Brian had returned to sitting calmly on the couch and AJ and Tara were in the kitchen eating tortilla chips.
"Brian!!!" Nick whined.
"What is it?" Brian wondered why Nick looked so much happier then remembered.
"Morticia thinks we're gay!! She won't listen to me!!" Brian looked at him quizzically. "She said you and AJ scared her." Brian laughed. Rose suddenly marched in behind Nick, holding his beloved dog as though it were a dirty diaper.
"Tyk(e)!! Hi, puppy!!! How are you, huh? Oh, look. Tyk(e)! Your bandana's all wrinkled! Can't you learn to keep it nice and neat?" Brian approached Rose and scratched Tyk(e)'s head. "Why do you look so angry?"
"This thing stole my jewelry. And it was stalking me! I think you should do something to confine him before I- I mean, before he gets hurt."
"Yeah, right!!! Tyk(e) would never do anything wrong! He's just a little sweetie, yes he is!" Brian cooed happily, smiling innocently.
"That's IT!" Rose suddenly released Tyk(e). Luckily, Brian caught him before he fell to the floor. "You two. You and Baby Spice. And maybe even Scary. By the way, I have no doubts about Posh and Ginger… But you and Baby! You're practically an item."
"We are NOT!" Nick and Brian shouted. They looked at each other in mock disgust.
"How could you plant that idea in her mind?!" Nick demanded.
"I bet YOU told her that because you just wish-"
"Both of you, hush! You're gay and there's nothing you can to do make me believe otherwise. It's okay. I still love you both… err..."
"Until you're back here, baby!! Miss you, want you, need you so, until you're back here baby, yeah… there's a feeling inside I want you to know!!! You are the ooonne and I caaaaan't let you go…" AJ sang loudly, running in from the kitchen. Tyk(e) squealed and ran away from Brian.
"Damnit! AJ!!! You scared him! Now he's GONE! Tyk(e), come back!" Brian called after his dog, who was out of sight. Rose laughed. "NICK! This is YOUR fault, Little Debbie! Now go find him," Brian ordered. Nick ignored Brian, but AJ ran off to find Tyk(e).
"You know, in a successful relationship one party never has more control than the other…" Tara informed them, having followed AJ, armed with a dish towel.
"Aagh!! You two are so MEAN!" Nick cried.
"They think we're gay!" Brian exclaimed angrily.
"We're not gay!" Nick replied.
"No, we AREN'T! I think Kevin's afraid of that, though," he mused.
"Kevin! Hehe. SHUT UP, you idiot!"
"Hehehe. Shut up! Shut up! I said shut up!" Brian giggled. Tara and Rose exchanged very knowing looks and sighed.
"Don't look at us like that!" Nick whined.
"And why not?" Tara wondered.
"Until one or both of you are married- and not to each other, mind you- I'm still going to think you're a couple," Rose said.
"Why does marriage make any difference, hmm Rosie? It could just be a clever cover-up," Tara thought aloud.
"I don't think so. Getting married is so huge… I mean, I don't think-"
"THAT'S IT!" Nick yelled, amazed with his own genius. "If we can't convince both of you, then-"
"That's a great idea!" Brian interrupted. "Me and Rose can get married!" They both laughed insanely. "Rose, would that convince you that neither of us-"
"Well, yeah, but…" Rose wasn't too sure about this. Nick found a piece of paper and a pencil lying on the floor and started scribbling meaningless lines on it. "What are you doing?"
"Writing marriage papers!" he declared. AJ returned with Tyk(e).
"What's this I hear about a marriage?" he demanded.
"TYK(E) CAN BE THE RING-BEARER!!" Brian yelled. "Okay, Rose, honey? Okay?"
"Yeah, um, … yeah. What ring?" Rose tried not to laugh.
"Uhh…" Nick and Brian were at a loss.
"Have no fear!" AJ yelled. He picked up a ski mask from a chair and put it on his head, then put on a cowboy hat and a coat. "I'll be back soon!" He dashed out the door.
"Oh no. He's going to rob a jewelry store…" Tara mused. "This could get ugly."
"He would never do that! Clever AJ, he'll think of something," Nick objected.
"Yeah, he will," Brian decided. He stood up and put an arm lovingly around Rose's shoulders. "We're engaged!! So, how does it feel? Do you still think I'm gay, hmm?" He kissed her cheek.
"Oh, jeez! Back out while you still can, Rose!" Tara advised. To her great surprise Rose didn't seem to mind.
"You're still gay, Brian, sorry. But we can still get married, it's okay!" Rose laughed.
"Are all of you drunk?" Tara wondered.
"What song can we play for the wedding?!" Nick cried.
"I know! I KNOW!" Brian replied. "The Perfect Fan!"
"You idiot! That's about your mom. You need a song about a girl."
"Hmm…" Brian thought about it. "Um, Yes I Will?" He looked at Rose. "Do you remember that from the concert? Do you like it?"
"Ew, not that one. Please."
"Uh… OH! I know!" Nick yelled. "The promise song!!"
