It was times like this that made me think of that old Alanis song...y'know, the one that goes "I couldn't help it, it's all your fault!" Because it was all his fault. I found myself completely engrossed in relating my horrid situation to that horrid song. True, the song wasn't horrid to me until that afternoon.
You've already won me over, in spite of me. So don't be alarmed if I fall, head over feet. And don't be surprised if I love you, for all that you are... The lyrics kept repeating over and over. I couldn't help it; it's all your fault...
I did eventually stumble my way back into the building. Janet was extremely concerned about me, and she was quick to get all the others away. She sat me down and told me to explain exactly what was wrong.
And amidst all this, I still found myself laughing about how we never seemed to get any work done at Z TV.
I'd already told her all about him, despite the fact that it probably lessened her opinion of the CEO of Capsule Corporation. How I'd grown up with him as my baby-sitter, and always admired him. I'd grown to love him over the years. Then, at college, I distanced myself from him. I hadn't even seen him for eight years prior to this, and I still managed to keep my crush. Although it seemed like a lot more than a crush to me. So what was the harm in telling her this little token? I'm sure I'd have eventually spilled it, anyway.
I told her...I told her everything. I was so upset and angered by the whole situation. It was just a dumb idea to get a lot of jealous co-workers. A stupid, stupid plan. Followed up by another plan that I was falling straight into.
But like the song said, I couldn't help it. He knew how I felt...he'd said so himself. He even went out of his way to humiliate me about it. He should have known that something so stupid would end up badly. He had to have known. And now, I was his for the taking. If he wanted to, he had the full ability to tear out my heart and watch me die, screaming in agony and cursing him to the fullest extent that I could. And he could stand over my limp and broken self and laugh. I hate to use such strong words, but that was how I felt about it.
If he wanted to pretend to care, then turn right around and use me to torture my uncle, he could. He had the power. He had total control over me now. There wouldn't be a moment that I'd be able to face him without turning to mush. Our friendship was as good as finished. I could never look him in the eyes again. He knew that one stupid kiss was all it would take. He knew, and he still let it happen.
And again, I was forced to put this into perspective, along with his supposed 'Master Plan.' To hell with the damn plan. I had something more important to worry about here...but I couldn't just get so absorbed in self-worth issues and completely forget my uncle in the process. I had to think of the damn plan. For him.
Who cared, anyway? The plan was as good as done. We'd end up at Goten's sometime soon, if it was true. Goten might think I had it under control, but I wouldn't. It would become plainly obvious as the day wore on. I'd feel guilty, but Trunks would have me under his complete control.
I spent some time alone at my desk, stressing over what was to be done. Lost in thought every second. Taylor would be calling me sometime soon...I had to act happy, for him...even though I'd known him less than half a day. He wanted to meet Bra, and she could possibly like this guy. I didn't want to get in the way of her happiness, even if it meant stepping on my own.
Then the date...ugh, it pained me to even think of it. How was I supposed to go out with him now? There would undoubtedly be tension in the air. And tonight...!
"I'll see you tonight," he'd said. Why!? Dende just wanted to laugh at me, I supposed. He probably wanted to watch me squirm under the pressure, and have a good laugh about it. Nothing so emotionally draining had ever been done before; at least, not by me. As far as I knew, no bad had happened in my parents' relationship, nor in my grandparents'. The unfairness and cruelties of life...
My father still thought this was part of the plan. Little did he know, and he probably would never find out, that it was much more than that now. To me. It was turned into a true battle for my happiness, and I got no say in it. The whole thing was up to Trunks.
"Who am I kidding?" I asked myself. He'd never love me. I never thought it possible, ever in my life. But then why the hell did he kiss me!? Just for a good laugh!? So that he could look back on that moment and remember how heartbroken I was afterward?
I never thought I'd be disappointed about kissing Trunks. In fact, I'd always wished it would happen; that it at least potentially could happen. But now I regretted it. I don't think I'd ever regretted anything more in my life. "Pan, calm down," I said quietly. "It was just a stupid kiss. It meant nothing."
