"Shit! Marian, what's so funny?!" She had fallen and was sitting on the sidewalk, her legs tangled in those of a street-wandering drunk. Marian was laughing too hard to talk. Glyn looked at the drunk. "Oh my GOD! It's... It's..."
"I guess he should have called good old Barny, hmm?" Marian sat down so she wouldn't fall.
"Nicholas, Nicholas, Nicholas..." Glyn sighed and giggled. "We should have known. He really shouldn't have tried to go home by himself."
"Who the fuck are you? Get off my legs!" Nick demanded groggily. He waved one arm weakly. "Barnaby! Barnaby, she's sitting on me... Barnaby!" He passed out again. AJ ran down the sidewalk, alarmed.
"What happened? Why'd you scream? ... NICK!?" AJ wondered if he was hallucinating. "Is that Nick?" Glyn and Marian nodded. AJ offered Glyn a hand and she took it, pulling herself up. They stared thoughtfully at Nick who seemed to be sleeping rather peacefully.
"What should we do with him?" Glyn wondered quietly. AJ shrugged.
"I guess we shouldn't leave him here."
"We? I'm all for it." Glyn smirked.
"I guess I shouldn't leave him here. I would if I were you, though."
"Wake up, genius!" Marian ordered, stepping on one of Nick's feet lightly. He opened his eyes and squinted at them.
"What's going on? AJ? Where am I?"
"You died, Nick. You wandered into the road and got hit by a car," AJ said gravely.
"I ... I died?" Nick whispered.
"Yes. And I'm not AJ. I'm God. Come on. You can't stay here." AJ pulled Nick to his feet. Nick stumbled down the sidewalk. Glyn smiled evilly.
"AJ, can we come too?"
"Hell yes! And it's not AJ. It's God." AJ looked pleased.
"I'm sleeping in a guest room, by the way. Or under the table."
"Awww!" AJ pouted. Nick started to fall over and AJ slapped his head. "Stop it Nick!" Nick looked at him with the utmost respect and tried to walk normally. "There are three guest rooms."
"Good, then... Glynnie gets one, Nick gets one, and Brian gets one. I should go home." Marian smiled. Of course she wasn't going home! She needed reassurance that she was allowed to sleep in an armchair again.
"No! I'm sleeping under the table. And you can't go home. You're sleeping in the guest room," Glyn said.
"You're sleeping in the guest room. I don't know... I still think-"
"God says you have to do what Glyn says!" AJ declared in a deep voice.
"Enough with the God stuff already. It's sickening." Glyn pulled Nick's hair to see what would happen.
"That hurt. Are you sure I'm dead?" Nick muttered.
"You're dead," Glyn whispered in his ear. She moved away from him quickly. "God, he stinks! Not you, AJ. I need to stop saying that word."
"I'm dead!" Nick said, amazed. "I died!" AJ pulled him into the building and toward the elevator.
"He must be really drunk," Marian whispered.
"Genius," Glyn snorted. They got in the elevator and AJ pushed the button that said '22' on it.
"AJ!" Brian was standing in a corner looking furious. "What is the fucking PASSCODE?! And why is HE" (Brian pointed at Nick) "here?"
"Brian, how can you not know the passcode? I've told you a million times! It's 546784.'" AJ shook his head hopelessly. "Nick's here because we found him dead on the road."
"You look like Brian," Nick mused, staring at Brian. He turned to AJ. "God, he looks like Brian." Brian looked angrily at AJ.
"You retard!" He put his hands on Nick's shoulders and shook him none too gently. "You're fucking plastered! He's not GOD! He's AJ! You're not dead! You're drunk!"
"Nick, don't listen to him," AJ said calmly. "Satan always tempts the unfaithful."
"Satan?" Nick whispered, shying away from Brian. Brian groaned and beat the wall with his fist.
"Jeez! Can we say 'MOOD SWINGS'?" Glyn whispered. Brian faced her.
"I have a damn headache! And you people aren't helping." He pouted and stared at the wall.
