Easy Money Part 4 (Scene opens on Android 18, still being lead through the crowds of people watching the tournament, where part 3’s end left her) Android 18: (thinks) “I’ve had enough of crowds today to last me for a while. And where is this kid’s father? He must be really short or he would’ve spotted us by now.”(they get to the end of the crowd as the two get closer to the back of the stadium) I can breathe again. So now where’s your father? Trunks: I know he was here! Android 18: Hm. Great. Muscle-bound Dummy 1: (sees 18) Whoa, check her out. Muscle-bound Dummy 2: I think she looks like she needs to hang around with some real men. Let’s go. (Muscle-bound Dummies start walking towards Android 18) Android 18: (notices Muscle-bound Dummies walking toward her; thinks) “Oh no. I really didn’t want to corrupt any minors today, but I have a feeling those two are going to need a pounding.” Muscle-bound Dummy 1: Hey baby. How ‘bout you ditch the kid and come hang with us! Muscle-bound Dummy 2: Yeah, come on. It’ll be fun. Android 18: Yeah, right. I’ll be right with you. (turns toward Trunks) If I kill these two men right now, you’ll be a witness so I’m going to have to ask you to turn around. Trunks: Huh? (The two hear the sound of a struggle behind them and the second Muscle-bound Dummy goes crashing through the stadium wall.) Android 18: Hm? What was that? (turns around to see a man slightly shorter than her with huge, spiky hair; his back is to her; 18 doesn’t have time to think beyond that) Trunks: Dad! I found you! (runs over) You really hit that guy hard! (aside to 18) My dad’s the strongest guy in the whole world! Android 18: (humoring him) I bet. Dad: (picking up the fallen Muscle-bound Dummy 1) I think you owe this lady an apology---and me an apology for annoying me by living! Muscle-bound Dummy 1: Please don’t hurt me--- Dad: I DIDN’T ASK FOR BEGGING! I ASKED FOR APOLOGIES! (throws him through the outer wall of the stadium too, but he goes through the opening where the second went through; he flies so fast that the three aren’t able to see where he lands) Fools. (laughs evilly) Trunks: Wow! Hey dad, mom was right! You are having fun at the tournament! Dad: (to 18 but still hasn’t bothered to turn around) I hope you don’t take this as chivalry. Chivalry is dead, just like these morons will be if they’re dull enough to cross me again!! Muscle-bound Dummy 2: (slowly gets up) We’ll be back! Just you wait! (stumbles away) Android 18: (thinks) “That kid’s dad---his voice sounds almost familiar, but where from?--” (throughts are interrupted by the announcer) Announcer: ALL RIGHT! WE’RE ALMOST READY TO START EVENT 3, THE TRAILER PULL!!! IT’LL JUST BE A FEW MORE MINUTES NOW, SO SIT TIGHT! (a truck is just finishing bringing in a mobile home) Dad: Great, more of the idiot games. I might as well leave. This is such a waste of my time--- Trunks: Dad! I got free candy cuz this lady (points at 18) broke the machine in half! Dad: (uninterestedly) Oh, is that so? Android 18: (thinks) “Oh no! If the wrong person hears that kid, I might have to pay for the damage I did to the stadium!” You don’t need to tell him that, Trunks--- Trunks: And she broke the wall behind it too! It was cool! I bet she’s almost as strong as you are! Dad: (clenches his fist; seems annoyed at the comparison but has no time to reply before the announcer starts again) Announcer: ARE YOU READY FOR SOME ACTION? Crowd: YAY!!!!! Announcer: WELL THEN, LET’S BRING OUR COMPETITORS BACK IN, SHALL WE? (competitors start making their way back into the stadium) Crowd: WOOO!!!! YEA!!!!! Announcer: LET’S GET THIS EVENT STARTED!! WHOEVER CAN PULL THIS MOBILE HOME THE FARTHEST WILL BE DECLARED THE WINNER! GREGORIO! YOU’RE FIRST! Gregorio: As it should be! (grabs chain on the trailer and begins to pull) GGRRRR!!!! (moves the trailler about 5 yards; then stops to catch his breath) I could move it farther, but I don’t wanna show all these pansy-boys