But the more I told myself that, the angrier I became. I wanted it to mean something. Then again, I didn't back down from the opportunity. I let this happen to myself. It wasn't Trunks' fault.
Yes, it was, I thought bitterly. He knew. And he did it anyway. It was his damn idea in the first place. It was all his fault!
I had to keep reminding myself that I was still at work, and it wouldn't be appropriate to break down crying in the middle of filing a bunch of stupid papers. But that's all I really wanted to do. Just to go off alone in some corner and cry. But no, I couldn't, because people swarmed around me no matter where I happened to drift. They all asked about Trunks, and I really didn't want to answer them. I couldn't bring myself to answer. And even if I tried, I'd get a choked up feeling in my throat and not be able to get any words past it.
The phone rang again, while there were still billions of people trying to get answers. They all fell into silence when I picked it up. "Hello?"
"Pan," the familiar voice greeted. Not instantly recognizable, but familiar.
I breathed a heavy sigh of relief. "Thank you, Dende! I was really hoping you weren't Trunks."
"Why?" Taylor asked over the phone. "Did something happen?"
The crowd of women moaned in disappointment and left the area, no longer interested, since I was involved in a conversation with someone other than Trunks. "Yes, something happened, but I'd rather not talk about it. The important thing is, you got your date with Bra."
"Thank you, Pan," he said happily. "Call you back tomorrow to finalize plans?"
"Yes."
"I get the feeling you want me to hang up?"
"Nothing personal, I swear. I just...I need to think. More. Damn it, I'm tired of thinking all the time!"
He laughed lightly. "I'm sure you'll be fine. Just act normal, and you can spring into action at the event something really is being planned on his part."
"Thanks, Taylor. See you tomorrow or maybe the next day, depending on Bra's schedule."
"Cool. Bye."
I hung up again, relieved that the mob of people didn't instantly return to my desk. Who could I possibly talk to about this besides Taylor? Bra was out of the question. She'd flip all this out of proportion and accuse me of betraying my uncle, which I didn't think I was. I was only guilty of breaking my vow to myself not to fall into any dumb trap.
It might not be a trap at all, though. I was only fooling myself into thinking it was. There was no proof...but then again, there was no proof that it wasn't a trap. Only Trunks could know that for sure.
"No," I told myself. "He could never do anything like that to me. He wouldn't...he loves me too much...not the way that I love him...or is it?"
I cursed myself again. I should really quit thinking so much. It was starting to confuse me even more. Who knew that the worst deceptions I could play on myself would be in my own mind?
A thought crossed my mind. A stupid thought, but in my condition I'd grab at anything. Just a quick phone call to Capsule and we should be on the verge of death, but also closer to the one person who probably knew more about this than any of us.
There was no guarantee that he'd be able to help me. He'd probably not be willing to. But maybe if I explained my situation...he might consent and help me out a little. He didn't hate me, after all. I had to hold some spot in his heart.
Dialing the number that I knew oh, so well, I waited patiently for someone to pick up, cursing myself the entire time for formulating such a dumb plan. "Hello?" someone finally said.
"Bulma?" I chirped. "Hi! I was wondering...maybe...if I could...talk to Vegeta."
"Vegeta?" she repeated, awe in her tone. "Um, I guess...he's never used a phone before, though...only to call Pizza Hut while I was on vacation..."
I sighed. There goes my plan. "I was hoping he could give me some friendly Saiyan advice...I mean, he always seems to know things before I do."
"Is this about training?" she asked sternly. "If it is, you'll just have to come over here, because I'm not about to sit here and watch you argue over the phone about the best way to turn super."
"No, it's not about training," I said softly. "It's about something else. Just ask him, okay? I know he'll be able to help."
"Yes, but will he be willing to?" Bulma muttered under her breath. I almost replied, but I heard her screaming for Vegeta to come get the phone. He yelled something I couldn't understand, and a huge argument ensued. I patiently waited on the phone until someone finally got back on.