"Please enter the passcode. Please enter the passcode. Please enter the-" AJ silenced the mechanical voice by punching a few buttons.
"546784," Glyn remembered. "Nick, you need a haircut."
"Do not!" Nick whined.
"Yes you do. Hey, AJ, Nick needs a haircut. Mari, dear, don't you agree?" Glyn grinned mischievously.
"I'm not AJ! I'm God. Get it right, Glyndalyn. Humans were made in the image of me, remember, AJ's just a little more accurate than the rest of you. Nick, You need a haircut. Badly." AJ walked out of the elevator as the doors opened, and everyone followed him.
"Maybe we shouldn't... I mean, he is drunk.." Marian whispered to Glyn.
"He'll be okay. We aren't going to kill him or anything. Probably." Glyn shrugged.
"Nick!! What's WRONG with you?!" Brian grabbed Nick's hair.
"Go away, Satan. Go away!" Nick pulled Brian's hand off his hair. "God says I need a haircut."
"Right." AJ grinned. "I could get used to this."
"Don't even think about it!" Glyn ordered.
"But I don't really want a haircut..." Nick pondered. "What should I do?" He looked at Marian questioningly for no reason.
"Why are you asking me?"
"I don't want a haircut!!!" he whined, both hands protectively on his bleached hair. "I don't-"
"It's okay, Nick. I was testing you. You didn't openly defy me so we won't cut your hair," AJ said with a gentle smile.
"No fair!" Glyn hissed.
"We'll cut his hair while he's sleeping," AJ whispered.
"Is this Heaven?" Nick looked around AJ's living room astoundedly.
"No. You can't go to Heaven, you freak!" AJ retorted. Nick looked hurt. AJ laughed and reached for a bottle of wine.
"No! AJ don't do that!" Glyn slapped his hand. "You're already drunk enough."
"Hey!" Marian looked around nervously.
"Hey what?" Glyn asked.
"Where's Brian?" Brian had disappeared.
"I dunno. He was in the elevator, right?"
"Hmmm…" Marian went back into the hallway and found Brian immediately. He had passed out on the floor, leaning against the wall. She sat down and looked scrutinizingly at him. His pathetic appearance was almost funny, but just a little too pity-inducing, for her at least, to be humorous. "Brian... Wake up."
"Marian?" Brian opened his eyes and blinked a few times.
"You should go to bed. You're drunk and tired and-" Marian was interrupted by the sound of glass breaking.
"Shit!" AJ had dropped a bottle of beer and it shattered.
"AJ! Are you okay?" Glyn looked at the glass-shard-covered floor.
"Yeah, I'm fine." AJ grumbled.
"What happened?" Marian was standing in the doorway looking scared.
"AJ's too inebriated to be trusted with glass bottles." Glyn informed her.
"Why am I not surprised?" Marian shrugged. "Brian's in the hallway."
"Why am I not surprised?" Glyn smirked. "Nick fell asleep. AJ, do you have scissors?"
"Somewhere.." AJ looked around sleepily. Why was his leg all wet?
"Go take a shower." Glyn commanded, pushing him toward the bathroom. "Mari and I can take care of Nick for a little bit." AJ shrugged and left. Glyn found some scissors and Marian cleaned up the broken glass and beer.
"Ready?" Glyn waved the scissors happily, and handed Marian another pair.
"You bet!" Marian and Glyn stalked over to Nick's sleeping form and began snipping away. They were sure to cut his hair very close to his scalp so any attempts at fixing it would be in vain. They continued in this manner for some time, and were about two-thirds of the way done when Nick woke up.
"AGH!! What are you doing?!" Nick yelled and leapt up.
"What? You're not going to go find God and ask him to send us to Hell?" Glyn smirked. Nick stared at her blankly for a few seconds then remembered the events of the last few hours.
"SHIT! Shit, shit!" He stormed across the room and looked in a mirror. When he saw his reflection he shrieked and sank to the floor dejectedly. "OhmyGOD," he moaned into his hands.
