Chp 14
'Oh what to wear, what to wear…' Elena rummaged through her closet tossing dresses over her shoulder. It was Friday night and Nathan would be picking her up in two hours. She had pulled out five dresses and had laid them out on her bed to see which one would be best to wear. One was the eminent little black dress that seemed too ordinary for this occasion. She skipped over the royal blue mini and deep purple empire waist. And then her eyes fell on the long satin red dress she had worn only once over four years ago. She slowly picked it up and put it against her body, gently running the material through her fingers and staring somberly at her reflection in the full-length mirror. Seconds later, she stuffed it back into her closet not saying a word. She had finally settled on a deep deep emerald green velvet gown. She put on her jade earrings and matching necklace. She put her hair back into a fancy bun and left a few tendrils to frame her face.
'Hmm, ring. I need a ring…' She opened her polished oak jewelry box and searched for a suitable ring. Her fingers came in contact with a small box the same material and color as her dress. She picked it up and opened it. Inside, a gorgeous diamond ring glimmered in the dim light. It was the perfect accessory to complete her ensemble. She smiled sadly and delicately slipped it on her right ring finger and admired it. 'So after all this time…I'll finally get to wear you…only for tonight…' But she was hesitant. Her smile faded from her face as a thought came to mind. 'Is this right? Should I? No doubt it will raise questions. But then again, maybe it won't. Maybe he'll assume it's just an ordinary ring. Besides, it doesn't have a special meaning…'
"Not anymore," she said out loud to herself.
*ding dong*
He was here.
Taking one last glance in the mirror, Elena sighed and then went downstairs to open the door. Nathan greeted her with a pleasantly surprised face and a white corsage.
"Elena, you look so so b-b-beautiful, I can't even talk," he stuttered giving her the once over.
She laughed and invited him in. "You don't look so bad yourself." He wore a grey suit with a red tie. He smiled and shyly handed her the box with the corsage. " *gasp* Nathan, you didn't have to do this."
"I wanted to." He opened it and slipped it around her wrist. "There. Perfect. Just like you."
She blushed. "Not quite."
"Don't be so modest. Well, we must get going. Reservations are for 7:30."
"When are you going to tell me where we're going?"
"When we get there."
She slapped his arm playfully. "You enjoy making me suffer, don't you. You're terrible," she joked.
"I know, but you know you love me for it."
Elena was a little taken back by the word love, but she knew he meant it in an innocent way. "Let's go."
They walked arm in arm to his shiny and brand new black Mercedes. He opened the front door for her and then seated himself on the driver's side.
"You like the car?"
"Oh yeah, it's lovely."
They drove for about twenty minutes until the car came to a stop. Nathan told her to close her eyes and not to open them until he told her to. He got out of the car and then gently held her hand to assist her out as well. He led her onto the sidewalk and when she was right where he wanted her to be he told her to open her eyes. She fluttered them opened slowly and when she finally realized where she was, she gasped loudly.
"Welcome, my lady, to the famous and elegant Pantagis Renaissance."
She couldn't believe this! What were the chances that the two most important dates of possibly her life be at the same place?! This wasn't good at all. But she didn't want to ruin it, so she forced a smile and thanked him.
"I knew you'd like it."
The inside was exactly as she remembered it with the beautiful crystal chandelier that sparkled right above the dance floor. They were seated and they immediately ordered they're meals.
"So have you ever been here before?" Nathan asked her. But she didn't hear him. She was too busy looking around and remembering. "Elena? Elena?"
She finally snapped back into reality and faced him. "Hmm?"
"I asked you if you have ever been here before."
"Oh. Umm, yes I have actually."
"You have?" His voice had a hint of disappointment in it. "Darn. I wanted it to be a surprise."
"Oh Nathan, believe me, it was certainly a surprise. Thank you. I love it here."
"You're welcome," he replied unenthusiastically. Nathan did most of the talking for the rest of the night. Elena tried very hard to listen to him, but her mind wandered. All the memories came flooding back to her. It seemed as if she was reliving the whole thing all over again. In a sense, she was, but not with the same person as she had hoped. Although it was enjoyable, this night was not as magical as the first time she had come here. Nothing in her life would ever be. Her thoughts drifted into the past and she saw, heard, and felt everything just as it was.
"Oh, it's so, so…words can't describe it! I'm truly speechless! I never imagined myself coming here, to this beautiful place in a limo! And everything else…wow! Tonight is so perfect."
