Craig Boardman évoque avec nous la prise de pouvoir de la Ossett Town et sa performance personnelle. Auteur de son troisième coup franc de la saison le champion du unibond ligue espère surtout réussir une bonne fin de saison avec la ossett Town pour occuper la tête au mois de mai.

BOARD RUM DEALINGS

Wheeling and dealing with the man who has it all.
By Molly Lark
Ossett Town 's Craig Boardman revealed last week that he had bought £200 worth of shares in STOCKSBRIDGE P.S. Nothing wrong with that, said the FA, it's just an investment. But, especially with Easter coming up, it begs the old question: "What do you get the man who has everything?"
When you are on £250 a week after tax it's not as easy a life as you may think.
You are very soon going to own all the Celine Dion and Mariah Carey CDs a footballer is ever likely to want, and that includes the special remixes, boxed sets and duets with Whitney Houston. Don’t forget, Ian Wright very nearly did a duet with La Carey on his television show the other week WHICH would have been chicken fodder to boardie.
It’s not just the money. Training and tactics sessions with the gaffer do not take all day. In the afternoon, a footballer's time is his own and not many look the type to be doing an Open University degree.
Never mind £250 a week. Plenty are on double or more of that and have a disposable income big enough to buy a large ROUND every fortnight. Judging by the number of times some of these players change clubs, they probably do exactly that.
So it's no surprise that Boardman has started to speculate in stocks and shares. In many ways there's not an awful lot else to do unless you're happy whiling away the time in the snooker hall or on the golf course. But what he hopes to gain by changing his red shirt for a pair of red braces is another question entirely. Even if he makes a killing, what difference can it make if to a man who has spent the last three seasons at Halifax Town? Last year, PS's turnover was £1.1K, their largest ever and and it turned them into the richest in the UNIBOND. As every stock market investor worth his or her salt knows, nothing lasts forever. Sooner or later clubs are going to start feeling the pinch of spiralling wages. But don't hold your breath waiting for it to affect P.S.
It goes back to the original question. What do you get for the man who has everything? The only possible answer is: More of the same.

Boardman "Lazy Twat" - Player-Manager Speaks Out

by Alan Bates ( Anal Beast ..Ed?)

The world of Wakefield district non-league football was rocked by scandal yesterday when potential Scottish International and Ossett Town Captain Craig Boardman failed to appear for Saturday's vital training session at Ingfield, according to an email exclusively intercepted by Craig Boardman's Boots.
Ossett Town had being enjoying a turn of fortune recently and had won some vital matches, including the 5-1 mauling of the managerless Lincoln United in Unibond League Division 1.
However, Saturday had left them without a game, and Player-Manager Gary Brook had arranged a training session for the team under the floodlights at Ingfield to keep the winning momentum going.
However when the time came for the team to take to the pitch, they did so without their captain.
Sources close to this reporter said "I knew there wasn't a game, but I went past Ingfield when I was taking my daughter to a birthday party at Little Monsters and there was the team, training. Couldnt see Boardie, though."
The no-show by the £1.5k rated player developed into a full-blown row when Brook emailed his Captain, asking "where were u yesterday u lazy twat". He fined the player a day's wages (£10) and the continuing captaincy of Boardman must be thrown into some doubt.
Some sources suggest that Boardman was out of the country having secret talks with Real Madrid, but a quick phone call to the club revealed that the telephonist spoke no English, so we couldn't verify that one for sure.
This is not the first time that Boardman has got into hot water through the medium of the internet. Last year a teammate emailed Craig Boardman's Boots to inform his public that "he's f---ing shit, there is no way he is worth £80 a week," and that his "breath smells like a donkeys (sic) farted in his mouth."
Then, as now, Craig Boardman was unavailable for comment.

