Mood:  blue

I have been learned pretty well all the side effects of Prosac thanx to the song "Prosac" by DJ Tomcraft, but still at times I feel the "benefits" would beat the side effects. Last year, around the switch from November to December I was so much down that my school spychiatrist already suggested me to start the anti-depressants. I told her happiness doesn`t come out of a pot of pills, you have to work throught the problems of your life anyway and that only arranging them in oder I can reach the happiness again. the psychiatrist still tried to offer me a prescription but she couldn`t disagree with me when I was telling true. Funny thing just was that after I had refused to take the pills, she didn`t book a meeting time for us but left me to manage on my own.

And I did! I beat the depression about my lousy-going school and the saddness my parents were causing to me. But now I`m again drowning to that same black hole.

On yesterday morning (3rd of Oct) I was at my parents` place (I had stayed there over night because they had heated up their sauna in the evening and I had gone there to take a sweat bath.) having the breakfast with `em. Mom was getting a head ache so she told us to keep quiet and have the radios turned off. Rocky instead had it on and I went to shut it down thinking to do a good job when seeing the pain on mom`s face. when I was coming back to kitchen from his room I was going to pass him while he was heading to his room being annoyed for that his radio was turned off. And when he realized it was me who had turned the radio off, he pinched me hard from my right side with both of his hands and I couldn`t help crying out for pain. my parents got upset to me from yelling and when I told them what Rocky had done they covered their ears and refused to listen. Being pissed off from the injustice and ignoring I raised my voice and nearly yelled to them what he had done. And my folks got totally upset to me about my yelling, though it wasn`t yelling yet on my scale.

The hell had rosen and I marched to the guest room where I had been sleeping to pick up my stuffs. Dad tried to oder me to get back to the table to finidh my breakfast (it was nearly finished anyway) and shut up. My mom was yelling to me too and my the whole "beloved" family had turned against me - accusing me now from mom`s headache. And then the fight started to roll like a snow ball on a slope, they told me to pack every piece of my stuff with me and not to show up anymore. and then they were questioning my ability to manage on my own and were betting that it won`t be taking a long time till I`m again crawling at their door beggging their help. HA! I don`t need their "help"!

But then they threated to sell my precious little house!

they threated to do that even if I have paid every single share of my loan on time and even some extra to the amount I was agreed to pay every month, so that I could increase my ownership persentage a bit quicker, especially since the faster paying schedule doesn`t affect to my loan negatively. They said they could an they would sell the house without asking my permission. I freaked out then totally and fell in the depression so bad that I was already thinking about going on the lewel of lowest creatures on this planet. I was even seriously planning the career of a commercial woman. I even asked from Vinnie II of he could estimate how much I would earn if renting a window for myself in Amsterdam on the area of the Red Lights. He said none and refused to let me even think about it. And when we were trying to figure out how to get paid more my loan back so that I could get a higher percentage under my real ownership, I depressed even more from that how little incomes I have and how much money I have to be spending everywhere. He even offered some financial help but I refused. He kept demanding and explaining why he wants to help me and was still resisting. Finally I had to eat my pride anf give my bank account number. But if he pays me something I will pay that back to him. My proudness can`t stand that he pays something for me, especially if I took the loan being well aware of my little incomes. But what I can do to protect my house from the materialistic crap called my parents. **sarcastically:** Oh it`s lovely when your parents want to sell your house just because they HAVE TO get a brand new Volkswagen Polo or Peugeot 207!

Mood:  vegas lucky

Woei!
I indeed have gotten a real supa schedule for this studyperiod (next 7 weeks approxmately)! I have only one course to study, and I have the lessons of it on Thursday and Friday afternoon. 90 minutes on each day and that`s it! Well, I know I can`t get that easily from them, especially whe my school is approximately 35 kilometres away from me and I go to school by buss. That means I have to leave my house quite much earlier than the lessons would require, but then again, I`ve been working a lot at the student cafe and I think I still have to continue - even if I would get some of the shifts arranged to be somebody else`s worry.