"Yeah, tonight is perfect, but not because of the limo or the fancy restaurant. It's because you're her, by my side, and I couldn't ask for more."
"Oh my gosh, I think I'm going to cry!" She was so overcome with emotion; she wanted to tell him right then and there how she felt. But she decided to wait for a more private moment...
"Elena? Elena?"
She woke up from her trance and looked at him after she had heard her name for the sixth time. "I'm sorry, Nathan, what was that again?"
"Elena, are you alright? You seem sort of distant tonight," he said exasperated. He was trying really hard to impress her and make it work.
Elena stared down at her lap and answered quietly, "I'm sorry. I'm just thinking."
"About what?"
"It's---it's nothing important really."
"Well if it's taking up so much of your mind, it must be important. I'll understand if you don't want to tell me, but don't lie to me."
"I'm sorry."
"It's alright."
"No, no it's not. But I'll listen now. I'll just push those other insignificant thoughts out of my head and concentrate on you just like I should."
He smiled. "Very well then."
"Please go on."
"Do you even know what I was talking about?"
She simpered sheepishly and lowered her head in embarrassment. "No."
Nathan pulled his chair over closer to her and tilted up her chin and looked into her eyes. "Don't ever bow your head. You'd be cruel in depriving the world of such beauty."
'Damn.' "You're too sweet for your own good, you know that?"
"I only say things as I see them." He gently grabbed her right hand and began to caress it softly. That was when he noticed the ring. "Wow, that's some ring! Was it a gift?"
'Oh no.' "U-u-umm, it was a…umm…"
"Christmas? Birthday? Confirmation? Sweet 16?"
She didn't say anything. She just looked at him with doubt in her eyes. 'Should I tell him the truth? Will it scare him away?'
Nathan let go of her hand and sat back. His whole demeanor seemed to change.
"Is it…an en-engagement ring?"
The flashbacks rushed back.
"…I'll take it all without complaints…if you're willing to sacrifice your old life, and start a new one with me."
His eyes were so sincere, she knew he meant it.
"Yes," she whispered happily, nearly in tears. "I love you."
"I love you, too, Elena."
They hugged and kissed. Neither one of them would ever forget this night…the night they said their first "I love you's"…the night that they realized that maybe they were the right ones for each other for eternity…
She would have given anything to keep that happy memory in her mind rather than allowing the next one to torture her…it was all too clear…
…She was shaking as she walked into the dark and eerily silent, except for the machines that were keeping him alive, ICU room. She was aghasted at the sight of her true love's life hanging by a thread, literally…the IV. He looked so small and helpless. It tore her heart apart seeing the person who meant the world to her like this. She slowly made her way over to his bedside and sat down in the chair beside him. He was so pale, and his face had the expression of pain and sadness. She gently picked up his limp hand, careful not to touch any of the wires or tubes attached to him.
"Howie?" she said softly. "I don't know if you can hear me, but I'm here. I always will be. I can't stay here long, but…just don't give up…right away. You have to fight this. You have to get through this. It's gonna be hell without you. And I'm not just talking about my life. You have so much going for you…your family, your friends, the band, your fans…"
A teardrop rolled down her cheek and her voice cracked with emotion.
"…but if you can't…I don't want you to suffer."
She sniffed then took out the ring she got him for their four-month anniversary.
"I-I got you this…for our anniversary. I was going to give it to you when I got back. *sniff* "
She placed it on his finger then kissed it. "My heart stays with you," she whispered.
Just then, a few nurses came in.
"I'm sorry to interrupt you, but he's scheduled to go to surgery right now."
"Ok…I'll keep this safe for you," Elena said softly as she gently slipped the ring off Howie's finger and placed it on hers. "I love you."
She gave him one last kiss on the forehead before hesitantly leaving the room…
"Elena, what's wrong? What is it?"
"What?" she squeaked in a voice she didn't recognize as her own.
"You're crying."
She didn't even realize it until she felt the hot tears splash onto her hands. "Oh-oh God." She felt like she was going to throw up. Her whole body shook with emotion and the tears continued to flow, more and more coming by the second. She covered her face with her hands, but that didn't help at all. Her sorrow was way too obvious. She was naked to the world. She felt so vulnerable.
Nathan, having no idea what was going on, could only embrace her and offer her general words of comfort.
