Sins of The Father

With a deep breath he wiped the tears from his eyes. The plains were the only thing to witness this action and so he felt no shame. For hours now Cody had stretched out on the moist earth and watched he clouds melt into one another, pushed forward by a gentle breeze. The question that had kept him from returning home was, why? Why did Madeline have to go through everything she had? Why did Laura? Why did he have to be the one to learn about it all? He had spent the better part of his afternoon berating himself. I should have protected her, I should have done something. But those thoughts just brought on more tears. Madeline had assured him that she would be fine, as would her family, but Cody could not fathom how she could ever be fine again. How could a man do that to a woman? To his own daughters? With an anger that could not be contained, Cody released his frustrations in a guttural howl filled with emotions. He listened to it disappear in the wind and once again felt empty.

Lou had been taking in the scene before her for quite some time. Everyone was worried about Cody. It had only been two days since the dance but he seemed to be frozen in the memories of that night. No one really talked about what happened, except for a small argument that had erupted concerning how Laura had managed to slip past the whole lot of them. The boys had no idea what had transpired at Statler's Creek. Cody had gone into Sam's office, closed the door and came out shortly later. He never said a word about what happened and now, with the Martin's leaving, no one would ever know - except Cody, and of course Lou. The afternoon that Lou literally ran into Madeline, she knew that there was a connection between the girls but it took her a while to put it together. It was the fear. The fear that flashed in Madeline's eyes. It had only been for a brief moment, but that was a look Lou knew like her own name. She remembered, just a few years back, when she would see that look every time she looked in the mirror. With a sigh of resignation she slowly started for Cody. She knew he needed this time alone, but they did need to be getting back for supper.

"Cody."

Almost as if he expected to hear her voice, Cody nodded. Still with his back to her he answered the question that she never asked.

"I had to help her, Lou. I tried but she wouldn't let me."

Lou sat down next to her handsome friend and draped her arm across his shoulders. "Cody, she knows you tried to help her. That was all you could do. Sometimes that's gotta be enough."

"But it wasn't enough! You don't know, Lou. You don't know." His declaration had started out with anger and passion, but his last words faded off so quickly it was almost as if he never said them.

"Yes, I do Cody."

His jaw set at the thought of having to discuss this out loud. To say words like rape and incest, he didn't know if he was capable of such a conversation.

"How do you know?"

"A girl knows, Cody. Especially one that's been through it."

She had been sure that telling Rachel and Kid about being raped was the hardest thing she would ever have to do in her life, but this conversation came pretty close to topping it.

Cody felt new tears slide down his cheeks. Not Lou too. What was wrong with the world? What was wrong with these men? He reached for her hand and gave it a squeeze before he could finally face her.

"Was it your Pa too?" He sounded a bit like a small child; afraid to speak above a whisper, almost as if the words could hurt him. Lou shook her head slowly.

"No. My Father was not that great of a man, actually he was pretty bad - as all you boys know, but he never did none of that. I was older, Cody. But not old enough to know how to stop it."

Cody didn't know whether to scream or cry. He wrapped his arms tightly around his friend and hoped the gesture afforded her some peace. Lou let herself be held.

She had a good life now; a man who adored her, friends who loved her, and yet the memory of that one night would forever inspire tears. Wicks may not have killed her, but he did break off a small piece of her, a piece she could never get back. And that had been from one night. Lou couldn't even start to imagine what Madeline would be going through for the rest of her life.

Cody pulled away from Lou and the friends took each other in.

"We're a mess." Lou smiled and Cody nodded. "What's Emma gonna think when we get home?"

"Lou? Can I ask you somethin'?"

The brief flash of lightness was gone from Cody's eyes and Lou slowly nodded.

"What did you do, I mean after...to get over it? I'm really worried about her, Lou. You didn't see her."

"Cody. You never get over something like that. You learn to deal with it though. First, an hour at a time, then a day, then a week, and pretty soon it doesn't seem so hard. It will be the same for Madeline. She's a fighter, Cody. Think of everything she's been through. Any girl that can make it through all that can make it."

"I hope so."

Sensing Cody was out of words the small express rider jumped to her feet.

"C'mon" she urged with an extended hand, "we gotta get goin' back."

Cody let himself be pulled up. Before Lou could react Cody had pulled her into his arms and placed a soft kiss on the top of her head.

"You're amazing, Lou."

"No, I'm not. I'm just a survivor. You'd be surprised about how many of us women have to be."

_____________________________________________________________

"So, this is it then."

The two friends faced each other squarely, unsure of the next move. Cody had ridden out to the Martin's farm at dawn to see the family off. Robert, having just returned from Kansas, was now set to leave for the destination from wince he came. Kansas would let them start over. It would allow them the freedom to live their lives without the prying eyes of the townsfolk boring into their backs.

"How are they doing?" Cody dropped his voice and eyes in reference to the Martin sisters.

Robert nodded slowly. "They're doin okay. Better than I'd be doing."