Question of the day: What on earth then I`m going to do when I`m not having those 2 double lessons?
A) I`m either at school cooking coffee or finishing some yet undone works which I must return to teachers. Or then checking out my e-mail boxes and chatting with Midnight and Vinnie II (hopefully). or
B) I`m at home doing my domestic duties, cleaning cooking, carrying the chopped wood to the warehouse or finally starting the real work with my graduation work. Or then I might be working too, if the weather just gets better than this. Well, fortunately there`s not flooding in my house yet, but some fields have already been left under water when the surface or the rivers and even lakes has risen lately.

Mood:  surprised

Careers in this field often demand that you naturally enjoy working in the outdoors, and have an appreciation for using both your mind and body. While most people are confined to an office, you are spending time with Mother Nature and enjoying the natural beauty and variety of each day. It may be important to you to feel in touch with nature and less dependent on technology and other man-made distractions.

Test found at http://web.ticle.com

Then if this it true I`m on a wrong area totally...

Mood:  irritated

I was sitting next to my computing table in a corner of my house, feeling blank but irritated. Mickeysoftwa did it again! On late July me and my fiance Vinnie II we updating and reinstalling the whole completeness again into my old table comp, even doubled the memory size to make it better able to meet todays demandings. The funny thing now is that I could do the picture handling stuff better with the old settings than with the new ones. And if I have to look for an excuse for the source of my irritation that was easily picked to be the allmighty Microsoft.

But why to blame Bill Gates and his crew for my own mistake? Well simple. It`s the question about swapspace of these beloved Microsoft products. Fortunately Windows XP (Home at least but Pro should too but not been testing this with any XP Pro machine yet.) already is able to get more swapspace from the disk if needed - but 98 doesn`t.
And I guess the problem gets a new aspect in the stripped Windows 98Lite. But I`m still glad there`s no MSIE in the 98Lite. Instead, I have had Mozilla installed in there. Better privacy - safer surfing, not so much browser hijack attempts and trojans.

So, since there`s new, surprising co-operation bugs betheen my old comp, Win98Lite and PSP7 I had to dig up an empty CD-rom and burn the picture I was handling on it, to be able to transfer it on my laptop where I had MSN Messenger 6 open and a discussion going on with my mate. I give 9 from the smoothness and fastness Nero Express worked and I got the pic rather quicly burned on CD-rom.

But like if all the frustration I hadn`t been enough when trying to shrink the picture in the question in a more decent size, Mickeysoftwa stroke again. My laptop runs Win XP Home and I had couple of web browser pages, 2 messenger discussions on and a freshly burned CD-rom-to-be-opened when XP jammed for the first time. Whined about the lack of memory which the table machine had been complaining too. In total the XP of mine got jammed for 4 times, on each time that much long that Vinnie II already got worried about me and for a reason. When my own machines ain`t working in the way I want, I get violentical thoughts for them which always don`t stay on the level of thoughts. The good news for the enployers and everybody else is that I never get that aggessive with their machines. I guess it`s because my parents always tauch me to treat other people`s stuff with gentle hands. Instead, when I have bought the thing myself just for me and my use, I can expect myself to know the limits of my machine too. And it`s just and only me who suffers if I`d suddenly throw my comp through the window on the top floor.

Curious to know if got the picture shunk?
Nope. I didn`t, at least by the time I`m writing this (6.10pm on the following day). Messenger cut the sending operation every time adter some time when I tried to send it to Vinnie II so he could shrink it with his much more powerful comp. And after sulking enough I had gotten so hungry that I was feeling sick already. (I had gotten up at 8 and only thing I had eaten by that moment (it was a bit before 8pm) was a small mugfull of Pepsi Max, some 180g share from 200g of milk chocolate bar/plate.)

