Feburary--The Freak Month

Sunday, August 8th, 1999

Upon first inspection it may seem a bit picky to throw vicious slander towards 
the month of love, or as the French say, le month de love, but hear me out... 

You know why they have Valentine's Day smack dab in the middle of Feburary? 
Feburary is the gloomiest, drabbest, grayest month there is. I'm sorry, but 
it's true. It's that wet slushy winter-spring transition stage that everyone 
would just assume forget about because it leaves you so depressed. 

Wait, what was that last part...? Depressed, that's it. See, the crazy evil 
empire of Halmark wants Valentines day in the month of total depression and 
self pitty. When Feburary 14th rolls closer, that day of days, millions, no, 
BILLIONS of people realize what they never really noticed before... 

They have no one. 

So Then they spend WAY too much money on chocolate and cards and flowers to 
try to win themselves a someone. Meanwhile, our friends at Halmark and Call 
Bob For Flowers are raking in dough like leaves on a crisp October morn. 

It boggles the mind. 

And why'd they give it 28 days anyway? They shoud have knocked January and 
March down to 30 days from 31 and given those days to Feburary, so then we'd 
have 7 months of 30 days and 5 of 31. When leap year comes, Feburary would 
become 31 days long and we'd have an even 6:6 ratio. Doesn't that sound nice? 

If I ran the year, Valentines would be in July, month of happiness, and every 
Feburary there'd be a Halmark burning day, where everyone throws their 
illbegotten Halmark cards into a flaming heap. 

Just remember to flip to the back to make sure its a Halmark. They like that.