Merry X-mas 2005!

Mood: Festive

I wish for each and everyone the season`s greetings.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Yule or whatever you`re celebrating. And of course... Happy New Year. I won`t be around for a little while, I`m packing right now since I`m having a holiday from the net and will be only bugging my family members during that holiday and after that when I return, I will continue bugging my school mates and of course... tear and torture the short nerves of my teacher.

I got ok season at my new school, with ok grades. I have gotten a more permanent working contract and nice x-mas bonus. ^^ Even my car looks much prettier now when I fixed it. The only sad thing that had to happen was that Vinnie II started to act violently towards me when he got angry and jealous, so I had to make my decision and kick him out of my life. I had told him I won`t tolerate that he hits or tries to hit me (I could defend myself quite well, so I wasn`t afraid of him at all at any moment.) but he still did that when he got furious.
There`s nothing to be ashamed from my side. I refuse(d ) to be a victim and stand(/stood ) on my own feet. I am after all Mizeleingzelo de Megazone - Daughter of Death - Queen and the leader of my own world.

I won`t step to live in the shadows and bow to a jealous VanWham. Some day I will finish the yet unfinished pictures where Vinnie II appears (for all of those I have recieved permission from Vincent "Vinnie" van Wham II before I`ve started the drawing process) but now I will focus on other targets. Life goes on.

Mood:  d'oh

Since Vinnie II moved out of my house, he also ripped the server computer in pieces and told me to build it up myself if I wanted it to be rolling again. I guess I gotta do it soon, but now at least I`m too buzy arranging the official stuff related to our separation and of course my school and job takes their own shares from my life. Plus that currently I have had more interst on writing totally non-BMFM related story and its sequel simultaneously. My new school is continuously inspiring me for making up things and events into that little writing project. Good thing in that sense that I haven`t been really writing anything at this scale after I had started writing my Modo/BMFM fan fiction "The Modo-Dream". The writing process of that story is much further than the already published version, but I haven`t yet found a good spot where to cut it and publish 1 part and still leave the end part under processing. Vinnie II snarled to me when I was writing this already mentioned non-BMFM story on my laptop that I should finish "Megazone Family" before the new BMFM series begins, but I bluntly stated it to be pure impossebility. Such a megalomaniac "saga" of one family and its relation to the Plutarkian War and rest of the mouse population doesn`t come "on the paper" in one or two days - or even in 1 or 2 months, if it has taken this far to proceed on the level where it is now. But to be honest, I think now I have more rage and will for revenge to be able to write more the de Megazones vs. the VanWhams fight situations and humiliate Vinnie in the ways that Vinnie II almost got me to forget ) (He almost got me to think what`s the purpose of all this dM vs. VW -shit? Let`s all be friends and lovers! )

Now of course you all think I`m just a bitter bitch (Excuse me for saying that word aloud, but let`s be honest. Is`at okay? Hit me with a comment if you feel so!) and raging to poor Vinnie II and punishing our ended relationship in this way. No, as I have told on The Discussion Board of The Unofficial BMFM Fan Club already since the beginning of my apperence there - the de Megazones and the VanWhams are arch enemies and age long rival families to each other and it was a common joke among many fans on that discussion forum how in real life a "VanWham" and a "de Megazone" ended up together in love. Unfortunately I don`t have same kind of powers as my name charcter, Mizeleingzelo and her family members have - I certainly would have wanted, wished and had use for `em many times. On the another hand since we`re being honest, I could empty the stocks of bad feelings, irritation, frustration, dissapointment, bitterness and rage and write on the paper all the awful things I had planned for these two families to happen.
Anyway, me and Vinnie II are not feeling rage at each other at this moment. I just talked on the with him about the official details of this separation and his property that we sent on last week`s Thursday to his parents` place and all this we did with friendly mannners - even smiled a bit to each other in the phone. However this freedom I`ve had for 1 week now has been like a warm and fresh breath of wind on a summerday in my life. I know when the time goes forward I will probably start to miss a bit Vinnie II and the nice moments we had but probably I will start to miss a man`s arms in general rather than specially someone certain`s arms. In this case "someone certain" can mean any guy in this world, who has or would by the time become (very) special to me in some way.

Full Title: You lifted me up and put me down - But I will break it up now

Now playing: Scooter: "Don`t Let It Be Me" and "Break It Up" from the CD "Wicked!" © & (P) 1996 'edel' Gesellschaft f r Produktmarketing mbH

Mood: Complicated. Partly feastfull about the ending of this shit, partly sad for that this all had to turn this way and end like this, but also ragefull for Vinnie II for not doing his share at home.

