Scene 1: Marley's Ghost NARRATOR: Marley was dead: to begin with. There is no doubt whatever about that--- Vegeta: There is also no doubt about how lame this story is. (hits narrator, knocking him cold; looks to the dbz narrator) Continue. NARRATOR: (from dbz taking over from here on) Alright! LAST TIME ON DRAGONBALL Z!!! Jacob Marley died and no one cared, not even Scrooge! Scrooge didn’t care much about anything, not even the quickly-approaching Christmas holiday; and so our story begins at his counting hou---(talking to someone off camera) Huh? Counting house is no good? And so our story begins with Scrooge at his Capsule counting house. MIRAI TRUNKS: (cheerfully) Merry Christmas, dad! NARRATOR: It was the voice of Scrooge's nephew---err---son from the future, visiting for the holidays. SCROOGE: Bah! Humbug! MIRAI TRUNKS: Christmas a humbug, dad! You don't mean that, I am sure? (wonders what humbug means) SCROOGE: I do, Merry Christmas! What right have you to be merry? What reason have you to be merry? You're stupid enough! MIRAI TRUNKS: Uhhh, dad, you’re supposed to say “Your poor enough”--- SCROOGE: IF I WANT TO CHANGE THE LINES IN THIS PLAY THEN I WILL AND NO PUNK KID IS GOING TO STOP ME! (punches Trunks sending him flying) LET’S JUST GO TO THE NEXT SCENE! OFF-CAMERA: But then I won’t get any lines in this god-awful waste of time! SCROOGE: FINE! Then just pick up after Trunks is gone. NARRATOR: Trunks was thrown out without another word, leaving a large hole in the wall. Two gentlemen step into Scrooge’s house through the large hole. GENTLEMAN #1: This is Goku’s house, yes 20? SCROOGE: Shut up you bucket of tin! GENTLEMAN #2: Please, both of you, at least try and look at the script. (Vegeta clenches his fist and scowls angrily.) SCROOGE: Don’t push me, old man. GENTLEMAN #2: Returning to the script, at this festive season of the year, Mr. Scrooge, it is more than usually desirable that we should make some slight provision for my experiments in making a perfect warrior---I mean--for the Poor and Destitute, who suffer greatly at the present time. Many thousands are---- SCROOGE: Wait a minute, didn’t I kill at least one of you? GENTLEMAN #1: I am not sure what you are talking about.....(nervous chuckle) SCROOGE: And I’ll kill you again if you don’t keep in line! GENTLEMAN #2: Well as I was saying--- SCROOGE: OH SHUT UP! I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU WERE SAYING! WHAT’S THE POINT TO THESE BORING SCENES??? GENTLEMAN #1 & #2: To make Scrooge look more like a villian--- SCROOGE: Fine. You want me to be a villian? Then how’s this? FINAL FLASH!!! (energy attack sends Android 19 and Android 20 back to snake way) IS THAT EVIL ENOUGH FOR YOU???? GENTLEMAN #1’S HEAD: Malfunction-malfunction-malfunction.... SCROOGE: THERE! Can I go now? (speaks to someone off camera) WHAT? THERE’S MORE? NARRATOR: Meanwhile, as everyone else celebrates Christmas Eve, Scrooge and his accountant/defender of Earth Goku are still at work. Unemployed Villian's Choir (singing through the hole in the wall left by 19 and 20’s departue) God bless you, merry gentleman! May nothing you dismay! Kaioshin: (stops singing, to talk to himself) Dismay? How could I not have dismay? I’m in the same chrous as Majin Buu! Maybe I should get out of here--- Majin Buu: (happily) BUU!!!!!! Perfect Cell: (puts Kaioshin in a headlock) I DON’T HEAR YOU SINGING! Kaioshin: Ahh! But I’m not an unemployed villian! My being here makes no sense--- Dabura: Does anyone really belong here? It is degrading for the Prince of Demons to be in a choir and I’m dead! Hellfighter 17: Hey! I’m not even dubbed in English yet, but I’m still in this. So you’re not getting out if I’m not-- SCROOGE: GET OUT OF HERE, ALL OF YOU! (grabs Dabura and throws him into the rest of the choir) FREELOADING NOBODYS! MAJIN BUU: ME NO LIKE YOU! SCROOGE: DEAL WITH IT! KAIOSHIN: What a jerk he is. SCROOGE: WHAT DID YOU SAY? (starts charging up another energy attack and the choir flees in terror) SCROOGE: (begins closing up for the night; looks at Bob Crachet) You'll want tomorrow off, I suppose? BOB KRILLIN: Yes, sir. SCROOGE: Huh? I though Kakarot was going to be Bob Crachet? BOB KRILLIN: Goku got really hungry during the scene with Trunks and went to get a something to eat. He’s not back yet. So I guess we’re trading roles. SCROOGE: (mumbles a few things under his breath and checks the script to see where he is) The next few lines are stupid. I’m skipping them. BOB KRILLIN: Can’t you just rephrase them? SCROOGE: CAN’T YOU SHUT UP? THEY SAY I PAY YOU TOO MUCH FOR ALL THE SLACKING OFF YOU DO! SO COME IN EARLIER THE DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS! BOB KRILLIN: Merry Christmas sir! SCROOGE: CHRISTMAS, BAH HUMBUG! WHO REALLY CARES?!?! NOW GET OUT OF MY SIGHT BEFORE I GET REALLY MAD! BOB KRILLIN: GYAH! Yes sir! (runs) NARRATOR: The clerk promised that he would; and Scrooge walked out with a growl. The office was closed in a twinkling, and the clerk, with the long ends--- SCROOGE: That’s enough narration! Skip to something remotely resembling action! NOW!!! NARRATOR: OKAY! Scrooge, while getting ready for bed, realizes there is a ghost in his room. YIKES! I won’t want to be him right now! SCROOGE: What the---? What do you want with me? MARLEY: Much! SCROOGE: Who are you? MARLEY: Who am I? Its me, Nappa! SCROOGE: No-No! The script, Nappa! MARLEY: Oh, sorry Vegeta. I’m Jacob Marley? SCROOGE: Good! You got something right. Now read your line. MARLEY: Line? What line? SCROOGE: THE SCRIPT, IDIOT! LOOK AT THE SCRIPT! MARLEY: Uhhh....I love you Daddy Warbucks---- SCROOGE: YOU HAVE THE WRONG SCRIPT, MORON!!! I KNEW IT WAS A MISTAKE CASTING YOU! WE WOULD’VE BEEN BETTER OFF WITH ONE OF THE SAIBAIMEN! YOUR SCENE IS OVER! FINAL FLASH!! MARLEY: Vegeta!!!!!! (gone) SCROOGE: Its not like anyone here hasn’t heard of this stupid play before. Had I spared Nappa he would’ve told me there were three ghosts coming. That’s the only valuable peice of information his character had and he couldn’t even deliver that right! NARRATOR! CONTINUE! Scene 2: The First of the Three Spirits NARRATOR: And so Scrooge went to sleep in his pink pajamas and night cap, never thinking that the message the ghost of Marley never got around to telling him might’ve been true. And what’s this??? Zoinks! A ghost in the form of a dark haired girl appeared in Scrooge’s room! So much for sleeping! I’d hate to be him now! SCROOGE: Are you the Spirit, sir, whose coming was foretold to me. GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST: (soft and gentle) I am. SCROOGE: Who, and what are you? GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST: I am the Ghost of Christmas Past in the play. SCROOGE: (kind of rolls his eyes and continues) Long Past? GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST: No. Your past. SCROOGE: Why have you come here? GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST: Your welfare. SCROOGE: (sarcasm) Well thank you very much but if you’re so concerned about my welfare, why are you making me lose sleep??? What’re you really interested in??? GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST Gee, those are good questions.... SCROOGE: (getting annoyed) I want to get this script done in this lifetime so I’m not letting anyone get me off topic this scene!! Where’d Kakarot find you anyway? GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST: Golly, I don’t know who Kakarot is but my name is Lunch. (notices the people off stage and waves to Krillin) Hi Krillin! How’s training? Krillin: (responding off camera) Its good! I’m a lot stronger than I was when Raditz came! Hey, Lunch! Finish the scene! You’re going to make Vegeta mad! GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST: Oh, right......now where was I....(turning page of the script causes a slight breeze which kicks up some dust; she starts to sneeze) OH! NO! RUN AWAY! PLEASE! AH-CHOO! Krillin: (still off stage) GYAH! Maybe we should continue the play at another time! GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST: (now being played by Lunch in her violent form) WHAT’S GOING ON HERE AND WHO ARE ALL YOU PEOPLE??? (pulls machine gun out of nowhere) AND SOMEONE HAD BETTER ANSWER ME!!!! Krillin: (running onto the stage) Lunch! LUNCH! CALM DOWN! Your other half was doing a play! You don’t have to! We’ll get someone else to read her part! GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST: A play, huh? People that go see plays are usually loaded. I’ll stick around. Maybe I can get some cash. So whadda I hafta do? Krillin: (going back off stage) Just follow the script. And try to stay calm. GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST: (flipping through the script) So where are we? SCROOGE: (annoyed) Middle of page five, your line. GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST: Your recla--recla....What’s that word mean anyway? SCROOGE: THEN SUBSTITUTE IT FOR A WORD YOU DO KNOW, ASSUMING YOU KNOW ANY WORDS!!! GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST: