cartoons & comics

CARTOONS

THE SIMPSONS

Homer: “But every time I learn something new, it pushes out something old! Remember that time I took a home wine-making course and forgot how to drive?”

Marge: “That's because you were drunk!”

Homer: “And how!”

“Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.” –Homer Simpson

“Only in America could I get a job!” –Homer Simpson

“You know, you remind me of a poem that I can't remember, a song that may never have existed, and a place I might never have been to.” –Grandpa Simpson

“Look at em. Watchin my TV. Sittin on my couch. You better not be in my ass groove!” –Homer Simpson

“I can’t believe it. I can finally afford a young, crazy stripper wife.” –Grandpa Simpson

“Trying is the first step toward failure.” –Homer Simpson

“Have you noticed the more you want something the less likely it is that you’re going to get it.” –Alex from MTV’s ‘Downtown’

“I’m not disagreeing with you… I’m just agreeing with what I said.” –from 'Dr. Katz'

“I read to be truly human is to be constantly exploring.” –from ‘Home Movies’

“I need what you have. I need a woman.” –Zorak from ‘Space Ghost Coast to Coast’

“Let's drink until our hearts stop.” –Space Ghost

“Look man, your soul... I’m gonna totally chew on it and floss with your spirit.” –from ‘Sealab 2021’

“Oh man, if I was older I’d totally start jacking off right now.” –Eric Cartmen from ‘SouthPark’

“You can’t hug your children with nuclear arms.” –from‘The Family Guy’

“...so I was like, if meat is so bad for you...then how come it's food?” –Butthead from ‘Beavis and Butthead’

“With voter turn-outs as low as ever, not voting makes me more American.” –Hank Hill from ‘King of the Hill’

Dexter: “But now I know that if you just be yourself everything will be a-ok.”

Dee Dee: “Not if you want to be popular.” –‘Dexter’s Lab’

“Your puny taste buds could not possibly comprehend our true flavor.” –super-intelligent alien hams from ‘I M Weasel’

“A true coward runs not from his opponent, but from himself.” –Ganeesh from ‘Samurai Jack’

“Friends carry no debts.” –Samurai Jack

“Being popular is easy. You just gotta be like me.” –Tigger

“You know, it is possible to be too attractive.” –Pepe LePew

“A loaf or bread, a jug of wine and me.” –Pepe LePew

ANIME

POKEMON

“The only rule that applies to us is to do whatever it takes to get whatever we want.” –Jesse from team rocket

“Be fearless. Courage leads to victory.” –Brock

“Fightin smart fights less than fightin stupid.” –Hitmonchan Pokemon trainer

“Try to remember that there is something good in goodbye.” –Jesse from team rocket

“A friendly face may be hiding our fiercest foe.” –Rocket Agent Domino

“Do you know who I am. I'm Ash from the town of Pallet. I'm destined to be the world's number one pokemon master. I can't be defeated by the likes of you.” –Ash

“Know yourself, know your adversary, and you hold the key to victory.” –Ash

“Wise pokemon trainers never get involved in a cat fight.” –Brock

“Maybe your pokemon are training you.” –Giselle, pokemon trainer

“I could write a book about the secrets of love and heartache.” –Brock

“There are two kinds of people. Those who have style and those who don’t. What kind of person are you?” –Cooltrainer Nick

“We certainly wouldn’t have done it if we thought we’d get caught.” –James from team rocket

“Let’s not let Cupid make you stupid.” –Misty

“Excuse me miss, could you please tell me your name so that I may emblazon it upon my heart.” –Brock

“You don’t chase girls, you have to make them chase you.” –Brock

“Gimmee gimmee never gets.” –Metabee from ‘Medabots’

“I feel confined, only free to expand myself within boundaries.” –Major Motoko Kusanagi from “Ghost in the Shell”

“My inquisitive nature won’t be satisfied unless I explore other amorous pursuits.” –from ‘Outlaw Star’

“They say hunger is the best spice.” –Spike from ‘Cowboy Bebop’

Faye Valentine: I like those shades man.

Store Owner: I like everything you got. –from Cowboy Bebop

“It boils down to this. Machines are no better than the men who make them. If you build them right then that’s how they work, but if you screw up, the machines run mad.” –from “Patlabor”

Burter: “I’m your worst nightmare.”