I still may try to shink the pic using my laptop when there`s no other programs running at the same time or then be a good mouse and take the CD-rom to my parents` place and use the PSP7 on their number cursher to get the picture smaller, so that I can do the final handlings and publish it in Technodrome and The Modo Fan Club.
Yes, it`s a Modo-pic.

Mood:  hungry

Now that explains the black panther I used to see guarding at the doorway of my room during the nights. And the the panther comes sometimes if I`m sleeping in upstairs of my place. If I sleep in the bedroom of the downstairs it has stayed away.
Maybe that is what Vinnie II senses too and therefore dislikes to sleep in upstairs.

Mood:  lazy

From now on you can find me also from the DeviantArt web community. My gallery address there is mizeleingzelo.deviantart.com and there I shall post the best of the best of my Biker Mice from Mars -related drawings. Anyway, bear in your mind that since this is the "best of the best" -gallery, you are very much likely gonna miss some pieces of artwork which are perhaps marvellous in your opinion but which I haven`t wanted/noticed to publish in DA. Also the pieces of mature artwork will mostly be published in their own galleries, not in DA, so there`s even more reasons to come back everynow andthen to check out the official galleries in Technodrome.

FanArt Main

My DeviantART Best of Best Gallery

Mood:  caffeinated

I have heard weird rumours! Some people have now asked if I`m leaving the Biker Mice fandom. No. Never!
I found my eversweet mate via this fandom and I have gotten friends who truly share the same interest with me. Most of my real life friends are so muct into the drinking booze and getting themselves drunk at least on every Saturday that I can`t help feeling it annoying and disgusting at times. I drink some alcohol based drinks at times, but I`ve never gotten myself drunk. And besides, I usually prefer the non-alcohol drinks to the ones whith some alcohol in `em. My Biker Mice friends I love the show a lot and with them I don`t have to hide that from where I found my love. Most of people who have known me and Vinnie II on The Unofficial Biker Mice from Mars Fan Club also have seen how we first became friends and then lovers.
When you are so passionately taken something into your heart, it`s difficult if not nearly impossibe to leave the fandom of your favorite show.

It is true that I haven`t been appearing that much on The Discussion Board of The Unofficial Biker Mice from Mars Fan Club but that`s just because I have been focusing on emptying my e-mail boxes (nearly 20) a little bit emptier from the tons of spam which I get especially to Luukku-addie, 1 of my yahoo-adresses and the mailcity/lycos addresses. And of course I keep hanging out pretty much with Vinnie II, even if he would say I haven`t been chatting much with him lately. And I have the real-life duties to do, of course.
Well, I have so much to do in so little time.

But That`s not an excuse for me to leave from the fandom of my fave-show.

Mood:  down

It`s sad. Depressing. But I`m not complaining. It`s been always like this. My parents have always compared me and 1 of my younger sisters. And I have lost the race in 99% of the cases. I remember only once to be said to her to take example from me. And that was when my room happened to be super clean and hers had been really messy for a little while.

But more than comparing which one of us has cleaner room it bites me more when they are commenting about my physical appereance. This sister of mine is an athletic person, while my sporting is usually limited to walking/rushing to the nearest busstop and walking back. I lost 6 kilos on this summer and my parents were joyfull about that. But they barely had said the praises when they started to slap me again with their words about not to gain back `em and that I`m still fat. Truth is that I`m not as fat as people could understand if only hearing the words of my parents. The school nurses and doctors also have tested me and I get high scores from all other muscle groups except the abs. And I`ve always been abe to lift and carry heavy things, while my classmate girls have complained the things to be too heavy for them. My sister is strong too, but I can still spank her if she`s whining for that (= annoying me too much), unless her trials to beat me gets me too weak from laughing. Then I may have some difficulties to fight back. But I truly hate it when my underweighted sister is being lifted on the throne and all what I do or even my looks is being compared to her. I guess it`s a fact that parents still tend to prefer soft, feminine girls to boneheaded, strong girls. Especially if the bone-head daughter has so much alikeness with her mother that people sometimes mix them. (Like when some time ago my mom`s co-worker though it was my mom on the phone when i was speaking in fact.)