"Hello?" I asked timidly, when the argument ceased.
"What do you want, brat?" Vegeta snarled. I almost broke down in tears, but they'd have been tears of joy.
"Vegeta, I need help," I cried, crumpling a piece of paper in my hand from the sheer rush of panic I felt. "I think you know what I can do, and I think--"
"If this is about my brat, you'll have to confront him."
"No! I...it's about him...but I need your help! You always seem smarter and a step ahead of the rest of us, like you can see into the future and you know what life's gonna throw at us next. You can always tell when Bra needs someone to cry to and you never complain when she does! You can't tell me that you wouldn't do the same thing for me, because this is the first time that I've ever run to you for anything other than a stupid spar. Please, even if it's only because I'm Bra's friend, just help me out. Only this once."
There was a short silence. "Like I said, you'll have to confront him."
I frantically searched for a purpose behind his words. What does he do, speak in code!? "What does that mean? Do you even know what's going on?"
"Of course I know what's going on!" he retorted. "You said yourself, I always know what's going on!" He took a moment to calm down before he continued, leaving me gnawing nervously on the end of a pen. "You and the brat are very...friendly...to one another..."
I couldn't help but laugh. He was struggling so hard to get those words out of his mouth. I guess he was more attached to Trunks than I thought.
"Go talk to him."
That was it!? No, no, no!! Vegeta had to have better advice than that! I was about to protest when I suddenly found the dial tone sounding in my ear. Annoyed, I slammed down the phone.
Much too hard, I might add. The whole desk collapsed into a broken heap. Angered and frustrated, I ki-blasted it into oblivion. No use in trying to salvage it now, anyway.
Go talk to him, huh? Fine. If that was what should be done, then fine. I didn't care enough to try and disprove him. Tonight, then, I'd go and visit my favorite lavender-haired friend and demand to know what the hell he wanted from me.
The worst part was, I couldn't possibly talk to anyone about it. Everyone thought that I was just going by the plan. They thought I was resistant to his charm, but I wasn't. I was anything but that.
I'd just have to accept this, I realized. Sure, Trunks might end up breaking my fragile little heart, but it would be nice while it lasted. Did he even consider the possible after-affects of this plan? Did he have a plan at all?
"I don't care," I whispered, slumping to the ground where the desk and phone used to stand. "This is too much for me. I have to...leave. Get away for a while...a long while..."
Someone came to the office I was in just then, wisely deciding not to ask about the huge burn mark on the ground and the fact that there was no desk. He simply informed me that there was a meeting I was late for and to hurry there right away.
I sighed. Whatever. Anything to get my mind off this mess.
º¤"_"¤º¨º¤"_"¤º¨º¤"_"¤º¨º¤"_"¤º¨º¤"_"¤º¨º¤"_"¤º¨º¤"_"¤º¨º¤"_"¤º¨
"Panny, Panny, Panny...look what you've gotten yourself into..."
I couldn't help but resent the laughter in the voice on the phone. I had finally thought of someone to call, someone who wouldn't hate me for messing up the plan. Mostly because she had almost nothing to do with it.
"I didn't mean to," I said again, for what felt like the hundredth time. "You were right. You were too right. I fell for him."
"I told you that he'd get you," Marron said pointedly. "I know Trunks. Granted, you probably know him better, but I've seen him regularly for the past eight years, whereas you haven't. You've fallen, Pan. Now there's nothing you can do but play along."
"I can't do that!" I cried helplessly, pacing back and forth in my living room. Work was long finished, and I was expecting Bra or Trunks or someone to call any second. Furthermore, I'd decided to withdraw myself from Vegeta's plan. It didn't seem like the right time for that. "I'll end up hopeless! There's no way..."
Marron sighed. "You're going to have to. You're in deep, Pan, and the only way out is if you find someone that suits you better."
"But...there is no one like that!"
"Well, you and Trunks do make a pretty cute couple...I can see the wedding now..."
I winced. "There can't be a wedding because this whole relationship is based on a lie! A stupid plan that I don't even know if it's real!"
