Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.
But I ask, if I think not, am I not? I think not. Don't you think?
Have you ever noticed anyone going slower than you is an idiot and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do
The statement below is True.
The statement above is False.
Which statement is correct?
The early bird may get the worm, but the late rising worm lives.
A bird can fly but a fly can't bird. Think about it!
Hey, I'm not here because I'm there...I'm not sure where there is but if you find out, please come here and tell me...
The glass is neither half empty nor half full. It is twice as large as it needs to be.
People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.
Some people make things happen, some watch while things happen, and some wonder "What happened?"
Which type of person are you?
When you were born, everyone around you was smiling and you were crying. Live your life so that when you die, you're smiling and everyone around you is crying
Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark; professionals built the Titanic!
Everyday I beat my previous my previous record of consecutive days I've stayed alive.
Smile, it makes people wonder what you're thinking.
Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.
Now I lay me down to study,
I pray the Lord I won't go nutty.
If I should fail to learn this junk,
I pray the Lord I will not flunk.
But if I do, don't pitty me at all,
Just lay my bones in the dorm hall.
Tell my prof I did my best,
Then pile my books upon my chest.
Now I lay me down to rest,
And pray I'll pass tomorrow's test.
If I should die before I wake,
That's one less test I'll have to take!
Yes, hardwork does pay off in the end, but lazieness pays off now.
College: A place to stay warm in between childhood and marriage.
I'm away right now, searching for my mind.. I was told it was lost.
Don't worry, I'm not gone for good, I've gone for evil
The difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know, and I couldn't care less
Due to circumstances within my control, tomorrow will be cancelled
Due to recent cutbacks and until further notice, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
Get your mind out of the gutter - it's blocking my view.
If you can't say anything nice, then at least have the decency to be vague.
Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up these defenses, you build this whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life. You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They do something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own any more. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. not just in the mind. It's a soul hurt, a body hurt, a real gets inside you and rips you apart pain. I hate love!
Life... is like a box of chocolates. A cheap, thoughtless, perfunctoral gift that no one ever asks for. Unreturnable because all you get back is another box of chocolates. So, you're stuck with mostly undefinable whipped mint crap, mindlessly wolfed down when there's nothing else to eat while you're watching the game. Sure, once is a while you get a peanut butter cup or an English toffee but it's gone too fast and the taste is fleeting. In the end, you are left with nothing but broken bits filled with hardened jelly and teeth-shattering nuts, which, if you are desperate enough to eat, leaves nothing but an empty box of useless brown paper.
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats
The key to happiness is self-delusion. Don't think of yourself as an organic pain collector racing toward oblivion
I'm drunk...I'm armed...I'm off my meds. You had better make your message really, really sweet.
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
Evolution -- life's a niche, and then you die
Firefighter: At one point we decided to fight fire with fire... Well ...basically... your house burned even faster
Never judge a man till you have walked a mile in his shoes, 'cuz by then, he's a mile away, you've got his shoes, and you can say whatever the hell you want to.
That which does not kill me had better run pretty damn fast.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, "Where the fuck did the ceiling go?!"
Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn
Some people live life in the fast lane - I live in oncoming traffic.
I'm not here, I've gone out to look for myself. If I come back before I return, please tell me to wait.
I've slowed down and taken a backseat and I'm watching other people's lives zoom pass while I stand motionless in time. It's pretty amazing when you view the world from a different angle. Not eveything is good in life, but not everything is bad either. I've learnt that I cannot change the world, and the world will not change for me.
Everything has it's season, everything has it's time. Show me a reason and I'll soon show you a
rhyme. River belong where they can ramble, eagles belong where the can fly. I've got to be where my spirit can run free, gotta find my corner of the sky. Every man has his daydreams, every man has his goals. People like the way dreams have of sticking to the soul. Thunderclouds have their lightning, Nightingales have their song. Don't you see I want my life to be something more then long?
I've given up the search for reality; now I'm just looking for a good fantasy
I've found Jesus. He was hiding behind the sofa the whole time.
This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time
I used to sit on the banks with a raft and watch the water roll lazily by. One day I pushed my raft into the shallows of the water and found the water moved swifter than I thought, but my raft was actually a little rowboat. Then, after some time I rowed my little boat into deeper water.There were great storms, mighty winds, tremendous waves, and sometimes I felt so alone. But I have noticed my little rowboat is now a mighty ship manned by my friends and loved ones, and beautiful calm seas, warm sunny days, and nights filled with comfortable dreams always double after a storm.Now, I could never go back and sit on the bank, in fact, I search for deeper water. Such is life when lived.
Friends will keep you sane, Love could fill your heart, A lover can warm your bed, But lonely is the soul without a mate.
The paranoids are watching me!
A good pun is it's own reword
The real reality is there, but everything you KNOW about "it" is in your mind and yours to do with as you like. Conceptualization is art, and YOU ARE THE ARTIST
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
Ignorance killed the cat. Curiosity was framed
I am not a person to put aside lightly, you should have to throw me with great force!
Kill two birds with one stone. Feed the homeless to the hungry.
I like work, it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.