HEY WATCH WHAT YOU SAY, IDIOT!! Kaioshin: Krillin, get out there and make them break it up before someone gets hurt! Krillin: GYAH! NO WAY! I’m not getting between them! You make them break it up! Kaioshin: Fine then, I will. (coming out on stage) Excuse me. SCROOGE: YOU DARE CALL THE PRINCE OF THE SAIYANS AN IDIOT??? GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST: SURE! AND I’LL CALL HIM A MORON TOO! Kaioshin: Excuse me! SCROOGE: DARNED PUNK! I’LL TEACH YOU SOME RESPECT! GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST: GO AHEAD AND TRY! BUT I’VE NEVER FOUGHT SOMEONE SO SHORT BEFORE! Kaioshin: This will be harder than I realized.... Piccolo: (coming out in ghost of Christmas present costume) SHUT UP, BOTH OF YOU! WE’VE GOT TO GET THROUGH THIS PLAY AND YOU TWO’S BICKERING ISN’T MAKING IT GO ANY FASTER! AND SHOW THE SUPREME KAI SOME RESPECT IF YOU CAN!! (storms off) SCROOGE: The Namek has a point. GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST: Yeah. But how am I supposed to say a line if I can’t say it? Kaioshin: I’ll stay here and help you. The scene can’t be much longer. GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST: Fine! But don’t act like this is going to make me like you any more! (shows him the word that she was having problems with) Kaioshin: (sounds it out for her) Recla-ma-tion. GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST: Your Recla---...what the purple guy said. Take Heed. (aside) What does it recla--whatever-- mean? SCROOGE: IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT IT MEANS AS LONG AS YOU SAY IT! (hits a table for emphasis, kicking up more dust) GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST: OH NO! Not again! Ah-choo! (turns back into dark haired self) Oh gosh. I hope I didn’t cause any trouble. Where are we in the script now? Kaioshin: You’re one line below where you were before. (says quietly while walking back to the wings of the stage) Humans certainly are strange. GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST: What a strange little man! He’s such a pretty shade of purple! SCROOGE: Who cares? Finish the scene!! GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST: Oh, all right (takes Scrooge’s arm) Rise. and walk with me. (about to step out window like script says but stops) Gee, I can’t fly! Silly me! SCROOGE: (disgusted) Oh come on. (Vegeta flies, dragging Lunch along) NARRATOR: As the words were spoken, they passed through the wall, and stood upon an open country road, with fields on either hand. The city had entirely vanished. Not a vestige of it was to be seen. The darkness and the mist had--- SCROOGE: Before we go any further with this scene, spirit, you listen and you listen good: you choose which one of these stupid flashback scenes you like best and that’s the one we will do! I will only put up with one! And if you want to argue, you can plead your case as you fall from the sky! (purposely lets his grip slip to make Lunch nervous) GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST: Oh my, you’re so mean! (starts screaming) HELP!!! HELP!!! SOMEBODY HELP ME!!! BOB KAKAROT(speaking the script): Bob Crachit enters stage left. Bob Crachit: If you say so, sir. SCROOGE: Kakarot?? GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST: Goku!!!! How are you? Did you ever find that four star dragonball you were looking for? BOB KAKAROT: Hey Lunch! What’re you doing here? Huh, I kinda forgot about grandpa’s dragonball. SCROOGE: KAKAROT, YOU ALREADY MISSED YOUR LINES SO GET OFF THE STAGE!!! GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST: Goku! Don’t leave me here with him! He’s crazy! He said he’d drop me! I’m just following the script! BOB KAKAROT: Vegeta, if you won’t leave Lunch alone, you’ll have to be recast. SCROOGE: FINE! No more threatening the ghosts. I still refuse to do more than one of these lame scenes. BOB KAKAROT: Gee, all that solving conflicts really made me hungry. (exits stage left where he came from) GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST: Gee, I have an idea! How about we put all the flashback scenes together? It’ll be quicker that way. SCROOGE: Fine with me! Let’s get started. GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST: (the two appear on Frieza’s space ship) You recollect the way? SCROOGE: Remember it, (with fervour) I could walk it blindfold. GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST: Strange to have forgotten it for so many years. Let us go on. NARRATOR: And so Vegeta-Scrooge and the Ghost of Christmas Past, aka Lunch, begin wandering the vision of Frieza’s space ship. And then the two hear some familar voices from in a room. Captain Ginyu: Alright men, are we ready? We’ve got to get this pose right, for Lord Frieza returns today. Jeice: Right Captain! SCROOGE: I remember them. We were all under Frieza together. All together: WE ARE THE GINYU FOOORRCE!! (pose) Captain Ginyu: Hmmm....