1. Caretaker "At ease before you sprain something." -- Janeway's greeting to Kim. "The ghosts of those three dead officers came to me in the middle of the night and taught me the true meaning of Christmas." -- Paris explaining his Starfleet confession to Kim. "My mission was to gather information on Maquis activities and then deliver you into their waiting hands. That is correct." -- Tuvok to Chakotay without the slightest trace of apology. "Break out the compression phaser rifles." -- Janeway. This one has become something of a joke on the show. She really likes those phaser rifles! "If I save your butt, your life belongs to me. Isn't that some kind of Indian custom?" -- Paris. "Wrong tribe." -- Chakotay. "I don't believe you. [tries and fails to get a good grip on Chakotay to drag him to safety] You'd rather die than let me be the one to rescue you?" -- Paris. "Fine. Be a fool. If I have to die at least I'll have the pleasure of watching you go with me." -- Chakotay. "Isn't there some Indian trick where you can turn yourself into a bird and fly us out of here?" -- Paris. "You're too heavy." -- Chakotay.2. Parallax "Ms Torres is no longer a member of the Maquis, and with all due respect, Commander, neither are you." -- Tuvok, who may be Vulcan but rarely misses a chance to chest-thump with Chakotay. "I have no intention of being your token Maquis officer." -- Chakotay chest-thumping with Janeway. "I am the embodiment of modern medicine...how much dirt do you need?" -- Doctor to Kes. "If we don't get more power to the warp drive, we're going to get out and push." -- Paris. "Sometimes you just have to punch your way through." -- Janeway.3. Time and Again "It seems I've found myself on the voyage of the damned." -- Doctor, upon learning that the crew has been compromised and the captain is missing. "So where's the child?" -- Latika (a young boy). "We ate him." -- Paris (who wants to get rid of the young boy).4. The Phage "But a hologram is just a projection of light held in a magnetic containment field. There's no real matter involved." -- Paris. SLAP! -- the Doctor, showing he understands there's a time when words alone won't do the trick. "Well, if I'm going to be in here for awhile, now's as good a time as any to tell you: your ceiling is hideous." -- Neelix "I didn't design the room. I just work here." -- the Doctor. "Don't worry, I'm not going to kiss you. I'm only adjusting the restraint." -- the Doctor. "I'll try to contain my disappointment." -- Neelix. "He's just one big hormone walking around the ship." -- Neelix to Kes about Paris. "Tuvok, what would happen if we locked phasers and fired at the source?" -- Janeway. "The walls of this chamber reflect directed energy. The phaser beam would ricochet along an unpredictable path, possibly impacting our ship in the process." -- Tuvok. "All right, we won't try that." -- Janeway.5. The Cloud "There's coffee in that nebula!" -- Janeway. "You don't care about your crew and introduce them to the specter of death at every opportunity." -- Neelix, who hasn't learned yet what it takes to be a Starfleet type. "Somebody picked your pocket, on earth?" -- Kim. "Oh, they just do it for the tourists. They give it back, usually." -- Paris, talking about -- you guessed it -- Paris. "A hologram that programs itself. Now, what would I do with that ability? Create a family...raise an army..." -- the Doctor to Torres. "Let's see, you ran your ship through it, fired phasers at it, and blew a hole in it with a photon torpedo. I'd say there was a pretty good chance that you did some fairly significant --" -- the Doctor. "Computer, delete audio." -- Janeway, who hasn't quite warmed up to the Doctor yet. "Paris, did you program this guy?" -- Torres. "Yeah, why?" -- Paris. "He's a pig, and so are you." -- Torres. And with these words, Trek's best romance begins. "Watch out for him, kid. He can swallow your wallet without losing his smile." -- Gaunt Gary. "Dismissed. That's a Starfleet expression for 'get out.'" -- Janeway to Neelix.6. Eye of the Needle "Are you suggesting that I be reprogrammed?" -- the Doctor. This isn't funny, but nicely revealing of a computer program's biggest fear.7. Ex Post Facto "Have you ever had to end a marriage?...It's a quiet thing." -- Lidell (yes, guest-stars sometimes have good lines too) to Tuvok. "What are you looking at?" -- Paris (who's been ogling Lidell). "Not the same thing that you're looking at, that's for sure." -- Kim.10. Emanations "In a sense, Commander, you were strolling through dead bodies." -- the Doctor. "Gulp!" -- Chakotay.
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