My weight and my big butt is a problem to my parents and I don`t always understand it. As long as I`m not sickly over-weighted I think it`s O.k. to be a bit chubby. Being over thin ain`t healthy either. And I`m planning to start some excersising and stretcing. And I like to dance if not forced to sit still while doing my stuff at home. Of course my parents ain`t seeing that. They live some kilometres away from me.
Well, at least I get some excersise when mowing the lawns for old people (I`m working in a service which is designed especially for old people and those who are not able to do their domestic duties without great difficulties. Many have ordered me to mow their lawns during this summer and that`s what you can call benefit of the work when you can "excersise" while doing your job and making the life at home easier for an old person or a heavily pregnant mother who has 3 wild children already.

My parents can shut up. As long as I`m feeling fine in the way I am and Vinnie II still finds me attractive, I can ignore the evil words of the environment. I have the support of the person I love the most.

Good night everybody! (Here it`s 3.30 AM now.)

Mood: Tired

I just thought to write a bit on this blog of mine... Not been doing that for a little while.

I just noticed that Angelfire has changed the blog builder. New features added. I could for example show my mood simply by choosing the right alternative from the list that opens in the editor. But at least now there`s no such mood as being tired, so I stick to express that mood at least in the traditional way. Writing it to the base text as a separate paragraph. Besdes, I aways write these in HTML form, so it`s not that big deal to me. And in my opinion the MSN smileys (Download MSN Messenger!) are much more nicer-looking than the Angelfire Blog Smileys.

So, what has been going on in my life?

Well, at least I`ve gotten my net connection back and it runs smoothly. But despite of that I haven`t been able to be on-line very much. And every time I was on-line on last week, Vinnie II never was.
At least I got finished a pic that I started to draw on the summer 2002. (As you may see, finishing my pic can take a long time.) Well, I`m currently 98% finished 1 pic which I originally drew in year 2000.
I`m a mood drawer. That means I can`t draw/colour/e.t.c... any picture at any time, systematically. I can and have been developing that skill but if I truly feel to be at the top of the happiness, I can`t work with pic which describes hatred, anger, frustration, sadness, and so on... and vice versa of course.

Today I also heard a question from somebody that he/she (Ain`t gonna reveal who!) had heard that I was giving up from the Biker Mice from Mars -fandom. I was surprised, because I have tried to update the Technodrome - Home of the de Megazones and Megazone Fighters lately, though I haven`t been appearing on The Discussion Board of The Unofficial Biker Mice From Mars lately. Whoever has been wondering if the news about my "retirement" are true, here comes my answer: Nope. I`m still kicking and breathing. And how I ever could leave the BM-fandom completely because I got my true Biker Mouse via the fandom.

News about the bunnies

While I was out of net connections I had had to book a visit to the vet for Johan, so that he would become unable to have cubs with his sister Pipsa. My mom took the boy to the vet on 1 day then and when she returned from there, her first comment was the he had become she. I was giving weird faces to her, not getting her point and then she said that the the bunny ain`t he. But even the vet had had to give anesthetic to "Johan" so that he would have been able to be 100% sure about the gender. And after a carefut examination he had confirmed that despite of the pretty masculine appereance of this bunny, it was a female anyway. So, I had to give a new name for her and she then got the name "Raisa Puputti" basing to the stripe around her neck ("stripe" = "raita" in Finnish. And of course this newly named bunny, Raisa, avoided the operation. 2 girls can`t make cubs on their own.

Mood: Tired

My internet connection went suddenly dead on last week. I can`t get an IP-address from the DHCP-server anymore. And of course, I`m being too buzy to get on-line anywhere else were an internet connection is.

New Bunnies!

Mood: Happy

Yay! I`ve got 2 new bunnies!