"The answer you're looking for is simple," she said plainly. "Just make him fall for you."
Speechless, absolutely speechless. She made it sound so easy, and yet I knew it wouldn't be. Maybe if I wasn't total mush around him, I'd be able to do that. But not the way I was now. "You think I haven't thought of that?" I managed to sputter out. "How could it possibly work? I think he'd be on guard for something like--damn, another line. I have to call you back."
"Oh no, I'll hold please," she said, sounding excited. "Talk to him, then come back and tell me what happened."
"Okay. Hold on, Marron." I quickly punched some buttons and put the phone to my ear again, dreading and fearing the voice I'd meet. "H-hello?"
"Pan..."
"Trunks?" He sounded so distant, and I instantly grew worried. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," he reassured me, but I wasn't convinced. "We just...need to talk a little."
Panic welled up inside me. He was worried, I could tell. What was I supposed to do? "What about?" I asked cautiously, unsure whether or not I wanted to know.
"Face-to-face, please. There's no way in hell I can do this over the phone."
More panic. What the hell was he thinking? What was I thinking? The plan, the plan, the plan...Damn it, Pan, stick with the stupid plan!!
"Sure," I said, openly expressing my uneasiness over the tone he used. "Meet me somewhere...?"
"No. You come here or I'll go there. You pick."
Aah...requested privacy. This was starting to scare me. "You can come here," I suggested, hiding the fear in my voice. "I...have to call someone, so I can't come there." Plus, I don't want your sister to be anywhere near when we're done talking.
"Okay. Please don't...I mean...I'll see you in a while."
"Yeah," I said shakily. "Bye."
"Bye."
I felt like screaming, but Marron was still on hold. I hit the button and started screaming into the phone. "MARRON THIS IS A DISASTER! HE'S COMING HERE AND LIKE AN IDIOT I'M LETTING HIM!"
"Whoa, whoa, hold up. Why is he going there?"
"I don't know! But I'm letting him and like a stupid dumbass I said he could come. That means there's no possible way I can run away when he scares the hell out of me!"
She laughed at me. "Pan, I don't know If you've noticed, but he's already scared the hell out of you."
I was fuming. Not only did I have to completely screw up my day, but I also was being teased by my friend because I was so nervous. "Fine. Just please give me one word of support before he gets here."
"Okay. Don't look him in the eyes."
I sighed. "How am I supposed to avoid that?"
"Just do everything you can to stay away from his eyes. It's too easy to get lost in them."
"Okay," I said. "Thanks. I'll call you later."
"Alright, Pan. Good luck. Bye."
"Bye."
I sat in silence for a few moments, phone still in my hand. His ki was suppressed too far for me to know where he was. He must be on his way here. I chided myself for landing in such a dumb situation. There were a million things I would rather be doing on a Tuesday evening...like being out. With some other people. It may be slightly rude of me, but even after seeing Trunks again I found myself not wanting to be around him. Simply because he was scaring me.
He'd be here any minute, I thought as I hung up the phone. Any second now, he'd either knock on the door or fly straight in the balcony. I'd feel a lot more relaxed if he'd just use the balcony, as it would make the whole visit seem less formal. I wouldn't know what to think if he'd actually take the time to go through the building. That would probably scare me even more.
Just as I expected, I soon heard a knock on the balcony door, even though it was already open. Trunks looked so strange to me, I thought. He looked as nervous as I felt. "You don't have to knock, you know," I told him, trying to smile. I really tried to act nonchalant, like nothing was bothering me. But just looking at him drew a worried composure from my heart. "You can just come straight in. Especially since I know you were coming."
"Oh. Sorry," he mumbled, leaving the doorway and coming to sit near me. I inwardly squirmed again. Oh, the uncomfortable feeling of it all... "I did a lot of thinking at work today...after lunch," he began, looking me over carefully, searching for some sort of reaction.
"So did I," I admitted, still not letting up on my happy-but-concerned attitude. Even though I was mentally screaming at myself for acting so calm. It seemed like the right thing to do... "I decided it's not good to have so few memories about your embarrassing childhood moments, and so many of mine."