"I promise yooouuu, from the bottom of my heart, I will love you til death do us part!" Brian crooned.
"More scary music!" Tara and Rose said in unison.
"Okay, the promise song it is. We need refreshments. By the way, Morticia and Brian, I'm your wedding planner."
"There's some chocolate caramel ice cream!" Tara volunteered, getting into the spirit of things. "How about that?"
"Okay!" Brian agreed.
"Sounds good. I like ice cream. And I'm hungry. Someone give me some food," Rose begged.
"Not now, honey! You have to save your appetite for the ice cream," Brian scolded.
"Um, hello?! You need a dress." Nick rolled his eyes.
"But I'm wearing a skirt! That's practically the same thing!" Rose protested. She was wearing black combat boots, fishnet tights, a long black skirt that twirled when she spun in circles, and a black scoop-neck top with sheer black sleeves in addition to tons of silver jewelry.
"Yeah, I guess it's okay…" Nick decided.
"Yeah. It's okay if she looks like she's going to a funeral." Tara laughed. AJ returned, holding something in one fist which turned out to be a tiny, cheap-looking red and silver ring.
"Um… Where the hell is that from?" Rose wondered.
"He stole it! I knew he would!" Tara pointed at AJ.
"Nah, there's a Food Lion nearby," he explained. "So, how are the plans coming?"
"Great! This is Rose's wedding dress…" Brian smiled and nodded as Rose spun in a circle. "Tyk(e) is the ring-bearer. Nick here is just finishing the wedding papers. And you, AJ, can be the… um, the priest!"
"Haha. But what about me?!" Nick bleated.
"You can be a bridesmaid," Rose offered. "I'll throw the bouquet at you. And Tara's being a bridesmaid, too. Hey! We need flowers!!"
"Already done!" AJ offered them twelve roses he'd picked up at the store when he'd gotten the ring.
"Yesss! So is that everything?" Brian wondered. "Ring, food, ringbearer, bridesmaids, priest-"
"Why do I have to be a bridesmaid?" Nick whimpered.
"Because you do. Now shut up!" Tara ordered.
"Yeah, yeah. Anyway, we also have music. We're playing the I Promise You song!" Brian said proudly. "Ready, sweetie?"
"Ready, Brian! Hey. Where's that thing? Give it the ring and make sure it doesn't run away." AJ found Tyk(e) and held him in one arm and the ring in the other hand. Nick found a CD player and started playing the chosen song.
"Umm, here! Walk this way," AJ instructed, kicking some clothes and other junk out of their way.
"Wait! He needs a ring too." Tara pointed at Brian.
"He does?" AJ tried to remember. "Oh yeah! Hold on." AJ to where a few suitcases of his were stacked and started rummaging through the top one.
"Holy god is all that jewelry?!" Rose's eyes widened.
"Yup!" AJ said proudly, holding up a rather large silver ring. "Here B-rok!"
"Tyk(e) is the ringbearer." Brian said patiently.
"I can't hold Tyk(e) AND be the priest!" AJ spazzed.
"I'll hold Tyk(e)!!!!" Nick shouted. He really didn't want to be a bridesmaid.
"But you're a bridesmaid!" Tara frowned. She didn't trust the blonde one with the dog and the rings.
"I wanna hold Tyk(e)!" Nick whined shrilly.
"Fine, fine." AJ handed over Tyk(e) and the two rings. "Don't drop him."
"Nick if you drop Tyk(e) again, you won't even get to be a bridesmaid." Brian threatened.
"Let's hurry this up! Aagh! Tyk(e) stop MOVING!" Nick struggled to hold Tyk(e), who was getting bored with this game. He wanted to go find some nice shoes to chew on. [Tyk(e), not Nick hehehe]
"Uhh.." AJ positioned himself in front of Rose and Brian, facing them. "Uh. I now pronounce you husband and wife?"
"You have to KISS!" Nick squealed delightedly.
"Um, rings first, Blondie." Tara reminded him. Nick sighed dejectedly, handing over the rings. They each put on their respective ring, Rose still wondering why exactly this was happening.
"This thing is NEVER going to come off! It was made for five year olds!" Rose twisted the red and silver band nervously.
"That's okay." AJ nodded approvingly.
"NOW you have to kiss!" Nick said happily.
"Um." Rose wondered if the entire night had been an absurd hallucination. It wouldn't have surprised her. Nick giggled and sang along with one of his solos (sugar darlin' i promise yooouuu)...Brian smiled in spite of himself. She was nervous. That was so cute. He kissed her nose. Rose kissed his cheek hurriedly then hurled the roses at Nick. They hit the side of his head.
"OWWW!" he whined.
"Catch them! Catch the flowers, you retard!" AJ shouted.
"My EAR'S bleeding!!!" Nick wailed.
"That was so beautiful!" Tara gushed, completely ignoring Nick. "You guys are going to be so happy together!!"
"Oh, I know," Rose replied, grinning. "And Brian is so not gay."
"Ice cream time!" AJ announced.
"What's that noise?" Tara wondered. "Oh no. Brian, your creature is harassing AJ's furniture!"