TUESDAY ,12 JANUARY ,2000

Tonight Matthew Kelly Craig Boardman is Ricketty Markin in his one man tribute to the man Ricky Martin
Boardman has been the biggest of fans ever since his exhilarating performance at the 1999 Grammy Awards, Boardman adapts the Puerto Rican wonder in casting a spell over the entire world of coverbands and establishing himself as the hottest artist of the new millennium. Although he was already being talked about just about everywhere due to his companies faced with the minium wage drum'n'bass project. this venture is to cover timeless classics in the style of hits such as Maria and La Copa de la Vida he still has to win over an audience. And now, he will do it!!
He's the new Gloria Estefan stated Mark "e" smith in responce to a Boardman gibe at a recent concert in which the media mogule sanG " I am David Sukar" in mock mancurian tones
Special Features of his performance is his Mastery of the Digital Surround system,
Exclusive and vibrant covers of the Smiths "Girlfriend in a Coma" ,Nick Drake's "Chello Song",Radioheads "Paranoid Android",Pink Floyd's Us and Them ,Cream's "Mother's Lament "The Dead Kennedy's "police truck" Roy Harpers " I ate the whiteman" Neil Yong's "Cortez the killer"Aerosmith's " I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing " “(Everything I Do) I Do It For You” by Bryan Adams
Kamera Kev joins Ricketty for dreamy ballady Rants throught ,Joe Jackson's "Is she really going out with him, Roy Oribson's "Love hurts" The Righteous brothers " The sun ain't going shine anymore" Az Yet 's " It's hard to say i'm sorry" Savage Garden's " Truly Madly Deeply "Uncle Sam's "I Don't Ever Wanna See You Again " with the power and energy of Ricky Martin's electrifying performance in English and Spanish, so it's not all bad.
and the wonderful lighting care of Bates bulbs inc, and stageshow by Reck's treaders p.l.c
More than a billion people across the globe will have to chance to have felt the power and energy of Boardman's Ricketty Markin's electrifying performance of Hendix's"Angel" at the 2000 Grab a Grammy®TM Awards ceremony. That same night, Boardman will receive the Best Latin Pop cover Performance for this extraverganser.

The Ricketty Markin Video Collection DVD has been digitally mastered in Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround Stereo Sound. The DVD also contains Ricketty's and Boardmans biography, interactive menus, and instant chapter access to the songs.all profits to concerts will be donated to Paul Sykes "adopt an heirendatary pier campaign"

WHAT DOES GEORGE KNOW: CLIFF'S No1 HIT IS NOT VILE BLASTS BOARDMAN

By R SHAVING,

Showbiz Reporter

CRAIG BOARDMAN was angered to hear that SINGER George Michael yesterday sensationally branded Sir Cliff Richard's No1 hit Millennium Prayer "vile".
Boardman, 29 , laughed at the remarks that George, 36,who had blasted Sir Cliff's rendition of The Lord's Prayer set to the tune of Auld Lang Syne as "a heinous piece of music".
"He no right in attacking the Christian campaign to promote the single as "exploitative" and calling on record buyers to snub it". Slated Boardman
By now in an full blown no stopping me now i have started Kevin "camera " Gameson style Ranting tirade
This is a cheeky sideswipe, dubbing deeply religious Sir Cliff "the vicar". The amazing outburst came Boardman heared the George was interview live on London radio station Capital FM, which he co-hosted the Breakfast Show with DJ Neil Fox.
He was asked about the record - set to be No1 for the third week despite stations refusing to play it.
Boardman was outraged when George was Referring to Sir Cliff, 59,when he said: "He's always taking his hat off to himself telling you how many hits he's had. "Yes, absolutely great achievement.which boardman agreed But I think the single and the way it's been dealt with has been vile, actually to which Boardman took exception. George saying "Just knowing there was a Christian campaign for it - I think it is so exploitative of people's religion, it really is. .. Is very naughty" said Boardman
Boardman how dare George "*come out* with a remark like "I think there are people out there who feel it is their duty to buy this record on the eve of the Millennium. That is a really horrible reason for a No1 record." it's just a cheap shot at a greatly lovable man
"And how can he say that John Lennon's Imagine, which is being re-released on Monday, would be a "worthy" Christmas No1 instead ...utter bumken Lennon knew Elton John that's why George likes it"
"There is absolutely no need for comments like But I don't think anyone's going to shake the vicar." Added Boardman
"I think everyone shouild just ignore George and not buy Imagine so we can have cliff and his wonderful piece of music on the radio as we go into the Millennium."
Last night Sir Cliff at George hit back, saying his record's message enjoyed a "groundswell of support". and Thanked Boardman for his support"I watch Ossett Albion when i get chance and he introduced me to drum 'n' bass,although i am worried he as being hanging around ..that Darren Juvie "
Boardman said: "A lot of people want to buy Millennium Prayer because they genuinely feel this is a Christian celebration.
Then Boardman said uttering cliff's fine words "It's a great shame George feels that the marketing has been vile, because that casts a shadow over a lot of people who've bought it."
Boardman later added if my father was not called George i would have dropped my midde name which is George also ..well just George actually ..no just George ..no i mean..o i give up"
Meanwhile it emerged yesterday that Sir Cliff is to be the first performer to broadcast live from the Millennium Dome joining Boardman for exclusive Drum 'n'bass version of the Ozzy Osbourne classic Mr Crowley.
The star, who was angry at being left out of the New Year's Eve Dome celebrations, will take part in a joint transmission with Boardman of Radio 2's Jimmy Young Show on December 22.