up! (punches trailer, making it rock) (a hillbilly woman is knocked out of the trailer’s window) Hillbilly Woman: WHATTA YA’LL DOIN TA MA HOUSE??? Bubba-Bob: MA??? Whadaya doin here ma? Hillbilly Woman: A buncha citay slickas took ma trailer here! Announcer: Oh, I’m terribly sorry, Mrs. ---- Hillbilly Woman: Outta ma way, citay slicka? Is dat onea dem TV cameras? (takes his microphone) Ey’m Bubba-Ma! How y’all doin? Bubba-Bob: Ma! Why dun’t ya go watch da tough fellar contest from da crowd? Bubba-Ma: Donyou tell m whadda do sonnie-boy! I’ll get me a switch from one of dese fellars--- Jimmay-Jo: Ma, they gots stools without de stuffin’s knocked outta dem. An’ water dat ya don gotta pump! Bubba-Ma: Dat so? Well Yee-haw! (runs down the competitor’s entryway, chased by security) Announcer: Why do these things always happen to me? (one of the security men brings back the announcer’s microphone) Thank you. NOW LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE CAN CONTINUE! Crowd: Hurrah!!!! Android 17: Huh? (didn’t notice they had stopped; looking through crowd; spots 18) Cut to Android 18 still with Trunks and his dad who isn’t paying attention Android 18: (notices 17 looking her direction and waves; he waves back) Trunks: Who’s dat? Android 18: That’s my brother. Trunks: Ooohhh. Cut back to Android 17 Android 17: (thinks) “Wonder why 18’s watching from all the way over there? And does she have a kid with her? Maybe I’ll see what she’s doing next break between rounds”--- Announcer: OUR NEXT CONTESTANT IS KILLA! Killa: (moves the trailer 4 yards, grunting loudly) Dag, man, trailazizhevvy, dazwhy wegot truckstamovem! Announcer: Oh my! One yard away from tying our leader! Looks like Killa is headed for second. Phil N. LaBlank: We shall see, mon ami. Ho-hoh-ho! Announcer: Our next contestant is PHIL N. LABLANK! Phil N. LaBlank: (moves the trailer 4 and a half feet and is still going) Gregorio: (thinks) “Oh no. What would Hercule do?” (spits on the ground in front of Phil N. LaBlank, making him slip at the 5 yard mark) Announcer: AMAZING! LOOKS LIKE WE HAVE ANOTHER TIE BETWEEN GREGORIO AND PHIL N. LABLANK, FOLKS! WE’LL GO THROUGH TIE BREAKERS AT THE END OF THE COMPETITION! ANDROID 17, YOU’RE UP! Android 17: (had stopped paying attention again) Huh? What am I supposed to do? Oh, yes. The trailer. (picks the trailer up above his head with one hand) Where am I supposed to take it to? Announcer: (gawks) My gosh...(struggling to find his words)..just...move..it as far as...you can....Unbelievable! Android 17: (walks past the 5 yard mark and continues going until he reaches the 10 yard mark, where they had stopped marking) Hm. Yes. I believe that is far enough. (tosses the trailer; it lands unharmed beside the announcer) Annnouncer: Ahhh! Be careful! I guess there’s no question about who’s going to take first in this event. Gregorio: Impossible! Its gotta be a trick! Phil N. LaBlank: Sacré Bleu! Sammy: My turn! What’d I miss? (running in) I was in the little boy’s room! Supervisor: You are very late! Sammy: I had to wash my hands! Supervisor: You have to pull the trailer as far as you can. Sammy: OK! (grabs the chain and pulls; it takes all his strength but makes it go about a foot; gasps for air and collapses) Announcer: Oh my! Sammy, are you all right? Sammy: Now can I collect my money? Android 17: Pathetic. (to the Announcer) When can we start the next event? Announcer: (not in microphone) They were setting up for the next event while we were doing this one so as soon as everyone’s ready. Android 17: Good. I’m ready now. Come on! Announcer: Why don’t you take a break, at least until Sammy gets up? Android 17: I don’t need to take a break. If its going to be a while, I’ll leave and come back later. Supervisor: No!! You can’t leave under any circumstances, not even as far as another part of the stadium! Its all in the rules! Sammy: (getting up) Gee, why’s that? Supervisor: One year we had a set of