Chp 17
'I hate men. Men suck. Men are scum.' Elena sat on her couch indulging herself in a carton of fudge brownie walnut ice cream and watching Ricki Lake. The doorbell rang right before a girl was about to tell her fiancé that she was having an affair with his brother. "Dammit." She reluctantly got up and made her way to the door not letting go of her comfort food. She looked through the window and saw that it was Nathan. She groaned and then took another big spoonful of ice cream to calm her down. Taking a big sigh, she opened the door.
Nathan whipped his head around to face her, as he had been distracted. He was trembling and fidgety. Elena took the spoon out of her mouth.
"What's wrong?" she asked concerned about the look of fear on his face.
Nathan took a deep breath and let it out raggedly. "Elena, I'm so sorry for being such an ass yesterday. I wasn't thinking. Please forgive me, I didn't know what I was saying. All I know is that I love you and I want you to be by my side forever." He went down on one knee and pulled out a small box, opened to reveal a beautiful diamond ring. "Elena, will you marry me?"
Elena dropped her carton and spoon and just stared at him in shock.
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'This is a bad place. A very bad place. Why am I here?' AJ pulled into the parking lot, turned of the ignition, and just sat in his car pondering. "Ugh, I hate this place. I'm insane." He got out of his car and hesitantly entered the bar still questioning his sanity. He had always tried to avoid going anywhere near this place. Why did he have the urge to come now? 'I just want to torture myself.' The Cabaret was evil. Or at least he thought so ever since what happened nearly five years ago.
"Just a beer please," he told the bartender sitting himself on a stool.
"Coming right up."
A big fat guy was sitting next to him seemingly flirting with the girl on the other side.
"How 'bout you come sit on my lap, toots, and we can discuss whatever pops up?" he slurred.
"No thank you," came her response. AJ recognized the voice. He cocked his head to one side in confusion. He stood up and made his way around the living lump of lard. "Elena?"
The woman turned around to face AJ. Her face was tear stained and red. Five empty shot glasses sat beside her.
"What's wrong?"
"Hey! I saw her first!" bellowed the fat guy.
"Shut up! Elena, what is it?" He took a seat next to her. She diverted her eyes to her hands that were clutching another shot glass.
"Oh AJ, I'm so confused! I don't know what I'm doing!"
"What?"
She displayed her hand out in front of him and started to cry. His eyes widened and he took a closer look to make sure he was really seeing what he thought he was seeing.
"Oh my God, is that---"
Elena nodded her head. "Nathan asked me to marry him and I said yes!"
His head spun and his heart ached. He felt like he was going to puke. But he composed himself for her sake. "Y-y-you said yes?"
She nodded her head again still crying.
"Well, why are you crying? I don't understand."
She started laughing insanely. "You know what? I don't either! I should be happy and fucking him like I've never fucked before! But instead of that, I'm sitting in a trashy bar being hit on by some old guy that reminds me of a walrus and dehydrating myself through tears for no apparent reason! I'm a mess! I'm a fuckin' mess!"
AJ put his arms around her and held her in a comforting embrace. "It's ok. You just do whatever's in your heart."
"I'm so confused! I'm engaged to two people!"
He pulled her away from him and looked her in the eye. "What do you mean two people?"
She showed him both her hands. Her left hand had Nathan's ring while on her right, she wore the ring Howie never got to give her.
"What's going to happen when we all die? I can't be with both of them in heaven, can I?"
"Elena, you shouldn't be thinking about that. You should be focusing on your future, your life. Everything you have ahead of you."
She blew her nose with a napkin and sniffed. "I don't want Howie to be mad at me. I feel like I'm cheating on him. WE were supposed to get married! I'll tie the knot alright! I'll tie the knot to a noose to relieve myself of all this!"
"Don't say that. Howie doesn't expect anything from you. He'd want you to move on and be happy. You have a lot going for you."
"I-I-I just don't know! Oh God, I have such a headache!"
"Look, how about I take you home. Then tomorrow when you're feeling better, we can talk about this more. Ok?"
She nodded still sobbing and attempted to stand up. But the alcohol went to her head and paralyzed her ability to function. AJ caught her just as she went down and helped her out to his car. She was whimpering softly the whole way to her house. When AJ stopped the car in front of her house, she became alarmed.
"What are you doing? Why did you stop?"
"We're here. You're home."
She looked out the window and saw the dark shape of her house.
"No! I don't want to be here!"
"But---"
"Please? Please take me somewhere else? I don't want to be here!"
"But where?"
Elena looked at her lap and then back at him. "C-c-can I stay with you? Just one night? Please?"
"Elena---"
She took his hands and begged him. "Please? I don't want to stay here! I'm scared!"
