WHAT'S UP WITH WALMART?

Sunday, July 18th, 1999

What IS up with Walmart anyway? All the commercials for the place show young hip and 
happening workers, but when you go there, it's full of 200-year old cashiers with 
one foot in the grave!

And what does Walmart mean, anyway? Okay, so its a mart, and it has... Walls? Well 
Glory Be, who'd have thought of that one. The stores got walls, boys, and that's sure 
special, so they had sure as hell mention walls in the name.

So there we have it. Walmart. The American store that took over the Canadian Wolco in 
Canada, after a decade of Wolco saying "Bankrupt? Us? No way, get outta here..."

They went bankrupt.

And now what are we stuck with? Zombified old women who watch the teenagers (like me) 
like hawks so as to be sure you're not stealing anything. Oh, and ya know when one of 
them thinks she's on to you, too. She starts inching closer and closer, acting 
totally inconspicuous. You turn your back for a second and she's a foot closer, 
staring from behind a rack of women's panties.

The shame! Oh, the shame of it all!

So when it comes to Walmart, get in and get out, before one of them finds that roll 
of toilet paper you've been trying to get a 5 finger discount on.