He laughed lightly. "Yeah, that might be bad for you. But that wasn't what I was thinking about."
Great. Just what I'd been afraid of. "Wh...what were you thinking about?" I asked timidly, accidentally making it clear that I already knew.
Trunks didn't answer me. He just looked into my eyes, undoubtedly trying to hide the guilt that shone plainly in his. "I'm sorry. I really am." I was shocked and confused, wondering what in the world he had to be sorry about. "You...I mean, I...I should have..."
"What?" I prodded, doing my best not to look afraid. I had a feeling that I knew why he was apologizing, and I didn't like it. Not at all. It only meant my further demise.
As if I wasn't distressed enough already, he just had to go complicate things even more. I was beginning to think that his goal was to confuse me beyond my imagination, not get me to Uncle Goten's and get him angry. It seemed like the only real purpose to any of this was to get me to fear for my sanity.
It was all Bra's fault. Her and her stupid ideas and preconceptions. I mean, sure, she knew him better than I did, but that was no reason to get me all suspicious right away. It really seemed like she was just trying to get me all worked up about it.
"Pan? Are you even listening anymore?"
"What!?" I yelped, she shock of his voice causing me to fall off the couch I was seated on. He stifled his laughter (somehow) and I glared at him from my new position on the floor.
"Comfy?" he inquired.
"Quite, thank you. I prefer it down here. I fell on purpose." He gave me a look that said 'Yeah Right.' "Sorry about that. I guess I'm a little tired. What did you say?"
He smiled wryly, sliding off his chair to join me on the ground. "Nothing of too much importance. I think if I would have said what was to the point, you'd have suddenly been listening."
"What is the point?" I asked, already knowing the answer. Something in his eyes spelled it out for me, so it was no surprise when he told me why he came.
"This afternoon, after I kissed you," he began carefully, looking for any hint of shock in my face, "I looked at you and you were blushing. You looked so cute when you were all pink like that."
I rolled my eyes. "I sense that this has nothing to do with the reason you're here. Now quit making fun of the way I blush and go on with the story."
He laughed softly, staring at something fascinating about the carpet of my living room. "Well, you...your eyes...they just...I don't know, drew me into them. I couldn't help it, I'm sorry, but I could tell exactly what you were thinking and what you were feeling. I know you were upset."
I wanted to ask how, but it was plainly obvious. Trunks knew me better than probably anyone else on the planet. He could always tell when I was hurt or upset when I was little, so there was no reason he shouldn't be able to now. Plus, my eyes truly were the window to my soul. Almost anyone could see straight through them. But Trunks always knew what he was looking for in me, and he always seemed to find a way past whatever barrier I'd attempt to put up.
"You were hurt," he said, still not looking at me. His voice was full of regret, and I couldn't help but feel bad. "I...I shouldn't have done that. I could tell you wanted some kind of...meaning...or something. And there was none, and I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault," I said softly. I, too, became interested in the layout of the fabric of the couch next to me all of a sudden. "I agreed to it. You didn't know beforehand..."
"Yes, I did. But I thought...I don't know what I thought."
"I didn't think of it," I blurted. "I didn't even consider the way I'd feel afterward. I just wanted to make all those people maybe shut up and stare for a minute." I paused, thinking about the irony of those words. Just two days ago, I'd been silently pleading for Trunks to do the exact opposite of what I just said.
He laughed at me, turning to face me for the first time in a while. "Shut up and stare for a minute, huh?" he repeated. "You didn't honestly think that would happen, did you?"
"No," I said bitterly. "They only bothered me more. You realize that I blew up a phone, a desk, and a stack of important papers today?"
"I made you that mad...?"
"No," I said, my tone changing to panic. "That's not it at all...I was just confused." I still am, I added mentally. But he didn't have to know that.
Trunks nodded, turning away again. "I'm sorry. It was my fault...but back to the point...You know I didn't recognize you the other day."