"What are you scared of?"
"I don't know! But I'm scared! Please? I'll leave in the morning, I promise!"
AJ looked at her. She appeared so distraught and painfully confused. She was acting so unusual. This wasn't the woman he had known her to be. Something serious was definitely taking place. Her face was red, her hair was tousled, and her eyes were glistening with sorrow, but she was still so beautiful to him. Sighing heavily, he gave in.
"Alright." He started the car again. "Are you sure you wouldn't rather stay with Nathan?"
She shook her head. "No, I want to stay with you. You're the only one I trust right now."
When they arrived to his mansion, AJ assisted her up the stairs and into the first guestroom. She immediately plopped down on the large comfy bed.
"Umm, I'll go get you something to sleep in. I'll be right back. Don't move." As he left the room, Elena stared after him and a thought hit her out of the blue. She realized something she had never noticed before. 'Damn, that boy's got one fine ass.' A few minutes later as AJ re-entered the room with a pair of his sweats and a huge T-shirt, a plan had been devised in her devious little mind.
"This was all I could find. Contrary to popular belief, I don't have many women staying with me. I hope its ok."
"It's fine."
"Ok. Umm, you have your own bathroom right there by the closet. My room's just three doors left on the opposite wall if you need anything. Do you want anything? Like coffee or something?" he asked acting like the perfect host and oblivious to the devilish grin forming on her face.
"Actually, there is something that I want," she replied.
"What would that be?"
She made her way over to him, closed the door, and pulled him to the foot of the bed. "You."
AJ's eyes widened in shock. "Excuse me?"
"I said I want you."
"Are you out of your mind?!"
"No, for the first time in my life, I'm actually in it." She shoved him onto the bed and straddled him. "Take me, AJ, I'm yours." She brought her face down to kiss him, but he moved away.
"Good God, Elena!" He gently pushed her off him. "You're insane!" He scrambled off the bed and tried to escape, but she cornered him.
"Come one, AJ! I know you want to savagely attack my body! That's what's on MY mind!" She wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her body against him. "I want you to be my bad boy," she purred into his ear.
'Oh my God! She doesn't know what's she's doing to me!' He had to fight his own urges. He removed her arms from his neck. "Elena, cut it out! Get a grip!"
"What's the matter? Don't you want me?" she asked seductively.
'More than anything!' "Elena, you're engaged!"
"So what? He'll never know!"
"But I will! It wouldn't be right! Besides, you're drunk! I don't want to take advantage of you! If it was meant to happen, it would've happened when you were sober and when you've thought it through and there would've been no regrets!" She started slipping her hand down his pants. He jumped ten feet into the air and restrained her by her wrists. "Whoa whoa whoa! Stop it RIGHT NOW! I mean it, Elena! I don't want you doing something that you'll regret later!"
"I won't regret it. This is something I wanted to do for the longest time," she murmured grabbing his ass.
"ELENA!!!"
"AJ, mmm…" she breathed down his neck.
'Oh God! Self-control! I need self-control!' He pinned her against the door, holding onto her wrists above her head to prevent them from reaching towards 'special' places. He stared intensely into her eyes trying to get the message across. "Elena, this is wrong! You have Nathan! And as much as I hate to say it, he loves you and he wants to marry you! He's the one for you! Not me!"
His words seemed to finally seep into her mind. Her smirk transformed into a frown. "You don't love me?" she asked softly.
His insides were so torn apart, he thought he was going to die at any moment. "I do. More than you'l
l ever know. But it can't be. You love Nathan."
She stopped trying to seduce him. He let go of her hands and she brought them down to her sides. She slowly walked over to the bed and sat down, looking at him. "How do you know I love Nathan?"
He took a step closer to her. "Why else would you have said yes?"
"Maybe because I-I-I'm afraid."
He crouched down in front of her and looked into her eyes. "Afraid of what?"
"Of living the rest of my life alone." She put her head in her hands and started to cry. "I'm so stupid! I'm sorry! I'm so fuckin' stupid!"
"No. No, you're not." He enveloped her in a tight hug and let her sob on his shoulder until she fell asleep. Then he gently placed her in the bed comfortably and pulled the covers over her. Before leaving the room, he took one last glance at her peacefully slumbering form.
"Goodnight, love," he whispered and then switched off the lights.
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"Uhhhh," groaned Elena as the rays of the morning sun shined right in her face and the first symptoms of a hang over split open her head. She slowly opened one eye and took in her surroundings. She soon realized that this wasn't her room. 'Oh my God…" She hesitantly opened the other eye and sat up dazed and confused. "Where the hell am I?!"
"Relax, Elena. You're safe."
