Morning
by Birdee



"I am human and I need to be loved, just like everybody else does." —The Smiths


I watched the sun sink into the ground over the golden plated hills. Shades of pink and orange filtered through the partly clouded sky in order to make the perfect mixture of beauty and finality. I smiled. It was actually kind of pretty.

I have never looked at a sunset before. I mean sure, I have been out late enough to see one, and I know my eyes have glanced over the darkening horizon more than a couple times. But back then, I was always on a mission, never willing to take a few seconds to see it for what it truly was. This sunset was the ending of a day, and the ending of my former life.

What life did I have in me now? I was still part machine, and I was put on this Earth for one reason, to serve my creator. Life is breathed into living things because they have a purpose. But I have no purpose, and in so, no life.

Rocking back and forth, I looked down the peak I stood on. I was so high up, but with my enhanced eyesight I could see each individual blade of grass, and each firefly that started to flicker their mating calls. The crickets had been chirping for a while now, and although before I would have found it annoying, tonight it just seemed to ease my mind. Images flew back and forth across my eyes, and the gentle chirping brought me back to reality.

I wonder, what was my life like before I was turned into this... this monster? Could I ever return to what I once was? I looked over my hands and frowned. They were the hands of a human, but my heart was that of a machine, and would always be. Not even an all powerful dragon could make me a full human again.

All my known life, I have been set out to kill or destroy innocent victims. And the scary part is that I did it without question. No questions, not regrets, and I did my job with some sort of sadistic pleasure, always ready and waiting for the next kill. It pleased me to see that blood on my hands. I thirst for it.

And even though I could never forgive myself for my past life, that human, Kuririn, had forgiven me. When he could have destroyed me, he didn't. When I was spit up by Cell, he rushed to my aid. And when they called forth that dragon to make their wishes, he used his wish on me and my brother.

How could he do that after all I had done to his friends and his planet? How could he find it in himself to forgive me when I couldn't even come to terms with myself?

A sliver of light remained beyond the horizon. I started to see the night stars flicker into existence, as if some celestial deity was turning them all on, one by one. The darkness brought back terrifying memories, remnants of what Dr. Gero had done to me and Seventeen. The twilight grabbed me like a black wave, dragging me under to drown me in the horrors of what I had once done.

I flew quickly toward the sunset, letting the wind whip through my golden hair and feeling it fly behind me. I had been chasing the light for at least ten hours, evading the night sky and the fear it seemed to turn on inside me.

I know I'll have to stop sometime. I had never really gone so long without being put back in my chamber and 'sleeping'. That's great isn't it? Being human enough to have their weaknesses, but not enough to have the benefits. I could feel guilt, I could regret, and I had to eat and sleep. Yet I had no purpose, no will and no understanding of these people.

I wish I was dead. I wish Kuririn had never used that stupid wish on me and I could have gone to Hell in peace. Now I was forced to stay alive with my grief, guilt and regrets. No real purpose, and no real life. I am still all that I will ever be, a machine. And not only a machine. A weapon of mass destruction.

I had to at least find what I once was though. I couldn't just give up what the human had given me, a chance to make up for all that I have done. I don't know how I could make up for it, but I could spend the rest of my life trying.

I guess could find Seventeen, but something tells me I'm not ready. Seventeen always looked for the fun in his existence, and not the things I needed to find now. I don't want him to see me like this, haunted by all the dreams these hands have smashed without a second thought.

Maybe I could find Kuririn. I sure have enough questions to ask him. Like why he had spared me numerous times. On purpose.

Yes. Maybe he held the key to my past. Or at least a key to my future.

I finally saw the bright orb become whole again, and smiled. I know I had to turn around though. I couldn't just fly around the Earth forever.

"After this one," I murmured aloud. "After this one I rest. Then I go back, to find myself a home."

I landed in a tree and watched the sun fade, but I fell asleep on one to the branches before it was over. It was good that I didn't see the skies darken or Orion glare at me from above. Heaven had mercy on me, and when I awoke, it was morning.



End