(stepping out of the pose to look at them) Something still just isn’t right. Guldo, move your arms a few inches towards Jeice. Better....and Burter, did you gain weight?? Lord Frieza would not approve! Guldo: Go easy on him Cap’n! It is the holidays! Captain Ginyu: Excuses, excuses! I don’t want to hear it! Now let’s try again, from the beginning! All but Captain: Awww! Captain Ginyu: No whining! We are----wait, what’s that? (Young Scrooge-Vegeta skips into the room) Young Scrooge: (skips into the room) Hi guys! Whatcha doin’? SCROOGE: Waitaminute, who wrote this past sequence???? KAKAROT!!!! Somebody make the little me stop! (throws an energy attack at the Ginyu force and the little him and it passes through them) GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST: These are but shadows of the things that have been, they have no consciousness of us. Recoome: Hey guys look, its Vegeta-chan. Burter: How are your ballet lessons coming? Young Scrooge: Oh, they’re great! I get to be the sugar-plum fairy in our next recital! Captain Ginyu: Keep up the good work Vegeta! Maybe someday you’ll have the style needed to be an elite member of the Ginyu Force! (Ginyus pose) Young Scrooge: Really!! Do you mean it? Captain Ginyu: No, I don’t! (Ginyus laugh, little Scrooge runs away crying) SCROOGE: No more! No more, I don't wish to see it. Show me no more. I’ve heard of creative license but this is ridiculous! I WON’T STAND ANY MORE! (closes his eyes screaming and Goku sneaks on and uses instant transmission to take the three of them back to Scrooge’s room; then Lunch and Goku instant transmit out) HAUNT ME NO LONGER. (opens his eyes and realizes the spirit is gone and he’s back in his room) I guess it was all just a nightmare. (falls into a deep sleep) Scene 3: The Second of the Three Spirits SCROOGE: (wakes up to the sound of the clock striking one) Hm. One o’clock and no more ghosts. They would keep me waiting. Stupid things....maybe they finally decided to stay dead. (gets up and puts on his bunny slippers and walks into the room adjoined to his; Piccolo is there, no longer wearing the ghost of christmas past outfit) Piccolo: I’m sorry, I can’t. SCROOGE: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CAN’T? Piccolo: I can’t be in this play; its too far below me. Deal with it. (flies out) SCROOGE: All right, the Namek’s gone. So who’s all for skipping over this scene? Krillin: (coming out on stage again) Come on Vegeta! We can’t skip an entire scene! It might be important! Anyway, I’m sure Piccolo had an understudy. (Kaioshin is waving his arms wildly from the wing of the stage to try and silence Krillin) Kaioshin: Not the understudy! We can’t! Its too risky! It’d be better just to skip the scene and--- SCROOGE: WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP AND GET OFF THE STAGE??? AND BRING OUT SOMEONE---ANYONE TO REPLACE THE NAMEK! IF IT WAS THE NAMEK’S JOB, IT COULDN’T HAVE BEEN THAT HARD!!! Krillin: GYAH! Yes sir! (he and Kaioshin get off the stage) SCROOGE: AND HURRY UP!!!! (Krillin comes out with Majin Buu wearing a lame ghost costume) Majin Buu: BUUU!!!!!!! SCROOGE: You mean HE’S the ghost of Christmas present?? Krillin: I think he studied his lines so he should do okay. Majin Buu: Me like Christmas presents!!! SCROOGE: FINE! The sooner we start the scene, the sooner its over. GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PRESENT: (begins turning prop food put in the room for the scene into real food and shouting) POW-OW-OW!!! Come in. Come in! BUU!!!! SCROOGE: (enters) Let’s get this over with. GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PRESENT: Look at me--look at me!!! POW-OW-OW!!! You never seen me before! SCROOGE: Never. GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PRESENT: (long pause) Me no remember lines after that. SCROOGE: That’s just great. The only understudy just had to be the oversized ugly toddler with the 3 second attention span! GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PRESENT: YOU MAKIN’ BUU MAD! POW-OW-OW! Perfect Cell: (from