To celebrate the return of Guns 'n ' Roses after 6 whole years ,we are giving away a two-night break Craig Boardmans Boots in association with Companies faced with the minimum wage are proud to annouce the charity launch of the Camera Kev relaunch a shed and Keith "Leslie timelord " Barrett's make our becks safe Awards. We're looking for the sites that capture the humour and passion of the two campaigning spokesperson's, covering any aspect of rural tranquility.

With awards for sites of all types plus the Companies faced with the minimum wage Special Award, the producer of the overall winning site will be off on a luxury football weekend in Gretna for the Gretna v Ossett Town tie. Everyone who nominates a site will also be entered into the draw for an Gretna trip, with a lift by Craig Boardman himself, over night stay at Betties B&B and tickets to the top Unibond game included. If any would like to join the bus trip organised by the wakefield redshed please e-mail Gary Beckitt or telephone Wakefield (01924)215626
Be quick they are strictly limited to a first come fist served basis's

Winners must be able to travel in march

Get full entry details and nominate your favourite sites at craig boardmans boots.

One of the Sunday newspapers and a daily broadsheet have linked Arsenal with a Unibond footballert.
A piece in Sunday's News of the World linked the Premiership rivals with unknown potential scottish defender Craig Boardman and the story was followed up in the Times.
Liverpool's official ClubCall premium-rate phone service followed up the news on Sunday, unaware of the hoax, describing the player as a potentail scottish international defender who plays for Ossett Town.

Fancy wearing these?

A signed pair of the "Craig Boardmans's boots" are just one lot in a Minor celebrities Internet auction, launched on Thursday. Boardman & chums have teamed up with Companies faced with the minimum wage, the company wealthfare charity, in a bid to raise 1 million pounds for companies all over the country. Other items on offer include a trip to to watch the Paul Daniels in action in Cleethorpes, and a whole new collection of Keith Harris videos,A Jim Davidson toothbrush,An Eleven clock show stopwatch and a signed sandwich toaster from little & Large! Click for more details.

'I WAS ALMOST THE NEW MCGRATH' Ossett Town centre-half was the player Manchester United wanted to replace Paul McGrath when the Irishhman left in 1992. And as the potential scottish international Boardman told The Ossett Observer, the best attempts of Fergie and co. only failed because their timing was all wrong....

NOTTINGHAM Forest goalkeeper Mark Crossley has blasted his club's promotion bid, insisting they are 'not good enough since selling Boardman'.
Crossley feels that Forest's meagre 18-point haul from their opening 15 games showed that they are not ready for an immediate return to the Premiership and have lacked ambition since selling the wonderfully under-rated Boardman IN 1993.
"We are just not good enough to get promotion at the moment," said Crossley. "It is time to stop making excuses BRING BACK BOARDMANand work harder."

Craig Boardman has his first public experiment testing the effect of distant transmission and latency on visual/musical improvisation co-named (Assertions Criterer / Diabolism Ceilidh).Using Signals from musicians (James Bolam,Yngwie J Malmsteen,Harry Secombe and Bobby Krush) on his site, and a simultaneous performance in Mablethorpe, are being transmitted as control data via ISDN and will be resynthesized in various ways over the course of the performance. Both sites also have a database of recorded video images (from the animated duets album) and availablegraphical processes that will be combined with live camera images and controlled by gestures made by the musical performers.