"Yeah, I know."
"You were...stunning. So different, I didn't even know it was you. I should have...I mean, you still have the same face, and the same huge smile, just like Goten's."
I smiled faintly at the mention of our family's genetic grin. "I recognized you," I told him, as if that helped the situation. "I was so shocked to see you. I thought you moved away or something."
He gave me a sideways glance. "Yeah, right," he scoffed. "I'm on TV all the time, and you work at a TV station. You've had to have seen me somewhere."
"Sorry, Mr. Celebrity, but I didn't. Not much, anyway..."
"You looked really different," he said again. I was beginning to get a little nervous, the way he kept repeating himself. Don't panic, Pan. He probably only wants to get back to the point of the story... "I was really surprised when you said it was you. I didn't believe you at first, but...here you are." A smirk crossed his face. "You could prove it to me by going Super, but you're too weak still."
"Shut up," I growled lightly. "You're so immature! Always trying to pick a fight..."
"See? I haven't lost my passion for fighting," he snickered. "Not verbally, anyway."
"Well, what's the point of the story, huh? It's getting late, and I still have to call Bra and tell her about her date tomorrow."
"Date tomorrow...?" A light suddenly went off in his head. I could see the realization appear in his eyes. "Tomorrow! I completely forgot!"
I chuckled softly. Trunks would just never change. "I see you value your precious date with me above everything in the world. I'm looking forward to it, too."
"No! That's not...I mean...I remembered, I just had...something else to do..." he mumbled, turning slightly red. I laughed at him, for a change. I wasn't the one being ridiculed this time. "Oh, well. I'm here now, right? I might as well..."
My face fell. What the...what was he talking about? Did I want to know what he was talking about?
He looked me straight in the eyes, and this time I openly displayed my uneasiness. "Pan...I guess eight years can do a lot to a person. I never really saw you this way before..."
Oh, Kami, no! No, don't let this be happening! My eyes grew wider still, and I searched for anything...any sign of a lie or a hidden purpose for this. Anything...please, don't be saying this to me...
"You look petrified," he laughed. I thought for a moment that he was going to stop and let me breathe again, but he went on. To my complete horror, he went on. "All that time, I never expected to see you any other way except as little Panny. Then I did see you...and you looked completely different. You've grown up."
"No," I choked, tears clinging to my eyes. I was terrified. Completely numb with fear. "I...I'm still little Panny...just give me a chance..."
"Pan, you're not Panny anymore. You're an adult, like me and Bra. Even though I knew she was older...it just never registered in my mind that you'd grow, too. I thought you'd always be like my baby sister."
"I can be," I gasped, discursively begging him not to continue. He put his finger on my lips, silencing me while he finished.
"Your personality sure is the same," he laughed. "But more mature. You're scared, I know. Just quit fidgeting and let me finish talking, okay?"
I finally regained the sense to push his hand away. "Why are you doing this?" I asked, a tear sliding down my cheek. I swatted his hand away again when he moved to dry it for me. "If you know I'm afraid, why are you doing this!?"
"You'll be glad it's over," he said, as though he could read my mind. "Trust me, if you just let me talk you'll never have to go through this again."
That's not true... He didn't know the half of it. I'd go through this over and over in my mind. Screaming at myself for letting him go on when I was broken and used in the end. I just hoped it wasn't real...the plan. I didn't want it to be real.
If I didn't want it to be real, then it wouldn't be, I decided. He just watch me calm myself silently, waiting until I'd regained my composure. There was no definite law that said he had some sort of plan. I hadn't seen even a trace of deception in his eyes. It either meant he was a really good liar...or that he honestly wanted to say this to me. I prayed to Dende it was the latter reason.
"You okay?" he asked after a moment.
"Yeah," I sniffed, wiping at a tear. "I'm fine."
"Anyway," he said in mock exasperation, but then reverted to a frighteningly serious tone, "I can't be sure about this...I mean, I've known the 'new' you for all of two days, but I...good Kami, why is this so hard to say?"