"Well, Nick...." Marian stood over him, smiling. "You can let us shave your head and get a wig. Or you can let us finish cutting it so it's even. I don't think leaving your hair as it is now is really an option." Glyn laughed.
"Fuck you!" Nick looked around for moral support. "Where's AJ? Where's Brian? What have you done with them?!"
"AJ's taking a shower. Nick, you need a shower too. I'm sure God will agree."
"Shut UP!" Nick waved a fist at her furiously.
"Calm down Nicky." Glyn patted his head and he swung at her again. "Stop that, you barbarian!"
"Where's Brian? Brian was in the elevator! AJ told me he was Satan..." Events were still coming back to Nick.
"I don't know. Mari, where's Brian?" Glyn looked at Nick as though saying something confidential. "Marian would know."
"Shut up Glynnie! Last time I saw Brian, he was in the hallway."
"Shouldn't you go get him? I don't know if it's safe out there. Now Nicky, if you'll come back and sit in a chair we can finish your haircut," Glyn babbled merrily.
About an hour later…
Nick touched his head gingerly. He was sitting on the bed in one of the guestrooms, remembering the events of the day. Most of his hair was gone now, and he was ultimately pissed at Marian and Glyn. And AJ, too. AJ who had laughed when he came out of the bathroom. Nick smirked to himself. He'd noticed how AJ was looking at Glyn, even if no one else seemed to pay attention that that sort of thing. He would get them back, someday, somehow. He fell asleep concocting ways he'd get his revenge.
"Time?" Marian looked at Glyn.
"Uhm.. about four-thirty. I'm tired." she glared at Miffie and Muffie, who had taken up residence on her feet. "Make them go away."
"Miffie! Muffie! STAY! STAY!!" AJ commanded. Glyn threw one of her shoes at him.
"A shoe!" AJ cried gleefully. "Your shoes don't match, you know."
"No, they don't." Glyn agreed. "Hey, look at Brian!" He was sleeping on the floor, leaning against the side of the armchair Marian was in. "Aww."
"Glyn shut up!" Marian hissed, blushing. Is it not enough that I've been losing my mind for the last half hour over the temptation to hold one of Brian's hands or touch his hair? He's just so adorable! But no, it's not enough. Glyn has to be able to tell so she can make fun of me. Glyn merely sighed exaggeratedly and stood up, going over to a couch.
"Maybe they'll leave me alone if I'm on furniture…" she said hopefully.
"Maybe..." Marian looked up at the ceiling. Even the ceiling looked expensive. "I'm going to sleep."
"G'night Mari." Glyn smiled. She leaned her head on the arm of the couch and tried to ignore the fact that AJ had sat down next to her.
"Hi" he whispered.
"Hi..." Glyn closed her eyes and feigned sleep.
"You're still awake." AJ stated annoyingly. She didn't answer, so he just watched her. Her hair was up in a bun, as always. Had he ever seen it down? No, he didn't think so. "Glyn, why is your hair always up?"
"Because it's evil and vindictive." she muttered.
"I doubt that." AJ reached over and started pulling bobby pins carefully out of her hair.
"Stop it!" Glyn covered her head with her hands and slid onto the floor. "Ugh! You killed it. I'm all disgusting now." She yanked the remaining bobby pins out and her fell down into a pony tail. It was very, very long, and looked like it went past her waist.
"No, you aren't." AJ murmured. Glyn glared at him. "I mean, uhm, you look hideous." Glyn smacked his shin and savagely pulled a rubber band out of her hair.
"I need to cut it." she shook her head and started finger-combing the strands.
"Don't do that!" AJ protested quickly.
"Marian won't let me." Glyn sighed and stood up, deciding it would be safer to move now. AJ watched her walk over to the table. She curled up on the floor and closed her eyes, sighing tiredly when Miffie and Muffie came and lay down beside her.
"What?" Marian looked up sleepily. Brian was standing by her chair, tapping her shoulder.
"It's eight o'clock." he informed her.
"Well, if I ever need to know what time it is, ever again, I'll call you, okay?" Marian said sarcastically and closed her eyes again.
