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Chp 25

Who do you love? Tell me who do you love Who do you love? Girl, I know you're torn between what was and what could be I wanna know Gotta know Wanna know Gotta know Who do you love?
Elena kneeled on the grassy ground and set the roses down out in front of her. She squeezed her eyes shut and drew in a deep breath to compose herself. Even after all these years, it was still hard for her. "I know it's been a long time, but I couldn't" She sniffed and wiped a tear away. "It's incredible that someone whom I had only known for a merely four months could affect the rest of my life so much. There aren't many people like that left in this world. I've been lucky enough to have it happen to me twice. Or cursed. I'm not sure which one is the more appropriate term because I know anyone else would love to be in my situation. They don't realize how confusing it really is," she relayed her story while picking off blades of grass. "Nathan was definitely a mistake. That, I have no doubt about. AJ's been sowords can't describe how grateful I am or how I feel about him. I wouldn't have made it through this ordeal if it wasn't for him. I wouldn't know what to do without him. And it scares me"
A warm breeze blew through her hair and she thought she heard the faintest whisper of a voice being carried in the gentle winds. "AJ kissed me today. Or more like we both kissed each other. It just happened out of no where, but I didn't pull away. I didn't want to. I-I-I felt something the second our lips met. It wasn't a spark like they say it is in the movies. It was more likelike a sense of peace. It was like I was floating in the air with him being the one carrying me. It was so beautiful. But" She paused for a moment and then let out a small laugh that sounded more like a gasp. "You're going to think I'm crazy when you hear this, butI'm really confused. I know I felt something, I'm positive, but what I'm not certain about is if it was the real thing. Do I feel what I think I feel or is it just an unsubstantial false feeling resulting from me being on the rebound? I don't want to be involved in an empty relationship again. I promised myself I would never make that mistake again. But most of all, I don't want to end up hurting AJ if it turns out that I don't really love him in that way"
She swallowed the lump in her throat and looked out straight ahead. "But I feel that I'm hurting him just as much or possibly even more by refusing to give in. I don't want to mislead him or leave him hanging on a thread of despair. He's been through enough to last a few lifetimes! My emotions are all twisted up inside of me. I think I feel this but then it turns out I was feeling something totally different andit screws me up. You're probably wondering why I'm telling you all this and why should you even care considering I've never actually talked to you in this way before. I'm pouring out my very heart and soul to you. And it's because I've never experienced before what I'm going through now. I never thought anything could be so confusing or painful." Tears were cascading down her face and her voice cracked with emotion as she spoke. "I've come to you because I don't know who else I can turn to. I believe in angels. And call me crazy, but I actually believe you are watching down on me and listening to me. Even if it isn't true, I like to think it is. It's the only thing keeping me sane. And I was hoping you could help me in some way. I don't know how, but justsomething. Anything. I'll take the slightest little thing resembling a sign. I need an answer" She reached out right in front of her and slowly ran her hand down the words etched into the stone. "Have I finally gotten the only thing I have ever wanted?" She pulled back her hand and sobbed. "Or is it my unfortunate fate to live the rest of my life without love?" she asked quietly staring up at the sky. She took one last glance at the tombstone, brought her head down to her hands, and cried.
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After sitting on the hill for an eternity and aimlessly walking around ruminating about the event that will forever alter his life, AJ decided there was nothing left to do but just go home and attempt to call Elena to apologize and fix things. If it was possible that it could be fixed. He wasn't sure he could go through with it. She'd never look at him the same way again, that's for sure. But his feelings for her didn't change at all. If anything, it just made them stronger because that kiss that they had shared just proved what he had known all along. He was madly in love with her. He loved her so much it hurt. And realizing that she had just fled seemingly not feeling the same way drove the stake even deeper. When was the torture going to end?