Son Goku: “I’m not afraid of dreams.” –‘DragonBall Z’

“Sorry, I saw an opening that seemed to scream out attack…so I did.” –Son Goku from ‘Dragonball Z’

“You can never rest if you want to stay on top.” –Mr. Satan from ‘Dragonball Z’

“Just because you're tall and muscle-bound doesn't mean I can't stomp you pal.” –Krillin from ‘Dragonball’

COMICS

CALVIN AND HOBBES by BILL WATTERSON

“If you do the job badly enough, sometimes you don't get asked to do it again.” –Calvin

“Getting an inch of snow is like winning 10 cents in the lottery.” –Calvin

“There's an inverse relationship between how good something is for you, and how much fun it is.” –Calvin

“I go to school but I never learn what I want to know.” –Calvin

“It's only work if somebody makes you do it.” –Calvin

“If people could put rainbows in zoos, they’d do it.” –Hobbes

“Planet Bog--Pools of toxic chemicals bubble under a choking atmosphere from poisonous gases. ...But aside from that, it's not much like Earth.” –Spaceman Spiff

“To make a bad day worse, spend it wishing for the impossible.” –Calvin

“So basically, this maverick is urging everyone to express his individuality through conformity in brand-name selection?” –Hobbes

“I say consider this day seized!” –Hobbes

“There’s more to this world than just people you know.” –Hobbes

“Looks like you’ve been building some character!” –Calvin’s Father

“If you have [an answering] machine, you feel obligated to return a bunch or calls you’d rather not have received in the first place. Without a machine, you can just let the phone ring, and eventually the caller gives up and you don’t have to talk to him.” –Calvin’s Father

“How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer conglomerates. Who’d have ever guessed product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously. It’s a beautiful world, all right.” –Calvin’s Father

Calvin: “You know, sometimes the world seems like a pretty mean place.”

Hobbes: “That’s why animals are so soft and huggy.”

Calvin: “…yeah…”

Calvin: “You call this a new decade?! You call this the future?? HA! Where are the rocket packs? Where are the disintegration rays? Where are the floating cities?”

Hobbes: “Frankly, I’m not sure people have the brains to manage the technology they’ve got.”

Hobbes: “Well, the important thing is that we tried our best.”

Calvin: “The important thing is that we lost!”

Hobbes: “Oops, I always forget the purpose of competition is to divide people into winners and losers.”

Calvin: “What’s the point of trying if you can’t be a winner?”

Calvin: “I don’t see how anyone could ever fall in love. People are jerks.”

Hobbes: “Sometimes they are, but look at all the colors on the trees today.”

Calvin: “Yeah? So what?”

Hobbes: “I think it’s more fun to see something like this with someone than just by yourself.”

Calvin: “Look at these TV commercials. Each one is a jumble of lightning quick, unrelated images and film techniques. It duplicates the effect of rapidly flipping through channels. It’s a barrage of non-linear free association.”

Hobbes: “I guess they’re admitting that a 15 second commercial exceeds the American attention span by a good 14 seconds.”

Calvin: “If computers can think, what will people be better at than machines?”

Hobbes: “Irrational behavior.”

Calvin: “I always have to postpone what I want to do for what I have to do!”

Calvin’s Father: “Welcome to the World.”

Calvin: “Can you make a living playing silly games?”

Calvin’s Father: “Actually, you can be among the most overpaid people on the planet.”

Calvin: “Dad, what’s a control freak?”

Calvin’s Father: “That’s what lazy, slipshod, careless, cut-corner workers call anyone who cares enough to do something right.”

Calvin: “Do you hate being a girl?”

Susie: “It’s gotta be better than the alternative.”

“Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.” –Calvin

“What kind of world is this?! You only get five years to be a kid??” –Calvin

“Life’s a lot more fun when you’re not responsible for your actions.” –Calvin

“Childhood is short, maturity is forever.” –Calvin

“Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.” –Calvin

“Life is like topography, Hobbes. There are summits of happiness and success... ...Flat stretches of boring routine... ...And valleys of frustration and failure.” –Calvin

“Happiness is being famous for your financial ability to indulge in every kind of excess.” –Calvin

“I used to hate writing assignments, but now I enjoy them. I realized that the purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure poor reasoning, and inhibit clarity. With a little practice, writing can be an intimidating and impenetrable fog!” –Calvin

“The secret to happiness is short-term, stupid self-interest!” –Calvin

“I’d planned to take the day off and spend time with a couple of buddies. My buddies travel light and they’re fun to have around. One travels in a holster, and the other in a hip flask.” –Tracer Bullet

