no one's journey is the same, but i believe that all survivors, regardless of the type of abuse suffered, share something in common. we are all painfully aware that the world is not a perfect place, that people are not always kind and loving. moreover, many of us suffer from a sense of shame that is so overwhelming and powerful that it controls our entire lives. the repercussions of abuse are far-reaching and long-lasting. there are many ways in which the abuse changes us so that the painful consequences are felt in many areas of our lives and for many years after the abuse has ended.

it is not easy for me to express these thoughts here. i know some disagree with the idea of sharing one's experiences this way. for some, they believe that to move on, forgetting the past, is easier than dealing with it. i'm not sure. i denied it for many years, to others and to myself. it got me nowhere except deeper into my own personal hell. yes - talking is painful. but i have experienced so much more healing, so much more love and acceptance in my life since i began sharing, that i think returning to the old way would be especially harmful.

i still don't think revealing the "dirty secrets" of my childhood and adolescence would be very helpful to anyone reading this page. i do believe that sharing some of what happened afterwards could be beneficial. i want others to know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. and perhaps, i want to see that here myself, so that i can remember it as well.

i can only talk about what has happened to me. i know recovering from abuse; changing one's perspective from victim to survivor is a very personal and unique experience. i know i still have a long way to go, but i don't doubt my ability to make it anymore. and most importantly, i only occasionally feel that it's not worth it. truthfully, that feeling probably has more to do with the deep sense of shame i feel. it's not so much that i don't want to make it through, but that i feel i don't deserve to have a better life.

ok, so what i really want to talk about here is some of the problems that abuse survivors experience later in life. unfortunately, these "problems" get labelled as psychiatric disorders. in doing this, sometimes survivors feel even more "faulty". rather than acknowledging that these problems with emotional control are the result of growing up in an abusive and dysfunctional atmosphere, survivors labelled with these disorders sometimes feel that it is just one more thing that is "wrong" about themselves.

yes, this may sound a little odd coming from someone studying psychology, but i have been through this -before- i began studying at university, so i do understand the problems with the system from both perspectives. i know the label of "_____ disorder" is necessary so that mental health practitioners can provide adequate treatment and so that they can communicate amongst themselves. on the other hand, living with that label is not easy for the client and the person with the diagnosis must be aware that they are much more than just that label.

listed below are some links to information about my own personal experience with various "disorders" and links to sites that may help you if you're experiencing similar problems. also there are some links to more research oriented information. lastly, there are some links to sites through webrings.
***please pay attention to your own well-being while surfing to other sites. some contain some triggering stories. most of these sites give you a warning about what will be discussed. take care of yourself*

thanks for stopping by here. i know this page is not as helpful as it could be, but i also know that it helps to know that there is just one more person out there who can understand what you're feeling. so i just want to say thanks to all those special people out there on the net who have helped me so much. thank you for sharing of yourselves and thank you for caring about all of us.

**ALLEYCAT'S PIECE OF THE WEB - TABLE OF CONTENTS**

if you want to read more about ANXIETY and DEPRESSION, click here.

if you want to read more about PERSONALITY DISORDERS and SELF-INJURY, click here.

if you want to get to more information about other disorders, click here.

read an essay about SLEEP AND ANXIETY DISORDERS here.

read an essay about ANXIETY SENSITIVITY here.

read an essay about OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE DISORDER here or here.

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