The depression that he had fought so hard to quell suddenly resurfaced. He entered his quiet home and switched on the lights. The phone was right there in front of him within arm's reach. All he had to do was pick it up and dial her number and everything would be fine. Wouldn't it? He stood there staring at it in doubt. 'I can't do this. How am I ever going to face her? How can I hear her angelic voice, smell her sweet intoxicating scent, look into her warm emerald eyes, and feel the softness of her skin without breaking down? How could I go on desperately wanting the love that I could never have?' "I can't," he croaked out as he closed his eyes and slid down against the wall onto the floor. "I can't do it." The thought about ending it all once again plagued his mind. He felt like he was falling down a dark abyss with no way out. "Oh Elena, I wonder if you know the pain to want the one thing that you haven't got." He prayed that somehow she'd know what he was feeling and that she'd bust through the door and save him. Save him from the utmost heartache and complete hopelessness he was helplessly caught in. But he was aware that it was only wishful thinking. He knew that she, too, was going through uncertainly and pure hell.
The phone's unexpected ring pulled him out of his cold, somber world and gave him the slightest glimmer of hope. Could it be her? He scrambled to the phone and clumsily held it up to his ear. "Hello?!" he hollered into the phone anxiously. 'That's great, Bone! Just sound so stupidly desperate!'
"It's not hershe will never love you," the voice on the other line hissed, venom dripping with every word.
"Who the fuck is this?!" AJ demanded angrily.
"She was mine. But youyou took her away from me. And that will not go unpunished."
"Nathan?! You son of a bitch! How the hell did you get my number?!"
"That's not important. What you should be worrying about is how I found out where you live and how I know that you're in your living room now talking on a black and silver cell."
AJ slowly turned his head towards the window on his left. It was pitch black outside. He couldn't see a thing. "What the fuck do you want?! Just leave me and Elena the hell alone!"
Nathan laughed sardonically. "Bold words for someone who's about to die."
Soon a Black Mercedes pulled up with the moonlight bouncing off something sticking out of the window. AJ's eyes widened in fear as he found himself staring down the barrel of a gun. Without a second thought, he ducked down to the floor covering his head, narrowly evading being hit with the bullet that crashed through the window and embedded itself in the wall a few inches above him. AJ cautiously looked up at the hole in the wall. "Jesus." If it wasn't for his quick reflexes, he would've been killed instantly. He could hear Nathan sneering evilly on the phone that was now hanging off the wall. He quickly crawled to it and screamed, "ARE YOU FUCKIN' CRAZY?!!!"
"Not yet. But next time, I won't miss," Nathan spat threateningly.
"You fuckin'----" The dial tone rung in his ear.
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The cool gentle waves lapped up onto the beach and splashed against her legs as she inhaled the healing scent of the ocean. She stared up at the red and orange sky watching the beautiful sunset take place before her.
"Elena" The warm breezes seemed to whisper her name off in the distance.
"How did I get here?" she wondered as she looked at her surroundings. It was clear she was at the beach, but what beach? She heard her name being called again. But this time, it sounded much closer and more distinct. She could tell it belonged to a man. "What? Where am I? What's going on?" She was beginning to feel apprehensive.
"Don't be afraid. You asked me to help you and that's what I'm going to do," the voice answered soothingly. Elena's heartbeat quickened as she recognized who the voice belonged to. She twirled around and was met by the sincere, warm brown eyes she thought she would never see again.
"Howie?" she choked out with tears springing to her eyes.
He smiled sadly. "Hello, Elena." She ran into his arms and hugged him tightly, not ever wanting to let go. After a long moment, he gently pulled her away from him and stared into her eyes. They contained both happiness and sorrow. He tenderly wiped her tears away with his thumb. "I've been watching you all this time. You're still the same beautiful, sweet, and caring person I fell in love with five years ago."
She brushed her hand across his cheek and quietly sobbed, "Why did you leave me?"
He brought his hand up to hers and held it there. "I had to," he replied softly.
"I've missed you so much."
"I've missed you, too."
Elena looked down at the ground and nervously fiddled with her fingers. "Soso you can't---"
"What's done is done. I can't change the past."
She looked back at him with sadness in her eyes. "Why not?"
"It was fate."
"But"
"Elena, I don't have much time here."
"What do you mean?"
"I only came here to help you. After that, I have to go."
"Where?"
"Back."