body-building identical triplets enter as one person and trade places after every event so they wouldn’t get tired. It wasn’t fair. We can’t take that chance. So we added to the rule books that anyone who leaves before the winner is declared will be disqualified! Consider yourself lucky we’re only giving you a warning for disappearing like that, Sammy. Sammy: (stopped paying attention halfway through the explanation) Disappearing like what? Supervisor: (sighs and starts to explain it again to Sammy, more slowly this time) Android 17: Hm. Guess I can’t go see 18 after all. But then, what are the odds she’ll need me? Announcer: (to competitors) Anyone tired? Sammy: (exhaustedly) Me. Announcer: (doesn’t hear Sammy) So we can continue? Gregorio: Sure! Don’t want to bore the fans. Announcer: (checks with the Supervisors; everything is ready) ALL RIGHT! EVENT 4 IS READY TO BEGIN! THIS IS THE NEXT TO LAST ROUND! SOON WE WILL HAVE DECLARED ONE OF THESE MEN A TOUGH FELLER! NOW FOR THIS NEXT EVENT, I’LL HAND THE MICROPHONE OVER TO OUR HEAD SUPERVISOR, MICKEY! [author’s note: I just wanted to take a minute to say that this script contains all original characters and Dragonball Z characters except for one from Rocky; yep, you guessed it. One of the women Android 18 was shopping with in part 2 was Adrian in disguise. End authors note] Micky: Alright ya lousy bums! This contest isn’t just ta see how tough you are; ya gotta be fast. And if you can catch this chicken, you’ll be faster than greased lightnin’! Everybody ready? GO! (A chicken is released on the opposite side of the stadium from where the contestants are; all contestants but Android 17 begin running towards it like a bunch of maniacs, trying to catch it. Gregorio is closest to the chicken when Sammy, coming from behind trips over Gregorio and falls on his head, taking Gregorio down with him. Then suddenly the chicken disappears.) Mickey: What? Where’d da chicken go? I need it ta train boxers! Android 17: (moved so fast no one saw him; is now holding the chicken) And what am I supposed to do with this? Mickey: (shocked) Uhh, just giv’em ‘ere. (takes his chicken) Announcer: (taking back microphone) ANOTHER NEW TIME RECORD SET BY SEVENTEEN!! WELL, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IT APPEARS THAT THIS EVENT IS OVER SOONER THAN EXPECTED! BUT DON’T WORRY! THE FINAL EVENT WILL BE SET UP IN A FEW MINUTES! SO GET READY TO SEE SOME ACTION IN THE REFRIGERATOR RACE!!! Cut to Android 18 still with Trunks and his dad (who appears to not be listening) Android 18: (looking at Android 17) Why won’t he just end this? I want to leave! Or if he can’t, let someone else who can---like me! Trunks: Yeah! You could beat those guys! Muscle-bound Dummy 2: (guy from before back with some friends) There they are! That’s the guy who jumped us! Muscle-bound Dummy 3: Really? He doesn’t look so tough! Muscle-bound Dummy 4: You shoulda run when you had the chance, dork! Dad: Oh? (punches Muscle-bound Dummy 4, sending him flying, just like he did 1) Android 18: You’d better go easy on them. You know how fragile flesh and blood types can be. Dad: (grabs Muscle-bound Dummies 3 and 5, one in each arm and throws them, seemingly angrier than he had been before. He hurls one to the other side of the stadium and the other towards the center of the stadium; then he turns to Android 18) YOU! I knew I recognized your voice! You’re one of the androids!! Android 18: Vegeta!! (thinks) “Oh, no! Why didn’t I recognize him sooner??” (thinks back to the fight with second from Cell) “And he’s a lot stronger than me now. I’m doomed!!” Trunks: Hey do you two know each other? Vegeta: (grabs Trunks by the shoulder and tosses him aside) Stay out of this, son. We have a score to settle. (starts powering up) AHHHHH!!!!! (stadium shakes) Cut back to Android 17 and other contestants Sammy: What is this, an earthquake? Gregorio: This ain’t like any earthquake I’ve ever been in! Bubba-Bob: I reckon