Me and Vinnie II were looking for new bunnies from the pet stores in a neighbor town, but it was surprising to notice how expensive they nowadays are. In 1 store they were selling mixed race lion-hair bunnies for 45?(/$), 1 store didn`t have bunnies publicly avaible but the owner would have had 1 bunny with hanging ears for sale. Price would have been 60?(/$). The third store was selling ordinary bunnies for the price of 30?(/$), tiny races for 45?(/$) and special races for 51?(/$), and I was thinking "Holy loony mouse! Massive inflation at the bunny-prices!" Y`see, 8 years ago we paid from our first bunny only 3,20?(/$) and when we took Pupuliina`s 4 siblings to 1 petstore in a different town than the one from where her mother was bought from, the price of the bunnies which were for sale was ca. 8,20?(/$) per bunny.

I was totally shocked by the high prices at the pet stores, especially when used to that fact that at countryside people give often their rabbits away for free. I was also totally upset about the lousy service at 1 pet store and I was already somewhat ready to say "Ok, no bunnies for me anymore." Fortunately my dad`s contacts came into the picture and he called to me and gave me a number of somebody who didn`t live that much distant from my place, to have some bunnies to give. I called to that person and first he was a bit of willing to give just 1 rabbit but then after discussing with his children, he agreed to give 2.

So, that meant me and Vinnie II drove to that place and found a vivid, very much human-loving mother bunny with 4 cubs of hers. 2 of the children were from her earlier set and the smallest 2 were approximately 2 months old already. We took 2 black cubs, 1 from the new bunch and the another 1 from the previous bunch. The older bunny has a nice little "collar" from the white fur and her nose is also white. She also has white "kneesocks" on her front paws and a little bit of white also on her backfeet. The younger one is almost completely black, except the white "anklesocks" on the front paws. We tried to choose 2 females, but when I re-checked at my place I notices that we had accidentally gotten a boy and a girl instead of 2 girls. Well... That means a visit to the vet. After all we don`t want them to start to make babies. Eww! They`re sibling after all!

Well... You`re probably curious to know the names of these two jumpers, so here they come:

The older female: Raisa Puputti

The younger female: Pipsa Puputti

Bunny pictures © Vincent "Vinnie" van Wham II, 2nd of Aug 2004

The Death of Pupuliina Jussiina

Mood: Sad

Who would have believed from the picture of my bunny Pupuliina which was published here on this blog a couple of days ago that she would die about 3 weeks after taking the picture. I at least wouldn`t have believed that if somebody would have claimed that to me.

But the Lord decided to call her to the Heaven where her mother Pupu Tupuna(Most often called as Tupuna or Tupsu.), father and probably most of her siblings - if not even all of them are already.

Late on last evening I was going to sauna which is in a separate building near of the main building and I had to go to an oldfashioned outside toilet because Vinnie II had already booked the toilet in the mainbuilding. After the necessary visit to the "Hotel Relief" I has a strange feeling I should check out how my bunny was doing. And there she was, in the darkest corner of the cage, shaking at times pretty much and her eyes were full of pain. Vinnie II said she looked like the bunny which they had to put in sleep when he was somewhat younger. Pupuliina`s stomach seemed to be overfull and in a panic I called to my parents, crying that my bunny is really sick now. Mom told Pupuliina`s stomach had most likely gone upset from flowers which my neighbor liked to bring for her and which she could eat, but not too much because the plant which I`m now talking about, is quite heavy stuff for a bunny`s stomach.
So, me and Vinnie II removed all the older hay off the cage and the cabin, threw away all food from there and put new, dry hay instead and hard, dry, white bread into her cage for her. And of course we did change her water too and washed all the dining pots with boiling water. (I even burned my hands with that +100C water!)

**Sighs** Now that feels a bit worthless but at the same time I feel that at least we tried to do our best in that situation. I wouldn`t have been able to get a vet at 11.30PM here anymore. They would have told me to bring the bunny to the pet doctor in the morning then.