the wings of the stage) Majin Buu! Stick to the script or I shall be forced to take your role from you! SCROOGE: Oh, let’s just go already! GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PRESENT: Come with Buu then! (The two fly to the outside of the Krillin house) Perfect Cell: Wait one moment, you’re not supposed to be at the house yet! GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PRESENT: ME AM AT THE HOUSE WHEN ME WANT TO BE!!!! If me not say the lines, they not important!!! You want turned into cookie? (Mrs. Crachit...err...Mrs. Krillin, Belinda, and the two unnamed children are in the kitchen getting ready for Christmas dinner) MRS KRILLIN: (Android 18, trying not to speak in a monotone) What has ever got your precious father then. And your brother, Tiny Tim. And Martha warn't as late last Christmas Day by half-an-hour. BELINDA KRILLIN: (coldly and bitterly in his monotone) Here's Martha, mother. (still wonders how 18 dragged him into this) KRILLIN BOY: Here's Martha. Hurray! KRILLIN GIRL: We’re having goose, Martha! (aside to Krillin Boy aka Dende) Why are you the only green person in this family? KRILLIN BOY: Gosh, that’s a good question. MRS KRILLIN: (coldly to Martha-Videl) Hm, you’re late. MARTHA KRILLIN: (thinking “if 18 can change the script, so can I!”) We had lots of criminals to catch last night, and had even more this morning, mother. MRS KRILLIN: (“Who needs scripts?”) Well at least you decided to show up at all. KRILLIN GIRL: There's father coming! SCROOGE: HURRY THIS SCENE ALONG!!! THIS IS MY PLAY AND YOU ALL DO AS I TELL YOU TO! (Bob Krillin enters with Tiny Tim...uhhh...Marron on his shoulders and all cast members skip down a few paragraphs in the script) MRS. KRILLIN: And how did little Marron behave? BOB KRILLIN: As good as gold, and better. She’s a good kid. (Marron is jumping up and down) Who’s supposed to be playing a cripple! TINY MARRON KRILLIN: (giggles) Oops! Sorry daddy! SCROOGE: (asking like he clearly doesn’t care) Spirit, tell me if Tiny Marron will live? GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PRESENT: Me not think so! BUU!!!!! (The Krillins start to eat) BOB KRILLIN: A Merry Christmas to us all. And God bless us. ALL KRILLIN FAMILY: (some form of) Merry Christmas! TINY MARRON KRILLIN: God bless us, every one. (giggles again) BOB KRILLIN: A toast! To Mr Scrooge, the Founder of the Feast. MRS. KRILLIN: The Founder of the Feast? Yeah right. I wish I had him here. I'd give him a piece of my mind! BOB KRILLIN: Come on honey. It’s Christmas Day. MRS. KRILLIN: It should be Christmas Day, I am sure, but you know how he is; too big of a jerk to care! BOB KRILLIN: Honey! “Christmas Day”! MRS. KRILLIN: I'll drink his health for your sake and Christmas Day's, not for his. Long life to him. A Merry Christmas and a happy new year. I’m sure he’ll be happy. GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PRESENT: We go here now! (they fly to outside of Trunks’s house) MIRAI TRUNKS: He said that Christmas was a humbug. Can you believe it? BULMA: (indignantly) That Vegeta. Shame on him, Trunks. MIRAI TRUNKS: He’s a crazy old guy and he’s probably going to Hell, but he’s still my dad. BULMA: I have no patience with that man.. MIRAI TRUNKS: Oh, I have. I feel sorry for him; I couldn't be angry with him if I tried. Who suffers by his ill whims. Himself, always. He makes an appoint to dislike us, and he never visits. What's the consequence? He misses dinner. BULMA: Indeed, I think he loses a very good dinner (They have dinner and start to play a game called Yes and no....WHAT KINDA LAME GAME IS THAT??? Uhhhmmmm Pictionary will work) SCROOGE: Oh no, they’re playing a game. Come on Spirit, I only gave you half an hour of my time! BULMA: (draws a picture of a big smelly monster living in a cave wearing a prince crown) GUEST 1: (Puar) I know what it is! I know what it is! MIRAI TRUNKS: Then what is it? GUESTS 2: (Yamcha) Hey, it's Vegeta! Scrooge! BULMA: That’s right!! MIRAI TRUNKS: Well even if he is a monster, a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to him. He wouldn't take it from me, but may he have it, nevertheless. GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PRESENT: Hmmm....Me think this scene long enough now. BUU!!! SCROOGE: Good, because I can’t take any more! Scene 4: The Last of the Spirits (The Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come arrives) SCROOGE I am in the presence of the Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come. (a delay) SCROOGE