we’d better git! John-Jimmay: You sed it brudder! Killa: Ay, man, I-I-Igottago. Ileff dovenon immakitchin. Announcer: Wait! We don’t want to panic the fans! Let’s just finish the last round and the people will leave so we don’t have to evacuate! Anyway, I’m sure it’ll stop. Cut back to Vegeta, 18, and Trunks Vegeta: (now Super Saiyan and then some; stops powering up) That should be more than enough to deal with you! Hope you’ve said your goodbyes, Android! And don’t worry about saying goodbye to your brother in the tournament; he’s next! Android 18: (thinks) “He may be tougher than me, but I can’t go down without a fight!” (ready to fight) “If I can hold him off until after the tournament is over, 17 can help me, but I’m on my own until then.” All right, little man. If you really want to lose again. (18 and Vegeta begin fighting; it is staying fairly close to the ground; the crowd doesn’t take notice just yet because the announcer starts again) Announcer: ALL RIGHT! WHO’S READY TO START THE FINAL EVENT?? Crowd: YEAAAA!!!! Announcer: Okay! We now begin the refrigerator race! This could decide everything! The contestants each have a refrigerator and are behind our starting line! They must run 40 yards with their refrigerator, across the stadium in the ropped off area! Whoever gets there first is the winner! And please, if any children are watching, do NOT try this at home. IS THE AUDIENCE READY? Crowd: YAY!!!!!! Announcer: ARE OUR ATHLETES READY? Android 17: Can we please just get started? Announcer: I’ll take that as a yes. IS OUR ANNOUNCER READY? (long pause) WAIT, I’M OUR ANNOUNCER! YES, I’M READY! SO LET’S GOOOO!!!! (all contestants start trying to pick up their fridges; 17 stops to watch. Phil N. LaBlank and Gregorio both manage to lift their fridges up and start slowly racing towards the finish line. Gregorio takes an early lead. John-Jimmay & his kinfolk are unable to move their fridges. Sammy has already tripped over his fridge and seems unable to get up) Sammy: OWWIEE!!! Killa: No waymi throwin outmabackfernosecnplaze! Diziz outtawack, man! (doesn’t even try) (Android 17 picks up his fridge with one hand, much as he did with the trailer and runs in front of Gregorio) Android 17: So, am I still a weak pretty-boy? Gregorio: I don’t know what you are, but you’re not human! Android 17: Uh-huh. Your point? (runs across the finish line, fast enough to lead the others in the dust, but slow enough that the crowd can see him.) Announcer: WHOA! LOOKS LIKE WE HAVE A WINNER OF THE REFRIGERATOR RACE, AND A NEW TIME RECORD TOO! MAKING THREE TIME RECORDS HE’S SHATTERED TONIGHT! Android 17: (now next to the announcer) But of course. (looks over to the side of the stadium where Android 18 and Vegeta are fighting) Hey, those people aren’t watching me win. What’s going on over there? Announcer: Oh nothing! Just a little fight! Security has been sent over to break it up! I wouldn’t worry! You’ll be declared the winner just as soon as the others finish the race. Announcer: AND HERE WE HAVE THE BATTLE FOR SECOND COMING IN; ITS GREGORIO, NO! ITS LABLANK, NO!!! ITS GREGORIO! ITS SO CLOSE! WHO WILL IT BE? (a fridge comes rolling down the hill and crosses the finish line just in front of LaBlank and Gregorio; LaBlank and Gregorio then tie) IT LOOKS LIKE WE HAVE A TIE FOR SECOND AND A FRIDGE?? WHERE IS THE CONTESTANT? Voice from inside accompanied by a knocking sound: Hey! Lemme outta here! Announcer: (opens the Fridge) OH! IT LOOKS LIKE OUR TIE IS FOR THIRD!! Sammy: (coming out of fridge) Hurray for me!!! Gregorio: WHAT?!?! But he didn’t race!!! Supervisor: The rules say whichever contestant crosses the finish line with their fridge. It doesn’t say they have to be carrying it. Oh my. Perhaps we should amend the rules for next year. Phil N. LaBlank: (to Sammy and 17, who isn’t paying attention) YOU ARE BOTH SO STUPIDE! HOW DARE YOU ROB LABLANK OF HIS TITLE??? YOU FOOLISH PEOPLES!!! (makes a face and slaps