The sadness in Robert's voice stopped the words forming on Cody's tongue. Robert had something to say, and Cody waited to hear it.

"Cody... I don't know exactly what to say. I'm sorry you were dragged into the middle of all this, but at the same time, I thank God that you were here to watch out for them. I never should have left them alone - and not just last week, I never should have let my sisters go through this. All I can say is that I thought it would work itself out. How stupid, right?" Robert's head bowed and his voice dropped. "When I think this was all for nothin'. When I think..."

"Robert. Some things just gotta happen a certain way. That's just how they gotta be. You could spend the rest of your days wondering if you'd done something different, but that ain't gonna change nothing."

Cody had spent the past two days fuming with the knowledge that his friend had stood by and watched his sister be abused. It was finally Sam who convinced him to look at the situation in a different light.

Robert nodded and extended his hand. "When'd you get so wise? All I ever heard out of you was wise cracks and braggin'."

Cody's smile was genuine. As he shook Robert's hand goodbye, he puffed, "Well you know, I may brag but that's only cuz I have a right to. 'Sides, just because I know how great I am, doesn't mean it ain't true."

Robert rolled his eyes with a chuckle. "Now how'm I suppose to argue with that?"

"Can't. That's the point." Cody's eyes darted to the Martin house and his smile gave way.

" Robert, I's wonderin'. Do you think...I mean, would it be possible to..."

Reading Cody's mind, Robert smiled. "I think Madeline would love the chance to say goodbye to you, Billy. She's upstairs, first door on the right."

Hesitantly, Cody nodded and slowly approached the house. He did want to see Madeline, to talk to her one last time, but he had no idea what he would say or do. The last thing in the world he wanted was to upset her or Laura any further.

Without realizing he had taken a step, he found himself knocking on her bedroom door. Madeline's call for him to enter did little to squelch his fears about the impending conversation. Determined to speak to her, he pushed the door open.

And there she was, Madeline Martin. A girl he had known about for over a year, but had really known for only two weeks. Two weeks? It scarcely seemed possible that she hadn't been a part of him for his whole life. He took a tentative step into the barren room and found her on the floor. The mirror which she had spent countless hours staring into sat in front of her and instead of turning to the rider, she used it to look into is eyes.

"Billy. I was just thinking."

The look on her face was one Cody had never encountered. A mixture of relief, sadness, laughter and guilt all mixed into one.

"Thinkin about what?" The rider sat beside Madeline but maintained eye contact through the mirror.

"Thinkin about Laura."

"How is she?"

"She hates me. She blames me."

"Blames you? For what?"

"Oh Cody, she's where I used to be. She thinks that what our father did to her...she thinks it was special, that it made her special. Now she blames me for 'stealing' him away from her."

"Didn't you tell her that you were helpin' her? That what happened was wrong?"

The anger in Cody's voice was apparent. He hated the fact that Madeline was being blamed for something she had no control over, for something she had fought to stop."

"You don't understand." Madeline's words were steady. "Nothing I can say will change how she feels. She thinks our father was wonderful, that he loved us in his own 'special' way. Hell, she hasn't come to terms with the fact that she killed him, and I don't think I want her to. If she's gonna forgive me, well that'll come in time, and if she blames me, well if she does, maybe she should. I never said anything. Not once, and I did it for her. I love my sister more than anything in this world, Billy. The thought that I left her here...that I left her with him...I was so selfish. All I thought about was getting away, I never thought about Laura."

Madeline's head dropped and her yellow hair hid her expression.

"Hey." Cody reached out and pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. "Hey. What are you talking about? All you've ever done is think of Laura. Laura and Robert.

"But if I wouldn't of run away...If I wouldn't have tried to escape he never would have turned to her. She would have been safe."

Madeline's face was a blank slate. If ever he had expected tears to fall from her emerald eyes it would have been now, but the orbs remained dry and self-critical.

"Madeline, that was months ago. It's so easy to look back on our lives and see all the things we did wrong. Sometimes looking back, we think decisions we made were bad, but we know that at the second the decision was made it was the right thing for us at the time."

Madeline searched the reflection of Cody's eyes.

"What I mean is that, we do what we do. You can't change the past, and livin' in the past don't do no one no good."

"What am I gonna do without you around, Billy?"

"Me? You don't need me around, Maddy. I didn't do nothing."

"Oh, but you did, Billy. You made me laugh for the first time in years. You helped me escape from myself and my fears. You helped me get my life back."

"I don't understand."

For the first time in hours Madeline pried herself away from her own reflection and turned to face Cody. She took his hands in hers and took a deep breath.

"Cody. How do you think I got through everything my Pa did to me? I did it by going away. Going inside myself. When I would do that I didn't have to deal with the pain or the hurt or betrayal. It was easy, until I met you. I don't know what you did, Cody. But I would find myself daydreaming in the middle of the day or humming under my breath. Don't you understand?"

Cody's quizzical look told her he obviously did not.

"You made me happy. It's easy to block out the world around you when you don't care about it, but when the world makes you happy, it's that much harder to let it go."