You are about to show me shadows of the things that have not happened, but will happen in the time before us. Is that so? Spirit. (a delay) SCROOGE Ghost of the Future. What are you, stupid? Speak! (a delay) SCROOGE Fine then. Lead on. Lead on. The night is waning fast, and it is precious time to me, I know. Lead on, Spirit. NARRATOR They scarcely seemed to enter the city; for the city rather seemed to spring up about them, and encompass them of its own act. But there they were, in the heart of it; on Change, amongst the merchants; who hurried up and down, and chinked the money in their pockets, and conversed in groups, and looked at their watches, and trifled thoughtfully with their great gold seals; and so forth, as Scrooge had seen them often. The Spirit stopped beside one little knot of business men. Observing that the hand was pointed to them, Scrooge advanced to listen to their talk. ANDROID 16: No, I don't know much about it, either way. I only know he's dead. KING COLD: When did he die? ANDROID 16: Last night, I believe. FRIEZA: Why, what was the matter with him? I thought he'd never die. KING COLD: (with a yawn) God knows. MASTER ROSHI: What happened to his money? KING COLD: I haven't heard. Left it to his company, perhaps. He didn't leave it to me. That's all I know. ALL MEN: (laugh) FRIEZA: It's likely to be a very cheap funeral; for upon my life I don't know of anybody to go to it. Suppose we make up a party and volunteer. MASTER ROSHI: I don't mind going if a lunch is provided. But I’ve gotta eat! ALL MEN: (laugh) KING COLD: Well, I am the most disinterested among you, after all, for I never wear black, and I never eat lunch. But I'll offer to go, if anybody else will. When I come to think of it, I'm not at all sure that I wasn't his friend; we used to stop and speak whenever we met. Bye, bye. SCROOGE: Spirit, I’m leaving. I learned a lesson, trust me. Let us go. (a pause) SCROOGE: If there is any person in the town, who feels emotion caused by this man's death, show that person to me, Spirit! NARRATOR The Phantom spread its dark robe before him for a moment, like a wing; and withdrawing it, revealed a room by daylight, where a mother and her children were She was expecting some one, and with anxious eagerness; for she walked up and down the room; started at every sound; looked out from the window; glanced at the clock; tried, but in vain, to work with her needle; and could hardly bear the voices of the children in their play. At length the long-expected knock was heard. She hurried to the door, and met her husband; a man whose face was careworn and depressed, though he was young. There was a remarkable expression in it now; a kind of serious delight of which he felt ashamed, and which he struggled to repress. He sat down to the dinner that had been boarding for him by the fire; and when she asked him faintly what news (which was not until after a long silence), he appeared embarrassed how to answer. CHI-CHI, POOR WIFE: Is the news good or bad? POOR HUSBAND GOKU: uhhhhh...Bad. CHI-CHI, POOR WIFE: We’re ruined!! POOR HUSBAND GOKU: No. There’s still hope, Chi-Chi. CHI-CHI, POOR WIFE: If he gives up on his money, there is. Nothing is past hope, if such a miracle has happened. POOR HUSBAND GOKU: He’s kinda given up; He’s dead. I thought he was avoiding me, but he was just dying! CHI-CHI, POOR WIFE: So who do we owe money to now? POOR HUSBAND GOKU: Dunno. But before we find out, I’ll have the money. So we can sleep better now that he’s dead! SCROOGE: (said with the least amount of enthusiasm possible) Let me see some compassion connected with a death or I’ll never be able to forget that dark house, Spirit, which we left just now. (under his breath) Stupid play, is it almost over? (Spirit takes him back to the Krillin household; it is quieter now) PETER KRILLIN: And he took a child, and set him in the midst of them. (choked up) MRS. KRILLIN: (puts her hand to her face, near tears) The light hurts my eyes.......They're better now. It’s this candle-light; and I wouldn't show weak eyes to your father when he comes home, for the world. He should be home soon. PETER KRILLIN: He should’ve been how already; But I think he has walked a little slower than he used, these few last evenings, mother. (does some Great Saiyaman posing) MRS. KRILLIN: I have seen him walk with -- I have known him walk with Tiny Marron on his shoulder, very fast. PETER KRILLIN: And so have I. Often. BELINDA KRILLIN: Yay, yay, yay. So have I. Can I leave now? MRS. KRILLIN: (aside