I actually found myself smiling. Tears were still forming in my eyes, but I somehow managed to keep them there. "You don't have to say anything," I whispered, my voice hitching but still clear.
"No, I do," he said firmly. "I have to get this out. It was so easy before..."
"I understand," I assured him, my tears starting to dry. "I kno--"
"I have to--"
"You don't know when to shut up, do you?" I said teasingly. He just stared at me for a moment; I don't know what was going through his head. But I knew exactly what was going through mine.
I gently took his hand and scooted myself over, nervous smile never leaving my face. He just looked speechless. I just had to pause to laugh at him, but I couldn't pause too long. If I did, I might lose my chance. Everything in me screamed against my impulse decision, telling me that it could only end in heartbreak. If the plan was real, then I'd be trapped. Then again, I already was trapped, so I didn't see the harm.
Don't do it, my mind yelled. You're just being stupid! He's trying to trick you, can't you see that?
Of course I saw it. I just didn't care. I was so hopeless...it was no use to just keep resisting. I'd only end up torturing myself anyway. So what was the harm? There wasn't any. That's what part of me said...and that part ultimately won.
Trunks was still slightly dazed by my sudden willingness to interrupt him when I climbed over to him. I gently put my hand on his face. Swallowing my pride and clearing the doubts from my mind, I pulled him into a kiss.
This was what I needed. Passion...I could feel it, all throughout me. He was too stunned to do anything at first, but I could tell he felt it, too. This kiss had a meaning and a purpose, not just to make people jealous. It was to convince myself that what I felt was real, and to convince him...I don't know what I was trying to prove with him. But I benefited from it.
I soon found myself lying on top of him, as I was a bit hasty in my decision. I pulled back and stared at his astonished expression. My voice had seemingly stopped working, since I couldn't bring myself to say a word. I just gazed into his beautiful, blue eyes for what seemed like forever. What could have been forever.
I gave up in my search for words and rolled off of him, relaxing beside him and staring at the ceiling. We were both silent for a long while...just thinking, I guess. A flicker of a doubt entered my mind, like I'd done something stupid. I was sure it was right. But it was done now, and I couldn't take it back. My mind had been made up, at the time, and I wasn't about to change it...not for anything. I couldn't imagine a single reason that I shouldn't just kiss him and get it over with. But now...there was a reason.
The plan. The damn plan. What now? I honestly loved him...there was no reason I should have felt guilty about that. But I did. I felt like I was betraying my uncle by falling for Trunks. I probably was, actually. It was like saying that I'd rather hurt my uncle than stay away from Trunks. But...did I? I didn't know. I might have.
"I said it to Marron," he said softly. It took me a second to process the words through my head, and I turned slightly to face him. He was still focused on the ceiling, as though it held the answer to all of his problems, hidden among the many visible brush strokes. "I told her that I loved her. I thought I did. But I can't say it to you..."
"Don't worry about it," I murmured, snuggling closer to him. "You probably only have a mental block against it. Maybe you're afraid that my dad will be able to hear you and he'll tear you to pieces."
"Maybe," he said, laughing quietly. "But I do. Okay?"
"Okay," I smiled, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath. I could have just lay there forever, I thought as my eyes began to flutter closed. I was drifting off to sleep because I was so comfortable. I probably would have fallen asleep, too, if not for the phone.
It rang louder, I think. Just because I was happy. Annoyed, I rose from my spot and grabbed the phone. "What do you want?" I asked snidely.
"I want to yell at you about how stupid you're being, but I thought I'd say hello first."
"Hi, Bra," I growled. "You realize, this is a bad time."
"Aw, am I too late?" she cried. "You didn't sleep with him, did you!?"
"NO!" I yelled. "Wh--I'm not that kind of girl! What do you think I am!?"
"A stupid one, and a slightly slutty one, but I'm willing to overlook that. Break up with him right now. Get out your cell phone and call him on his."
I smirked, even though she couldn't see me. "I would, but it would be a waste of precious minutes. Why call him when he's right here in front of me?"