"Tyk(e) sweetie!!!" Brian picked up Tyk(e) and cuddled him.
"Oh, so that thing gets more attention than me now?!" Rose tapped her foot.
"Never! He can be our adopted child," Brian suggested. "How's that sound?"
"Hmm..... I'll have to think about it." Rose looked distrustfully at the rather hostile small mammal. Tyk(e) stared back at her and licked his nose, one ear twitching. "That thing-"
"MY EAR!!!" Nick yelled angrily. Everyone was ignoring him and he didn't like it.
"Awws, does Baby Spice have a boo boo?" Rose cooed.
"Shut up!" Nick laughed.
"Shut up!" Brian threw a shoe at Nick.
"Now, now, no fighting on such a happy occasion, children." Tara chided them.
"Does ANYONE want ice cream or do I have to eat it all?" AJ shouted from the kitchen.
"Food!" Rose ran into the kitchen, Brian following. Tara looked at Nick amusedly. Nick was now standing on the couch, singing along to the CD playing.
"EV-UH-REE-ONE EV-UH-REE-ONE!!!!!!!!!" Nick bellowed. Tara decided to go get food too, and leave Nick alone with his madness.
Tyk(e) was feeling mischievous. He leapt out of Brian's arms and scampered back to the living room, where Nick was still singing on the couch. Tyk(e) was disturbed. He started barking as loud as he could, and jumping up in attempts to get onto the couch- a feat he eventually accomplished and started chewing on Nick's left foot.
"What's that noise?" Brian looked up from his ice cream. "Do you hear something?"
"Umm, yeah.... Yeah I do! Hippo, do you hear something?" Rose asked.
"Yes, I do," she replied suspiciously. They all listened for a few moments. There was a barely audible sound coming from the living room that sounded like someone whispering.
"FINE THEN! Nobody ask me!" AJ crossed his arms and pouted.
"Aww, poor Scary. Do you hear something?" Tara took pity on him.
"Yes, I do! I do hear something in fact. And Nick's not singing anymore."
"OH NO! He's being mean to Tyk(e)!" Brian said quietly. "Listen..." They crept closer to the source of the noise.
"Go away!" Nick whispered, trying to nudge Tyk(e) off the couch with his foot. "Go away, you little monster! I don't LIKE you!"
"He's not a monster! My baby's not a monster!" Brian protested.
"Shut up, he's funny!" Rose laughed quietly and held her hand over Brian's mouth.
"Tyyykk(e)!!! Go away!" Nick pleaded. "You're a FREAK! Get off of me!" Tyk(e) snapped his teeth at Nick and growled.
"He is not!!!" Brian hissed.
"Shut up!" Tara and AJ demanded amusedly. Nick laughed maniacally and started jumping on the couch, sending Tyk(e) flying up into the air and bouncing , squeaking indignantly.
"Nick NO!!" Brian yelled and ran to save Tyk(e). Tyk(e) leaped off the couch and ran for his life (RUN TYK(E) RUN!!) in the direction of AJ's bedroom.
"TYK(E) CHASE!" Nick cried gleefully and bounded away after him.
"TYK(E) CHASE!" AJ echoed, skipping after Nick. "Get the little monster!!!!"
"Nooo!" Brian wailed and went to save his 'dog.'
"Um." Rose was scared.
"It is 1:41." Tara informed her.
"Wow." Rose looked around absently, noticing some people standing by the door. "Um."
"It's time for you to leave now." Ken said dangerously.
"NOW." Jobob emphasized it for them.
"But.." Tara started to protest.
"But we're married! Brian and I!" Rose held up her left hand.
"NOW." Ken crossed his arms menacingly as Jobob moved toward them.
"Okay, okay! We're going! Ack!" Rose stepped past them off the bus.
"BYE SCARY, SPORTY, AND BABY!!" Tara shouted and followed Rose.
"What was that?" Brian asked. "I heard something! I did!!"
"Me too. Someone said BABY!!" Nick stopped chasing Tyk(e) for a moment. "And SCARY and SPORTY."
"Gotcha!!!! Hahahaa!!" AJ cackled maniacally, holding Tyk(e) high above his head.
"Put him DOWN!" Brian ordered, reaching for Tyk(e).
"You're too short!!! Haha!"
"But why'd they say Scary and Sporty and Baby?" Nick asked.
"Because they're LEAVING," Ken informed them loudly.
"Leaving?" AJ echoed.
"No! They can't leave!" Nick declared confidently.
"They already left! You guys are really impossible tonight," Jobob grumbled. "We put them outside."
"But … but…" Brian mumbled unhappily.
"But what? You're married? Honestly, Brian! What if the tabloids get ahold of this?!" Ken demanded.
"You guys should try acting your age for once! AJ, you're 23 years old! What do you mean by hosting a pretend marriage on your tour bus when you're supposed to be heading to the next venue?!" Jobob added.
"Nobody likes you when you're twenty-three, and you still act like you're in freshman year… why would you wish that on me? I never wanna act my age… what's my age again, what's-" AJ sang.
"QUIET," Jobob ordered.