Chp 10
" 'Why, such is love's transgression. Griefs of mine own lie heavy in my breast, Which thou wilt propagate, to have it prest. With more of thine: this love that thou hast shown, Doth add more grief to too much of mine own. Love is a smoke raised with the fume of sighs; Being purged, a fire sparkling in lovers' eyes; Being vex'd a sea nourish'd with lovers' tears: What is it else? A madness most discreet, A choking gall and a preserving sweet…' *sigh* I hear ya, man…………… 'Tis the way, To call hers exquisite, in question more: These happy masks that kiss fair ladies' brows, Being black put us in mind they hide the fair; He that is strucken blind cannot forget, The precious treasure of his eyesight lost: Show me a mistress that is passing fair, What doth her beauty serve, but as a note, Where I may read who pass'd that passing fair? Farewell: thou canst not teach me to forget…' If only I could."
AJ continued reading, saying the lines in his head. Never had it affected him in this way before. He actually felt every word.
"Romeo & Juliet, huh. The best."
AJ looked up from his book to see who the voice belonged to.
"I'm sorry. Did I disturb you?" asked Elena.
"No. I was going to put the book down anyway. What's up?"
Elena smiled. "You're a good liar. So, you like Shakespeare?"
"Yeah, he's one of my idols."
"Really? I didn't know that."
"There's a lot about me you don't know."
"And that's what scares me. I know something's wrong," she said quietly.
AJ looked into her emerald orbs. "There's nothing to be afraid of. It's me. I'm just dealing with something right now."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"Not yet. But I'll let you know."
"Ok…so…what's you favorite part?"
"When they die."
"Jeez, AJ, so morbid."
"I know. But as morbid as it may seem, it was just so beautiful. To die for love…that's just the ultimate thing."
"Would you do it?"
"In a heartbeat."
"AJ…" She took his hand and looked at him, worry evident in her eyes. "Are you suicidal?"
"What? Why would you think that?"
"I took a psychology course in college. I know some of the signs. You've been acting really weird lately…depressed, aloof, now your talking about how wonderful death is and you won't tell me what's wrong and…I'm worried."
"Don't be. I'm not going to kill myself. I've just been thinking about a few things and I've just wanted to be alone. I'm fine. Really."
"You sure?"
"Positive."
"Has the thought ever even crossed your mind?"
"What, killing myself? Sure. I think it crosses everyone's minds at some point in their lives. You just want to end all the stress and pain and suffering…find peace…just sleep forever. I'd never actually do it, though. I don't have the courage. You?"
Elena stared at her lap. "Yeah, I have. I actually came close to doing it, too."
AJ sat up shocked by her confession. "Are you serious?! When?!"
"I've never told anybody. You're the first to know." She gulped. "It was…it was the day Howie…I had just gotten home from the hospital. My whole world had just come crashing down. I couldn't think. I couldn't breathe. It was as if I was the one who died. I didn't want go on knowing that I'd never be able to be with him for as long as I lived. I know we were together for only four months, but…they were the best four months of my life. I didn't want to go on alone. I walked into my bathroom, opened the medicine cabinet, and took out the bottle of Advil. I sat down on the cold tile floor and just stared at the panacea I held in my hand for a moment before popping the cap open and taking two…then four…then six…then…I dropped it and never picked it up again."
AJ was stunned. "What made you stop?"
"I…I heard a voice. I thought maybe that it was my conscience trying to tell me that it wasn't the answer. But after my sixth pill, I realized the voice wasn't my own…a-a-and that it wasn't in my head…it was coming from…from outside…somewhere. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried willing it to go away. But it wouldn't leave me alone. It was begging me not to go through with it. And then, it started singing…and that's when I knew. I opened my eyes and there he was…kneeling in front of me, wiping away my tears, crooning Unchained Melody right before my very eyes. I tried to speak, but he wouldn't let me. He touched my face so lightly, I hardly felt it, and told me not to cry and that he was happy. T-t-that everything was going to be ok and that he'd watch me and protect me until the day we could be together again. He told me he'd always love me and kissed me and then…he disappeared. I just cried and cried and cried until there were no tears left. I don't know if it was just a vision or a dream or what. But it helped me so much. I've never tried killing myself again since."
The tears were freely cascading down her cheeks. AJ was speechless. He wanted to share with her his experience but didn't know what to say. Finally after several minutes of silence, he composed himself and took a deep breath. "Elena, there's something I haven't told anyone either…" He began telling her about his dream and about the picture he had found after he heard the news. By the end of his story, they were both silently crying in each other's arms. They just held each other, oblivious to time and the world. He had her so close to him, yet she was untouchable. She felt an awkward warmth flow throughout her body. He wanted to kiss her so bad. For some unknown reason, she began running her fingers through his Prussian spikes, but soon realized her mistake and quickly pulled back her hands. After what seemed like an eternity, they slowly let go.
"I-I-I'm sorry," apologized Elena feeling foolish.
"No, I'm sorry. I just couldn't help---"
"DA-YUM, people! Romeo & Juliet really got to you, huh!"
Elena and AJ jumped in surprise and turned their heads towards the interrupter. Brian grinned.
"Don't worry, I bawled during The Lion King. You can't get anymore embarrassing than that! Why'd you abandon us, Elena? Don't you like the movie?"
"I do, but why watch a movie about angels…" She looked at AJ and smiled. "…when we have one right here."
Brian eyed each of them strangely and backed away slowly. "Ooooookkkkk, I'll just leave you two crazy people alone now. C-ya!" He disappeared back into the entertainment room.
"AJ," she leaned over and whispered into his ear. "Let's not tell anyone about our experiences. Just each other, ok? It'll be our little secret."
"Ok."
"Pinky swear?"
AJ laughed at her juvenile reference and hooked his pinky around hers. The most sacred of all oaths.
"Pinky swear."
Chp 11
Chp 9
