How do blonde brain cells die ?
A: Alone.

What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells ?
A: Pregnant.

How do you brainwash a blonde ?
A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.

What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette ?
A: Artificial intelligence.

How does a blonde part their hair ?
A1: (Action of scissoring legs apart)
A2: By doing the splits.

Why aren't blondes good cattle herders ?
A: Because they can't even keep two calves together !

What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg ?
A: Nothing. They've never met.

Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink ?
A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables !

When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain ?
A: After a dye job.

Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane ?
A1: She'd just dyed her hair.
A2: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.

Why do blondes wear their hair up ?
A: To catch everything that goes over their heads.

Why is it good to have a blonde passenger ?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.

What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievment ?
A: An IN-body experience !

Why is a blonde like a turtle ?
A: They both get fucked up when they're on their back.

What do Darren Millane (Collingwood footballer killed in a recent car crash) and a blonde have in common ?
A: Put either of 'em in a car and the're fucked.

What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme ?
A: Humpme Dumpme.

How do you make a blonde's eyes light up ?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.

How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle ?
A: Shine a torch in her ears.

Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks ?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.

How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer ?
A: There's white-out on the screen.

How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer ?
A: There's writing on the white-out.

What's the difference between a blonde and a computer ?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.

What do a blonde and your computer have in common ?
A: You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you.

What did the blonde think of the new computer ?
A: She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9.

Why do blondes wear shoulder pads ?
A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno !

How do you kill a blonde ?
A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.

How do blondes pierce their ears ?
A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.

Why don't blondes eat Jello ?
A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages.

What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their head ?
A: All you can eat, under a buck.

Why don't blondes eat pickles ?
A: Because they can't get their head in the jar.

Why don't blondes eat bananas ?
A1: They can't find the zipper.
A2: They cant find the pull tab.

Why do blondes wear hoop earrings ?
A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles.

Why do blondes where big hoop earrings ?
A: To put their feet through.

What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive ?
A: Her ankles.

Why do blondes wear green lipstick ?
A: Because red means stop.

Why do blondes wear red lipstick ?
A: Because red means "Stop, wrong hole."

How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator ?
A: By the lipstick on your cucumbers.

Why don't blondes use vibrators ?
A: They chip their teeth.

Why do blondes wear underwear ?
A: They make good ankle warmers.

What do blondes do for foreplay ?
A: Remove their underwear.

Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts ?
A: Cause their balls show !

What's the mating call of the blonde ?
A: "I'm *sooo* drunk !"

What is the mating call of the ugly blonde ?
A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk !"

How did the blonde die ice fishing ?
A: She was run over by the zambonis machine.

What's a brunette's mating call ?
A: Has that blonde gone yet ?
A2: When is that blonde bitch going to leave !?
A3: "All the blondes have gone home !"

Why do blondes drive BMWs ?
A: Because they can spell it.

Why do blondes like the GST ? (GST -- Goods and Services Tax now in effect in Canada)
A: Because they can spell it.

What is 74 to a blonde ?
A: 69 plus G.S.T.

Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes ?
A: Toes Go In First.

Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts ?
A: Tits Go In Front.

What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side ?
A: An interpreter.

What do you call a blonde between two brunettes ?
A: A mental block.

How do you change a blonde's mind ?
A1: Blow in her ear.
A2: Buy her another beer.

What do you say to a blonde that won't give in ?
A: "Have another beer."

What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning ?
A: Pack their lunch and send them to work.

What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning ?
A1: Introduces themself.
A2: Walks home.

How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning ?
A: Fertilized.

How does a blonde like her eggs ?
A: Unfertilized.

What's the first thing a blonde does after sex ?
A: Opens the car door.

How do blondes turn the light on after sex ?
A: Kick open the car door.

Why do blondes like tilt steering ?
A: More head room.

Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs ?
A: More leg room.

What is the worst thing about sex with a blonde ?
A: Bucket seats.

What do blondes say after sex ?
A1: "Thanks, Guys !"
A2: "Are you boys all in the same band ?"
A3: Do you guys all play for the ?
A4: Who were all those guys ?

Why is a blonde like a door knob ?
A: Because everybody gets a turn.

Why is a blonde like railroad tracks ?
A: Because she's been laid all over the country.

What important question does a blonde ask her mate before having sex ?
A: Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate ?

Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving orgasm ?
A: *Who cares ?*

Why do blondes have orgasms ?
A: So they know when to stop having sex !