himself on the head a few times in mockery) Sammy: Wow, you’re crazy! Where are you supposed to be from? Phil N. LaBlank: I am French! Can’t you tell by my outrageous accent??? Sammy: Then what are you doing here?? Phil N. LaBlank: MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!! YOUR MOTHER WAS A HAMSTER AND YOUR FATHER SMELT OF ELDERBERRIES!!! [author’s note: I’m not stealing from Monty Python, I’m not stealing from Monty Python!] Announcer: SO, 17, THE JUDGES SHOULD BE DECLARING YOU THE NEXT TOUGH FELLER IN A FEW MINUTES DURING OUR AWARD CEREMONY! HOW DO YOU FEEL? Android 17: (has been watching the distant fight transfixedly for the last few minutes) I’ve got to go. Announcer: WHAT??? You can’t go! You know that! You’ll be disqualified! Android 17: But my sister’s over there! Announcer: Don’t worry, I’m sure she’s fine! Security is handling things. (a security man that got thrown sails overhead with a yell) Cut back to Android 18, fighting Vegeta; the fight has taken to the air since before, but so much dust has been kicked up no one can really tell what’s going on Vegeta: I’ve toyed with you long enough, Android. Its time to break the last two toys of a crazy old man! (knocks 18 to the ground and begins charging up for the Final Flash) Android 18: (thinks) “This is it. I can’t move. I’m done for. I can’t watch!” (closes her eyes) Trunks: (somewhere outside the smoke yelling) Dad, please, stop! You’re going to hurt her! Another voice: I won’t let that happen! (18 hears running and then feels someone picking her up, followed by the sound of the final flash impacting) Android 18: What, I’m still alive! (looks up to see who’s carrying her; its Krillin) Krillin: Hey. Android 18: Hey. What brings you here? Krillin: I remembered Vegeta was going to be here and thought you might need some help. Android 18: That was stupid of you, you know. He’s just going to kill us both now. Vegeta: Well at least you won’t have to die alone, Android! (knocks both Krillin and 18 out of the sky with one blow; Vegeta then kicks Krillin in the stomach while he’s down several times) Moron. Stay out of my way. Your android is as good as dead. Yamcha: (from outside the smoke, having no clue what is going on within) Krillin! If you can keep him busy, I’m going to go get help!!! Puar: Do you want me to shapeshift into scissors again, Yamcha? Yamcha: No, Puar. Unless we can get Vegeta to run with you, I somehow don’t think it would help! (the two run off) Android 18: (mutters) Great, now I’m really doomed. Krillin: Now Vegeta, control your temper! Vegeta: Control??? What’s that?? (picks Krillin up and slams him into the ground, knocking him out) Android 18: (thinks) “He’s not strong enough to do anything, but he’s so brave! I’ve got to get Vegeta away from him.” Krillin!!! (has managed to get up and flies towards Vegeta; is putting up a better fight than before, but is still losing) Vegeta: That’s it, Android! Maybe I’ll get a workout now! (punches 18 in the stomach as hard as he can, making her scream) Cut back to Android 17 with announcer Android 17: That’s her. That’s 18. I can’t abandon her! Announcer: But you’ll forfeit if you leave now! Just a few more minutes! Android 17: A few more minutes could be too late! (flies towards the fight as fast as he can) Judge 1: Dang, that means I’ve gotta start counting wins again. Judge 2: Aw man. Judge 3: I’ve got it, I’ve got it! Android 17 took first in almost every event. So we just cover up the first row on the score card and count! Oh, and Sammy got first on the Punch Pad. Announcer: (coming over) So who wins? Judge 1: It looks like....SAMMY! Announcer: SO THERE YOU HAVE IT!! ANDROID 17 HAS BEEN DISQUALIFIED AND SAMMY IS OUR WINNER!!! Cut back to 18 Android 18: (slightly stunned, Krillin shows no signs of getting up; 18 just barely manages to look Vegeta in the eyes as she speaks) Wow, I never thought it’d end this way. Of all the people I’ve made mad, I never thought