PEANUTS by CHARLES SCHULZ

“Having a large audience does not, of course, prove that something is necessarily good, and I subscribe to the theory that only a creation that speaks to succeeding generations can truly be labeled art. But it really does not matter what you are called, or where your work is placed, as long as it brings some kind of joy to some person someplace.” –Charles Shulz

“A ‘C’? I got a ‘C’ on my coat hanger sculpture? May I ask a question? Was I judged on the piece of sculpture itself? If so, is it not true that time alone can judge a work of art? Or was I judged on my talent? If so, is it right that I be judged on a part of life over which I have no control? If I was judged on my effort, then I was judged unfairly, for I tried as hard as I could! Was I judged on what I had learned about this project? If so, then were not you, my teacher, also being judged on your ability to transmit your knowledge to me? Are you willing to share my ‘C’?” –Sally Brown

“I ate too much.. I drank too much.. And I danced too much... Let's do it again tomorrow night.” – Snoopy

“You try to warn them that the world has gone mad, but they won't listen.” –Snoopy

“I'm not a poor loser... I'm a good loser! I'm so good at it I lose all the time!” –Charlie Brown

“Sally: I'm making a list of all the things I've learned in life... Well actually, I'm making two lists.

Charlie Brown: Why is one list longer than the other?

Sally: These are the things I've learned the hard way!”

“Considering I don't do anything, I lead a very active life.” –Rerun VanPelt

“The way I see it, it doesn't matter what you believe just so you're sincere!” –Linus VanPelt

“There are three things I have learned never to discuss with people. Religion, politics and the Great Pumpkin.” –Linus VanPelt

“There are three things in life that people like to stare at: a flowing stream, a crackling fire, and a Zamboni clearing the ice.” –Charlie Brown

“I’m the kind of person who is kind of hard to get to know I guess… My personality doesn’t lie right on the surface… the real me is deep… but I’m well worth all the time it takes to understand me… In other words, to know me is to love me!” –Lucy VanPelt

“I love mankind…It’s people I can’t stand!!” –Linus VanPelt

“I have never pretended to be able to solve moral issues.” –Charlie Brown

“Can you cure deep down, black bottom of the well, no hope, end of the world loneliness?” –Charlie Brown

“What sort of world would this be if a person’s destiny could be controlled by such a stupid thing as a chain letter?” –Linus VanPelt

“Charlie Brown: …What can you do when life seems to be passing you by?

Lucy: …See the horizon over there? See how big this world is? See how much room there is for everybody? …There are no other worlds for you to live in …right?

Charlie Brown: Right.

Lucy: You were born to live in this world …right?

Charlie Brown: Right.

Lucy: WELL, LIVE IN IT THEN!”

“I feel torn between the desire to create and the desire to destroy.” –Lucy VanPelt

“I don’t do flowers… I do underground comics…” –Rerun VanPelt

“At last... A chick flick with explosions!” –Leroy, from ‘The Lockhorns’ by Bunny Hoest and John Reiner

“If you can’t be naturally outstanding be aggressively average.” –Jeremy Owen from ‘Zits’ by Jerry Scott & Jim Borgman

“It’s amazing how much pressure we put on ourselves when we assign the same degree of importance to everything...” –Jeremy Owen

“Calling it a ‘fortune’ cookie is as empty as its nutritional value!!” –Obviousman from ‘Non Sequitur’

“With the joy of clarity comes the dismay of reality.” –from ‘Non-Sequitur’

“Shomebody has to shpeak up for the animals! It might as well be ME!” –Mooch

from Patrick McDonnells’s ‘Mutts’

“I’m sick of women singing about broke men, sick of men singing about loose women, sick of award shows, sick of name-brand clothes… From this moment forth I stand as the antithesis of black popular culture!! I am the anti-cool!! I hereby declare myself…a nerd!! –Huey from Aaron McGruder’s ‘The Boondocks’

Dilbert’s Mother: “I’m not saying you’re boring; it’s just that everything you talk about is boring.”

Dilbert: “That’s the same as saying I’m boring.”

Dilbert’s Mother: “Only when you talk.” –from ‘Dilbert’

“It’s like the condom has been removed from my brain, letting it blow its load of wisdom all over my mind.” –from ‘The Wendy Project’

“Umbrellas are for sissies!” –from ‘Dennis the Menace‘

“How come you never say, ‘Winning isn’t everything,’ when we actually win?” –little child to his father from Laugh Parade in ‘Parade’ magazine

[back]