Funny Insults for Henpecked Husbands
1. He wears the pants in the house – under his apron.
2. He has two chances of winning an argument with her, slim and none.
3. She leads a double life – hers and his.
4. He comes right out and says what she tells him to think.
5. She does not have to raise the roof, all she has to do is raise an eyebrow.
6. The only time he opens his mouth is to ask her for the apron and the vacuum cleaner.
7. He always has the last word – he says, “I apologize”.
8. She snaps “are you a man or a mouse – squeak up”.
9. He was a man about town, she has turned him into a mouse around the house.
10. The last big decision she let him make was whether to wash or to dry.
11. She tames to be pleased.
12. He put a ring on her finger and she put one through his nose.
13. He can’t even open his mouth to yawn, she complains he is causing a draft.
14. He was a dude before marriage – now he is subdued.
15. He married her for his looks, but not the kind he’s getting now.
16. He even has to ask permission to ask permission.
17. She lost her thumb in an accident and sued for $100,000, because it was the thumb she had him under.
18. She even complains about the noise he makes, when he is fixing his own breakfast.
19. He worships the ground she gives him the run – around on.
20. He goes to a woman dentist – it’s a relief to be told to open his mouth instead of to shut it.
21. When he is late for dinner he gets two kinds of meat, ‘hot tongue’ & ‘cold shoulder’.
22. He should have been warned, when he carried her over the threshold after they were married, that she couldn’t wait to put her foot down.
23. Every once in awhile she comes to him on her bended knees. She dares him to come out from under the bed.
24. He has to hold his pay envelope up to the light, to see if he got a raise.
25. She wants to go to the seashore, claiming that mountain air disagrees with her. He can’t see how it would dare.
By.L.Safian
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Too many bright sayings occur to us the day after they're needed. With this witty selection of insults, you will find you will never be at a loss for words and will end up being the life of every party. This is the fourth part of a series of 20 Insult pages.