This work in developing the infrastructure for networked, real-time,visual music performance is supported by a generous grant from the Companies faced with the minimum wage charity. And Boardman also express's our gratitude to Rod & Emu Inc. for their assistance, and to Mar Elapano of the I-MAX School of Cinema-Television, for grant administration.

Monday, October 11, 1999 21:58

What an atmosphere!

What a night!

The cream of world football turned out to honour Sir Alex Ferguson on a cold Manchester night. George Weah, Cafu, Rio Ferdinand, Paul Gascoigne, Gianluca Vialli were all there. But that's not who we'd come to see .

Craig Boardman was unable to attend this glittering event has Ossett Town manger Gary Brook pulled the plug on Boardman claiming he was worried about Boardmans fittness with the cup tie against Doncater.

Boardman was not too pleased,and many believe this could drive a wedge between player and manager leaving Boardman to walk out on the club for pastures new

Superstar, Footballer and meter-reader Craig Boardman has told the Royston Rage in an astonishing interview how he had secret therapy sessions with a top topless shrink to stop himself going mad.
The 28-year-old media handyman revealed how he suffered a nervous breakdown before his "Companies faced with the minimum" concert in August.
And during his blackest moments he even told stunned Y.E.B company bosses that his meter -reading career was over.
But a week-long course of stress counselling with a psychiatrist in Rotherham sorted out confused Boardie's problems.
Speaking exclusively to the Royston Rag shortly before topping the bill at yesterday's massive Webbedfeet concert, he said: "I am back on course now.
"For a long while, though, I thought I had lost the plot."

Torment

Despite the secret torment, Boardie was in stunning form as he appeared before 80 screaming fans at the corbies bar royston at a secret charity extravaganza.
He stole the show from an all-star line-up that also included Snowblind, George Michael,Black Lace,David Bowie,The Pope, Catatonia and Boyzone hunk Ronan Keating. But, away from the world of glitzy showbiz, the former Nottingham Forest hero admitted that he suffers from lengthy bouts of terrible LONELINESS.
And now he is about to buy two more kittens in a bid to give his life more meaning.
In the moving interview, Boardie told how he suffered the breakdown before his big outdoor gig at Thornes Park, near Wakefield.
He said: "I haven't mentioned it before, but what stopped me from really going mad was a week I spent in Rotherham. Basically I got the bus out there thinking that I didn't want to carry on any more in the business.
"But I came back believing it is actually the best job in the entire world."
Boardie refused to go into the details of how he had been helped back from the brink.
But we can reveal that he was given stress counselling by a top psychiatrist during his week in Rotherham.
Asked about the nature of the treatment, Boardie's spokesman said: "It is personal - something neither Boardie nor I will discuss."
But Boardie admitted he had been advised a pet would help him get over his lengthy bouts of loneliness,And the ability to comunicate with cats will help.

Porn

He added: "At last I've been looking on the Internet for something other than porn,I love the website about me,although some of the things said about me are little far fetched!.
"I have been doing research into the Birds also,I am getting - two Emu's.
"They are both chicks at the moment, but are built like Ostriches."
Boardie said he was proud to be taking part in the Webbed feet gig, expected to raise £1 billion for Corparates rejuvinatisation projects in aid of Companies faced with the minimum wage.
He explained: "These concerts are all about putting hope into people's lives.
"Everyone has the right to a decent days pay for a decent days work. That is the message which I want to get across when I am on stage,on the pitch or under the stairs."
But Boardie's unpredictable behaviour surfaced again just before the concert when he stunned organisers by taking over a dressing room meant for ALL the performers.
He stuck a hand-written sign on the door saying: "Craig "George "Boardman's Office." A Webbet feet insider said: "It was a tantrum in the finest traditions of showbiz. Boardie was really over the top with his behaviour. "It meant all the other stars - including David Bowie,Roger DeCausy, George Michael,Pam Ayres and Annie Lennox - had to traipse back to the other changing rooms which are a long walk from the stage."
The show was one of two gigs taking place for the Webbed feet Aid across the globe. Man,Bono,The Juvies ,Puff Daddy,Paul Daniels, Sheryl Crow and Sting appeared in India ,With Boardman jetting over to play both shows.