it’d be you who finally got to finish me off. Vegeta: Consider yourself lucky. You were killed by the best. Android 17: No, I’M the best! (punches Vegeta, knocking him back a bit, and catches 18) You all right? Android 18: Not really. You gave up the money! Android 17: Money isn’t everything. We attack together now, okay? (17 and 18 attack Vegeta together, but the fight is still close; they are still caught in a giant smoke screen, but a bit of a crowd is still attempting to observe them) Tall Red-Haired Man: (carefully steps past Trunks) Excuse me. This has gone on long enough. Trunks: That’s my dad in there, but he’s outta control! Tall Red-Haired Man: Do not worry. I will try not to harm him. (steps into the smoke) Vegeta: (powers up some more and knocks 18 and 17 to the ground) I’m glad both you tin cans came over! That saved me the trouble of tracking you down! You two are both pathetic! You deserve this! Android 17: Did you know he was this strong? Android 18: Uh-huh. It happened after Cell got you. I think we should’ve run away. Tall Red-Haired Man: (interrupting 17 and 18) You should stop. Right now. Vegeta: Stop? Who are you to tell me to stop? (The Tall Red Haired Man says no more; he just punches Vegeta as hard as he can, sending him spinning to the ground; he lands out cold; the smoke clears; Android 17 stands and helps 18 up. They are both bewildered.) Trunks: WOW! That was SO COOL! I didn’t think there was anyone tougher than my dad!!! Android 18: Yeah, but who was it? Trunks: You mean you didn’t know him? I wanted you to tell me who he is!!! Android 17: I didn’t even see him. Android 18: I didn’t either. There was too much smoke. Trunks: Well he’s gone now. He flew away! Android 17: Flew? But most humans can’t fly. Android 18: Most humans can’t knock out Vegeta either. Trunks: (proudly) I got to talk to him! Android 18: So what did he look like? Trunks: He was really big! And he had funny red hair! Android 17: Big-- Android 18: And with red hair-- Android 17: But he’s dead--- Android 18: Isn’t he? Android 17: Which way did he go? Trunks: I dunno. Android 17: What do you mean you don’t know?!?!? Android 18: Calm down, 17. If it’s who we think it is, he’ll be back someday. Wait, what happened to Krillin? (looks around and sees him on the ground, unmoved) Oh no. Android 17: What’s HE doing here? Android 18: He tried to save me-- Android 17: And it looks like he failed. Android 18: I’ve gotta go. We’ve gotta get him some help! Android 17: He’s just a weak human; he’s probably already dead. You’d think somebody would keep a better eye on him. Android 18: (distantly) Yes. Somebody should. (picks Krillin up) I’ve got to go get him some help--- Android 17: What’re you doing? Put him down! Android 18: But 17---(Krillin moves) Android 17: Well what do you know. He’s alive. Now can we go? Android 18: I don’t want to leave him. He could’ve died, and it would’ve been my fault! Android 17: Who cares? It’s just another human. Android 18: Is he? Android 17: Hm? Android 18: Never mind. Just let me get him some help, that’s all. Cut to several months later; Android 17 is alone, lying on a hillside outside his shack, watching clouds Android 17: “Just let me get him some help”; that’s what she said. Who knew it’d be three weeks before he’d be all right? And who knew she wouldn’t want to leave him until he was well? And who knew she still wouldn’t want to leave him after that and that I’d have to go home alone? They’ll probably get married soon. I can’t blame her though--18 never was too smart. And Krillin had that whole trip plotted out, I bet. He probably even paid off that dark-haired kung-fu girl that told us about the tournament in the first place. Too bad. I even thought she was kinda cute! Why didn’t I see it coming? I should’ve known he meant more than he was saying when he told her to go out and earn some money. Easy money? Ha. There’s no such thing. Or at least it wasn’t easy for me. The End