She turned her head towards the voice. AJ walked into the room with a glass of orange juice. "How are you feeling?"
"Ugh, I have a migraine and I feel like I'm going to hurl. What are you doing here?"
He smiled. "I live here."
"Ok, what am I doing here?"
"You stayed the night."
"I did? Oh my God, we didn't---"
"No! No, nothing was done."
Elena breathed a sigh of relief. "Good. Why did I end up here again?"
He handed her the glass and then sat beside her. "Well, I went to The Cabaret to get a drink. Coincidentally, you were there. Some guy was hitting on you and you were drunk, so I decided to take you home. It turns out that you lost your house keys so you couldn't get in so I let you stay at my place for the night. You don't remember anything at all?" Well, it wasn't that far from the truth. He certainly couldn't tell her what really happened.
Elena thought for a moment but drew a blank. "Not really."
'Good.'
She sat sipping her juice in silence until the cling of her ring against the glass awakened her. She brought her left hand up to her face and then looked at AJ. "AJ, I'm---"
"I know. You told me yesterday. Congratulations, hon." He kissed her on the cheek and then hugged her.
"Thanks," she replied unenthusiastically.
"Don't think I don't enjoy your company, but when do you want to go home?"
"Well, I think I've burdened you enough. I'll leave now." She carefully crawled out of the bed as dizziness took over her. She realized that she had on last night's clothes. "Eww, I'm a mess."
"You sure you want to go now? Wouldn't you like to take a cold shower first?"
"No, it's alright. I can do that at home. Thanks, anyway. Oh wait, if I lost my keys, how am I going to get inside?"
AJ held up a ring of keys. "I found them in my car." He tossed them over to her. "You sure you're ok?"
"Yes, I'm fine. As fine as I can be anyway."
"Ok, just hang on a minute. Let me get ready so I can drop you off."
"Oh you don't have to. You've done way more than enough for me. I can just, you know, walk."
"Don't be ridiculous. I'll only be a second." He left the room and then returned moments later wearing a cap and sunglasses.
Elena grinned shaking her head. "Must you always wear those things. It's not that bright out."
He smirked in response. "Never leave home without them."
When they arrived at her house, Elena was hesitant to leave his car. She took a deep breath and then looked at him. "AJ, if I did or said anything to offend you last night, I apologize now. I have no recollection of my actions. I'm sorry."
He smiled back at her and patted her hand. "You were a perfect lady. A little smashed, but otherwise very well-behaved."
"Are you sure?"
He laughed. "Yes, I'm sure. I was sober."
"Yeah yeah, ok." She gave him a friendly hug. "Thanks for everything. I don't know how I can ever repay you. I'm sorry I was such an ass."
"Don't worry about it, we all have our moments. What are friends for?"
"Right." She got out of the Ford Expedition and he watched her go inside her house.
"Oh Elena, if only you knew what I knew…" He sighed heavily and then drove away.
When Elena walked into her living room, she noticed her answering machine was blinking. "Oh God, I just know it." She had ten messages all from N. Hayes. She didn't even bother to hear them. He was probably just yelling at her. Everything was so quiet that when the phone suddenly rang, it's scared her half to death. "Dammit!" She picked it up. "Hello?"
"It's about fuckin' time! Where the hell were you?! You didn't come home last night!"
She rubbed her temples and groaned. "Nathan, please. I have a terrible headache. I don't need this right now. Can I call you back?"
"No, Elena! I demand an explanation! Where were you?!"
Elena was getting angry. Who did he think he was demanding an explanation?! She didn't have to answer to anyone but God and herself! "It's none of your damn business! Who do you think you are?!"
"It's very much of my g*ddamn business! You're my fiancé!"
"So fuckin' what?! I'm entitled to my freedom!"
"Why are you getting so worked up?! I would just like to know where you were all night!"
"You're yelling at me and I don't appreciate it!"
"I'm sorry but you're really irritating me!"
"I'M irritating YOU?!"
"Where did you go last night?!"
"STOP YELLING! I'm suffering a MAJOR hang over!"
"You got DRUNK?!" he asked very loudly in disbelief.
"Yes, I did! I went to a bar and had a few shots! I'm over 21, you know!"
"And then what?! Where did you go afterwards?! You certainly weren't home!"
"AJ let me stay at his house because I had accidentally locked myself out! That's why I wasn't here! Are you satisfied?!"
Nathan was shocked. "You WHAT?! You stayed the night over his house in his BED?!"
"NO! I slept in a guestroom!"
"Why didn't you come to ME?!"
"I don't know! I don't remember anything from last night!"
"Oh my God, I knew it! I knew it!"
"What?!"
"I knew he wanted you! I knew it! He took you to his house so he can fuck you!"