How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm ?
A1: She drops her nail-file !
A2: Who cares ?
A3: She says, "Next".
A4: The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder.
A5: He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes.
A6: I mean, who really cares ?
A7: The batteries have run out.

What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear ?
A: "Thanks for the refill !"

What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear ?
A: Data transfer.

Why do blondes use tapons with extra long strings ?
A: So the crabs can go bungee-jumping.

How can you tell which blonde is the waitress ?
A: She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did with her pencil.

What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag) ?
A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"

Why do blondes have more fun ?
A1: Because they don't know any better.
A2: They are easier to keep amused.

How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A1: "What's a lightbulb ?"
A2: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
A3: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady !"

What's a blonde's favourite wine ?
A: "Daaaddy, I want to go to Miaaami !"

What do you call a basement full of blondes ?
A: A wine cellar.

Why are there no dumb brunettes ?
A: Peroxide.

Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes ?
A: They're doing research on black holes.

How can you tell if a blonde has been using the computer?
A: The joystick is wet.

What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.

What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?
A: "Have another beer."

What do Blondes say after sex?
A1: Thanks Guys.
A2: Are you boys all in the same band?
A3: Do you guys all play for the Green Bay Packers?

How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.

What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A: The more you bang it the looser it gets.

What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

What do blonds and spaghetti have in common?
A: They both wriggle when you eat them.

Why was the blondes' belly button sore ?
A: Because her boyfriend was blonde too.

How do you get a blond out of a tree?
A: Wave

What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?
A: They both have black roots.

What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?

What do you call a zit on a blonde's ass?
A: A brain tumor.

What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?
A: Two brunettes.

What's the Blonde's cheer?
A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."

Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.

Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute?
A: Because she gave blow-jobs literally.

Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?
A: She realized she gave her last blowjob.

Why do blondes give such good blowjobs?
A: Because that's what they train for all their lives.

Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
A: So her male would get delivered to the right box.

Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".

Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.

Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?
A: So she could lip read.

Why did God create blondes?
A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.

Why did God create brunettes?
A: Neither could the blondes.

Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.

Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off.

Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.

Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.

Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
A: Because it kept falling out.

Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.

How do you confuse a blonde?
A: Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.

Why does it work?
A: "Does 3 come before E or does it go between M and W?"

Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!

What is the blonde's favorite potato chip?
A: Free-to-lay (Frito-Lay).

What is blond, brunette, blond, brunette, ....?
A: A blond doing cartwheels.

What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?
A: They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.

Did you hear about the blond skydiver?
A: She missed the Earth!

Did you hear about the blond who had two chances to get pregnant?
A: She blew it both times!

What do a moped and a blond have in common?
A: They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one.

How do you know when a blond's been in your fridge?
A: Lipstick on the cucumbers!

What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common?
A: All you have to do is scratch the box to win.

What is the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll?
A: About 2 cans of hair spray

What's the quickest way to get into a blondes pants?
A: Pick them up off the floor.

Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
A: The vegetable garden.

How many blondes does it take to play tag?
A: One.

What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?
A: Far-from-thinkin

Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean?
A: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.

What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A: She slipped off and fell down the drain.

What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina?
A1: The Blonde!
A2: The other guys waiting their turn.

What did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever been picked up by 'the fuzz'?
A: 'No. But I've been swung around by the tits.'

What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"

What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot.

What's a blonds' favourite rock group?
A: Air Supply.

Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?
A: A blond electrician.

Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A: So brunettes can remember them.

Why are blondes like cornflakes ?
A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.

Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.

What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
A: Perri-air

Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.

When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!

What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?
A: The Air Pump!

Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
A: Because she got an F in sex.

Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
A: She missed.

Why can't blondes be cattle ranchers?
A: They can't keep their calves together!

When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
A: After a dye job.

What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme.

What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag) ?
A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"

What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.

Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde drives a car?
A: Because she blows the horn!

Why is a blonde like a door knob?
A: Because everybody gets a turn.

Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
A: Because she's been laid all over the country.

Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
A: She kept having affairs with men!

What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?
A: She picks up her purse and goes home.

To a blonde, what is long and hard?
A: Grade 4.

What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 blondes.

Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds?
A: Because at 69 they blow a rod...

What is the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?
A: A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out of it.

Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".

What is the definition of the perfect woman?
A: A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.

Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
A: They both drip when they're fucked.

How would a blond punctuate the following?: "Fun fun fun worry worry worry"
A: Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!

Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
A: It swells at night.

A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"

A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
A: Locking the car door.

Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?
A: Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.

What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
A: She moved.

What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A blonde parade.

Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
A: They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.

Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe.

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