to 17) Come on, the play isn’t that much longer! BELINDA KRILLIN: I’m tired of being a girl. How’d you talk me into this? MRS. KRILLIN: (ignoring 17 now) But he was very light to carry, and his father loved him so much, that it was no trouble. And there is your father at the door. (handing Bob some tea) Sunday. You went today, then, Robert. BOB KRILLIN: Yes, my dear. I wish you could have gone. It would have done you good to see how green a place it is. But you'll see it often. I promised her that I would walk there on a Sunday. My little child. My little, little child. Why’d you run in front of Mr. Scrooge while he was doing that Final Flash attack at that choir of unemployed villains? (breaks down for a moment, then recovers) I met a nice gentlemen on the way home today. His name was Trunks. He told me "I’m sorry about your daughter, Mr. Krillin, and sorry for your wife. If I can be of service to you in any way,” he said, giving me his card, “that's where I live. Come to me if you need anything.” Wasn’t that nice? It really seemed as if he had known our Tiny Marron, and felt with us. MRS. KRILLIN: I'm sure he's a good soul. BOB KRILLIN: You would be surer of it, my dear, if you saw and spoke to him. I shouldn't be at all surprised - (watching Android 17 stare down Gohan) I bet he’d even like “Belinda” over there. BELINDA KRILLIN: Shut up! BOB KRILLIN: (laughs and sighs) Its just not the same without Marron; I’m sure we’ll never forget her. ALL KRILLINS: Never, father. BOB KRILLIN: She was patient and kid; although she was a little, little child; we should never argue, and forget poor Tiny Marron in doing it. ALL KRILLINS: No, never, father. BOB KRILLIN: I am very happy: I am very happy. SCROOGE: Spectre, something informs me that our parting moment is at hand. I know it, but I know not how. Tell me who’s the dead man they spoke of before? (The Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come waved his cape and suddenly he and Scrooge were in a cemetery; The Ghost points at a tombstone) SCROOGE: Before I draw nearer to that stone to which you point, answer me one question. Are these the shadows of the things that Will be, or are they shadows of things that May? (a pause) SCROOGE: Men's cause their ends, is that what you wanted to show me? (a pause) THE GHOST OF CHRISTMAS YET TO COME: (points again to a neglected grave a few feet away from them) SCROOGE: Fine, let’s get this over with. (walks towards the grave and reads his own name from the tombstone) SOUND: VEGETA SCROOOOOGE! SCROOGE: (not shocked at all) So I’m the one who died. (a pause) (sarcasm) No, Spirit. Oh no, no. (a pause) SCROOGE: Spirit, hear me. I am not the man I was. Is there still hope? (a pause) SCROOGE: Good Spirit, can I change these shadows you have shown me, by an altered life? (a pause) SCROOGE: I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future. The Spirits of all Three shall strive within me. I will not shut out the lessons that they teach. Oh, tell me I may sponge away the writing on this stone. (The spirit departs, Scrooge is again alone is his room) Scene 5: The End of It SCROOGE: Yes! This room is mine! (running around the room) This house is mine! I’ll do all the things I told the spirits I would! Oh Jacob Marley. Heaven, and the Christmas Time be praised for this. SCROOGE: I don't know what day of the month it is. I don't know how long I've been among the Spirits. I don't know anything. Wait, what’s that? SOUND: Clash, clang, hammer; ding, dong, bell. Bell, dong, ding; hammer, clang, clash. (church bells ringing) SCROOGE: Oh, glorious. Glorious. (runs to the window and throws it open; calls down to a boy on the street in his Sunday best) What day is today?? INTELLIGENT, FINE LAD (with all his might of wonder): Eh? Zupwidyuman? Yudunnowuddayidiz?? SCROOGE: What's today, my fine fellow? INTELLIGENT, FINE LAD: To-day? WhIainnevaseenobodydunnowutodayiz, iz Chrizzmasday. SCROOGE: It's Christmas Day! I haven't missed it! The Spirits have done it all in one night! They can do anything they like! Of course they can! Of course they can. Hello, my fine fellow! INTELLIGENT, FINE LAD: Wuzzup! SCROOGE: Do you know the Poulterer's, in the next street but one, at the corner. INTELLIGENT, FINE LAD: Yeah, yeah man, evbodyknowdat, man. SCROOGE: An intelligent boy. A remarkable boy. Do you know whether they've sold the prize Turkey that was hanging up there -- Not the little prize Turkey: the big one. INTELLIGENT, FINE LAD: Whatchu callinme, oleman? I