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9/11
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Here are some jokes that I found on the internet that I thought I would share with you. Enjoy!
Godbless
1. *Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
2. *Why is there an eject button on the VCR remote? Don’t you have to get up to get the tape anyway?
3. *Could someone ever get addicted to counseling? If so, how could you treat them?
4. *Did you ever noticed when you blow in a dog’s face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car, he sticks his head out the window!
5. *Do fish get cramps after eating?
6. *Do infants love infancy as much as adults love adultery?
7. *Do one legged ducks swim in circles?
8. *Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as 4’s?
9. *Does anybody ever vanish with a trace?
10. *Does the little mermaid wear an algebra?
11. *How can there be “self help GROUPS”?
12. *How come you press harder on a remote control when you know that the battery is dead?
13. *How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow sign?
14. *How is it possible to have a civil war?
15. *If 75% of all accidents happen within 5 miles of home, why not move 10 miles away?
16. *Why don’t sheep shrink in the rain?
17. *Why is a woman’s prison called a penal colony?
18. *Why is it called a “building” when it’s already built?
19. *Why is it called “after dark”, but it’s really after light?
20. *Why is it that when you transport something by car, it’s called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it’s called cargo?
21. *Why is it that when you’re driving and your looking for an address, you turn down the radio?
22. *Why is it when two planes almost hit, it’s called a “near miss”?
23. *Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
24. *Why is Mickey Mouse bigger than his dog Pluto?
25. *Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
26. *Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream?
27. *Would a fly that doesn’t have wings be called a walk?
28. *You know how most packages say “Open Here”. What is the protocol if the package says, “Open Somewhere Else”?
29. *You know the indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can’t they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
30. *Are there seeing eye humans for blind dogs?
31. *Why do we sing “Take me Out to the Ball Game” when we are already there?
32. *Why does your nose run, and your feel smell?
33. *Why do we drive on parkways and we park on driveways?
34. *When your sending someone Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
35. *Who named everything?
36. *Why do bars advertise live bands? What does a dead band sound like?
37. *What would a chair look like if you knees bent the other way?
38. *What color do they put on a man’s drivers license if he’s bald?
39. *What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of a plane?
40. *Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
41. *What do sheep count when they can’t sleep?
42. *Why does “slow down” and “slow up” mean the same thing?
43. *Why does an alarm clock “go off” when it starts ringing?
44. *Why do you need a drivers license to buy liquor but you can’t drink and drive?
45. *Why do they make parking lots for bars when you can’t drink and drive?
46. *Since cats always land on their feet and buttered bread always lands butter side down, what happens if you tie buttered bread on the back of a cat?
Others
1. *If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
2. *What do chickens think we taste like?
3. *When dog food is new tasting, who taste test it?
4. *Why do they sterilized needles for lethal injections?
5. *If you squeeze olives to get olive oil, where does baby oil come from?
6. *If flying is safe, why is the airport called a terminal?
7. *If American mothers give their babies tiny forks and spoons, then what do Chinese mothers give their babies? Toothpicks?
God bless
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