"Glyn says you need to wake up." Brian tapped her shoulder again.
"Whatever Glyn says goes, then?" Marian really wasn't a morning person, especially when she'd only been asleep for less than four hours.
"You have work today." Brian tried not to laugh as Marian jumped out of the chair.
"Shit!! Shit, I have work today!" she went to go find Glyn.
"Morning, Sunshine!" Glyn was pouring coffee in the kitchen.
"I have work today! I have to be there in a fucking hour!" Marian said unhappily. Glyn held out a mug of coffee to her apologetically.
"It's okay. Just have a couple of these before you go.." Glyn said soothingly. "I'll go with you back to the apartment, though. We should leave soon."
"Whoa... Your hair is down." Marian realized. Glyn never ever wore her hair down in public.
"Yeah. Someone was being asinine last night. Err... Earlier this morning. Stealing bobby pins, how cruel." Glyn sighed and drank some coffee. "You don't happen to have a brush, do you?"
"Nope, sorry."
"I'd probably break your brush again, anyway." The last time Glyn had tried to do anything with her hair with one of Marian's brushes, she'd broken half the bristles. Marian's hair was shoulder-length, fine and straight, but Glyn's was 'damn thick and tangled.'
"Hello, hello.." AJ wandered into the kitchen looking only slightly hung-over.
"Hey, look, it's God." Glyn grimaced.
"The one and only..." AJ grinned and poured himself coffee.
"Not if we're pagans." Marian pointed out.
"Are you?" Nick asked.
"No." Glyn replied.
"Well then AJ is God. Right???" AJ smirked.
"No. Shut up. You're not God," Glyn said cheerfully.
"If he were God, he wouldn't be ugly," Marian muttered slyly.
"Right AJ! You're not damn God." Nick rubbed his hair again. "I hate all of you!"
"What were you doing walking alone anyway, Nicky? I mean... where was Barnaby?"
"I wasn't walking alone. I was .... "
"Yes you were," Glyn interrupted.
"Well I was just looking for Kevin's stupid dog!" Nick frowned murderously. Marian and Glyn groaned.
"Kevin has a dog? Oh, jeez. Is it a rat-dog?" Marian wondered.
"NO, Kevin does not have a dog!" AJ declared. "Nick-"
"He does too!" Nick insisted. AJ didn't know because Kevin had only gotten it yesterday. He'd seen it at the party and when he was drunk he'd accidentally let it outside. It was a Yorkshire terrier.
"Kev has a dog, AJ," Brian said quietly. "Its name is Champ. It assaulted me while I was there helping him unpack."
"Ha!" Glyn shouted. "Now you know how it feels! Your Tyk(e) is terrifying."
"Tyk(e)'s not terrifying."
"Tyk(e) belongs in a TACO!" Glyn laughed evilly.
"GLYN!" Marian choked on her coffee. She looked at Brian apologetically to find that he was smiling at her. She smiled back then stared intensely into her coffee.
"So did Kevin ever find his... umm... dog?" AJ wondered.
"No. Unless someone else found it," Nick answered.
"Honestly, Nick, I don't know what you were doing, walking around without Barnaby." Glyn shook her head.
"I don't like Barnaby, you bitch!" Nick said through gritted teeth.
"Hush, Nicky," AJ ordered without realizing he was defending Glyn.
"Look what she did to my hair!" Nick snarled.
"It was me, too! Not just her!" Marian didn't want to be forgotten.
"Marian Arden," Nick spat as though it were an insult.
"That one hurt. I should go." Marian looked at a clock. "I have half an hour. God DAMNIT! Maybe if I run...."
"What's your job?" Brian asked.
"Brian, you said something!" Glyn clapped softly.
"Bloody newspaper writer kind of thing." Marian frowned. "The manager wants to hang me. And these shorts are too short. He's going to throw me out. Stupid newspaper..." She picked up some of Glyn's bobby pins, which were lying on the floor, and used them to put her hair up. "Thankyouverymuch AJ. Seeya Carter. Bye Brian." She ran out the door.
