10.) Highlander – Okay, this one is bearable, even likeable, and has even gained a cult following. I admit, I like it. But it was an eighties movie, and lets face it, the soundtrack is by Queen…
Cheeze Factor: Christopher Lambert and Queen Soundtrack
9.) Starship Troopers – Oh yeah, here’s where the cheeze really starts to thicken. Wonderful special effects based on a great story. Too bad Hollywood got to it. They took out the stories finer points and trashed them. Good special effects though. Yep. Damn good special effects. Never judge a book by its movie.
Cheeze Factor: Futuristic Advertisements and That Guy Who Tried to Play Tarzan
8.) Tron – Good concept… bad follow through. They did manage to get Jeff Bridges and the grandfather from the Lost Boys. This movie could have been great, but as usual, Disney had their say…
Cheeze Factor: Foam Suits. Need I say more?
7.) Johnny Mnemonic – You know how excited I was when I heard this Gibson Classic from the collected works of Burning Chrome was being made into a big Hollywood movie? What a disappointment. It was close, but not close enough to live up to the story. Then again, it woulda been a real short flick if it did…
Cheeze Factor: Keanu Reeves, crazy transvestites.
6.) Evil Dead - Army of Darkness – Roll up your pants, the cheeze is getting deep. The third movie in a series of really bad movies, Army mixes a shoestring blood-budget movie with the sarcastic wisecracks of Bruce Campbell
Cheeze Factor: Bruce Campbell and the chainsaw rig. You’ll remember if you’ve seen it.
5.) Night of the Living Dead – Give George Romero money to make a television commercial and what do you get? A low budget gore fest that tells the tale of shambling hordes of the dead. Icky.
Cheeze Factor: Bad cuts from night to dawn, really bad acting.
4.) Planet of the Apes – Oh come on now… must I explain this further?
Cheeze Factor: Lady Liberty on the beach and grown men running around acting like apes. "Goddam you, you filthy apes!"
3.) Trancers – Another movie with a cult following that for some reason remains in the minds and hearts of millions of Americans, no matter how many times they try to flush it out... or down. Helen Hunt was in it though, a definite plus!
Cheeze Factor: The hero’s name is Jack Deth and searches the ruins of Lost Angeles.
2.) Escape From New York– But New York is like that now in some Boroughs... seriously though, this John Carpenter flick from the eighties just drips with cheeze. I mean, look at the players here. You've got Ernest Borgnine and Issac Hayes in the same movie. Top that off with Kurt Russel, who at the time was nothing more than a Disney kid trying to be a bad ass. The result: a really strange flick that appealed to the strangest percentage of America's population. Namely me. Don't ever see the sequel though, not that you may have missed much with this original.
Cheeze Factor: Jesus, his birthname is SNAKE. Who the hell has a name like Snake (barring Native Americans who do the animal naming and Kurt sure as hell ain't Cherokee)? The arena match in the subway station and the car with chandeliers and a disco ball. Issac Hayes.
1.) Six String Samurai - Oh... my... GOD... This movie is SO out there! I mean this is really good B-Rate quality. This is the kind of movie that gets handed to production types and gets rejected before they even finish the synopsis. But still... Buddy Holly as a post-apocalyptic samurai... damn. It is just too weird not to watch. I'm glad that someone took the time to produce this. It's great on that "I know this is going to be a bad movie" scale and also makes me feel a whole lot better about submitting the stuff I write.
Cheeze Factor: I mean, He's BUDDY HOLLY for God's sake... and he's got a sword! "Bow down before the great and powerful windmill God. What... you were expecting someone bigger? Now hurry it up with the sacrifice, I'm hungry." "You are defeated, now bend before the ways of HEAVY METAL!"