"But I don't understand. If you were happy why did you want to kill your father?"

Madeline's eyes were once again forced downward and this time they began to fill with tears.

"I was happy with the world, Cody, not my life. I had always believed that life was just an endless string of letdowns and betrayals, but you made me see it could be beautiful. Just by talking and listening to me, you saved me Cody.

The tears that had begun to form during Madeline's whispered oration now spilled freely. Each tear seemed to be followed by an identical one and the supply was endless. Cody tightened his hands around Madeline's and gave them a squeeze.

"It wasn't me, Madeline. You did it all yourself. Everything you have been through, you survived it, and you did it alone."

Cody's chin dripped tears that mixed with Madeline's. It was impossible to not feel anything toward this strong woman whose hands he now held. Madeline slowly raised her eyes to meet Cody's. When she saw his tears a sob rose up in her throat.

"I am so afraid." The words had the intention of being coherent, but between Madeline's sobs and his own sniffs, Cody wasn't sure he had heard her right. He drew her into his arms and tightened his hold as her body shook.

"Afraid of what, Maddy? The worst is in the past. You get to start over now."

Madeline laid her head on Cody's shoulder and absorbed the strength of his arms. It was minutes before she could answer his question.

"Afraid of what I let happen to Laura. Afraid of myself. I don't know who I am, Billy."

With almost a feeling of deja vu, Cody held Madeline at arm's length and wiped stray strands of hair from her face.

"What do you mean? You're Madeline. Who else would you be?"

"I don't know who Madeline is. I can't remember what I used to be like five years ago, and from the stories Robert tells me, I can't ever see being able to return to that person. I don't even remember her. All I know how to be is scared and angry. What if I'm no good at being happy?"

Cody had to laugh. He planted a light kiss on her forehead and whispered to her eyes, "You'll learn, Madeline. You'll learn to be happy again, just give yourself some time and it'll happen. And you don't have to go back to being happy the way you were before. You'll find a new type of happiness, I promise."

"You make it all sound so easy. How will I do this alone?"

"You don't have to. You have Laura and Robert, and they love you more than the sun and the wind. Even though Laura's angry now, it don't change the love she has for you. Anger can't kill love. Plus you have your mother's spirit to watch over you. Laura takes comfort in it, you will learn to - in time."

Madeline shivered at the mention of her mother's spirit. The night of the Fourth of July dance, as she crept in bed, exhausted and spent, for the first time in her life, she had felt it. As darkness claimed her and she fell into a restless sleep, she felt the warm hands of her mother pressed against her cheek. The feeling, which had afforded her a deep sense of peace at the time, at present sent a shock up her spine.

Cody, seeing the darkening effect his words had on Madeline, continued his thought.

"And you could always write me a letter. You know they are doing wonders with the mail delivery these days. Faster than it's ever been."

Madeline hiccuped with a smile. "Only if you promise to write me back."

"You couldn't stop me if you threatened to sic Emily Turner on me!"

"Madeline! It's time to go!" Robert's voice echoed through the now empty house.

"I guess I have to go." Madeline repeated her brother's words, but Cody didn't hear them. He was mesmerized by her eyes; more vibrant and alive than he had ever seen them. In an hour from now the Martin family would forever be gone from Sweetwater; Madeline would be gone from his life. The thought should have made him sad but instead inched his lips into a smile. No matter how much he would miss her, he could always take comfort in the knowledge that she was finally free to live her life. Two days ago, he had begged Madeline to stay in Sweetwater, but he could now see she'd made the right decision. If she stayed, she would forever be haunted by her past. The only way she and her family could survive was to start over, and he was proud that they had the strength to do it.

Cody and Madeline found their feet simultaneously. Without a moment's hesitation, he once again pulled her into a hug.

"You know," she observed from inside the embrace, "these arms are absolutely fabulous for making me feel better. I don't suppose I could borrow them some time, huh?"

"Who knows? Maybe, I'll come and visit one day. Where in Kansas does your aunt live?"

"Little town called, Rock Creek."

"Hmmm, we'll maybe, but until then I think I will need my arms."

Madeline returned Cody's smile, "You helped me through the hardest time in my life, William Cody. For that, you will always be a part of my heart.

"And you a part of mine, Maddy. And you a part of mine."

The truth of his words echoed. Madeline Martin would forever occupy a piece of his heart. In his short life he had lived through and witnessed countless instances of sickness, danger, and pain, but never before had he seen the type of strength that the she possessed. In what seemed like seconds later, he watched the family disappear into the rising sun and unconsciously heard the words his father used to preach. Every end is simply another beginning. The phrase that had never made sense finally revealed itself to his mind. Cody and Madeline's time together had come to an end, but that end was a true beginning for Madeline and her family. The bravery and resolution that had seen her through the last five years would provide her with a new life. Somewhere, something incredible was waiting to be known, and Cody had the distinct feeling that Madeline would find it.

_____________________________________________________________

THE END