"How long can you stay, Glyn?" AJ asked.
"I don't have anything to do today." Glyn smiled. "Try to buy me anything else, though, and I'm going to have to kill you."
"You're very grateful, Glyndalyn."
"I should go too. I'm going to go home and take a shower and feed Tyk(e). Thanks AJ, bye Nick, Glyn." Brian left, wondering if he would see Marian in the hallway.
"Go away, Nick," Glyn ordered. Now that everyone else had left, Nick seemed to be in the way somehow.
"You can't make me leave!" Nick was furious. How dare Glyn order him out when this wasn't even her place?!
"God says so." AJ smiled smugly. "Bye Nick. Seeya later."
"You ruined my life!" Nick said accusingly. "I hate you!"
"BYE," AJ repeated, still smiling. He heard the door slam. "Glyn, you know he's going to sic Barnaby on you every chance he gets now."
"If Barnaby tries to kill me again will you stand by and laugh?"
"No! I'll save you." AJ smiled, openly staring at her.
"Don't be rude, AJ."
"We ruined Nick's life." He grinned.
"He ruined his own life when he made the decision to drink and walk outside alone without Barnaby."
"Yeah. That was when he stepped into the arms of evil." The phone rang. AJ got it. "Hello?"
"Is that you, AJ? I hope you're hung over." Kevin was very angry.
"Hi Kev. What's wrong?"
"What's WRONG?!"
"Umm... yeah?"
"My house is trashed! My dog is lost! You got in a fight and bashed Geoffrey! His nose is broken and both his eyes are swollen shut! He fell asleep on my fucking carpet and bled all over it! NEW CARPET, McLean!" Kevin was ranting loudly.
"Kevin, it's okay! Calm down, man. Why do you hope I'm hung over? I have a damn headache, if you want to know."
"Good! 'Cause you're getting your sorry ass over here to help clean my house! And bring those ... PEOPLE... with you!"
"What? What people?" AJ rubbed his forehead gingerly.
"Glyn! Nick! Marian! and Brian!" Kevin shouted. "Now!"
"Ummmm... Brian went home. Marian went to work. I made Nick leave."
"Then bring Glyn with you! Okay?!"
"Maybe. Bye Kev." AJ hung up, somewhat intimidated.
"What was that?" Glyn looked nervous.
"Kevin... umm.. Yeah. Kevin's really pissed. He wants us to come help clean up his house."
"Why us? That's not fair."
"He wanted everyone to come but now they're all gone."
"Oh. I see." Glyn sipped her coffee. "That's peachy."
"So, Glyndalyn, tell me about yourself." AJ sat on the counter and looked at her curiously.
"There really isn't anything to tell. Uhm..." Glyn wasn't exactly used to people watching her. "I don't know! I was born in Albany and after high school I disowned my family and moved here, kind of."
"You disowned them? Your mom doesn't seem that bad." Glyn fidgeted. He was staring at her!!
"She's okay when she's a good few hours away," Glyn explained helpfully. They started walking to the elevator.
"Is that all?" AJ asked as he held the door open for her. She frowned at a bodyguard in the hallway.
"Yeah, pretty much. I don't have a very dark, forbidding past. Sorry. We're going to Kevin's, right?" AJ winced at the lights in the elevator.
"Right. We don't have to stay long. I think he'll be okay." Glyn recalled AJ's fight with Geoffrey and noticed that he didn't seem too battered.
"You really bashed up that guy Geoffrey," she said. "Does Kevin like him a lot?"
"Geoffrey? No, I don't think so. But he has this funny thing about people who are his guests...."
"Then he must be really mad at me. Geoffrey was so funny." Glyn laughed and the elevator doors opened. She froze when she saw Britni standing behind a counter, looking disgusted.
"Hi Britni." AJ greeted her amiably.
"The manager doesn't like her." Britni pointed at Glyn.
"I like her," AJ stated. Britni sniffed and looked away as though nothing had been said.
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