ever stops to wonder about that. No one ever stops to care how that might make me feel... knowing my best just isn't enough for the world.

I closed my eyes, realizing that the world would never understand

Regardless of the enemies I might have to fight, regardless of how I do in school, regardless of how I look...



I am me and that's all I'll ever be.






Author's Note: I wrote this in half an hour after feeling extremely frustrated with my parents. Anyway, this was a one shot (means only one chapter). I hope anyone who read it actually enjoyed it. Please review even if you didn't like it. I don't mind getting critisim. It's probably the only way I'll ever get better.


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