"Aw, you were gonna sleep with him, weren't you!?"
"NO!! I have morals, Bra! I'm not gonna go around them just for Trunks!"
"Yeah, right! I give you until the end of the week."
"Fine! You're on!"
"FINE!"
"Oh, by the way, I got you a date."
"Really?" she chirped, voice brightening up. "With who?"
I smiled. I knew that would get her. "Tomorrow night, me and Trunks, and you and this guy I met this morning are going out to dinner. He looks just like Goten only not related to Kakarot."
Bra squealed with delight. Very loudly, I might add, because I had to pull the phone back from my ear. Trunks laughed at me, since he could hear it, too.
"By the way, the real reason I called," she said seriously. "I was doing some snooping in my brother's room and I found this paper. It has 'Trunks is guilty' written all over it."
"What?" I breathed, feeling defeated. I'd just done everything I could to convince myself otherwise, and now Bra had concrete proof. I couldn't very well yell at her for going through his stuff when he was sitting right there. He wasn't supposed to know that we knew the plan...if there was one at all. "How do you know? Does it just blatantly say?"
"Almost," she informed me. "I'd read it to you, but I'd probably get it a little loud and he'd be able to hear, you slut, you."
"Bra!" I shouted, offended. "Just because he's at my house doesn't automatically mean I'm--"
"Yeah, whatever," she interrupted. "Just come over here tomorrow. During lunch. I'll show you the paper then."
"Okay," I said. "Bye."
"Bye."
I hung up the phone and took a second to breathe. Then I forced a smile onto my face.
"Tough conversation with my sister, I'm guessing," Trunks said knowingly. I nodded. "It's just as well, anyway. I have to go home about now."
"Okay," I mumbled reluctantly. "See you tomorrow. Oh, and I can't go with you to lunch because Bra already pulled me away. Don't know what for."
"Oh." Disappointment laced his voice. "Well...I'll see you tomorrow evening then. Okay?"
"Sure," I smiled. "See you then."
He hesitated for a moment, then shrugged and left. I guess he was debating whether or not to kiss me goodbye. It was cute, really. I'd never had anyone do that for me before. If they wanted a kiss, they'd take one. No matter what I wanted.
As soon as he was gone, the smile on my face faded. Bra had proof, huh? Well, it had better be damned good proof. I loved Trunks; there was no doubt in my mind. I was fairly certain that he loved me, too, but if Bra really did have proof against him, then I'd be bitch-slapped by reality.
Besides, he was fourteen years older than me. Although we were both Saiyans...and Saiyans age differently than normal humans. Maybe it wasn't as big a deal as my father made it out to be. But he'd allowed me to ask him out...which was all he allowed me to do. He must have realized there would be some emotion involved...that I couldn't just pretend to be in love. I had to actually feel something for someone if I went out with them. He had perhaps just forgotten that aspect of my personality.
Or maybe he was setting me up.
No, that wasn't possible, I told myself. I couldn't remember an instance where my father was comfortable with the thought of Trunks and I being alone anywhere together. It was just impossible. And I could see how his brother's happiness would rule over his petty dislike of Trunks and I being together. Plus, he'd threatened Trunks' life over the phone, relayed through me. I hadn't told Trunks about it, of course.
He can't be lying to me, I told myself, still trying to cling to it as a truth. Whatever Bra has is probably just...just...proof.
I sighed, defeated. There was no way I'd know until I went to her office the next day. She'd have to have some very good evidence if she wanted to get me away from him. He'd said he loved me...only indirectly. Maybe he didn't want to go straight out and say it so that later he could say that he didn't--no, that wasn't what I thought. I was determined to bury the part of me that thought that way and become the Pan that was confident that she was in love with Trunks...and that he loved her back.
Sleep might be good for me, I thought, roaming into my room. It was fairly late, much to my surprise. I'd been on the phone with Marron for a long time, then Trunks had come over...and now it was almost ten. As emotionally draining as this day had been, I fell asleep almost instantly.
chapter 5
One Simple Little Wish
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