Sobs shook her trembling body and she fell into his arms clutching his white shirt like her life depended on it. "No! You can't! You can't leave me again! I can't take the loneliness anymore! I don't want be alone anymore! Please! Please don't go!"
It broke his very heart and soul to see her like this. He wanted so badly to turn back time and be with her to hold her, and kiss her, and love her to return to the way it was before. But he knew he couldn't do that. As much as it pained him to admit it, she belonged with someone else.
"Elena, you're not alone. You haveyou have AJ."
Elena lifted her head to meet his gaze. "Do I?"
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"Mr. McLean, what is the perpetrator's name?" interrogated the officer. AJ had called the police immediately after Nathan hung up to see if he could get some information about him.
"NathanNathanOh shit, what's his last name?!" AJ brought his hands up to his head and muttered cusses. "Dammit! I forgot his last name!" He collapsed onto his couch and shook his head. "Of all the times to forget" His mind drifted to Elena. Let me be the one you callIf you jump I'll break your fallLift you up and fly away with you into the night All of a sudden, it hit him like a lightning flash. "Hayes! Nathan Hayes!" 'I'll have to write a thank you letter to Savage Garden later on,' he mused.
"Nathan Hayes. Are you positive?"
"Yes."
"Alright. I'll run a search on the laptop. Maybe we can find something. If he's so psycho, maybe there have been past reports on this guy. Will you follow me out to my car please?"
"Yeah sure. Thank you so much."
"No problem." They both walked outside. AJ waited patiently while the officer pulled out his laptop and typed in the name Hayes in his police record search engine. Seconds later, a beeping sound emanated from the computer. "Ah, yes! We got something!"
AJ peeked over his shoulder. "What?!"
"Well, it says here he's been in custody twice for assaulting his girlfriends when he was a teen"
"Yeah?"
"And" The office's eyes widened. "Oh my."
"What?"
"Nathan David Hayes was charged but never convicted of the murder of his ex-wife, Sheila Ann Jameson. She died three weeks after their divorce was official. She had previously called alerting the authorities that Mr. Hayes had allegedly threatened to kill her. She was stabbed to death that very same day."
AJ could not believe what he was hearing. Nathan was a murderer?! He assaulted his girlfriends and killed his wife?! He had a wife?! Not that it mattered now, she was dead. Suddenly, a horrible thought came to his mind.
"Oh my God Elena!"
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Elena separated herself from Howie's comforting embrace and walked away rubbing her arms. "How could this happen?"
"It just does. There's no explanation or reason. It's meant to be."
"But---"
He came up behind her. "Do you love him?"
She turned around with confusion on her face. "What?"

"Do you love AJ?" "Of course I do, but not---not like---I don't know."
"When he's near you, do you feel happier? When he holds you in his arms, do you feel safer? And when he kissed youdid you feelcomplete?"
Elena took a moment to reflect on what he was saying. Why she was even thinking about it was beyond her. The answer was crystal clear. "Yes," she sighed. "I feel the same things I felt when I was with you," she admitted with tears streaming down her cheeks. "And I feel so guilty."
He placed his hands on her shoulders. "Why do you feel guilty?"
She turned around to face him and bit down on her lip to keep herself from crying. "BecauseI feel like I'm betraying you. He was you're best friend. I feel like it wouldn't be right."
"Elena, you have no reason to feel that way. Us having been best friends---being best friends has nothing to do with it. You love who you love. There's no way around it."
"How could you be so understanding?"
"Because I know what's in your heart. I know who you want. You want AJ. And you couldn't ask for a better guy. If I have to give you up, I'm glad it's to him."
At this point, Elena was bawling mercilessly. "Howie, this is too much! How can I?! How can I love him when I'm still in lovewith you?"
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AJ was speeding down the streets towards Elena's house. He picked up his car phone and dialed her number.
"I'm sorry, the number you just dialed, 267-7583, has been disconnected," answered the recorded operator.