"WHAT?!"
"You should get yourself checked to see if he raped you!"
"Nathan! How dare you propose such a thing! AJ would NEVER do that! He's not like that!"
"How would you know?! YOU were DRUNK!"
"Because I KNOW him! He was sweet enough to take me in for the night!"
"I'll say he wanted to take you in! More like PUT HIMSELF IN!"
"NATHAN! I can't believe you!"
"Why are you defending him?! Why can't you see it?! Maybe YOU were fucking him! That's the only thing I can come up with it!"
Elena was shocked beyond belief! Shocked and angry. More than angry. Completely infuriated. All she could see was red. She wanted to reach to the other side of the line and strangle him. "I CANNOT believe you just said that!!! I thought you trusted me!"
"I thought I trusted you, too! But ever since AJ arrived, you've been acting like a real bitch! It's all his fault!"
"DON'T YOU DARE BLAME ANYTHING ON HIM!!! HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING! THE ONLY THING HE'S GUILTY OF IS BEING MY FRIEND! THE BEST FRIEND ANYONE COULD EVER ASK FOR!"
"Is that so?! Well then maybe you should MARRY HIM!!!"
"Maybe I SHOULD! At least HE isn't such a fuckin' ASSHOLE!!!" She slammed the phone down and collapsed onto the couch. Her head was about to explode not to mention her blood pressure. "What a fuckin' dickhead! Why am I marrying him again?" She couldn't think of a logical answer.
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Elena called AJ later that night to rant. She would've preferred speaking to Staci about this, but she was out with Kevin. But she trusted AJ and he was more than ready to listen. "And then he accused us of fucking! Aaarrgh!!! God forbid if we weren't on the phone! If we were face to face, I would've castrated him, I swear! I've had it up to here with his stupid jealously and accusations! I'm so mad, AJ! I'm sorry I'm making you listen to my pointless venting. I didn't mean to drag you into this, but Staci's not home."
"It's ok. I don't mind. When you have to let it out, you have to let it out. Although when I get pissed, I'm not so verbal. I tend to break and smash things."
"I've tried the male method. Talking or more like screaming is much more beneficial to me. Although it may do some harm to your ears."
"Yeah."
"Oh and yesterday! He got all envious because I went to the mall with you! I tried to explain that I see him everyday and that you and me never have time to do stuff together, but does he listen to me? Nooooo! He always thinks HE'S right! ALWAYS! Aaaahhhhhh! I think I'm going to EXPLODE!"
"I'm sorry I'm causing you all these problems."
"Don't be ridiculous, you have nothing to do with this. It's just Nathan and his stupid fat head!"
"But all your arguments always seem to revolve around me."
"Because he thinks you're trying to steal me away from him or something. He's such a jerk! God!"
AJ felt so guilty. Even though she said it wasn't his fault, he couldn't help but feel responsible. Nathan was her fiancé, not him. She should be hanging out with Nathan, not him. Maybe he was trying to steal her away from him but didn't realize it. Maybe Nathan saw something that he couldn't. Could he unconsciously be ruining her life?
"I'm really sorry, Eelie. Maybe we shouldn't hang out so much. I understand why he must feel threatened."
"No, AJ! Don't side with him! He's wrong!"
"I don't know, Elena. I could see his point."
"You're not supposed to see his point! You're supposed to agree with me!"
"I'm sorry."
"Stop apologizing already! Are you purposely trying to give yourself a guilt trip?"
"No."
"Well, it sure seems like it! Are you ok? He sound so melancholy."
"I'm fine. I'm just tired." 'Of living.'
"Of course you are. It's almost 11: 30. You usually stay up until the butt crack of dawn. What's the matter?"
"Nothing. I just didn't get much sleep last night."
"I'm sorry if I've deprived you of your beauty rest. If it makes you feel any better you don't need it. You're beautiful."
"You're a bad liar."
"I'm really sorry, AJ."
"It wasn't you. I just have a lot on my mind."
"Anything you want to talk about? Talking helps, trust me. Now that I've ranted to you, I feel much better. Thank you for listening. You are a great friend."
"Thanks. You are, too." She heard him yawn and giggled.
"Sounds like you're about to fall asleep on me, buddy! I'll let you go now. Sweet dreams, hon."
"Bye."
He hung up the phone and then went to his den to think. 'Elena deserves to be happy. Nathan would make her happy. I'm just being a selfish ass and screwing it all up for her. Why do I even try? We'll never amount to anything. She's got Nathan. I'm making everybody mad at me.'
He picked up the empty case of Time Again, stared at the cover sadly and sighed. "Maybe the world would be better off without me."
Chp 18
Chp 16