On this morning I was sleeping a bit later and I got up at 8.45AM to prepare myself to go to work by 10.00AM and I rushed in my nightshirt (Which looks like oversized T-shirt.) to check out if Pupuliina was still alive and perhaps getting better.
But first thing I notice is that the bread is untouched and that I can`t see her. Then I lifted the roof of her cabin away from its place and found her lying on her left side, frozen still, eyes half closed, paws streched straight - just like Tupuna was right after she had passed away, letting out a little squeack. Vinnie II was next to her to prove her dying-moment but now there was nobody to be next to Pupuliina when she let out her last breath and her heart did its last beat. All I know about when she has died is basing to the odour of death. She didn`t smell then when I found her but already on this evening, around 9.00PM when dad was finally closing the box which became her coffin, she was smelling clearly. My mother had taken her off from the cabin of the bunny cage on this morning around at 9.30 and even she said the bunny didn`t smell, so she must have died early in the morning. But at least that much early that she was dead already when the old man from my neighbor had again brought those flowers for her. Y`see, Pupuliina always came out of the cabin or anywhere where she was, to the feeding place when this man brought those flowers. She never skipped her fave food if her fave people brought it. (And she was a big fan of that old man.)

**Sighs again.** I always take very heavily the deaths of those who/which I have liked/loved the most. Dad fortunately did the burying of her, so I was saved from the worst part. Though when they told me to drive back to my own place with Vinnie II and let them bury Pupuliina next to her mother, behind my and Micronian`s play house where we used to play when we were little kids, I couldn`t just drive but had to run to dad who was just in the middle of diging the grave for Pupuliina`s coffin.
There they lie now, side by side, mother Tupuna and daughter Pupuliina. They both lived quite long lives, Tupuna 6 years and 10 months and Pupuliina 7 years and 3 months. Both of them were inspirating me to create my character Thureson, Rocky`s son who has specialized in the area of shape-shifting. Fave form of him was a brown-furred bunny.

Now I have no bunny anymore. And I couldn`t even move my fishes into this house, so I had to leave `em to my parents`place when I moved in here.
Oh well... At least Pupuliina has no pain anymore. She`s freed from `em all.

Have a good journey to the Heaven of The Animals, Pupuliina!

Mood: Tired

Ok, I`m ready to be taken to the mental hospital. I guess it must be the lack of sleep, or then the precence of Vinnie II makes me feel so happy that even the most discusting duties becomes nice. **Sarcastically:** Who would have expected that on 1 day I find myself LIKING to wash the toilet seats!
True! I was today doing some cleaning job in 2 different places and there I had to was the toilet seats. (Eww!) But funniest part was that I didn`t find it as gross as it has felt before. I guess I must be really tired. At least now I am and Vinnie II is messing around with my table computer, so I either have to use my laptop or then go to sleep. Guess which I chose? Yes, the laptop session - though now I think I have to go to sleep.
Hopefully it would be raining on tomorrow. I wound`t have to go to mow the lawn for anybody and could spend a day with my family and beloved ones. Been working even 12 hours long days during the last 4 weeks while co-workers are having their holidays. And since last week here`s been quite hot in my opinion. +16 to +18 Celcius degrees it woud be the best working conditions. If it`s not raining of course. Fortunately my currently primary job is weather sensitive.!

Good night everybody!

Yeah, I should have learned to do that. Vinnie II had recommended me to read a Throttle & Carbine -fanfic named Learning to Let Go (Rated: G) and my insticts were immediately saying that despite of liking T/Car -pairing in the fanfics, I shouldn`t read this.

And they were right.

I got so sad when reading it.
Though the story itself was well written. I haven`t really seen that much fics where Carbine would be the main character and especially not being described as a total b###h.

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Legendaric Bunny

My bunny Pupuliina Jussiina (or just plain Pupuliina) at the age of 7 years and 3 months.

Picture © Vincent "Vinnie" van Wham II, 2004