Vinnie II is in tears. I have cried my eyes empty already and all that is left is jealousy, untrusting and fight about the little property we have. I was listening Scooter`s CD named Wicked! and I couldn`t help feeling that these two songs describe my feelings the best at the moment.

Don`t Let It Be Me

You lift me up
Just to put me down
You try to bring me up up up
Confusion all around

I hear your words
And everything you say
But nothing is the same no more
Untill you go away

Don`t let it be me, don`t let it be me
Don`t let it be me, don`t let it be me
'Cause I`m never, never, never, never gonna let you down
'Cause I`m never, never, never, never gonna let you down

I`ll let you go
To where you wanna be
I hope that you`ll understand
What you really meant to me

But then I`m gone
Gone and far away
Andnothing is the same no more
Since you went away

Don`t let it be me, don`t let it be me
Don`t let it be me, don`t let it be me
'Cause I`m never, never, never, never gonna let you down
'Cause I`m never, never, never, never gonna let you down

Break It Up

Where in the world, Where in the world
Where in the world did I get this hurt
I don`t mind, yeah I don`t mind
If you call me bad, call me wrong
Call me anything but your own
I don`t mind, yeah I don`t mind

I don`t care if you leave me
I don`t care if you go away
I don`t care if you wanted this
I don`t mind

Break it up, break it up, break it up, break it up, my love
If you think that you can`t stay with me then break it up my love
Break it up, just break it up, break it up, just break it up.

So, where in the world, Where in the world
Where in the world can I hide this hurt
I don`t mind, yeah I don`t mind
If you call me sad, call me strong
Strong enough to make it on my own
I don`t mind, yeah I don`t mind

If you tear down your walls inside
Go for a brandnew ride
But baby please don`t tell me so

Break it up, break it up, break it up, break it up, my love
If you think that you can`t stay with me then break it up my love
Break it up, just break it up, break it up, just break it up.

I guess it`s time to let it all go - at least for the time we get our minds and goals cleared and you Vinnie II grow up and learn to take more responsebilities and have finished his education. Till then we better let the Mr. Freeze in. If anyone who pokes in to read this, has any suggestion to fix the situation, all ideas are warmly welcomed. The situation anyway will be now that Vinnie II will move back to his parents` place and I will stay in my house and continue living here where I do. I admitted that I was expecting someone a little bit more Modo-like guy, but instead I got a 100% Vinnie VanWham Second Edition. ...And what was said about the de Megazones and the VanWhams? Makes me just wondering if Vinnie would turn out to become violent towards Charley if they ever really seriously would start to be together... After all he was so jealous to Jack McCyber. And Vinnie II showed all the same feelings to my own little "McCybers" from my new school.

Mood:  celebratory

Mize: (writes at 02:12:24am on 4th of December, 2004) **hugs** By the way, Vinnie II... Look to the clock and the calendar...

Mize: 2 weeks left!

Vinnie II: yay ^^

Mize: 14 days! Yay!

Vinnie II: heheh ^^

Mize: **happy dance**

Vinnie II: ^^

Indeed! It`s only 14 day to the moment when I`ll see my beloved mouse-man again! Oh god Queen Death I miss him! I wish the would take me already now to his place.

Mood: Happy

Yes! It`s only 24 days till my to my mate`s place for the X-mas holidays. Whee! I`m so excited! But a word of reminder to the thieves and burglaries: my house is guarded and I`m surrounded by nosy neighbors. They will surely know if you try to get in to my house. My faiful guardian pets, Raisa and Pipsa will all so raise a noise from the strangers. Besides, my brother Rocky may also spend his holidays at my house as far as I know, basing to that he`s been muttering lately about having enough of our parents and being asking if he and Violeta could stay at my place while I`m gone. Traditionally the flames of family disagreements have become higher and hotter during the x-mas time when the whole family has been gathering together. (And I know my folks would have wanted me to stay at home for the holidays, but I must go to pick up my mouseman and bring him to his new home. )

Coming to an other topic but related to the previous 1, I have merely bought the for Vinnie II`s and my families already, but there`s still some relatives, and my nosy neighbors, to whom I must keep looking for the presents. Mrrr! How on Mars it can be so difficult to buy even 1 little present for each of those who are left?