"What?!" He tried it again. The same message was repeated. He redialed her number again. Same message. "Fuck!" He threw his phone to the backseat in anger and frustration. Luckily, she didn't live too far away, but every second that passed sent a pang of fear into his heart. "Oh God, if he touches her" Hopefully, it wouldn't come to that. He prayed that he would get to her in time.
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"Howie, since the first time I met you, since the last time I kissed you, and ever since the day you left me, I have never stopped loving you. And there hasn't been a moment that passed by I didn't think of you. Not until AJ re-entered my life and it scares me and it makes me feel like a traitor."
"But that's what you need. You need someone who can make you forget and who can make you happy for the rest of your life. And I know AJ can do that for you and you for him."
"But how do I know we won't just end up hurting each other?"
"You don't, but it's worth a try. How can you go on not knowing for sure?"
"I wouldn't be able to. But" She stared deeply into his eyes and ran her hand down his face. She swallowed the lump in her throat. "You can't ask me to forget you."
He took her hand and tenderly kissed it. "I'm not," he choked out overcome with emotion as well. "I'm not asking you to forget me, justto let go."
She hugged him again and sobbed into his shoulder. "I'll always love you, Howie."
"I'll always love you, too." His voice sounded so far away. Elena looked up and saw that the dim moonlight shone right through him.
"Howie?"
"Elena, my time is up. I have to go"
"No! Not yet!"
"I'm sorryI did what I came here to do" He started fading away. "Good bye"
"NO!" She ran towards his faint image, but was too late. He was gone. "Howie?!" She twirled around frantically. "Please! Please don't go!" She collapsed onto her knees and dug her fingers deep into the sand. "Don't leave me," she whispered squeezing her eyes shut as the salty droplets ran over the contours of her face and was absorbed by the sand. "Please don't leave me"
"HOWIE?!" Elena shot straight up on her bed with beads of perspiration rolling down her face. "It was all a dream?" She brought her hands up to her eyes and felt wetness around themtears. She sniffed and then looked down at the ring around her right finger. "You answered my prayers, Howie," she stated quietly. "Thanks to you, I know now. I-I love him."
"Too bad you won't get the chance to be together," hissed a voice from the darkness. Elena began to hyperventilate snapping her head in all directions trying to calculate where the talking was coming from. She couldn't see a thing. Fear blinded her. Suddenly a cold, gloved hand clapped over her mouth. She couldn't scream. She felt hot breaths hit the back of her neck. "Hello, my dear," the intruder seethed into her ear. She couldn't move. She was frozen in horror. Although she couldn't see, she knew who it was. "And nowthe fun begins"
AJ hastily parked his car right in front of her house and ran out to her door. "Elena! Elena, open the door!!!" he shouted as he frantically pounded on her door and rang the bell. "God dammit!" She clearly wasn't answering. He dashed around the side of her house to see if he could figure out a way to get in from the back entrance. He'd break a window if he had to. He abruptly stopped and his heart skipped a beat when he finally reached her back patio. The door was already wide open. "Oh no" The glass part of the door was broken and the lock destroyed. He cautiously entered her eerily quiet home. "Elena?" he called out. No answer. He began fearing the worst. Taking a knife from the kitchen in case the need rose to defend himself, he slowly climbed the stairs to the upper level. 'Please don't let me be too late. Please, God, please.' He warily crept down her hallway and into her room. The moon was the only thing illuminating his view. Her bed was empty, but it was apparent that there had been a struggle as the sheets were all tangled up on the floor and a couple of picture frames lay shattered around the room. But something on the bed caught his eye. It glimmered in the bright moonlight.
AJ slowly started making his way towards it. Every step he took forward caused him to fear more. He brought his fingers down to the dark blotches splattered on the white sheets. It was wet. It was sticky. It wasblood. Stunned, he dropped the knife and stared at the thick liquid covering his hands. "No," he muttered shaking his head. "Nono! Not again!" He backed away trying to repress his tears, but not succeeding. "I can't have someone else's blood on my hands again!"
"Oh isn't that a shame," stated a voice from behind. AJ didn't have enough time to react. In a matter of seconds, he felt a sharp pain in the back of his head and then everything turned black.

Chp 26
Chp 24