"It's ok. Sshhh, it's alright. Whatever it is, everything will be fine."
"No." She nodded her head in his arms. "This will never be fine. It shouldn't have happened! It never should've---oh God!"
A waiter rushed over asking them if she would like some brandy to calm her down. Nathan just asked for a glass of water. He returned with it shortly.
"If you need anything, my lady and sir, please just tell me," offered the waiter. He felt really bad for her.
"Thank you."
"Yes, whatever you are going through, my lady, I hope it turns out ok. I'm sure it will."
Elena took a small sip of the water and then just sobbed on his shoulder. Nathan nodded his head and thanked him again, signaling that he could leave now.
"Elena, Elena, sweetheart, do you want to go home?"
She nodded and stood up wobbling. He paid for the bill and then they left, Elena leaning against him with his arms around her waist for support. By the time they had gotten into his car, she had calmed down a bit. He offered her a box of tissues and she took them silently. After ten minutes of total silence, Elena finally spoke.
"I'm sorry," she whispered dabbing her tears. "I didn't mean to ruin this night. I'm so sorry."
"It's ok. I just can't imagine what could've made you so upset. Was it me? Was it something I said?"
"No. It wasn't you at all. It was me. I just let stupid memories get to me."
"Don't say that. Memories aren't stupid. They should be cherished. Do you want to tell me about him?"
She looked at him surprised. "What?" He pointed at her ring.
"Talking about problems makes you feel better, believe me. Was it a bad break up?"
She felt fresh tears forming in her eyes. "If only that was all it was. No, we didn't break up. No, this was-this was something much more unimaginable, unexpected, and so painful."
"I'm listening."
She looked at him and then nodded. She took a deep breath and told him everything. He was so understanding. He handed her more tissues as she cried.
"I'm so sorry. I couldn't have imagined it even if I tried. I don't know what to say except that you have my sympathy and understanding."
"Thank you. There's nothing neither of us can say. I just don't understand why after all these years, I decide to break down tonight. Crummy timing, huh?" She laughed weakly and blew her nose.
"Well, I did bring you to the same restaurant as he did. It was only natural for the memories to return to you. I'm sorry, if I had known, I wouldn't have brought you here."
"There's nothing for you to be sorry about. You didn't know. I can't believe how much I cried though! I used up all your tissues, I'm sorry."
"That's alright. Tissues are replaceable. You didn't cry when it actually happened?"
"Of course I did. But probably not as much as I should have. I wanted to remain strong for everyone else, so I kept it all inside."
"That was the problem. No matter how long ago something like this happens, it's always going to be inside you. And if you don't let those feelings out then, they'll release themselves later. Although you never know how much later."
"Well boy did they decide to come out at the wrong place at the wrong time. I hope I can make this up to you in anyway."
"There is a way. Go out with me again. Sometime next week. But this time, no fancy restaurants, just a nice little cozy café. And let me know beforehand if you and one of your exes have been there, ok? "
She laughed. She couldn't believe how great Nathan was. After all she put him through tonight when he just wanted it to be special, he still wanted to see her. Maybe it was meant to be after all.
"That I can do, happily."
They had finally arrived to her house. Nathan walked her to her door. They stood facing each other shyly like teenagers on their first date.
"Nathan, I had a great time. In spite of my little emotional drama. If it hadn't been for me, it would've been perfect. I just wanted you to know that. You did everything right. I was the one who had screwed up."
"Elena, tonight didn't turn out how I had expected it to."
"I'm sorry---"
"Let me finish. But that's what I like about you. You're unpredictable. And mysterious. I like that in a woman. I'm looking forward to discovering all those deep dark secrets you're hiding."
"And I'm looking forward to getting to know you as well, Mr. Hayes."
"Well, I've told you practically everything about me. It's you, Ms. DiLorenzo, who's the secretive one."
"Yes, but there's always more to a person than just what they tell you," she smirked devilishly.
"I see."
They took a step closer to each other. He cautiously wrapped his arms around her waist. In return, she gently placed her hands on his shoulders. She could feel his hot breath against her skin. She enjoyed the sensation. He inhaled her intoxicating scent and loved the way her beautiful hazel green eyes stared intensely into his own. They couldn't fight their feelings any longer. In a blink of an eye, their lips had united and were participating in an act of affection and lust. Not quite love…yet. This was only the beginning.
Chp 15
Chp 13