knockyuout--ohyeah, youmean, daturkey biggadennme? SCROOGE: What a delightful boy. It's a pleasure to talk to him. Yes. INTELLIGENT, FINE LAD: Issupindeh ritenow, man. SCROOGE: Is it? Go and buy it. INTELLIGENT, FINE LAD: Why yumakinmebuyallyogrocerieson Chrizzmasday, man? Yulyintame? SCROOGE: No, no, I am in earnest. Go and buy it, and tell them to bring it here, that I may give them the direction where to take it. Come back with the man, and I'll give you a 10 zeni. Come back with him in less than five minutes and I'll give you 20. (boy runs) SCROOGE: I'll send it to Bob Krillin's . He won't know who sent it. It's twice the size of Tiny Marron. (writes down the Krillin’s address and hears a knock at the door)-- Here's the Turkey. Hello. How are you. Merry Christmas! Why, it's impossible to carry that to Camden Town, you must have a cab. (gives the “boy” more than enough money for the cab plus the 20 zeni) (Scrooge gets dressed and goes outside and happens to run into Gentleman 1 & 2, newly rebuilt) SCROOGE: My dear sirs. How do you do? GENTLEMAN #1 & #2: Mr Scrooge! SCROOGE: Yes. That is my name, and I fear it may not be pleasant to you. Allow me to ask your pardon. (throws some cash at them) Merry Christmas! (Here Scrooge whispered in his ear.) GENTLEMAN #2: Fool! Now I will make more androids than you can possibly imagine! GENTLEMAN #1: He means Merry Christmas! (runs all the way to Trunks’s house) SCROOGE: Is Trunks at home, my dear? TRUNKS'S MAID(Krillin’s ex, Marron): Uhhhh....I don’t know. Where’s Krillin? SCROOGE (leaves the ditz and enters the dining room) Trunks? MIRAI TRUNKS: Who’s there? SCROOGE: It's Scrooge! I have come to dinner. If you still want me. (they all eat dinner and have another wild pictionary party; skip to next morning) SCROOGE: (growled Scrooge, in his accustomed voice, as near as he could feign it) Hello. What do you mean by coming here at this time of day? BOB KRILLIN: Gyah! I am very sorry, sir. My watch broke! SCROOGE: Step this way, sir, if you please. BOB KRILLIN: It’s my only time to be late this year, sir! SCROOGE: Now, I'll tell you what, my friend, I am not going to stand this sort of thing any longer....and therefore I am about to raise your salary. BOB KRILLIN: Wah??? (goes into shock) SCROOGE: A merry Christmas, Bob. A merrier Christmas, Bob, my good fellow, than I’ve ever given you. I'll raise your salary, and assist your struggling family, and we will discuss it later, over some eggnog. NARRATOR: And so Scrooge went back to the Krillin household. Scrooge become good friends with Bob and like a second father to Tiny Marron, who did not die. And Scrooge would never overlook Christmas ever again! ALL: God bless Us, Every One! VEGETA: Is that finally the end? (rest of cast begins gathering on stage for curtain call) GOKU: (coming on stage) Yep. So Vegeta, did you learn anything? KRILLIN: Yeah! Does this mean you’re going to be nicer from now on? VEGETA: NICER???????????? I’LL KILL YOU ALL FOR FORCING ME THOUGH THIS SENSELESS DRIVEL! IDIOTS!! PREPARE TO DIE!!!!! (powers up to Super Saiyan 2 and begins chucking energy attacks every which way) The Unemployed Villains Choir: (coming on stage singing to try and cover up the chaos) We wish you a Merry Christmas We wish you a Merry Christmas We wish you a Merry Christmas And a Happy New Year! Now bring us some figgy pudding Now bring us some figgy pudding (continues) Majin Buu: Me love figgy pudding! (turns Android 19 into a large bowl of figgy pudding and begins eating it) Kaioshin: (terrifed) Ahhhhh! I told them Majin Buu should be left out of this! I told them! (floored by one of Vegeta’s wild energy attacks) AHHHHHH!!! Ghost Of Christmas Yet To Come: (comes out froms stage right; removes his cloak; it’s Chibi Goten and Chibi Trunks underneath) Goten: Gee Trunks, maybe we shouldn’t have changed the script so much! Trunks: Naw, I think it was better this way, especially the present flashback. That’ll teach them for leaving me out and taking away your part cuz your dad went out to eat. And they were asking for this to happen by putting someone so weak in “Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come” costume, right Goten? Goten: Yeah!! (an energy attack brushes past Goten’s ear and he and Trunks join the chaos; people are begining to evacuate in a mad panick as the three remaining members of the choir finish their song) Unemployed Villain’s Choir: (sings) And a happy new year!!!!!!! ALL CAST: (stops fighting for about 5 seconds) MERRY CHRISTMAS! (returns to the violence)